First of all, I want to congratulate you and your wife on your conversions (however long it takes for the both of you). Secondly I want to advise you to calm down: just keep calm and pray!
In many cases, the fear that you are describing is from the devil. He will always try to keep you down, he will try to keep you from the church, and he will try his best to lead you from salvation. Im no monk but I think that what you have described is a form of temptation. Sometimes we can accidentally think too much. Orthodoxy is not a game, your wife isnt beating your score, and your definitely not behind. I advise you to
talk to your priest and talk to your wife. The catechumenate stage usually takes a year (for some people, the catechumante stage could be longer or shorter). Concerning the chanting: Not everyone has the vocals of an opera singer or of a middle eastern maqam singer, thats okay! You dont have to sing well (as long as you arent in the choir), I know many people who dont even sing at all! May God guide you and your wife on your journey to the Church.
Hello Cantor Thank you for the reply, every bit helps. I am actually keeping calm, but it is more of resignation. I have little faith and my wife has much. Regarding orthodoxy not being a game or a score, that is not what I was trying to convey. What I mean is I am afraid that when my wife becomes Orthodox, I wil give up even trying because I my motivations will be lost. I have been talking to my wife a lot about my fears, and now the priest but it will be a very long road, and one that I dont think I can sustain. for example the priest wants me to attend regularly to learn but what I would actually like to do with my limited spare time is go hiking and riding but to be with my wife I go to the Orthodox church with her to accommodate her, even when I dont feel like it and I feel its not genuine faith for me anyway.
