Author Topic: "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"  (Read 2643 times)

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Offline Donna Rose

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"'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
« on: December 10, 2004, 12:03:29 AM »
An Orthodox Christian reworking of a Christmas Classic...posted in a special Nativity bulletin at my parish... thought it was cute :) (no author is cited)

'Twas the night before Jesus came, and all through the house,
   not a creature was praying, no one in the house!
Our Bibles lay on shelves without care,
   our icons, in dim corners, gathered dust there.
The children were dressed to crawl into bed,
   but they did not kneel, nor bow down their small heads.
My wife, in her rocker, with babe on her lap,
  was watching a late show, while I took a nap.
Then out of the East there arose such a clatter,
   I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter!
Away to the window I flew in a flash;
   tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
  but angels proclaiming that Jesus was near!
With light like the sun sending forth its bright ray,
   I knew in an instant, "This must be the day!"
The light of His Face made me cover my head.
   It was Jesus returning, just like He said!
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
   I cried when I saw Him, in spite of myself!
The Coming of Jesus, it was now here,
   and my lifestyle was one I'm not proud of, I fear!
Here was the moment of God's final call,
   my time for Judgment was here after all.
He spoke not a word, as He searched for my name,
   When He said, "It's not here," my head hung with shame.
The people whose names had been written in love
   He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready, He rose without sound,
   while the rest of us were left standing around.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late,
   I had waited too long, and thus sealed my fate.
I stood, and I cried, as they rose out of sight,
   oh, if only I had been ready tonight!
Then heard I the twelve tolls of the bell,
   and knew they were close, the groanings of Hell.
Just then I awoke from my nightmare bleak,
   and rejoiced in the knowledge: the Feast's in a week!
I've time to repent, and change fallen ways,
   and meet the Lord joyously on Christmas Day.

Offline choirfiend

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Re:"'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2004, 11:15:22 AM »
This sounds more like a evangelical  Rapture story than an Orthodox reworking...strange.
Qui cantat, bis orat

Offline Robert

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Re:"'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2004, 11:21:50 AM »
'Twas the night before christmas in the back of my house
my machine was not working, not even the mouse;
The computer had hung, I cried out with dispair,
"Why, why windows?  Who the hell put it there?"

The screen was all frozen, the ping response dead,
Died once again?  Something had to be said,
"They still haven't fixed this?  I should give Bill a slap,
I've lost all my work, I'm f**king sick of this crap!"

Restarting the machine, it refused to come up,
Non-System disk or disk error, this really does suck.
I grabbed my boot floppy, stuck it in with a rattle,
I'll yet fix this thing, though it may be a battle.

Up came my prompt, see-colon-back-slash,
fdisk /mbr, struck enter with a bash.
whir-whir-whir done, I hope this is it,
This inferior software has given me the sh**s.

I reset the sick beast, waited for it to boot,
Windows splash screen came up, then the desktop with a toot.
Illegal operation, this program will shut down,
"Mother @#%king @&@#( @#&*", the computer powered down.

Oh dear oh dear me, what am I to do?
From the corner of my eye I catch sigh of GNU.
Well what have we here?  A free o/s et al?
"Hmmm," I think, "I'll give it a go."

And so on an impulse I take up the dare,
With an optimistic feeling I load this Slackware.
From fdisk to setup to install to reboot,
I quiver from excitement and nervousness too.

It looks like it's done and has finished its reboot,
What do I do now, and what the hell is this 'root'?
I spy on the shelf a helpful little gem,
I grab 'Slack for beginners' and rtfm.

Tentatively but deftly I tap out commands,
Satisfied that it works I denounce microsoft's plan,
"You'll never prevail so long as I am around!,
You, Mr Gates, are nought but a clown!".

Through study and trial, error and progress,
I make use of what at first seems such a mess.
I work hard and learn how it all fits together,
I'm no longer led at the end of my tether!

"Now, BitchX! now, Emacs! now, X and Blackbox!
On, Eterm! on, Star Office! on, Gimp and Netscape!
All hail Linus Torvalds! All hail Larry Wall!
Stop what you're doing, just go and install!"

Never a bigger evangeliser have you seen,
Than the form of myself when I let out this scream,
"Don't use that nasty, proprietary shite,
it's not yet too late to install Linux tonight!"

And so with this tale my experiences I recount,
I hope from his story you learn something profound,
In Redmond you will find only trouble and dispair,
The true answer lies in Open Source Software!

Offline ania

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Re:"'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2004, 12:13:19 PM »
Both very cute :)
Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

Offline Donna Rose

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Re:"'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2004, 02:01:50 PM »
This sounds more like a evangelical  Rapture story than an Orthodox reworking...strange.

I got the words "An Orthodox Christian reworking of a Christmas Classic" straight from my bulletin; it's what my priest called's interesting, since I am coming from an RC background, there are many elements in Protestantism that are not a prevalent part of RC-ism but ARE kept in the foreground of Orthodoxy, if that makes sense, so I am not put off by them as much some, I don't think...just because Evangelicals have funny ideas about Raptures and such, doesn't mean there isn't going to be a Second Coming...admittedly, it very well may not resemble the poem, but it's still an important lesson straight from the gospels.
Re: the other reworking of the poem...
Very cute indeed, Robert :)...but until you teach me to use an OS that isn't Windows, I'm afraid I am fettered to Mr. Gates (like many of us...and I mean, it isn't so bad, from my perspective) :)

Offline erracht

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Re:"'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2004, 10:47:33 AM »
I like it, Donna.