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ConfusedRC
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« on: November 14, 2012, 10:50:06 AM »

Hello everyone,

As I promised in this other thread, here is an update on my current situation.

A recap: I am currently a Roman Catholic but I've been leaning toward Eastern Orthodoxy. The one thing that was stopping me was my obligation to the Knights of Columbus (a Roman Catholic fraternal organization) because I had just created a new council at my parish (and I didn't want to leave the council hanging). My intention was to explore the EO Church after my term as Grand Knight ended.

Toward the end of my "term," however, I met a woman through an online dating website. I lived in the United States and she is a Philippine citizen currently living in Vietnam (she teaches English as a foreign language). After just a few months of communication, I knew that she was the "one for me" and I made the bold decision to move to Vietnam to be with her. It's a long story as to why I moved to Vietnam, but it boils down to she doesn't know if she wants to move to the United States yet as she has family in the Philippines.

I've been here for a little over a month and that brings me to my current situation. There are four impediments to me joining the EO Church.

Firstly, we are cohabitating. We both know that it is sinful and there's no valid excuse I can give to justify our decision (knowing that it was sinful). But that's just where we are. We would live apart, but we've decided to...

Secondly, get married in January via a civil wedding in the Philippines. We basically want to have a civil wedding because it will cost a lot less. Again, I know that's a terrible reason to give and it doesn't justify anything, but it is what it is (and I don't mean that to sound disrespectful).

Thirdly, I know it may not sound like it, but she is a devout Roman Catholic. She knows that cohabitating and getting married outside of the Church are sinful and she struggles with our decision. But she prays often and attends Mass every Sunday. She doesn't want to become a member of the EO Church.

Lastly, there are no EO priests or churches here in Hanoi, Vietnam (that I've been able to find so far).

I'm not really looking for answers to my problems, I just felt it necessary to share my situation since everyone here was so welcoming to me when I first joined. Perhaps I can ask for prayers even though I don't deserve them?

May God bless you all!
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katherineofdixie
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« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2012, 03:41:15 PM »

Hello everyone,

As I promised in this other thread, here is an update on my current situation.

A recap: I am currently a Roman Catholic but I've been leaning toward Eastern Orthodoxy. The one thing that was stopping me was my obligation to the Knights of Columbus (a Roman Catholic fraternal organization) because I had just created a new council at my parish (and I didn't want to leave the council hanging). My intention was to explore the EO Church after my term as Grand Knight ended.

Toward the end of my "term," however, I met a woman through an online dating website. I lived in the United States and she is a Philippine citizen currently living in Vietnam (she teaches English as a foreign language). After just a few months of communication, I knew that she was the "one for me" and I made the bold decision to move to Vietnam to be with her. It's a long story as to why I moved to Vietnam, but it boils down to she doesn't know if she wants to move to the United States yet as she has family in the Philippines.

I've been here for a little over a month and that brings me to my current situation. There are four impediments to me joining the EO Church.

Firstly, we are cohabitating. We both know that it is sinful and there's no valid excuse I can give to justify our decision (knowing that it was sinful). But that's just where we are. We would live apart, but we've decided to...

Secondly, get married in January via a civil wedding in the Philippines. We basically want to have a civil wedding because it will cost a lot less. Again, I know that's a terrible reason to give and it doesn't justify anything, but it is what it is (and I don't mean that to sound disrespectful).

Thirdly, I know it may not sound like it, but she is a devout Roman Catholic. She knows that cohabitating and getting married outside of the Church are sinful and she struggles with our decision. But she prays often and attends Mass every Sunday. She doesn't want to become a member of the EO Church.

Lastly, there are no EO priests or churches here in Hanoi, Vietnam (that I've been able to find so far).

I'm not really looking for answers to my problems, I just felt it necessary to share my situation since everyone here was so welcoming to me when I first joined. Perhaps I can ask for prayers even though I don't deserve them?

May God bless you all!

This is probably going to sound harsh, but what struck me about your post was: if you truly love her, why are you participating with her in actions that she knows are wrong and sinful and against her religious beliefs? If you truly love her, in the way that Christ says husbands are to love their wives, find another place to live until you can get married in the Church.
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choy
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« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2012, 04:14:12 PM »

There is an EO in the Philippines though.  But then again, you have to become EO before you do that.

I'm Filipino, so if you need any cultural advice or something, feel free to PM me.
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ConfusedRC
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« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2012, 09:55:56 PM »

This is probably going to sound harsh, but what struck me about your post was: if you truly love her, why are you participating with her in actions that she knows are wrong and sinful and against her religious beliefs? If you truly love her, in the way that Christ says husbands are to love their wives, find another place to live until you can get married in the Church.

Not harsh: this is a valid question that I asked myself.

Again, my reasons are not sufficient, but I can only tell you why I made these decisions. In regards to living together, my girlfriend has major trust issues. She's slowly overcoming them since she sees how sincere I am, but at the beginning, she didn't want us to live apart. I actually did want my own place, but I gave in. Her trust issues come from walking in on two different boyfriends.
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Ashman618
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« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2012, 10:03:56 PM »

Such complexity Sad through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and save us
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katherineofdixie
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« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2012, 10:30:30 AM »

This is probably going to sound harsh, but what struck me about your post was: if you truly love her, why are you participating with her in actions that she knows are wrong and sinful and against her religious beliefs? If you truly love her, in the way that Christ says husbands are to love their wives, find another place to live until you can get married in the Church.

Not harsh: this is a valid question that I asked myself.

Again, my reasons are not sufficient, but I can only tell you why I made these decisions. In regards to living together, my girlfriend has major trust issues. She's slowly overcoming them since she sees how sincere I am, but at the beginning, she didn't want us to live apart. I actually did want my own place, but I gave in. Her trust issues come from walking in on two different boyfriends.

And how will she come to trust you if you are participating in violating both of your religious beliefs? Are those the actions of a person of integrity who can be trusted?
Trust comes from knowing someone, and from observing that person act with integrity, true to their beliefs and values.
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« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2012, 01:11:08 PM »

Hello everyone,

As I promised in this other thread, here is an update on my current situation.

A recap: I am currently a Roman Catholic but I've been leaning toward Eastern Orthodoxy. The one thing that was stopping me was my obligation to the Knights of Columbus (a Roman Catholic fraternal organization) because I had just created a new council at my parish (and I didn't want to leave the council hanging). My intention was to explore the EO Church after my term as Grand Knight ended.

Toward the end of my "term," however, I met a woman through an online dating website. I lived in the United States and she is a Philippine citizen currently living in Vietnam (she teaches English as a foreign language). After just a few months of communication, I knew that she was the "one for me" and I made the bold decision to move to Vietnam to be with her. It's a long story as to why I moved to Vietnam, but it boils down to she doesn't know if she wants to move to the United States yet as she has family in the Philippines.

I've been here for a little over a month and that brings me to my current situation. There are four impediments to me joining the EO Church.

Firstly, we are cohabitating. We both know that it is sinful and there's no valid excuse I can give to justify our decision (knowing that it was sinful). But that's just where we are. We would live apart, but we've decided to...

Secondly, get married in January via a civil wedding in the Philippines. We basically want to have a civil wedding because it will cost a lot less. Again, I know that's a terrible reason to give and it doesn't justify anything, but it is what it is (and I don't mean that to sound disrespectful).

Thirdly, I know it may not sound like it, but she is a devout Roman Catholic. She knows that cohabitating and getting married outside of the Church are sinful and she struggles with our decision. But she prays often and attends Mass every Sunday. She doesn't want to become a member of the EO Church.

Lastly, there are no EO priests or churches here in Hanoi, Vietnam (that I've been able to find so far).

I'm not really looking for answers to my problems, I just felt it necessary to share my situation since everyone here was so welcoming to me when I first joined. Perhaps I can ask for prayers even though I don't deserve them?

May God bless you all!


My wife and I did nearly the same.thing and it has been a long hard road. There were times when we nearly called it quits. I wish I had listened to my priest regarding getting my own place. We both brought baggage from cohabiting with others and to top it off created new baggage by not waiting. I think that if God had not given us a child right away, we may have broke it off. Now that I look back, she and I are.paying the price by not having had more time enjoying each other before the kids came.

God has a plan for you, my friend. If you obey in the little things, he will bless you with discovering what that plan is.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2012, 01:14:15 PM by simplygermain » Logged

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ConfusedRC
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« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2012, 01:52:45 AM »

Just a small update: My fiance and I have pledged to be celibate and have been so for the past two weeks. I know that it doesn't completely solve the problem, but it's something we committed to do.

Does the Orthodox Church consider celibate cohabitation to be sinful?
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Father H
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« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2012, 02:21:43 AM »

Just a small update: My fiance and I have pledged to be celibate and have been so for the past two weeks. I know that it doesn't completely solve the problem, but it's something we committed to do.

Does the Orthodox Church consider celibate cohabitation to be sinful?

First, a forum is no place to get information as to what the Orthodox Church considers. 
That being said, you are "in luck." 
Answer: 
Not of itself is it sinful, but it is extremely... temptational.  There is a reason why a nun and a monk together do not form a monastery, if you catch my drift.  2 weeks is good, but one drop does not make a well.  Get the deal done already imo   
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ConfusedRC
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« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2012, 06:26:59 AM »

Just a small update: My fiance and I have pledged to be celibate and have been so for the past two weeks. I know that it doesn't completely solve the problem, but it's something we committed to do.

Does the Orthodox Church consider celibate cohabitation to be sinful?

First, a forum is no place to get information as to what the Orthodox Church considers. 
That being said, you are "in luck." 
Answer: 
Not of itself is it sinful, but it is extremely... temptational.  There is a reason why a nun and a monk together do not form a monastery, if you catch my drift.  2 weeks is good, but one drop does not make a well.  Get the deal done already imo   

Thank you Father. I understand that a forum is not the ideal means of finding answers, but I have not been able to find an Orthodox Church here in Hanoi.

As for me and my fiancé, we are actually doing well. We want to remain celibate; this is something that we pray about every night.
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LewisBosch
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« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2012, 11:34:39 AM »

ConfusedRC, are you okay with, or have any doubts with being okay with, living in Asia the rest of your life? With being away from friends, family, and your native culture?
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ConfusedRC
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« Reply #11 on: December 15, 2012, 11:57:41 AM »

ConfusedRC, are you okay with, or have any doubts with being okay with, living in Asia the rest of your life? With being away from friends, family, and your native culture?

Pretty interesting question! I'm curious to know why you ask...

But to answer:

I do miss my family, friends, and native culture. Very much. Although I've been here in Hanoi for three months now, I don't think that it has sunk in yet that this is my new home. But I do see myself being able to live here for a while, especially now that I just received a great job offer.

My fiancé and I recently talked about this. In the beginning, the plan was to move back to the United States as soon as we could secure a visa for her (which would take between six months and a year). But with the recent job offer coupled with the low cost of living here, we are planning to remain here for a while as this will allow us to save a lot of money. Living here will also allow us to visit her mom regularly (she lives in the Philippines). But I think that my fiancé has also become afraid of the US and I can't say that I blame her! We just heard about the shootings in Connecticut and Portland. As much as I love my country, it's very difficult convincing someone to move there that's never been there and has to listen to this kind of news. Especially when all you hear people say is "you never thought this could happen in a small town like this" (her immediate question is "if its happening in small towns now, what are major cities like?"). But anyways, I will save that for another topic...

So to get to the answer: yes, I can see myself living here for a few years, but not the rest of my life.
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LewisBosch
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« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2012, 12:25:50 PM »


Pretty interesting question! I'm curious to know why you asked . . .


It's an important question. I'm currently engaged and living in a state a mere three hours drive from my family and the situation ways on me and adds some tension to the relationship. I couldn't imagine your situation.

You're more likely to die from a car crash than a shooting. The shootings are tragic, certainly, but they shouldn't effect whether or not to move to the States.

The money you save, make sure you translate how much that would be in American dollars.
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ialmisry
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« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2012, 01:37:17 PM »

ConfusedRC, are you okay with, or have any doubts with being okay with, living in Asia the rest of your life? With being away from friends, family, and your native culture?

Pretty interesting question! I'm curious to know why you ask...

But to answer:

I do miss my family, friends, and native culture. Very much. Although I've been here in Hanoi for three months now, I don't think that it has sunk in yet that this is my new home. But I do see myself being able to live here for a while, especially now that I just received a great job offer.

My fiancé and I recently talked about this. In the beginning, the plan was to move back to the United States as soon as we could secure a visa for her (which would take between six months and a year). But with the recent job offer coupled with the low cost of living here, we are planning to remain here for a while as this will allow us to save a lot of money. Living here will also allow us to visit her mom regularly (she lives in the Philippines). But I think that my fiancé has also become afraid of the US and I can't say that I blame her! We just heard about the shootings in Connecticut and Portland. As much as I love my country, it's very difficult convincing someone to move there that's never been there and has to listen to this kind of news. Especially when all you hear people say is "you never thought this could happen in a small town like this" (her immediate question is "if its happening in small towns now, what are major cities like?"). But anyways, I will save that for another topic...

So to get to the answer: yes, I can see myself living here for a few years, but not the rest of my life.
http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,48639.msg850814.html#msg850814
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ConfusedRC
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« Reply #14 on: December 15, 2012, 10:58:34 PM »


Pretty interesting question! I'm curious to know why you asked . . .


It's an important question. I'm currently engaged and living in a state a mere three hours drive from my family and the situation ways on me and adds some tension to the relationship. I couldn't imagine your situation.

You're more likely to die from a car crash than a shooting. The shootings are tragic, certainly, but they shouldn't effect whether or not to move to the States.

The money you save, make sure you translate how much that would be in American dollars.

Ah I see. I lived less than an hour from my family and so I appreciated the convenience of living near them. It's a difficult decision to make, but I don't regret my choice.

If you ever have any questions, don't hesitate to send me a private message. I'd be happy to help if I can.
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ConfusedRC
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« Reply #15 on: December 15, 2012, 10:59:40 PM »

ConfusedRC, are you okay with, or have any doubts with being okay with, living in Asia the rest of your life? With being away from friends, family, and your native culture?

Pretty interesting question! I'm curious to know why you ask...

But to answer:

I do miss my family, friends, and native culture. Very much. Although I've been here in Hanoi for three months now, I don't think that it has sunk in yet that this is my new home. But I do see myself being able to live here for a while, especially now that I just received a great job offer.

My fiancé and I recently talked about this. In the beginning, the plan was to move back to the United States as soon as we could secure a visa for her (which would take between six months and a year). But with the recent job offer coupled with the low cost of living here, we are planning to remain here for a while as this will allow us to save a lot of money. Living here will also allow us to visit her mom regularly (she lives in the Philippines). But I think that my fiancé has also become afraid of the US and I can't say that I blame her! We just heard about the shootings in Connecticut and Portland. As much as I love my country, it's very difficult convincing someone to move there that's never been there and has to listen to this kind of news. Especially when all you hear people say is "you never thought this could happen in a small town like this" (her immediate question is "if its happening in small towns now, what are major cities like?"). But anyways, I will save that for another topic...

So to get to the answer: yes, I can see myself living here for a few years, but not the rest of my life.
http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,48639.msg850814.html#msg850814

I'm sorry but it says I don't have access to those forums. Can you copy and paste what it is you wanted me to see?
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