Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
It must be a result of getting older.
This is the unique insight of the Orthodox Church. There are two unique insights which God has blessed the Orthodox Church, the first is that human beings are fractured by sin with our hearts and minds separated. This allows a person to better understand over the long arc their day to day realities, thoughts, and feelings. The next step leads to the second insight, that the cycles of life and time are Divinely instituted. These natural cycles of growth, maturity, and aging are part of the earthly life which God created and intends for us. Gradually, over the entirety of our lives, we learn to finally and sincerely make deep amends for the sins of Adam and Eve, which is to say internal rebellion which leads to internal fragmentation (the first insight) and this lead to our own inherent sins. We sin because of the fragmentation, and yet we are continually fragmented because of our sins. It is cyclic. So since sin is part of a human created cycle, God created the natural harmonies, rhythms, and cycles of nature and of the human body to seek balance while respecting free-will in order to teach us through tangible experience to learn to yield to faith.
Biology dictates that human beings require assistance from a variety of sources at every stage of our lives. At birth, through childhood, into adolescence, through early adulthood, through the trials of life, and the struggles of aging towards dying (see John 21:18). God is who naturally created all these natural cycles of life and aging, and through this, we learn to yield, to submit, and to endure by Grace. There is no stage in our lives we do not depend upon other people and upon God. We can't be too self-willed, to selfish, to egoistical. I was watching a depressing documentary on Assisted Suicide and horrifying secret organizations which go about helping people do such. Several folks interviewed who were wanting to kill themselves (
) were all saying, "I want to be in control of my death, of my life, I don't want to suffer." Even the Buddhists learned that life is suffering, and the Christian insight is that through suffering we are perfected by the Holy Spirit (see 2 Corinthians 12:8 ). The fact that we are mortal and weak in our bodies, is what should push us closer to God. This life was created to teach us this wisdom through experience. One way or the other, almost all folks learn elements and pieces of this wisdom, stumbling into them by accident because of the naturalness of this wisdom.