Topic: Do Parents Play Favorites with Children?

[JamesR]

Answer honestly, do/did and of you parents out there ever play favorites with your children? Like, do you feel like you love one more than the other? If so, how come? In my experience, I have noticed that parents tend to favor the youngest child the most and are the most difficult on the oldest sibling. In my mother's case it is a bit different though. While she is the hardest on me (the oldest child) she favors my brother who is the middle child. I do not get it. Whenever I have to babysit him and he gives me problems, she immediately will take his side of the matter when she gets home without even hearing my side of the story. I do something slightly bad (like to forget to take out the garbage) and she will have a frenzy with me, my brother does something extremely bad like lying, and all she does is yell at him once and then five minutes later is happy with him again.

I do not get why she always favors him and takes his side. Get this, about a year ago he was really desperate for an iPod Touch, and seeing that I had just gotten an iPhone from my grandmother for the holidays, I decided that I would be nice and sell him my old iPod Touch for a great price. I offered it to him for only $40 (when I easily could have gotten $100) and he accepted the deal. However, he did not have all of the money on him yet. He told me that in three days he would have the money and could pay me and begged me to give him the iTouch early. Being the nice, generous person that I am, I agreed and allowed him to have it early. He never paid me. I ask him about it after about a week and my mother gets really angry with me, telling me to be easier on my brother. But then he goes SIX MONTHS without paying me and when I finally bring it up to his attention again, my mother yet again intervenes in our business affairs and forces me to drop his debt by $10, bringing the amount he owed me to only $30. As if I were not already giving him a good enough deal! And then I had to wait another two weeks until he finally paid me that.

Why did my mother favor my brother in this case? I was already being as generous with him as I could when I easily could have made more money (and I like money). I was very patient and everything. I do not get why she favors him.

Is it true that parents' favor the child whom they believe has less potential and is less capable of caring for themselves? It would make sense. I try my very hardest to earn more love from my mother yet she still favors him. I get above average grades and he struggles with school, I'm neat and tidy, he is messy and disorganized. I run the household when she is not home, babysit for her all the time and fix her screw-ups around the house yet she still favors him. I don't get it. I'm going to be her star child that leaves a mark on the world, why does she disfavor me so much? It won't be funny when she's old and I'm the only one who can afford to take care of her since my brother will probably just be an average joe.

Also, any religious advice for dealing with sibling jealousy?

[genesisone]

Answer honestly, do/did and of you parents out there ever play favorites with your children? Like, do you feel like you love one more than the other? If so, how come? In my experience, I have noticed that parents tend to favor the youngest child the most and are the most difficult on the oldest sibling.

Let me start by saying: Like you, I am an eldest child. When I was your age, I felt the same way about my younger - and especially the youngest - brothers. There were three of us.

Parents actually try harder with the first one. And remember, they're just learning to be parents with the first. Do you really expect them to get it all right on the first try? Is that fair of you to expect that?

Also, remember that you had your parents all to yourself for how many years? Your younger brother has always had to put up with you. He never got the attention you got.

Be careful about confusing "favour" with "leniency". Check out the definitions and really ask yourself which it is.

Also, any religious advice for dealing with sibling jealousy?

Yes. Read about Cain and Abel; Jacob and Esau; Joseph and his brothers; David and his brothers; Jesus and his brothers.

[Cyrillic]

Being the nice, generous person that I am, I agreed and allowed him to have it early

James, you can't say stuff like that about yourself.

[Kerdy]

I play favorites.  My favorite is the one behaving.

Being a middle child, it was harder on me.  "Why can't you act like you older brother, Stop picking on your little sister!"  When I grew up I realize the problem was not my parents.  I was just a rotten kid.

[Cyrillic]

Also, James, to quote Shakespeare:

"Angelo: This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.

Antipholus of Ephesus: Consent to pay thee that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.

Angelo: Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently. "



But on a more serious note, me and my brother just give eachother the things we don't need anymore if the other wants it. Selling such things to your brother is not a nice thing to do.

[HabteSelassie]

Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Firstly, psychologists and theologians alike tell us that folks are never really mature and adult until they learn to forgive their parents of any perceived mistakes in their parenting.  So if you have grief with your folks, inevitably you're going to have to work through that. 

In regards to your question, its not that parents love any of their children more or less, its just that kids are all unique and different individuals, and so parents have unique and individual relationships with each.  Do you love any of your siblings or parents more than another? I'm not quite sure that is the case, however indeed you may like someone better than another, you may have a better affinity or rapport with different people, but love can be equal and the same.  Love pushes us to do things we don't inherently like or want to do, and in our families we are always being pushed by this love.

In my own experience, my mother had noticeably different strategies with me to my younger siblings, indeed the oldest tends to have to learn responsibility to help out. Was my mother more lenient to them than me? Perhaps sometimes, and yet, I can vouch for getting in MUCH more trouble and my mom ALWAYS stood by my side, be it the principal's office or the court room. Whatever shortcomings I may have perceived, she always did her best to adjust to the individual person I was and am, and the differences between me and my siblings.

 After all, keep in mind parents are people too, they don't start out perfect, they mature, grow, and evolve like the rest of us.  Just as you are constantly going through physiological and emotional/psychological changes, so too are your parents.  Simply put, they are not the same people they were yesterday, and tomorrow is an altogether different day.  We have to be forgiving, we have to be flexible, we have to be loving.

We wear different mask and have different personalities in different situations and with different people.  Parents are the same way.  As we try to dissect our history and relationship with them, we have to always be aware that they are not perfect, and they don't pretend to be, because neither are we

stay blessed,
habte selassie

[LizaSymonenko]

I'm going to be her star child that leaves a mark on the world, why does she disfavor me so much? It won't be funny when she's old and I'm the only one who can afford to take care of her since my brother will probably just be an average joe.

Also, any religious advice for dealing with sibling jealousy?

Really?

Don't let you ego get ahead of you.  Remember the tortoise and the hare.  Who won that race?

If you are asking for "religious" advice....keep doing the right thing, and accept what you get.

You don't know everything in you mom's mind, or why she does what she does.  Perhaps she has a very valid reason.  Why don't you just ask her.


Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 5:3

[Kerdy]

I'm going to be her star child that leaves a mark on the world, why does she disfavor me so much? It won't be funny when she's old and I'm the only one who can afford to take care of her since my brother will probably just be an average joe.

Also, any religious advice for dealing with sibling jealousy?

Really?

Don't let you ego get ahead of you.  Remember the tortoise and the hare.  Who won that race?

If you are asking for "religious" advice....keep doing the right thing, and accept what you get.

You don't know everything in you mom's mind, or why she does what she does.  Perhaps she has a very valid reason.  Why don't you just ask her.


Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 5:3

I missed this part of his post.  My bother was going to be star child number 1 and my sister was to come in second place.  While my brother never did anything wrong, he didn't live up to expectation and my sister lived well, well below hers, horribly so.  I was to be the worst and as it turns out, I have the most stable life, job and family.  Eventually I realized I was a punk and fixed my problems.  Not perfect, but much more than anticipated.  My mother, after a few years, told me she thought I would end up in prison.  So, don't count your chickens before they hatch.  Don't give up either.  No one can see the future.  Your siblings may surprise everyone.

And there is nothing wrong with your average Joe.  They are some of the best people in the world.

[Alveus Lacuna]

Do teenagers play whiny with strangers?

[Tikhon29605]

I never felt like my parents played favorites with me and my sister.  I really think they tried very hard to be diplomatic and treat us equally.  But I have certainly observed parents that did play favorites with their children.

[Kerdy]

I never felt like my parents played favorites with me and my sister.  I really think they tried very hard to be diplomatic and treat us equally.  But I have certainly observed parents that did play favorites with their children.

It's pretty common among step children. 

[Cyrillic]

Do teenagers play whiny with strangers?

No, that's just JamesR. His self-pity is matched only by his misplaced arrogance.

[genesisone]

Do teenagers play whiny with strangers?

No, that's just JamesR. His self-pity is matched only by his misplaced arrogance.

Much like any sixteen year old. He annoys me too, but so do plenty of others, for different reasons usually. But we wouldn't want to play favourites, would we?  I have to do my best to let it go, say a quick prayer, and move on. I try to leave behind enough pearls of wisdom that JamesR (et al.) will recognize them for what they are and pick them up.

[yeshuaisiam]

I try hard to always treat and love all of my children equally.