OrthodoxChristianity.net
August 30, 2014, 04:26:35 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Reminder: No political discussions in the public fora.  If you do not have access to the private Politics Forum, please send a PM to Fr. George.
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags Login Register  
Pages: 1   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: How do you wait on a spouse?  (Read 701 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Desiring_unity
Jr. Member
**
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 51


« on: September 16, 2012, 01:32:27 AM »

I've been ready for baptism for a year and a half now but dh has been dragging it out.  He seems to tether me along but then I figure out he's still on his own island and it seems he'd rather just stay that way.  I'm so angry right now and hurt.  I feel betrayed.  Dh sent an e-mail to our priest tonight to talk about baptism but after hashing it out a bit, I think it was only to please me.  I'm stuck because he hasn't outright denied Orthodoxy but he doesn't seem to really want nor need to move forward.  I am so tired of waiting.  So weary.  How do you wait it out?
Logged

"Beloved in Christ, if you ever despair, wondering if what you do for God matters, remember: each single act of holiness is like a stone thrown into an ocean—the ripples go forth, and we do not know whom they touch or where they end."

From: http://www.antiochian.org/node/18911
Kerdy
Warned
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Posts: 5,732


« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2012, 02:03:52 AM »

I didn't.  My wife is still Protestant.
Logged
Αριστοκλής
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Catholic
Jurisdiction: American Carpatho-Russian Orthodox Diocese
Posts: 10,026


« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2012, 10:30:53 AM »

Hello Desiring_unity,
While I am a cradle Orthodox I do somewhat understand your lament. Before I offer any advice, may I ask if you have children involved in your journey? I reviewed your earlier posts trying to garner enough information and thereby perhaps offer meaningful advice, but I need a bit more. Sorry.
As your husband is also a catechumen, is he still active in your former church? Are you both attending Divine Liturgy now?
Remember, many if not most who came to the Lord in the early church did so alone, at first.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2012, 10:31:29 AM by Αριστοκλής » Logged

"Religion is a neurobiological illness and Orthodoxy is its cure." - Fr. John S. Romanides
Desiring_unity
Jr. Member
**
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 51


« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2012, 10:43:32 AM »

We have three children, 13, 10, 8yo.  Dh is not attending a protestant church anymore.  He comes to DL when he can...work schedule keeps him away several months of the year but when he can, he comes.  Our priest has said that when a spouse is not outright rejecting Orthodoxy, the family should wait and come in together.  I know in large part, it's to keep the family united.  I'm just so weary. 
Logged

"Beloved in Christ, if you ever despair, wondering if what you do for God matters, remember: each single act of holiness is like a stone thrown into an ocean—the ripples go forth, and we do not know whom they touch or where they end."

From: http://www.antiochian.org/node/18911
mabsoota
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Coptic
Posts: 2,465


Kyrie eleison


« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2012, 06:42:50 PM »

this thread may help:
http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,44669.0.html

keep up your prayer life, and make time for family as well as church.
be a good spouse!
(easier said than done, as my husband could confirm!)

may God give you strength and peace.
Logged
choy
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Posts: 2,316


« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2012, 08:32:03 PM »

Why wife wasn't very impressed today.  She feels the parish to be chaotic.  It is a small parish with like 100 people cramped inside a tiny room.  Then people moving in and out all the time because of having to tend to their kids, we were among those.

I don't think she's interested to join the parish.
Logged
Mokek Kwe
Jr. Member
**
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 66



« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2012, 08:48:49 PM »

I just became a catechumen today, and my husband still hasn't attended an Orthodox church yet. I have felt a little disappointed about it, but I realize that I would rather him convert authentically (if that's what he's to do) than to convert just to appease me.
Trying to be patient and respectful and loving him where he is will probably work best for me. I'm going forth because I feel called to, and if he feels called to, he will, too. Until then, praying that God would open his heart, while I continue to try to learn patience, is all I can really do. Of course I mention new things I learn, since I'm learning about the Saints and find certain things interesting enough to mention in conversation, but it's more because I'm excited to share something I learned than "I'm sharing so he will convert".
<3
Logged

Baptized with my husband and our four year old daughter on May 4, 2013
Deborah
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Faith: Newbie Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antioch
Posts: 206


Never look back


« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2012, 11:10:56 PM »

I just became a catechumen today, and my husband still hasn't attended an Orthodox church yet. I have felt a little disappointed about it, but I realize that I would rather him convert authentically (if that's what he's to do) than to convert just to appease me.
Trying to be patient and respectful and loving him where he is will probably work best for me. I'm going forth because I feel called to, and if he feels called to, he will, too. Until then, praying that God would open his heart, while I continue to try to learn patience, is all I can really do. Of course I mention new things I learn, since I'm learning about the Saints and find certain things interesting enough to mention in conversation, but it's more because I'm excited to share something I learned than "I'm sharing so he will convert".
<3

Mokek Kwe, just wanted to say congratulations on becoming a catechumen.  Many years! Smiley
Logged

Live in South/East Auckland, Franklin or North Waikato regions of New Zealand? Interested in Orthodoxy? Need transport to an Orthodox Church? Want to meet others? Please send me a PM Smiley

"You have made us for yourself, Lord; and our hearts are restless until they rest in You" - St. Augustine
Mokek Kwe
Jr. Member
**
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 66



« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2012, 08:33:58 AM »

I just became a catechumen today, and my husband still hasn't attended an Orthodox church yet. I have felt a little disappointed about it, but I realize that I would rather him convert authentically (if that's what he's to do) than to convert just to appease me.
Trying to be patient and respectful and loving him where he is will probably work best for me. I'm going forth because I feel called to, and if he feels called to, he will, too. Until then, praying that God would open his heart, while I continue to try to learn patience, is all I can really do. Of course I mention new things I learn, since I'm learning about the Saints and find certain things interesting enough to mention in conversation, but it's more because I'm excited to share something I learned than "I'm sharing so he will convert".
<3

Mokek Kwe, just wanted to say congratulations on becoming a catechumen.  Many years! Smiley

Thank you <3
Logged

Baptized with my husband and our four year old daughter on May 4, 2013
elephant
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: GOAA
Posts: 586



« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2012, 09:56:12 AM »

Dear Mokek Kwe,

I am glad to hear you are working on becoming Orthodox.  Orthodoxy is blessedness!

Sometimes my husband (who is Orthodox and attends Liturgy every couple months) says he does so to please me.  I believe he does it out of love and desire for God working secretly in his heart.  I'm just the excuse.  I don't want to evaluate the sincerity of his faith, working on my own is hard enough.  BTW, if I never ask him to come to Church, he eventually offers on his own.  But once in a while I ask too. 

Love, elephant
Logged
katherineofdixie
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 3,245



« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2012, 10:32:03 AM »

This is where open and honest communication, with your priest and your husband, could be useful.
While your priest may have a general rule that it is best for families to stay together, sharing your frustrations and anger will help him understand your particular situation, and lead to different advice.
The same for your husband - letting him know that you are not pressuring him, but that your intention is to be baptized sooner rather than later may also help ameliorate the situation.
OTOH, after everyone has had their say, this may be just the way things are, and prayer and patience are required.
Logged

"If but ten of us lead a holy life, we shall kindle a fire which shall light up the entire city."

 St. John Chrysostom
katherineofdixie
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 3,245



« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2012, 10:34:59 AM »

Then people moving in and out all the time because of having to tend to their kids, we were among those.


Just fyi, that probably won't change in a larger parish, though it may be less noticeable. Children are full communing members of the Church, though they may need a few breaks.
Logged

"If but ten of us lead a holy life, we shall kindle a fire which shall light up the entire city."

 St. John Chrysostom
choy
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Posts: 2,316


« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2012, 01:26:21 PM »

Just fyi, that probably won't change in a larger parish, though it may be less noticeable. Children are full communing members of the Church, though they may need a few breaks.

I know, I told her in our current Eastern Catholic parish it doesn't look chaotic because we're usually the only family with kids, we have a church that is 4 times bigger and only a quarter of the population.
Logged
Tags:
Pages: 1   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.066 seconds with 40 queries.