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Author Topic: No ambition, life seems meaningless  (Read 5460 times) Average Rating: 0
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TristanCross
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Romans 10:9-10


« on: December 10, 2012, 11:18:33 AM »

I'm tired of everything. I have no ambition and life feels so meaningless. Everything becomes old and boring quickly for me. Now I have nothing keeping me going. I'v become desensitized to everything. I'm constantly angery and all I do is work and smoke weed. I'm tired of it. I'm bored, lonely, irresponsible, don't even try to follow God anymore (I'm more like a deist, or even an atheist), I don't get to work on time, I slack off, I'm lazy, I'm always depressed, etc. I feel like life is going nowhere. I know what I should do (pray, go to church, read Scriptures and the Fathers, eat right, fast, work out, quit smoking weed and cigarettes, etc) but I have no ambition. There seems to be nothing to look forward to and no reason to do anything.
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"Let the mouth also fast from disgraceful speeches and railings. For what does it profit if we abstain from fish and fowl and yet bite and devour our brothers and sisters? The evil speaker eats the flesh of his brother and bites the body of his neighbor. "
— St. John Chrysostom
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« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2012, 11:27:39 AM »

Lord have mercy.

It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do.

You need a soul doctor and the Great Physician.  We all do. 

Beware of despondency.  Read the fathers on this. 

No matter your sins or guilt, begin again, ask forgiveness, God is never really that far off, as much as we may think our sins weigh us down.

I would also say, Beware of seeking consolation on the internet.

Peace
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TristanCross
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« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2012, 12:08:10 PM »

I come here because I am somewhat anonymous.

I know what I need to do I just have no ambition. Everytime I've tried to do better things up worse.
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"Let the mouth also fast from disgraceful speeches and railings. For what does it profit if we abstain from fish and fowl and yet bite and devour our brothers and sisters? The evil speaker eats the flesh of his brother and bites the body of his neighbor. "
— St. John Chrysostom
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« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2012, 12:38:34 PM »

Tristan, how old are you? Who do you live with? What is your job? What part of what country are you in?

A person's environment cannot be overlooked when dealing with such issues.

How long have you been smoking weed? Weed, like most medicines and/or intoxicants, has a correct dosage for proper use.
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orthonorm
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« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2012, 12:48:01 PM »

I come here because I am somewhat anonymous.

I know what I need to do I just have no ambition. Everytime I've tried to do better things up worse.

Motivation follows action not the other way around.

If you find yourself psychically paralyzed enough not to exert gross motor control over your body, then go see a physician. One that went to medical school.

If you are entering winter right now, it ain't helping.

Just look at this board lately with all the depression and anger threads.

Fasting can add to the problems many face during this time.

Depression is serious.

It kills.

Take care of yourself.
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TristanCross
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« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2012, 01:29:07 PM »

Nearly 20, live with parents and grandfather in upstate NY, work as a millworker at a lumberyard (where most of my stress comes from).

Everything just gets dry and boring for me. I used to be into pro wrestling, skateboarding, guitar, music, Orthodoxy, video games, watching movies, and other stuff but everything is so damn boring now. I'm used to it all. And it's all the same now...it's annoying listening to music for instance. It all sounds the same now. It's boring. There seems to be nothing that's actually "new". There's no meaning in life for me. Every day is the same.
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"Let the mouth also fast from disgraceful speeches and railings. For what does it profit if we abstain from fish and fowl and yet bite and devour our brothers and sisters? The evil speaker eats the flesh of his brother and bites the body of his neighbor. "
— St. John Chrysostom
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« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2012, 01:42:48 PM »

Nearly 20, live with parents and grandfather in upstate NY, work as a millworker at a lumberyard (where most of my stress comes from).

Everything just gets dry and boring for me. I used to be into pro wrestling, skateboarding, guitar, music, Orthodoxy, video games, watching movies, and other stuff but everything is so damn boring now. I'm used to it all. And it's all the same now...it's annoying listening to music for instance. It all sounds the same now. It's boring. There seems to be nothing that's actually "new". There's no meaning in life for me. Every day is the same.
anhedonia

Look it up.

Or I'll do it for you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia

This is not uncommon during this time and not uncommon when going through large changes, especially, when doing it "alone", if IIRC your history correctly.

"Novelty" has an enormous impact on "happiness".

If things get worse, please see a doctor.

Or PM me so I can make you see one.

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katherineofdixie
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« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2012, 03:33:59 PM »

See a doctor - there could be some physical cause.

Oh, and p.s. smoking weed doesn't generally increase ambition and energy, y'know.
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« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2012, 04:38:01 PM »

Been through the same thing bro, and yes the change in weather makes it worse.

What helped was trying to find a sense of direction where I wanted my life to go. But also what did I need to get that direction started and on the way there. Once you start to have this purpose in your life, things will start looking up. I've been in my current job feeling hopeless and at times, a dead end. I knew that is what made me unhappy so I had to do things in order to get out of it (build a resume, submit applications, etc). It also didn't help that I had a girlfriend that kept me unhappy as well.

I am just like you, lazy, unmotivated, etc. It took my current job to hit rock bottom for me to wake up to what really was going on to take some action. You have to look at what makes you unhappy and do something about it. But like you, I had some "mental blocks" that stopped me from being happy and from creating change. It took me about a year to break up with my girlfriend, I just kept it going on and on.

But if you need someone to help you get purpose in your life, please seek a professional/doctor. There are people out there that are willing to help.

Keep in touch.
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« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2012, 10:26:59 PM »

Tristan, could you get a different job? Does weed help when you're high or is getting high more of something to do at this point?

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Jason.Wike
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« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2012, 02:56:29 AM »

Quote
There seems to be nothing to look forward to and no reason to do anything.

Here's one reason: Whether you do something or not, something is going to happen. You can try and steer it in a direction you would like by doing the things necessary for it. If you don't do anything to that effect its almost certain you will end up in circumstances you dislike.
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Thomas
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« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2012, 03:07:14 AM »

Tristan,

Please discuss this with both a priest and a medical professional. We at OC.net can only offer prayers and words of support, but you need real face to face counseling in order to fully heal.

You have my prayers, now go meet with your priest and a good medical professional so proper treatment can begin and you can begin to feel better.

Thomas
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« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2012, 06:50:20 AM »

There are a lot of things that can be done and some of them have already been discussed.

From my perspective (not that I am anybody) there some things you could do.

Stop smoking.  That only dilutes the whatever sense of purpose you have left and is a diversion from pursuing those things that can truly make a difference.

Focus on Jesus Christ.  Pray that the Holy Spirit would give you fresh insight into who He is and what He has done for you, is doing for you, and will do for you.  Allow the truth of who you are in Him to revitalize your sense of identity.  Allow the Holy Spirit to capture your heart with the reality of who He is.  He is the true love of your life that you are seeking by mistakenly pursuing novelty.  The pursuit of novelty will turn you away from Him.

Turn away from pursuit of novelty, forget about yourself/your feelings and understand that the purpose of your life is to please your Father in Heaven that He may be pleased with His handiwork (you). Live out your identity in Christ, seeking grace/power from the Holy Spirit so that Jesus may see you and be satisfied with the results of His having died for you.

Practical steps that will help you with this are reading Orthodox Spirituality by Fr. Dumitri Staniloe.  If you don't have immediate access read it's summary at http://orthodoxwayoflife.blogspot.com/  It is found under Orthodox Spirituality in the links.  Plus, read selections from the the Fathers at http://enlargingtheheart.wordpress.com/

And don't forget about talking to your priest and a doctor!

Those are some things you can do along the way.
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katherineofdixie
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« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2012, 10:25:25 AM »

I just thought of something, though I also agree you should see your priest and a medical doctor about this.

Do something for someone else.

Focus on something and someone other than yourself. Especially at this time of year, there are abundant opportunities to help others.
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« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2012, 08:25:21 AM »

I just thought of something, though I also agree you should see your priest and a medical doctor about this.

Do something for someone else.

Focus on something and someone other than yourself. Especially at this time of year, there are abundant opportunities to help others.

I couldn't agree more with both posts.

I hope you're doing well Tristan.
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TristanCross
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« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2013, 09:14:42 PM »

Update:

Saw a doctor and I've been on Cymbalta since late last month. Not feeling much better. Still smoking weed and doing all the vain things I did before.

I keep feeling down because I feel like humans are just animals and I am just another human with a meaningless existance. How do I know there's a God? What if we actually just cease to exist at death? I'm also struggling to understand why humans are so evil. Everyone seems to care only about themselves. Everyone seems to have a secret agenda.
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"Let the mouth also fast from disgraceful speeches and railings. For what does it profit if we abstain from fish and fowl and yet bite and devour our brothers and sisters? The evil speaker eats the flesh of his brother and bites the body of his neighbor. "
— St. John Chrysostom
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« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2013, 10:29:37 PM »

I'm tired of everything. I have no ambition and life feels so meaningless. Everything becomes old and boring quickly for me. Now I have nothing keeping me going. I'v become desensitized to everything. I'm constantly angery and all I do is work and smoke weed. I'm tired of it. I'm bored, lonely, irresponsible, don't even try to follow God anymore (I'm more like a deist, or even an atheist), I don't get to work on time, I slack off, I'm lazy, I'm always depressed, etc. I feel like life is going nowhere. I know what I should do (pray, go to church, read Scriptures and the Fathers, eat right, fast, work out, quit smoking weed and cigarettes, etc) but I have no ambition. There seems to be nothing to look forward to and no reason to do anything.

Oftentimes, we have to force ourselves to make a change. We ask God for help, but he's not going to do the work for us. It's time to use our free will to a better purpose. Do something for someone else--volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or another organization where you can also learn a skill at the same time as help someone. Do something creative--take music lessons or a cooking class. Get out of the house. Don't be afraid. Don't just sit in the proverbial darkness of your uncomfortable comfort zone. The reason to do something is not to give into the demonic despair which is surrounding you.
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« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2013, 10:34:13 PM »

Update:

Saw a doctor and I've been on Cymbalta since late last month. Not feeling much better. Still smoking weed and doing all the vain things I did before.

I keep feeling down because I feel like humans are just animals and I am just another human with a meaningless existance. How do I know there's a God? What if we actually just cease to exist at death? I'm also struggling to understand why humans are so evil. Everyone seems to care only about themselves. Everyone seems to have a secret agenda.

Are you really qualified to judge the state of humanity? Today's St. Charalampus was 113 years old when he was savagely tortured and martyred for Christ, and yet he forgave those who did him evil and prayed that the Lord would forgive all mankind. He had no secret agenda. He didn't care anything for himself, but rather for others. May his prayers be with you.

The attitude you are describing seems to me like a spiritual problem. You have accepted many dark thoughts and influences. Please, see an Orthodox priest and talk to him. Ask him to read a prayer over you.
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« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2013, 12:35:54 AM »

Update:

Saw a doctor and I've been on Cymbalta since late last month. Not feeling much better. Still smoking weed and doing all the vain things I did before.

I keep feeling down because I feel like humans are just animals and I am just another human with a meaningless existance. How do I know there's a God? What if we actually just cease to exist at death? I'm also struggling to understand why humans are so evil. Everyone seems to care only about themselves. Everyone seems to have a secret agenda.

Tristan-

I don't mean to presume; I am merely making an inference since you have mentioned it more than once: could it be that you are struggling with an addiction to marijuana?

In my experience, even with anti-depressant medication, I could not so much as begin working towards effectively overcoming my depression as long as I remained dependent on alcohol. I had to give it up and seek recovery. While alcohol is a depressant and marijuana is not, marijuana can and does elicit those tendencies depending on the individual, and also, from my own observation of chronic users, depending on the duration of usage. So maybe that is something to consider. I don't know how it interacts with your new medication, but I am sure it isn't helping matters.

The feelings and thoughts you are describing sound like demons, and should be treated as such, dismissed with contempt and ignored. But it sounds like you are in a critical spot right now and it may be hard for you to do battle with them. Speak to your priest or spiritual father about them. I have myself gone through periods of depression that I assumed were the result of organic causes but turned out in fact to be instances of demonic oppression, and the prayers of the Church performed by a priest have worked when nothing else would.

Feel free to PM me. Take care of yourself.
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« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2013, 02:28:39 PM »

To spend a week or more in an orthodox monastery can often be very uplifting.
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« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2013, 03:30:41 PM »

Update:

Saw a doctor and I've been on Cymbalta since late last month. Not feeling much better. Still smoking weed and doing all the vain things I did before.

I keep feeling down because I feel like humans are just animals and I am just another human with a meaningless existance. How do I know there's a God? What if we actually just cease to exist at death? I'm also struggling to understand why humans are so evil. Everyone seems to care only about themselves. Everyone seems to have a secret agenda.

A couple of books that might be of interest to you
Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica  - http://www.amazon.com/Our-Thoughts-Determine-Lives-Teachings/dp/1887904190/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361734408&sr=8-1&keywords=our+thoughts+determine+our+lives
Nihilism by Seraphim Rose - http://www.amazon.com/Nihilism-Root-Revolution-Modern-Age/dp/1887904069/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361734445&sr=1-1&keywords=nihilism+by+seraphim+rose

May God protect us all from bad thoughts!
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