Do you love Christ?
Maybe you answer, "Yes, but not with my whole heart and totally like He wants me to."
But do you love Him?
If you answered yes, forget about the "but..." There are many men and women of great holiness who have spent decades in the Church, some always in prayer, and, if they're honest, really honest with themselves--like the saints--they would first call themselves the worst of sinners--sincerely--and say that they have not even begun to keep Christ's commandments and live the Orthodox life. But this is their desire nonetheless and they dedicated themselves to this because they love Christ. Why do they love Christ? Because He loved them first.
So, my friend, do not listen to doubts telling you that it's better to live outside the Church because you cannot live as the Gospel requires. God desires a relationship with us. He is our Father, not some taskmaster. I assume you have read the Gospels, that you have seen how gentle and kind our Christ is. He does not condemn sinners--only those who claim to be righteous and need no repentance. You know something of your shortcomings and weaknesses. Commend them to Christ and seek Him in His Church. It is the devil which tells us, "You're not worthy. You'll never live up to it, so don't bother trying." Don't listen to the devil. Listen to Christ, Who says, "Come to Me all you are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."
God be with you, friend!