Author Topic: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?  (Read 6001 times)

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Offline JamesR

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Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« on: November 27, 2012, 12:37:00 AM »
Very odd, somewhat funny topic. But I'll still ask it anyway. Let's face the truth, I'm not much of a ladies man. Hell, I hardly get out of the house unless my friends practically force me to go along because I'm somewhat of a hermit. I don't have the social skills nor do I have the patience to try to find the right woman, let alone an Orthodox woman at that when at the very best we only make up 2% of the American population.

So screw it. Why not get an Orthodox mail-order bride from one of the Orthodox countries like Greece or Russia? Or, if I want to be more classy, make the cash investment to travel out to the question in country and meet my potential bride first, maybe staying with her a few days or weeks and then just paying for us to come back? One nice old man at my parish from Greece told me that Greek woman are desperate for American men--especially an American Orthodox man--and that if I advertized for a Greek wife, I would be up to my shoulders in responses from Greek women who would be interested.

Besides the "weird-out" factor--looking like a total weirdo and possibly estranging myself from my family and friends, is there really anything wrong with it? On the one hand, I cannot help but feel like there is something wrong with it, like I'm exploiting the difficult situation that whatever the nation-in-question is facing just to get a wife. Or the fact that I would be marrying someone I barely know, but does that really matter? Or is it just my weirdo western conception of courting/dating for years before marriage getting the best of me? People in the ye olde-times seemed to just get married without really knowing each other and it worked out.

Besides all of this, I don't possibly see what could go wrong. So I'd have a wife around the house/apartment of wherever I'm living after high-school (either with my parents or in my own apartment) while I learn a trade or attend college. As long as I don't screw up and get her pregnant before we're ready, I don't see what could go wrong. If we live alone in our own apartment, great. If we live with my parents for a little while till I save up enough money, I guess that ain't too bad. Knowing my parents, they wouldn't mind as long as she helps out around the house. My mom gets so busy around the house that she'd actually love having an extra helping hand.

Thoughts?

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2012, 12:39:19 AM »
Free shipping if order is over $75?
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2012, 12:40:54 AM »
Just get a Real Doll and be done with it.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2012, 12:53:31 AM »
Quote
Besides all of this, I don't possibly see what could go wrong.

Some of us grumpy old farts have seen what can, and, all too often, does, go wrong, with mail-order brides. Not pretty at all, to put it mildly. Most of them are just after the Green Card.
Am I posting? Or is it Schroedinger's Cat?

Offline JamesR

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2012, 12:54:26 AM »
Quote
Besides all of this, I don't possibly see what could go wrong.

Some of us grumpy old farts have seen what can, and, all too often, does, go wrong, with mail-order brides. Not pretty at all, to put it mildly. Most of them are just after the Green Card.

Any specific words of wisdom you would shed for me?

Offline ialmisry

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2012, 12:57:23 AM »
There's no return to sender once you've opened the package.
Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
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Offline JamesR

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #6 on: November 27, 2012, 01:03:56 AM »
There's no return to sender once you've opened the package.

Isn't that true though with every woman?--whether mail-order or not? I mean, either way I could screw up and marry the wrong person.

Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2012, 01:06:13 AM »
There's no return to sender once you've opened the package.

Isn't that true though with every woman?--whether mail-order or not? I mean, either way I could screw up and marry the wrong person.
And your chances of doing that with a mail order are much more higher.

Dude seriously skip it. Most of them are straight up trash.
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Offline ialmisry

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2012, 01:06:32 AM »
There's no return to sender once you've opened the package.

Isn't that true though with every woman?--whether mail-order or not? I mean, either way I could screw up and marry the wrong person.
You could either way.  Buying in the showroom and buying off the net, however, are two different experiences.
Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
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if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth

Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2012, 01:08:27 AM »
There's no return to sender once you've opened the package.

Isn't that true though with every woman?--whether mail-order or not? I mean, either way I could screw up and marry the wrong person.
You could either way.  Buying in the showroom and buying off the net, however, are two different experiences.
You gotta wonder though, with that kind of cash most guys have who order a bride, shouldn't they be able to flaunt that kind of money with women in person?
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Offline Nephi

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #10 on: November 27, 2012, 01:12:35 AM »
This Ukrainian Eastern Catholic lady I spoke to recently was actually talking about people she knew who mail-ordered brides from the Old World... She said they always acted "meek" and "humble" until they got here, went all out, and then left the guy.

Offline William

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #11 on: November 27, 2012, 01:13:12 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #12 on: November 27, 2012, 01:13:17 AM »
This Ukrainian Eastern Catholic lady I spoke to recently was actually talking about people she knew who mail-ordered brides from the Old World... She said they always acted "meek" and "humble" until they got here, went all out, and then left the guy.

Heh, I bet they get even more excited at how divorce court works here.
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Offline dzheremi

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #13 on: November 27, 2012, 01:13:25 AM »
Very odd, somewhat funny topic. But I'll still ask it anyway. Let's face the truth, I'm not much of a ladies man. Hell, I hardly get out of the house unless my friends practically force me to go along because I'm somewhat of a hermit. I don't have the social skills nor do I have the patience to try to find the right woman, let alone an Orthodox woman at that when at the very best we only make up 2% of the American population.

God willing, this will all change as you grow and mature.

Quote
So screw it. Why not get an Orthodox mail-order bride from one of the Orthodox countries like Greece or Russia? Or, if I want to be more classy, make the cash investment to travel out to the question in country and meet my potential bride first, maybe staying with her a few days or weeks and then just paying for us to come back? One nice old man at my parish from Greece told me that Greek woman are desperate for American men--especially an American Orthodox man--and that if I advertized for a Greek wife, I would be up to my shoulders in responses from Greek women who would be interested.

Maybe, but then you wouldn't have to work on any of the stuff that you wrote about in the previous paragraph, and it's precisely those things that you would learn through that process (which is how all of us learn them, in the process of growing up) that would make you desirable to women around you so that you wouldn't need to say "screw it, I'll just buy a wife".

Quote
Besides the "weird-out" factor--looking like a total weirdo and possibly estranging myself from my family and friends, is there really anything wrong with it? On the one hand, I cannot help but feel like there is something wrong with it, like I'm exploiting the difficult situation that whatever the nation-in-question is facing just to get a wife.


Ah, wisdom...of a kind. ;) I once knew a Swedish man who met his wife in Ethiopia while working there with some kind of NGO years ago, during one of the famines. It resulted in a lot of really rude jokes and stares from friends and family, but you know what? She converted him to Christianity (no small feat, given Sweden's famously secular population), they have a wonderful family, and they have been happily married for decades. So while the outsider would look at that and perhaps say that it was possibly exploitative or at least weird (most people don't meet their wives in such circumstances), I'd say that he got more out of it by meeting the Lord through her than she might've gotten through his financial/humanitarian assistance.

Quote
Or the fact that I would be marrying someone I barely know, but does that really matter? Or is it just my weirdo western conception of courting/dating for years before marriage getting the best of me? People in the ye olde-times seemed to just get married without really knowing each other and it worked out.

This is more a cultural question than anything. I'd say that with traditional cultures what seems to matter more is the level of commitment/seriousness displayed, rather than saying "we've known each other for X (time period) and don't seem to hate each other yet, so I guess we get married now, because that's what people do", like a lot of modern folks say. Figure out what your values are (i.e., put off all this talk about getting married until you're older and know who you are) and you'll have your answer to this one.

Quote
Besides all of this, I don't possibly see what could go wrong. So I'd have a wife around the house/apartment of wherever I'm living after high-school (either with my parents or in my own apartment) while I learn a trade or attend college. As long as I don't screw up and get her pregnant before we're ready, I don't see what could go wrong. If we live alone in our own apartment, great. If we live with my parents for a little while till I save up enough money, I guess that ain't too bad. Knowing my parents, they wouldn't mind as long as she helps out around the house. My mom gets so busy around the house that she'd actually love having an extra helping hand.

Nothing that you plan at 16 is likely to hold into the future. When I was 16, I couldn't wait to get out of school, thinking that finally I would be "free", because nobody would be able to force me to go to school anymore. Now I'm 30 and working toward a degree in graduate school in a state that I had previously only associated with Native Americans and Bugs Bunny's wrong turns. Luckily for both of us, a person's ideas of what life is about can and will change over time. Living with your parents and a wife to help your mother with chores while you're in college might seem like a decent enough arrangement to you now, but by the time you're seriously looking at marriage (as in, you have a fiancee), it probably will not be. Or at least I hope it will not be, for everyone else's sake.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2012, 01:14:47 AM by dzheremi »

Offline macclesfieldfan1990

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2012, 01:15:51 AM »
MY fiancee is a male ordered bride.

She will be a bride, and a male ordered her. ;D

Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2012, 01:15:59 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.
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Offline William

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #16 on: November 27, 2012, 01:16:57 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.

How do you rank Asian women?
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #17 on: November 27, 2012, 01:17:30 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.

How do you rank Asian women?
Korean are best and filipinos are the worst.
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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #18 on: November 27, 2012, 01:17:50 AM »
How do you rank Asian women?

He ranks them by the size of their feet  :o

Offline macclesfieldfan1990

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #19 on: November 27, 2012, 01:18:40 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.

Eh, judgmental much? :laugh:

Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #20 on: November 27, 2012, 01:19:50 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.

Eh, judgmental much? :laugh:
I shouldn't be?
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Offline macclesfieldfan1990

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #21 on: November 27, 2012, 01:20:59 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.

Eh, judgmental much? :laugh:
I shouldn't be?

Matthew 7:1

Offline JamesR

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #22 on: November 27, 2012, 01:21:31 AM »

No offense, but telling me to "wait, grow and mature" is more difficult than you make it sound. I know you're a woman so you probably don't understand, but telling a man to wait that long till marriage while religiously he is expected to stay abstinent until marriage is like asking us to jump the grand canyon on a big-wheel. I'd rather learn and mature now at an earlier age so I can get married because I won't have the self-control to wait until that happens.

Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #23 on: November 27, 2012, 01:22:02 AM »
Most of them are straight up trash.

What are you talking about?
I've had a experience with several of them, not in any way dating them, but they were terrible people. I've seen the harm alot of these women do to guys who are so hopeful at finding a bride who will only leave them in ruin.But it works both ways too with men abusing them as well.

I just never hold them in high esteem. Just ask me how I rank Asian women.

Eh, judgmental much? :laugh:
I shouldn't be?

Matthew 7:1

Actually when it comes to marrying/dating yeah you should be as judgmental as possible. Or let's make this PC: "discerning".
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Offline mike

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #24 on: November 27, 2012, 01:22:52 AM »
It looks like modern slavery  for me.
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #25 on: November 27, 2012, 01:24:36 AM »

No offense, but telling me to "wait, grow and mature" is more difficult than you make it sound. I know you're a woman so you probably don't understand, but telling a man to wait that long till marriage while religiously he is expected to stay abstinent until marriage is like asking us to jump the grand canyon on a big-wheel. I'd rather learn and mature now at an earlier age so I can get married because I won't have the self-control to wait until that happens.

Wait dzheremi is a woman?
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Offline William

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #26 on: November 27, 2012, 01:25:26 AM »

No offense, but telling me to "wait, grow and mature" is more difficult than you make it sound. I know you're a woman so you probably don't understand, but telling a man to wait that long till marriage while religiously he is expected to stay abstinent until marriage is like asking us to jump the grand canyon on a big-wheel. I'd rather learn and mature now at an earlier age so I can get married because I won't have the self-control to wait until that happens.

Wait dzheremi is a woman?

No.
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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #27 on: November 27, 2012, 01:26:15 AM »
It looks like modern slavery  for me.

How is that different than any other marriage?  :police:

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #28 on: November 27, 2012, 01:30:10 AM »
How do I avoid social-suicide and weirding-out all of my friends if I were to do this? Can I just lie and tell them that I met her while visiting the country-in-question and that it was "love-at-first-sight" and we married in the "spur-of-the-moment" cheesy-romance-movie type thing? That's at least more socially acceptable in our society than telling them flat-out that I got a mail-order bride.

Offline SolEX01

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #29 on: November 27, 2012, 01:32:46 AM »
How do I avoid social-suicide and weirding-out all of my friends if I were to do this? Can I just lie and tell them that I met her while visiting the country-in-question and that it was "love-at-first-sight" and we married in the "spur-of-the-moment" cheesy-romance-movie type thing? That's at least more socially acceptable in our society than telling them flat-out that I got a mail-order bride.

If you can keep her in the house 24x7, I wouldn't introduce her to your friends; she may run off and commit adultery with one (or more) of them.

Offline macclesfieldfan1990

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #30 on: November 27, 2012, 01:33:19 AM »
It looks like modern slavery  for me.

You mean...like marriage?

Offline William

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #31 on: November 27, 2012, 01:36:15 AM »
It looks like modern slavery  for me.

Well, there are more slaves (laborers and sexual) today than there were at any other point in human history, so what's "modern slavery" exactly?
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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #32 on: November 27, 2012, 01:40:48 AM »
How do I avoid social-suicide and weirding-out all of my friends if I were to do this? Can I just lie and tell them that I met her while visiting the country-in-question and that it was "love-at-first-sight" and we married in the "spur-of-the-moment" cheesy-romance-movie type thing? That's at least more socially acceptable in our society than telling them flat-out that I got a mail-order bride.

If you can keep her in the house 24x7, I wouldn't introduce her to your friends; she may run off and commit adultery with one (or more) of them.

Are they really that bad?

Offline JamesR

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #33 on: November 27, 2012, 01:41:22 AM »
It looks like modern slavery  for me.

Well, there are more slaves (laborers and sexual) today than there were at any other point in human history, so what's "modern slavery" exactly?

There is also more people today than there was at any point in human history, so I don't think things are really any different.

Offline Jetavan

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #34 on: November 27, 2012, 01:41:45 AM »
Dude, try e-Harmony.
If you will, you can become all flame.
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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #35 on: November 27, 2012, 01:44:27 AM »
Dude, try e-Harmony.

That site screens it's applicants. I'd suggest adultfriendfinder.com, except he isn't 18 yet. Hmm... there's always Justin Bieber concerts...

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #36 on: November 27, 2012, 01:46:07 AM »

No offense, but telling me to "wait, grow and mature" is more difficult than you make it sound. I know you're a woman so you probably don't understand, but telling a man to wait that long till marriage while religiously he is expected to stay abstinent until marriage is like asking us to jump the grand canyon on a big-wheel. I'd rather learn and mature now at an earlier age so I can get married because I won't have the self-control to wait until that happens.

Wait dzheremi is a woman?

I'm even more shocked than you are. When did that happen? ???

Offline LBK

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #37 on: November 27, 2012, 01:54:04 AM »
How do I avoid social-suicide and weirding-out all of my friends if I were to do this? Can I just lie and tell them that I met her while visiting the country-in-question and that it was "love-at-first-sight" and we married in the "spur-of-the-moment" cheesy-romance-movie type thing? That's at least more socially acceptable in our society than telling them flat-out that I got a mail-order bride.

If you can keep her in the house 24x7, I wouldn't introduce her to your friends; she may run off and commit adultery with one (or more) of them.

Are they really that bad?

Yes, James, they are. A couple of years ago, I spent several months of my life trying to dissuade a Godson of mine, desperate to marry, from taking the plunge. It was a bruising experience. Not only did he not listen to anybody's advice, including his priest's (who has had ample experience in such tangles), but he hasn't set foot in church since he married her. And this story is not at all unusual.
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Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #38 on: November 27, 2012, 02:10:13 AM »
Dude, try e-Harmony.

That site screens it's applicants.
Yes, they do, because they envision themselves more a matchmaking site than an actual dating site. The founder of the site has even stated his recommendation that people wait until the age of 26 to marry.
Not all who wander are lost.

Offline ialmisry

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #39 on: November 27, 2012, 02:14:36 AM »

No offense, but telling me to "wait, grow and mature" is more difficult than you make it sound. I know you're a woman so you probably don't understand, but telling a man to wait that long till marriage while religiously he is expected to stay abstinent until marriage is like asking us to jump the grand canyon on a big-wheel. I'd rather learn and mature now at an earlier age so I can get married because I won't have the self-control to wait until that happens.

Wait dzheremi is a woman?

I'm even more shocked than you are. When did that happen? ???
Did the Copts get carried away circumcizing you?
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Offline JamesR

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #40 on: November 27, 2012, 02:20:23 AM »
How do I avoid social-suicide and weirding-out all of my friends if I were to do this? Can I just lie and tell them that I met her while visiting the country-in-question and that it was "love-at-first-sight" and we married in the "spur-of-the-moment" cheesy-romance-movie type thing? That's at least more socially acceptable in our society than telling them flat-out that I got a mail-order bride.

If you can keep her in the house 24x7, I wouldn't introduce her to your friends; she may run off and commit adultery with one (or more) of them.

Are they really that bad?

Yes, James, they are. A couple of years ago, I spent several months of my life trying to dissuade a Godson of mine, desperate to marry, from taking the plunge. It was a bruising experience. Not only did he not listen to anybody's advice, including his priest's (who has had ample experience in such tangles), but he hasn't set foot in church since he married her. And this story is not at all unusual.

*sigh* I guess there is no escaping the fact that either way, I am going to have to socialize to find the right woman opposed to just purchasing her online.

Online Asteriktos

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #41 on: November 27, 2012, 02:21:50 AM »
*sigh* I guess there is no escaping the fact that either way, I am going to have to socialize to find the right woman opposed to just purchasing her online.

ROFL. Such is our lot in life here in America. Buck up!

Offline username!

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #42 on: November 27, 2012, 02:46:41 AM »
hmmmmm I don't know.....marrying a complete stranger from a country you don't know who has a different culture and experiences than you plus there is the whole language barrier.  There are enough people on earth find one in your area.  Me and the mrs. are from the same area went to the same high school...speak the same language have similar experiences in life prior to "us" etc....  Even with that all going for you marriage is tough but so is being single and so is life.

Offline mike

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #43 on: November 27, 2012, 03:08:31 AM »
It looks like modern slavery  for me.

How is that different than any other marriage?  :police:

You don't buy your potential wife from some Ukrainian mafia, don't you?
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Offline JamesR

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Re: Is There Anything Wrong with a Mail Order Bride?
« Reply #44 on: November 27, 2012, 03:47:24 AM »
On the plus side, if there was a language barrier, at least I would not have to deal with the nagging :) lol. We'd also be united because of similar religions, seeing I'd make sure she was Orthodox. On a more negative side, there really is no getting around the fact that chances are the only reason she'd want to marry me is for citizenship in America.