Just put all of the Churches under Moscow since it is the third Rome and thus the true Ecumenical Patriarchate and let his graciousness +Kiril+ figure out how he thinks it should be done. Anyone who doesn't want to be under Moscow is free to start their own American Rakolniki synods.
I never understood why you keep posting this PR disaster. I keep thinking there must be some reality TV angle that you are thinking about, but it still makes no sense to me. What we will see with a certain degree of certainty is terms like "billionaire KGB operative "Mikhailov"' and CIA darling Konstantin Preobrazhensky will surely have access to the major news media, as he always does, to back up any anti-American conspiracy theory.
Money talks and Ruskie's oil ain't got any footing on our soil. The geothermal. algal-diesel and wind energy utility conglomerates here are lining up for his HAH Bartholomew to have an addendum to his name if the chance comes up: Archbishop of Constantinople and New York. Baghdad by the Bay, of course, goes to the Patriarch of Antioch (a cynical sop to sentimental San Franciscans), but it is only fitting. Whether the accumulate resources goes to Citizens United or American Crossroads is still up for grabs. That is a matter of diplomatically disentangling the rich imperialist Greeks that help fund these organization.
Your thoughts on this matter appreciated.
Perhaps we could have three jurisdictions then? Let the hippie-dox go to the Green Patriarch (Green - it's not just for Pentecost anymore!), give Antioch Sodom-by-the-Bay (and hopefully he can straighten (heh) them out) as he will need a new Patriarchal Throne after the US is able to ensure that Christians can no longer live in Syria, and then let the neo-Soviets have the "Red States". Fitting.
As for the reality show:
"On ABC we have the new hit reality show "Bosphorus Shore" where six Patriarchs must share a frat house in Chicago. Things are going well for the Patriarchs when they find that the black sheep of the family is moving in - the Patriarch of Rome."
Constantinople: "Look man, we've been living together fine til he showed up. He's trying to take over the place, insisting on his "primacy"."
Jerusalem: "He's just trying to pick a fight, cool down Antioch. And you, scion of Peter, quit talking trash!"
Pope: "What?!? All I said was "and the son" and he starts gettin' all agro on me? I wasn't even talking about the creed, just those two people I saw going to get ice cream!"
Belgrade: "Ice cream! It's the middle of March! Don't you guys know how to fast!"
Pope: "I know there's been some bad blood between us in the past. But I am just trying to get along!"
Constantinople: "POPE! Why is it that every time we play Age of Empire II together, you ally with me then burn my village!"
Alexandria: "I'm not sure how long I can do this. I'm just ready to quit. I really needed some companionship so I bought a kitten. It started ripping up the couch but before I could do anything Moscow just screams "There'll be no pussy riots in my house" and threw Mr. Miaphysiteschnookums out the window!"