You seem troubled about many things. If I understand your posts correctly, the following are the primary worries that trouble your heart.
1. While you are happy for your wife's spiritual journey, and the joy she finds in it, there is still so much about it you find confusing and even contradictory to what little Christian instruction you have had. The sense of being left behind in this way both grieves and frightens you.
2. You are troubled about your own lack of faith and each time you find yourself in the presence of an active and living faith in other's…in the context of the Liturgy, or watching your wife grow in that direction it wounds you, torments you.
3. You have several large gaps in your understanding and Christian experience and no mentor/guide you trust implicitly to help you navigate the current river of your life…like being stuck in a canoe in the middle of rushing rapids, no paddle, the person in front seems content, happy, and you a worm wrestle of panic at each bump, jostle, and splash along the way. It's too fast, too many thinks to track, and no time or tools available (no paddle) to help orient you in the stream.
It is my impression you are desperate for two kinds of help. First, you need pragmatic help deciphering the symbolism, the ritual, the meaning….the things she's getting from the service and that you are not, the things she is learning and coming to believe in Orthodoxy that at present don't make sense to you.
Secondly, you need a friend, an anchor, an ally, a mentor to take you where you are as you are without trying to keep up with whatever pace your wife is moving, and find and grow faith for yourself at the pace that is right for you.
So, let me begin with pragmatics…you just want to understand things a little better. Let me recommend three books:
a) Evangelical is Not Enough, by Thomas Howard. Granted he is Roman Catholic, but what he offers in this book is pretty basic and common enough to both our faiths. Mr. Howard was once an evangelical protestant who in time became an Anglican, and later Roman Catholic. He is familiar with the evangelical language and practice of worship, and he begins there and bridges from that experience and mindset to the liturgical. He shows the major pieces of the service, where they came from, and they mean and he does so in language an evangelical understands. It was a huge help to me on my journey…it was the first clue I ever had about how to understand and approach liturgical worship. Light bulbs went off, windows opened…and once the "code" of the symbolism of it's ritual "cracked" I've never wanted to worship any other way…no other way really make sense to me anymore.
b. If you have not already read it I recommend, The Orthodox Church, by Kalistos Ware. It is a very good short history of the Orthodox Church, it's major doctrines and struggles from founding to the present. It is a good orientation to the Church as it is and as it aspires to be.
c. I would recommend a second book by Kalistos Ware, (he's a Bishop btw…a bit Dumbledoorian in appearance and manner) The Orthodox Way. This is a look at the interior life of the Orthodox Church and the Orthodox faithful, an examination of our spiritual inheritance from the inside, our prayers, our mindset.
These three books should fill in a lot of the "I don't understand what I'm seeing/hearing" problems that you have at the moment…it should give a paddle of sorts to help right your canoe so you don't twist and bump so much on your way through the rapids…so that the ride can be more exhilarating and less frightening.
As for entering the catecumenate, don't let yourself be rushed even if it means your wife chooses to go ahead and enter the Church before you. From the time I wanted to convert to the time a door opened and permission was given it was 3 years, a year of which was as a long distance catechumen. It you need three years as an inquirer to build the faith you need, to be sure the direction you want to take, the commitments you want to make…then do that. In the interim, just be a good husband. Go with your wife when you can…not under pressure to keep up with her, but merely be present with her and for her. That alone might change a lot of the dynamic of your experience of the Divine Liturgy. I know a couple who attended an Orthodox church for almost 20 years before they decided they wanted to convert. It might well free you from the pressure of "having" to understand in order to keep up, so you can simply understand when and as it comes.
The mentor is the trickier bit. I'm less confident of what I'm about to say because there are so many personal dynamics involved. It is my feeling that while your wife relates well to the priest at her parish, for one reason or another you do not. There are a number of options, each with it's own risks. Consider talking to the priest yourself, letting him know your issues, if he does not already, and ask if he knows another priest or deacon in town or nearby who you can talk too, who might be a better fit at this stage of things for you. I know when I first began exploring the priest I first talked to came from an evangelical background similar to my own…he got where I was coming from, the mental and spiritual hurdles that I had to cross or find a way around in order to grasp something of the Orthodox faith. He was able to answer a number of my questions, give me resources that were appropriate for me and helped me explore the strange new but very ancient faith. He was also the one who had the pastoral courage to tell me no that I could just "convert" like walking the aisle at a Baptist church. I needed liturgy, parish life. He and his Church would pray for me and in the right time the Lord would make a way…and he did, three years later, in the middle of the Pacific with the nearest Orthodox Church almost 2000 miles away.
So consider finding…one way or the other, another Orthodox priest or priestly recommendation of someone to talk to who both knows the faith and can relate to your experience and concerns. This is not to reject your wife's priest…but to find what you need to help you find faith and find some peace in your heart.
St. Silouan said to keep your mind in hell but do not despair. It sounds like you've got the mind in hell part down pat. St. Silouan's disciple, the blessed Elder Sophrony said as a corollary, "when you have stared into hell as long as you can endure, step back and have a cup of tea."
At the risk of sounding frivolous, I think your soul is long overdue for it's cup of tea.
The bottom line is this, the church is a hospital and there are every sort of patient in her, from the barely breathing, to the very nearly well, just waiting to be released, and every graduation in-between. The therapies that treat one condition are not necessarily those that treat another condition. The dose of medicine for the strong man is not the dose given to the weak. Perhaps your wife started her therapy and medicines sooner than you…she can tolerate slightly stronger doses of it than you right now…but it is axiomatic that if you keep taking a dose appropriate for you, over time it will have its good effect.
If I have overstepped any boundaries, please forgive me.