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Author Topic: Schlock Icons  (Read 89224 times) Average Rating: 0
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Justin Kissel
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« Reply #810 on: August 09, 2013, 01:32:47 PM »

Looks painful...
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« Reply #811 on: August 09, 2013, 06:59:02 PM »

I would have one commissioned (if I had the money) complete with the gut spilling...
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« Reply #812 on: August 09, 2013, 08:55:00 PM »

how about this 1... not to mention the painter's signature



Where did you get this image, W. A. Mozart? The artistic style is very much of the Skliris "school".

Ridiculous and pointless. A tiny bit of comfort in that there's no halo, unlike the "Saint Judas" travesty someone posted earlier in this thread, complete with him holding his innards and the rope ...  Tongue Tongue



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« Reply #813 on: August 10, 2013, 05:20:19 AM »

a friend of mine sent it to me...
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« Reply #814 on: August 10, 2013, 06:28:47 AM »

What with the astigmatic left eye, and the dark circles under His eyes, Christ must have had a heavy night ....  Tongue Tongue

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« Reply #815 on: August 10, 2013, 06:31:38 AM »

Yeah, wedding in Cana ^
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« Reply #816 on: August 10, 2013, 06:33:56 AM »

Yeah, wedding in Cana ^

 laugh laugh laugh laugh
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« Reply #817 on: August 10, 2013, 06:37:34 AM »

The impressionistic painterly style is bad enough. But what's with the figure of the Baptist being surrounded by darkness, with the light trying to get in?? The complete opposite of a light-bearing, deified saint.

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« Reply #818 on: August 14, 2013, 10:19:40 AM »



What is he doing?

It's an iconographic representation of this passage from 2 Samuel:

12And it was told king David, saying, The LORD has blessed the house of Obededom, and all that pertains to him, because of the ark of God. So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obededom into the city of David with gladness. 13And it was so, that when they that bore the ark of the LORD had gone six paces, he sacrificed oxen and fatted calves. 14And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.

The mural is in a church dedicated to Prophet David the King, in Tblisi, Georgia. This is one of many murals showing scenes from the life of the prophet.

Are you sure? I don't see the Ark in the icon. I do see bread, wine, and the temple. It looks to me like it portrays king David taking the consecrated bread (showbread) from the Table. See, for example, Matthew 12:3-4 : "But he said to them: Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, and they that were with him: [4] How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the loaves of proposition, which it was not lawful for him to eat, nor for them that were with him, but for the priests only?"
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« Reply #819 on: August 16, 2013, 10:22:38 PM »

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« Reply #820 on: August 16, 2013, 11:10:56 PM »



Is it a mirror image?
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« Reply #821 on: August 17, 2013, 11:45:41 AM »



The artist is trying to show this "saint" giving a clerical blessing, i.e. with the fingers arranged in an IC-XC configuration (fatuous and wrong, given the subject of this painting). Someone oughta tell him or her that it should be the right hand, not the left, which gives the blessing.  Tongue Tongue Roll Eyes

EDIT: Just found out this picture is supposed to be Christ. My comment on which hand gives the blessing still stands. There is also a great deal I could post on the error of painting Christ as a Rasta and claiming it to be an icon, but time and bandwidth are against me.
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« Reply #822 on: August 17, 2013, 12:43:01 PM »



The artist is trying to show this "saint" giving a clerical blessing, i.e. with the fingers arranged in an IC-XC configuration (fatuous and wrong, given the subject of this painting). Someone oughta tell him or her that it should be the right hand, not the left, which gives the blessing.  Tongue Tongue Roll Eyes

EDIT: Just found out this picture is supposed to be Christ. My comment on which hand gives the blessing still stands. There is also a great deal I could post on the error of painting Christ as a Rasta and claiming it to be an icon, but time and bandwidth are against me.

That ain't Christ. That's Bob Marley.
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« Reply #823 on: August 17, 2013, 02:12:16 PM »

That ain't Christ. That's Bob Marley.

I figured as much, but was reminded of this when I first saw the post:

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« Reply #824 on: August 17, 2013, 03:54:36 PM »

Okay, that is seriously disturbing. As a penance, Mor, you will write up for me just how you're supposed to use the Shi'mo when one is a layperson praying at home. There are lots of options in my Gorgias Press version, but no rubrics. Far more complicated than the Agpeya.
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« Reply #825 on: August 17, 2013, 04:29:46 PM »

Okay, that is seriously disturbing. As a penance, Mor, you will write up for me just how you're supposed to use the Shi'mo when one is a layperson praying at home. There are lots of options in my Gorgias Press version, but no rubrics. Far more complicated than the Agpeya.

PM me if you're seriously interested.  It's more complex than the Agpeya, but really not by much, especially if all you're doing is "reading" rather than chanting.   

Otherwise, I stand by my post.  Dave Chappelle is awesome. 
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« Reply #826 on: August 17, 2013, 04:30:53 PM »

Now I want pancakes.
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« Reply #827 on: August 17, 2013, 04:31:58 PM »

Pancakes are awesome.  They are one reason I'm glad my parents emigrated to the US. 
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« Reply #828 on: August 17, 2013, 04:37:04 PM »



The artist is trying to show this "saint" giving a clerical blessing, i.e. with the fingers arranged in an IC-XC configuration (fatuous and wrong, given the subject of this painting). Someone oughta tell him or her that it should be the right hand, not the left, which gives the blessing.  Tongue Tongue Roll Eyes

EDIT: Just found out this picture is supposed to be Christ. My comment on which hand gives the blessing still stands. There is also a great deal I could post on the error of painting Christ as a Rasta and claiming it to be an icon, but time and bandwidth are against me.

That ain't Christ. That's Bob Marley.


Now that takes the cake of all the ridiculous icons.
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« Reply #829 on: August 17, 2013, 04:42:55 PM »

[/cake]
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« Reply #830 on: August 17, 2013, 09:27:56 PM »



The artist is trying to show this "saint" giving a clerical blessing, i.e. with the fingers arranged in an IC-XC configuration (fatuous and wrong, given the subject of this painting). Someone oughta tell him or her that it should be the right hand, not the left, which gives the blessing.  Tongue Tongue Roll Eyes

EDIT: Just found out this picture is supposed to be Christ. My comment on which hand gives the blessing still stands. There is also a great deal I could post on the error of painting Christ as a Rasta and claiming it to be an icon, but time and bandwidth are against me.

That ain't Christ. That's Bob Marley.


That's what I thought at first. Only to discover that the image is intended to be that of Christ. Ridiculous and blasphemous.
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« Reply #831 on: August 17, 2013, 10:05:20 PM »



The artist is trying to show this "saint" giving a clerical blessing, i.e. with the fingers arranged in an IC-XC configuration (fatuous and wrong, given the subject of this painting). Someone oughta tell him or her that it should be the right hand, not the left, which gives the blessing.  Tongue Tongue Roll Eyes

EDIT: Just found out this picture is supposed to be Christ. My comment on which hand gives the blessing still stands. There is also a great deal I could post on the error of painting Christ as a Rasta and claiming it to be an icon, but time and bandwidth are against me.

That ain't Christ. That's Bob Marley.


That's what I thought at first. Only to discover that the image is intended to be that of Christ. Ridiculous and blasphemous.

I think the intention must have been a mistake. It IS Bob Marley. Although canonical icons of Bob Marley need to have him holding a microphone in one hand.
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« Reply #832 on: August 17, 2013, 10:06:30 PM »

Pancakes are awesome.  They are one reason I'm glad my parents emigrated to the US. 

You like those bready American things better than dosas? Even the dosas made with buttermilk?
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« Reply #833 on: August 17, 2013, 10:42:42 PM »

Pancakes are awesome.  They are one reason I'm glad my parents emigrated to the US. 

You like those bready American things better than dosas? Even the dosas made with buttermilk?

It's not a matter of preferring pancakes to dosas, they are two different things.  I love dosas, but they are savoury, and I don't always want savoury for breakfast.  Sometimes, I just want bready American things with maple syrup, fruit, and maybe a Western omelette.  Indian food is awesome, but I thoroughly enjoy Anglo-American breakfast.     
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« Reply #834 on: August 17, 2013, 11:06:46 PM »

Pancakes are awesome.  They are one reason I'm glad my parents emigrated to the US. 

You like those bready American things better than dosas? Even the dosas made with buttermilk?

It's not a matter of preferring pancakes to dosas, they are two different things.  I love dosas, but they are savoury, and I don't always want savoury for breakfast.  Sometimes, I just want bready American things with maple syrup, fruit, and maybe a Western omelette.  Indian food is awesome, but I thoroughly enjoy Anglo-American breakfast.     

You mean you don't put maple syrup on dosas? Here I thought I was doing it right...
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« Reply #835 on: August 17, 2013, 11:36:08 PM »

That would be pretty gross!
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« Reply #836 on: August 17, 2013, 11:44:01 PM »

That would be pretty gross!

It wasn't bad. But they were dosas I'd made myself--not nearly as good as those I'd had in a restaurant. Of course, I later got food poisoning at that restaurant...
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« Reply #837 on: August 17, 2013, 11:53:36 PM »

The food poisoning was God's penance imposed on you for using maple syrup on dosas.  I've eaten a lot of weird things in my life, but I can't imagine a greater affront both to dosas and to maple syrup.  Tongue

What is your preferred dosa? 
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« Reply #838 on: August 18, 2013, 07:44:26 AM »

I think the intention must have been a mistake. It IS Bob Marley. Although canonical icons of Bob Marley need to have him holding a microphone in one hand.

And a joint in the second one.
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« Reply #839 on: August 18, 2013, 03:21:17 PM »

The food poisoning was God's penance imposed on you for using maple syrup on dosas.  I've eaten a lot of weird things in my life, but I can't imagine a greater affront both to dosas and to maple syrup.  Tongue

What is your preferred dosa? 

I used to get the mysore masala dosai because the only time I had them was on a fast day. (I only put maple syrup on my own dosas because their consistence was more like American pancakes. I need an Indian cooking intervention. About the only things I can make are vindaloo and rogan josh. And saffron rice. And the pilaf wasn't bad, but it wasn't Indian, but Uzbek.)
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« Reply #840 on: August 18, 2013, 10:57:18 PM »

Although canonical icons of Bob Marley need to have him holding a microphone in one hand.

And a joint in the second one.
It can hang next to the icon of Chesterton that some overzealous neophyte is surely painting.
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« Reply #841 on: August 19, 2013, 12:38:29 AM »

Although canonical icons of Bob Marley need to have him holding a microphone in one hand.

And a joint in the second one.
It can hang next to the icon of Chesterton that some overzealous neophyte is surely painting.

.... and there's sure to be one of CS Lewis in the pipeline as well.  Tongue

Robert Lentz has painted Tolkien painted as a "saint" in iconographic style, as many of us know. His justification for painting this fiasco is this, in his own words:

"He [Tolkien] is best known as the author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, stories that began as entertainment for his two young sons, but developed into a vast work of mythology. As a devout Catholic intellectual, he felt that such creative use of our imagination was a reflection of God’s own creative activity, and eloquent proof that we are made in God’s image and likeness. Millions have read his books, which have now been translated into many different languages, and have rediscovered in themselves the childlike gift of imagination that belongs to all of us as icons of God."

Hmmm. It appears that writing a series of well-loved children’s books full of mystery, magic and imagination is a means to sanctity. Perhaps we shall soon see “icons” by the hand of Robert Lentz of Lewis Carroll, the Brothers Grimm, JK Rowling and Hans Christian Andersen.  Tongue Tongue Tongue
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« Reply #842 on: August 19, 2013, 12:48:09 AM »

I used to get the mysore masala dosai because the only time I had them was on a fast day. (I only put maple syrup on my own dosas because their consistence was more like American pancakes. I need an Indian cooking intervention. About the only things I can make are vindaloo and rogan josh. And saffron rice. And the pilaf wasn't bad, but it wasn't Indian, but Uzbek.)

You are not far from the Kingdom.  Smiley

The Mysore is a personal favourite.  Rava dosa is also good.  There is a great restaurant on Long Island that specialises in dosas.  Fast or no fast, I always eat there when I'm in the area.   
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« Reply #843 on: August 19, 2013, 02:11:33 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:



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« Reply #844 on: August 19, 2013, 02:34:03 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of it, don't it?
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« Reply #845 on: August 19, 2013, 02:42:16 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of it, don't it?

Yup. More's the pity, the technical skill of the artist is rather good.  Tongue Competently-painted, the gold leaf has been applied well, but it's practically worthless as an icon.
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« Reply #846 on: August 19, 2013, 05:40:55 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of it, don't it?

Yup. More's the pity, the technical skill of the artist is rather good.  Tongue Competently-painted, the gold leaf has been applied well, but it's practically worthless as an icon.

Someone just forgot. It happens, you know...
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« Reply #847 on: August 19, 2013, 05:56:07 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of it, don't it?

Yup. More's the pity, the technical skill of the artist is rather good.  Tongue Competently-painted, the gold leaf has been applied well, but it's practically worthless as an icon.

Someone just forgot. It happens, you know...

Nonsense, and you know it.  Angry
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« Reply #848 on: August 19, 2013, 11:43:52 AM »

I posted this one earlier in the thread, but I would like to see someone discuss why it might just fall somewhere on the spectrum of weird icons rather than schlock. Sorry that I couldn't find a copy without the magazine boilerplate.



What is the symbolism of the person from Hades breaking the scroll in Christ's hand? And why are the people in Hades gray? Are they damned? Or demons? I've never seen another icon of the harrowing of Hell that depicts the damned or demonic.
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« Reply #849 on: August 19, 2013, 11:48:01 AM »

What is the symbolism of the person from Hades breaking the scroll in Christ's hand?

I can't make out what's written on the scroll, but in quite a few of our prayers, there is stuff about Christ tearing up the 'handwriting of our sins', most notably at the 6th Hour, though the context there is the crucifixion not the resurrection.
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« Reply #850 on: August 19, 2013, 11:49:42 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:





Looks like they're just chit-chatting.
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« Reply #851 on: August 19, 2013, 11:50:59 AM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

This was what they were doing at 8:55am.
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« Reply #852 on: August 19, 2013, 11:52:34 AM »

What is the symbolism of the person from Hades breaking the scroll in Christ's hand?

I can't make out what's written on the scroll, but in quite a few of our prayers, there is stuff about Christ tearing up the 'handwriting of our sins', most notably at the 6th Hour, though the context there is the crucifixion not the resurrection.
Someone offered that interpretation here, but the writing on the scroll doesn't really lend itself to that -- "He went and preached to the spirits in prison." Likewise, it appears that the gray-bodied fellow (Satan?) is reaching up and grabbing the scroll rather than Christ tearing it up.
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Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH
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« Reply #853 on: August 19, 2013, 12:38:20 PM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of it, don't it?

Yup. More's the pity, the technical skill of the artist is rather good.  Tongue Competently-painted, the gold leaf has been applied well, but it's practically worthless as an icon.

Someone just forgot. It happens, you know...

Nonsense, and you know it.  Angry

So you have never left light turn on or something like that. Good for you but not everyone can say so.
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Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #854 on: August 19, 2013, 08:02:58 PM »

Truly incomprehensible that this "icon" of Pentecost, aka the Descent of the Holy Spirit, is missing an enormously important detail:

Sort of defeats the whole purpose of it, don't it?

Yup. More's the pity, the technical skill of the artist is rather good.  Tongue Competently-painted, the gold leaf has been applied well, but it's practically worthless as an icon.

Someone just forgot. It happens, you know...

Nonsense, and you know it.  Angry

So you have never left light turn on or something like that. Good for you but not everyone can say so.

Either you have no idea on what is involved in painting an icon (preparation and actual painting), or you're being a smart-aleck.
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Tags: schlock Blasphemy icons mechagodzilla 
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