Upon advice from an anonymous friend, I took a break from this forum to get my thoughts together and try to understand who I am. And during that time, I had a revelation that most of you will disapprove of. I am godless. I am tired of adhering to something I do not understand and worshipping a Divine god whom I do not like. So go ahead, Achronos, laugh, you were correct in predicting my path to godlessness.
I would not say that I am necessarily an atheist as in I do not believe in God, but that I do believe in Him but hate him with a burning passion. Perhaps I am even a Luciferanian. When I really look at it, why is the Devil do bad? He is the lightbearer who finally had the nerve to step up to God--the Divine tyrant--and teach us to do the same. God is omnipotent yet He lets us suffer miserably. Lucifer is not omnipotent and therefore cannot stop our suffering, but at least to the very best of his ability he tries to urge us to liberate ourselves from God. He represents true freedom and tolerance.
I hate God. He is nothing but a deadbeat father yet I am supposed to adhere to a religion all about Him. My first thoughts are honestly **** Him. Where was He when I was a scared little kid, where was He when my parents where abusing me or when my mom miscarried or when my father relapsed and I was all alone? Hiding behind His lazy 'free will' cop-out or having His clergy tell us that the world has not been 'fully redeemed' yet and is still 'fallen'? Well why don't the lazy **** take responsibility for the state of His creation and do something to fix it?
The excuse I always hear is the Incarnation. But honestly, what difference does it make? People still suffer, I still had it miserably, we still all die in the end. Likewise, what is it with worshipping God for becoming man and dying? It was not a gift; He owed it to us since we are His fault anyway. Why worship Him for taking responsibility? Hell, I wish I was the one who could have crucified Him--it would be good payback for all the crap He let me go through.
Going even further, this deadbeat father even has the nerve to judge us when He was never there and is the one who created us/allowed us to be born into circumstances with urges and factors that make us sin. And His bat**** crazy adherents do the same. I can't fornicate even though He allowed be to be born with horny animalistic passions, I cannot steal even though He lets people live in poverty and I cannot murder even though He allows me to be born with a temper. There is no such thing as freewill. Period. God is a monster who allows us to be born screwed up and then condemns us for the way we are. It is all His fault.
And look at what this does to His adherents. Parents do all sorts of crazy **** to their kids because of religion--ie circumcise them, Baptise them, fill their heads with silly superstitions and worries, tell them they are worthless compared to this transcendent guy in the sky and teach them to be ashamed of their bodies and pubescent passions. As if that were not enough, they teach them intolerance toward homosexuals and certain types of people and ultimately divide society all because of religion. I hate religion.
Religion says that my mom is a whore for having me outside of marriage because of some dumb 'sacramental' ****. It says that the horribly dysfunctional heterosexual couple is okay yet the successful homosexual relationship of 30 years that my neighbor has is evil in the eyes of God. It tells me to condemn my passions and judge others, adhering to a strict and silly ethical system.
Quite frankly, I am becoming much more postmodern and relativistic in my ethics. I love all kinds of people (except old religious people and conservatives). I am not going to condemn fornication because I came from it nor am I going to judge homosexuality. Who am I to say whether fornicators or homosexuals love each other or not? I am not going to tell people how to live their lives or how to have sex. I am going to love everyone and urge everyone to indulge in their passions.
Satan is really not a bad guy. He advocates total tolerance for everyone and true freedom to do whatever we want and become the best we can be. God just holds me back, I feel like He is an obstacle in my intellectual life and always tries to bind me down to some outdated, intolerant and silly ethical system. Religion ruins everything. I hate it. I hate how old people and Southerners try to bring it into everything. It is jus another stupid and illogical conservative idealogy that senile old people and weak-minded folks adhere to just because it is old.
Ever since childhood I always had people bossing me around and telling me what I can and cannot do, telling me to be grateful and humble. But what is so great about humbleness and humility? These terms are just polite ways of saying to be a weak pushover. I deserve more and for once I am acknowledging it. God owes me. The world owes me. And instead of submitting I am finally going to spoil myself and indulge in all of my passions--as the good Lucifer would advocate. I want money and women. I openly admit it. No need in being ashamed of my passions anymore, I no longer have that divine tyrant binding me down.
God only leads to suffering but indulging in your passions brings happiness. Screw all that crap about money can't buy happiness. Because poverty is no picnic either. Money can make me happy and it is all that I want and have wanted for quite a while now. Since I never had it as a child I think it is about time I spoiled myself to some money and indulgence. I for once feel liberated and free. And I deserve the pleasure to compensate for all the misery God allowed me to endure.
I am tired of being bound by God and His outdated ethics and having to be ashamed of myself and suppress all my passions, ambitions, intellect and potential. For once I can really be a that I can be. I am more intelligent than 90% of people my age and many people older than me, so why adhere to illogical beliefs and hang around God's flock which is generally full of weak minded people and senile old folks? Why suppress my passions any longer? God allowed me to have them.
Satan tells me to pursue my ambitions and be all that I can truly be. He is tolerant towards everyone and urges us to reach our true potential. Do you realize how liberating this is compared to Christianity? Hell, Christianity even makes it harder for me to do good because it preaches intolerance. Without Christianity I can truly accept someone no matter what they may be like or what lifestyle they may live whereas in Christisnity I have to condemn them.
Consider this my religious resignation. I no longer want anything to do with God. I hate Him. And I won't submit to a deadbeat father. I'll do whatever makes me happy and I no longer give a rat's **** about what He thinks. Unless He stops all the suffering in the world and becomes accepting/tolerant of all people, I will have nothing to do with Him.
I have failed you all. I am no longer this great Orthodox kid with all this religious saintly potential that many of you think I have. I am just broken and think that I will find happiness in the dark side. An ex-Orthodox Anakin Skywalker. I imagine I will keep this a secret and still attend my Church, just so that my parents do not discover my godlessness and try to convert me back to Protestantism.
Wish me luck, but don't waste your time and pray. There is no old for me to return back to God's chains.
You are free to rant and rail against God on this forum, (though maybe not on the Faith Issues board, but I'll let this section's moderator decide that). What you are not free to do is lace your rant with obscenities and profanities as you have so done. Therefore, you are receiving this warning to last for the next 40 days. During this time, please find more appropriate ways to express your rage against God on this forum. If you think this action wrong, please appeal it to me via private message.
This thread was moved to the Religious Topics since you have declared you are not Christian any longer - Michał Kalina.