Author Topic: Schlock Icons  (Read 118852 times)

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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #765 on: July 23, 2013, 01:37:27 AM »
I'm no expert but something seems a bit off about this Swedish Coptic icon of St.Erik.



You're learning, Grasshopper!  :D
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #766 on: July 23, 2013, 01:38:19 AM »
Anathema! Everyone knows a proper canonical ET icon should NEVER have the Latinized Sacred Heart! This was obviously produced by someone in Rome's Brodo Asogian metropolia.

Pfft. If it's good enough for the Antiochian Extra-Terrestrial Rite, it's good enough for me.
That's the problem with the AE-TR; they don't vet the heterodox alien devotions in light of proper Orthodox practice! The Sacred Heart devotion clearly arose well after the schism of stardate 41153.7.

But it organically developed out of the legitimate tradition of the Brodo Asogian Church! Why should we force them to give up their heritage that, when properly understood, is fully Orthodox? That's just anti-ET hyperdoxy! Remember what the Holy and Pious St. John, Apostle to the Extra-Terrestrials said:

"Never, never, never let anyone tell you that, in order to be Orthodox, you must be an Earthling. The Brodo Asogians were fully Orthodox for millenia, and their venerable liturgy is far older than any of their heresies."
Ecumenist garbage! Everyone knows that Orthodoxy is the faith that founded the universe, and if the u-word Brodo Asogians — and I would call them much worse than u-words, if the forum rules would allow us to speak of the ETs as they have been historically known — truly wanted to be Orthodox, they would return to it in its most fully preserved form, the EASTERN, EARTHEN TERRESTRIAL form. I would rather be an atheist than worship in a church that allowed reunion with the aliens without them abandoning their disgusting Sacred Heart icons.

Great stuff, guys!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ridicule and wit are sharper than knives in the right hands.  ;)
« Last Edit: July 23, 2013, 01:39:16 AM by LBK »
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #767 on: July 23, 2013, 02:35:26 AM »
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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #768 on: July 23, 2013, 02:36:39 AM »
Is this Skyrim?
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #769 on: July 23, 2013, 02:52:20 AM »
It's supposed to be a statue of St Sergius of Radonezh. The peasant boy sporting a halo hovering in front of him is the boy Bartholomew, who grew up to become the saint. Weird juxtaposition.
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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #770 on: July 27, 2013, 07:52:43 PM »
"Do not tempt the Mor thy Mod."

Mor no longer posts on OCNet.  He follows threads, posts his responses daily, occasionally starts threads, and responds to private messages when and as he wants.  But he really isn't around anymore.


Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #771 on: July 27, 2013, 08:52:49 PM »
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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #772 on: July 27, 2013, 10:46:06 PM »
"My doubt in Christ is not like that of a child; it was forged in a furnace of faith." - Dostoevsky

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #773 on: July 27, 2013, 11:50:33 PM »
I'm no expert but something seems a bit off about this Swedish Coptic icon of St.Erik.



You're learning, Grasshopper!  :D

1. St. Eric was a martyr and needs a cross, not a Gospel book
2. St. Eric lived after 1100, so why is there a Coptic icon of him
3. Also, the position of the Swedish flag is uncanonical. He should either be wearing the flag, or holding one
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #774 on: July 27, 2013, 11:53:04 PM »
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/15/kate-middleton-painting-photos_n_3598713.html

Georgiotokos Galaktotrophousa

Icon of Kate = beauty will save the world!

But that ain't it. Somewhere in Holy Russia, Dostoyevsky is sobbing.
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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #775 on: July 28, 2013, 12:09:07 AM »
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/15/kate-middleton-painting-photos_n_3598713.html

Georgiotokos Galaktotrophousa

Icon of Kate = beauty will save the world!

But that ain't it.

Well I agree with that... certainly there was a failure of execution in this case... nonetheless, I have faith that some day such an icon will be produced!
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #776 on: July 28, 2013, 12:21:49 AM »
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/15/kate-middleton-painting-photos_n_3598713.html

Georgiotokos Galaktotrophousa

Icon of Kate = beauty will save the world!

But that ain't it.

Well I agree with that... certainly there was a failure of execution in this case... nonetheless, I have faith that some day such an icon will be produced!

Shouldn't canonical icons of Duchess Kate have her dressed as the Queen of Hearts?
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #777 on: July 28, 2013, 06:46:47 AM »
I'm no expert but something seems a bit off about this Swedish Coptic icon of St.Erik.



You're learning, Grasshopper!  :D

1. St. Eric was a martyr and needs a cross, not a Gospel book
2. St. Eric lived after 1100, so why is there a Coptic icon of him
3. Also, the position of the Swedish flag is uncanonical. He should either be wearing the flag, or holding one

Almost right, Shanghaiski. Number 3 is where you went wrong: national flags have no place in iconography.
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #778 on: July 28, 2013, 03:45:47 PM »
I'm no expert but something seems a bit off about this Swedish Coptic icon of St.Erik.



You're learning, Grasshopper!  :D

1. St. Eric was a martyr and needs a cross, not a Gospel book
2. St. Eric lived after 1100, so why is there a Coptic icon of him
3. Also, the position of the Swedish flag is uncanonical. He should either be wearing the flag, or holding one

Almost right, Shanghaiski. Number 3 is where you went wrong: national flags have no place in iconography.

But I was mentioning their part in schlockonography.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #779 on: July 29, 2013, 12:46:39 AM »
I'm no expert but something seems a bit off about this Swedish Coptic icon of St.Erik.



You're learning, Grasshopper!  :D

1. St. Eric was a martyr and needs a cross, not a Gospel book
2. St. Eric lived after 1100, so why is there a Coptic icon of him
3. Also, the position of the Swedish flag is uncanonical. He should either be wearing the flag, or holding one

Almost right, Shanghaiski. Number 3 is where you went wrong: national flags have no place in iconography.

But I was mentioning their part in schlockonography.


Schlockonography!! Brilliant! LOVE IT!!  :laugh: :laugh: :-* :-*
« Last Edit: July 29, 2013, 12:47:19 AM by LBK »
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Offline W.A.Mozart

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #780 on: August 02, 2013, 07:28:38 PM »
And? The article you've linked to states clearly that the book where these illustrations feature is a work of "creative fantasy". In other words, a product of the writer's and, therefore, the artist's, imaginations. Further evidence that these pictures cannot be considered to be icons. Folk art, yes, as I wrote before. Cute pictures to illustrate a book, yes. Icons, no.

where did I write that they are icons?  ???
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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #781 on: August 02, 2013, 08:13:23 PM »
It's supposed to be a statue of St Sergius of Radonezh. The peasant boy sporting a halo hovering in front of him is the boy Bartholomew, who grew up to become the saint. Weird juxtaposition.

I assumed it was the boy Bartholomew and the mysterious hermit he met.
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Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #782 on: August 04, 2013, 09:26:00 PM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.

Many energies, three persons, two natures, one God, one Church, one Baptism.

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #783 on: August 04, 2013, 09:33:29 PM »
The middle ones in the top row look like some sort of insect.
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #784 on: August 06, 2013, 01:46:22 AM »
Ophanim?
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #785 on: August 06, 2013, 01:48:52 AM »
The middle ones in the top row look like some sort of insect.

here orthodox depiction

orthodox as in orthodox building ;p



those are eyes on there by the way ;)
« Last Edit: August 06, 2013, 01:49:21 AM by Gunnarr »
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #786 on: August 06, 2013, 02:35:43 AM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

The iconographer here has simply depicted these "unknown" ranks in the same way as angels and archangels. His depiction of seraphim, cherubim, angels and archangels is quite in order. Schlock? Not really. Just an honest, if not entirely correct, attempt.
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #787 on: August 06, 2013, 04:06:19 AM »
I had an idea of a shlock icon while I was sinning on this forum


An icon of the Devil, with halo and all, triumphing over God

To my surprise, I cannot find an icon of this on the internet.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #788 on: August 06, 2013, 04:23:00 AM »
I had an idea of a shlock icon while I was sinning on this forum


An icon of the Devil, with halo and all, triumphing over God

To my surprise, I cannot find an icon of this on the internet.

Your point?
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #789 on: August 06, 2013, 04:29:46 AM »
I had an idea of a shlock icon while I was sinning on this forum


An icon of the Devil, with halo and all, triumphing over God

To my surprise, I cannot find an icon of this on the internet.

Your point?

i don't know, but I made FOUND a shlock icon for you all, here it comes
« Last Edit: August 06, 2013, 04:31:02 AM by Gunnarr »
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #790 on: August 06, 2013, 04:31:18 AM »


That is original text right there
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #791 on: August 06, 2013, 04:36:58 AM »


That is original text right there


Original text? Yeah, right ....  ::)

Amateurish, childish, and not even funny.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2013, 04:37:36 AM by LBK »
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #792 on: August 06, 2013, 04:41:23 AM »


That is original text right there


Original text? Yeah, right ....  ::)

Amateurish, childish, and not even funny.

Sure it is childish and not funny, but it is definitely not amateurish! I used fancy text rather than some new modernist font, also red text to stay faithful to the original! Further, I used the pipette to use original background colors to smear the incorrect text
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #793 on: August 06, 2013, 04:50:31 AM »


That is original text right there


Original text? Yeah, right ....  ::)

Amateurish, childish, and not even funny.


Sure it is childish and not funny, but it is definitely not amateurish! I used fancy text rather than some new modernist font, also red text to stay faithful to the original! Further, I used the pipette to use original background colors to smear the incorrect text

Gimme a break. A six year old child using a 15-year-old version of Paintshop Pro could have done it.
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Offline Iconodule

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #794 on: August 06, 2013, 08:20:51 AM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

Aren't the winged/ eyed wheels thrones?
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #795 on: August 06, 2013, 08:44:28 AM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

Aren't the winged/ eyed wheels thrones?

No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The phrase many-eyed cherubim features in various liturgical prayers, including the anaphora of both St Basil's and St John Chrysostom's liturgies. They are also thus described in the November 8 feast of the Assembly of the Bodiless Hosts:

Ezekiel saw the ranks of Angels in varied form and in his opening proclaimed: Among them stand the six-winged Seraphim, and the many-eyed Cherubim circle round. With them he saw the Archangels shining like amber as they glorified Christ to all the ages.
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Offline Iconodule

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #796 on: August 06, 2013, 01:39:46 PM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

Aren't the winged/ eyed wheels thrones?

No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The cherubim are the "living creatures" with four faces, not the wheels.
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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #797 on: August 06, 2013, 02:43:24 PM »


That is original text right there

Hey, now that's not funny.

Everyone knows I am the Devil, so how could I send myself?  :D
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #798 on: August 06, 2013, 04:10:34 PM »


That is original text right there


Original text? Yeah, right ....  ::)

Amateurish, childish, and not even funny.


Sure it is childish and not funny, but it is definitely not amateurish! I used fancy text rather than some new modernist font, also red text to stay faithful to the original! Further, I used the pipette to use original background colors to smear the incorrect text

Gimme a break. A six year old child using a 15-year-old version of Paintshop Pro could have done it.

well, ok. but! It was a new fancy version of microsoft paint, very confusing all the buttons are in different places. I wish I had the 15 year old version

At least it is schlock!  ;D



That is original text right there

Hey, now that's not funny.

Everyone knows I am the Devil, so how could I send myself?  :D

Everyone's a critic!   ;D
« Last Edit: August 06, 2013, 04:16:15 PM by Gunnarr »
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #799 on: August 06, 2013, 06:35:56 PM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

Aren't the winged/ eyed wheels thrones?

No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The cherubim are the "living creatures" with four faces, not the wheels.

Read the above passage again. It clearly distinguishes between the "living creatures" and the wheels. Your position is not supported by the liturgical references, nor by the many icons in existence of "polyommata kherouvim", deicted as many-eyed winged red circles.
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Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #800 on: August 07, 2013, 09:17:18 AM »
What form, then, did the Cherubim on the Ark have? I always imagined they were sphynx-like shaped.

And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

Aren't the winged/ eyed wheels thrones?

No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The cherubim are the "living creatures" with four faces, not the wheels.

Read the above passage again. It clearly distinguishes between the "living creatures" and the wheels. Your position is not supported by the liturgical references, nor by the many icons in existence of "polyommata kherouvim", deicted as many-eyed winged red circles.
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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #801 on: August 07, 2013, 09:29:50 AM »
And what about this? It depicts the nine celestial hierarchies.



Of the nine orders of heavenly hosts, only the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim are given any sort of biblical description of their appearance, or have been revealed in a form visible to human eyes. There seems to be nothing revealed in Tradition which allows us to make an image of thrones, dominions, principalities, powers or virtues.

Aren't the winged/ eyed wheels thrones?

No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The cherubim are the "living creatures" with four faces, not the wheels.

Read the above passage again. It clearly distinguishes between the "living creatures" and the wheels.

*Sigh* That's what I just said... And later on, in Chapter 10, Ezekiel identifies the "living creatures", not the wheels, as cherubim.
14 Each one had four faces: the first face was the face of a cherub, the second face the face of a man, the third the face of a lion, and the fourth the face of an eagle. 15 And the cherubim were lifted up. This was the living creature I saw by the River Chebar. 16 When the cherubim went, the wheels went beside them; and when the cherubim lifted their wings to mount up from the earth, the same wheels also did not turn from beside them. 17 When the cherubim stood still, the wheels stood still, and when one[c] was lifted up, the other[d] lifted itself up, for the spirit of the living creature was in them.

The cherubim are clearly distinct from the wheels, albeit closely connected. Note that the River Chebar is where Ezekiel has his vision in Chapter 1.

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Your position is not supported by the liturgical references,

What liturgical references? I have not seen any describing cherubim as winged wheels.

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nor by the many icons in existence of "polyommata kherouvim", deicted as many-eyed winged red circles.

Could you provide an example?
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Offline ilyazhito

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #802 on: August 07, 2013, 04:39:55 PM »
The middle ones in the top row look like some sort of insect.

here orthodox depiction

orthodox as in orthodox building ;p



those are eyes on there by the way ;)
What the heck are those? Wheels with wings? IMHO, angels are not wheels, at least most icons represent angels as humans, or at least faces with wings, as the seraphim on ripidas.

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #803 on: August 07, 2013, 04:46:35 PM »

What the heck are those? Wheels with wings? IMHO, angels are not wheels, at least most icons represent angels as humans, or at least faces with wings, as the seraphim on ripidas.

ilyazhito, see LBK:


No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The phrase many-eyed cherubim features in various liturgical prayers, including the anaphora of both St Basil's and St John Chrysostom's liturgies. They are also thus described in the November 8 feast of the Assembly of the Bodiless Hosts:

Ezekiel saw the ranks of Angels in varied form and in his opening proclaimed: Among them stand the six-winged Seraphim, and the many-eyed Cherubim circle round. With them he saw the Archangels shining like amber as they glorified Christ to all the ages.

« Last Edit: August 07, 2013, 04:47:03 PM by sheenj »

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #804 on: August 08, 2013, 04:16:51 PM »
I'm really glad that our iconographers have not ignored some of the weirder aspects of scripture.
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Offline Elisha

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #805 on: August 08, 2013, 04:31:59 PM »

What the heck are those? Wheels with wings? IMHO, angels are not wheels, at least most icons represent angels as humans, or at least faces with wings, as the seraphim on ripidas.

ilyazhito, see LBK:


No. They are cherubim, as described in the vision of Ezekiel in ch.1:

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, behold, a wheel was on the earth beside each living creature with its four faces. 16 The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness. The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. 17 When they moved, they went toward any one of four directions; they did not turn aside when they went. 18 As for their rims, they were so high they were awesome; and their rims were full of eyes, all around the four of them.

The phrase many-eyed cherubim features in various liturgical prayers, including the anaphora of both St Basil's and St John Chrysostom's liturgies. They are also thus described in the November 8 feast of the Assembly of the Bodiless Hosts:

Ezekiel saw the ranks of Angels in varied form and in his opening proclaimed: Among them stand the six-winged Seraphim, and the many-eyed Cherubim circle round. With them he saw the Archangels shining like amber as they glorified Christ to all the ages.


Actually, I'm pretty sure they're Thrones.  Cherubim have flaming swords.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2013, 04:32:20 PM by Elisha »

Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #806 on: August 08, 2013, 04:43:30 PM »
I don't remember seeing eyed-wheels on icons of the Expulsion from Eden. Nor sphynx-like creatures either. Usually it's a "normal" angel or something that looks like a Seraphim.
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Offline W.A.Mozart

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #807 on: August 09, 2013, 11:25:13 AM »
how about this 1... not to mention the painter's signature

« Last Edit: August 09, 2013, 11:26:17 AM by W.A.Mozart »
completely new, especially not yet used

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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #808 on: August 09, 2013, 12:05:34 PM »
Frankly, I've got no idea why anyone would want that image enough to have it painted, but it is interesting.  It would've been cooler, though, if the painter included the bursting open of his insides and the gushing out of his bowels. 
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Re: Schlock Icons
« Reply #809 on: August 09, 2013, 01:09:22 PM »
Good grief, that thing is creepy.
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