I don't know what has been up with me lately. It's just, nothing makes sense to me anymore. I'm growing more nihilistic by the hour. I'm trying to understand God and "trusting in Him" and all of those other strange existential things, but none of it makes sense to me, I just don't understand it or understand how I can "trust" or "know" someone/something that I can't see or logically understand from an empiricist standpoint. There just seems to be so much of an emphasis on emotions and feelings in religion that it all seems so foreign and strange to me, probably because I always ignore my emotions until they drive me to say or do something really stupid. I'm trying to understand, but I don't feel I am having any luck. No matter how faithful I may become at one point, I always still have that nihilistic streak inside of me, dormant, and that Scholastic worldview as my primary mode of thinking and understanding. Sometimes I think that I would have been a better Papist than Orthodox Christian. Pray for me.