Author Topic: How do you wait on a spouse?  (Read 918 times)

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Offline Desiring_unity

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How do you wait on a spouse?
« on: September 16, 2012, 01:32:27 AM »
I've been ready for baptism for a year and a half now but dh has been dragging it out.  He seems to tether me along but then I figure out he's still on his own island and it seems he'd rather just stay that way.  I'm so angry right now and hurt.  I feel betrayed.  Dh sent an e-mail to our priest tonight to talk about baptism but after hashing it out a bit, I think it was only to please me.  I'm stuck because he hasn't outright denied Orthodoxy but he doesn't seem to really want nor need to move forward.  I am so tired of waiting.  So weary.  How do you wait it out?
"Beloved in Christ, if you ever despair, wondering if what you do for God matters, remember: each single act of holiness is like a stone thrown into an ocean—the ripples go forth, and we do not know whom they touch or where they end."

From: http://www.antiochian.org/node/18911

Offline Kerdy

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2012, 02:03:52 AM »
I didn't.  My wife is still Protestant.

Offline Αριστοκλής

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2012, 10:30:53 AM »
Hello Desiring_unity,
While I am a cradle Orthodox I do somewhat understand your lament. Before I offer any advice, may I ask if you have children involved in your journey? I reviewed your earlier posts trying to garner enough information and thereby perhaps offer meaningful advice, but I need a bit more. Sorry.
As your husband is also a catechumen, is he still active in your former church? Are you both attending Divine Liturgy now?
Remember, many if not most who came to the Lord in the early church did so alone, at first.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2012, 10:31:29 AM by Αριστοκλής »
"Religion is a neurobiological illness and Orthodoxy is its cure." - Fr. John S. Romanides

Offline Desiring_unity

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2012, 10:43:32 AM »
We have three children, 13, 10, 8yo.  Dh is not attending a protestant church anymore.  He comes to DL when he can...work schedule keeps him away several months of the year but when he can, he comes.  Our priest has said that when a spouse is not outright rejecting Orthodoxy, the family should wait and come in together.  I know in large part, it's to keep the family united.  I'm just so weary. 
"Beloved in Christ, if you ever despair, wondering if what you do for God matters, remember: each single act of holiness is like a stone thrown into an ocean—the ripples go forth, and we do not know whom they touch or where they end."

From: http://www.antiochian.org/node/18911

Offline mabsoota

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2012, 06:42:50 PM »
this thread may help:
http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,44669.0.html

keep up your prayer life, and make time for family as well as church.
be a good spouse!
(easier said than done, as my husband could confirm!)

may God give you strength and peace.

Offline choy

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2012, 08:32:03 PM »
Why wife wasn't very impressed today.  She feels the parish to be chaotic.  It is a small parish with like 100 people cramped inside a tiny room.  Then people moving in and out all the time because of having to tend to their kids, we were among those.

I don't think she's interested to join the parish.

Offline Mokek Kwe

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2012, 08:48:49 PM »
I just became a catechumen today, and my husband still hasn't attended an Orthodox church yet. I have felt a little disappointed about it, but I realize that I would rather him convert authentically (if that's what he's to do) than to convert just to appease me.
Trying to be patient and respectful and loving him where he is will probably work best for me. I'm going forth because I feel called to, and if he feels called to, he will, too. Until then, praying that God would open his heart, while I continue to try to learn patience, is all I can really do. Of course I mention new things I learn, since I'm learning about the Saints and find certain things interesting enough to mention in conversation, but it's more because I'm excited to share something I learned than "I'm sharing so he will convert".
<3
Baptized with my husband and our four year old daughter on May 4, 2013

Offline Deborah

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2012, 11:10:56 PM »
I just became a catechumen today, and my husband still hasn't attended an Orthodox church yet. I have felt a little disappointed about it, but I realize that I would rather him convert authentically (if that's what he's to do) than to convert just to appease me.
Trying to be patient and respectful and loving him where he is will probably work best for me. I'm going forth because I feel called to, and if he feels called to, he will, too. Until then, praying that God would open his heart, while I continue to try to learn patience, is all I can really do. Of course I mention new things I learn, since I'm learning about the Saints and find certain things interesting enough to mention in conversation, but it's more because I'm excited to share something I learned than "I'm sharing so he will convert".
<3

Mokek Kwe, just wanted to say congratulations on becoming a catechumen.  Many years! :)
Live in South/East Auckland, Franklin or North Waikato regions of New Zealand? Interested in Orthodoxy? Need transport to an Orthodox Church? Want to meet others? Please send me a PM :)

"You have made us for yourself, Lord; and our hearts are restless until they rest in You" - St. Augustine (my patron saint)

Offline Mokek Kwe

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2012, 08:33:58 AM »
I just became a catechumen today, and my husband still hasn't attended an Orthodox church yet. I have felt a little disappointed about it, but I realize that I would rather him convert authentically (if that's what he's to do) than to convert just to appease me.
Trying to be patient and respectful and loving him where he is will probably work best for me. I'm going forth because I feel called to, and if he feels called to, he will, too. Until then, praying that God would open his heart, while I continue to try to learn patience, is all I can really do. Of course I mention new things I learn, since I'm learning about the Saints and find certain things interesting enough to mention in conversation, but it's more because I'm excited to share something I learned than "I'm sharing so he will convert".
<3

Mokek Kwe, just wanted to say congratulations on becoming a catechumen.  Many years! :)

Thank you <3
Baptized with my husband and our four year old daughter on May 4, 2013

Offline elephant

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2012, 09:56:12 AM »
Dear Mokek Kwe,

I am glad to hear you are working on becoming Orthodox.  Orthodoxy is blessedness!

Sometimes my husband (who is Orthodox and attends Liturgy every couple months) says he does so to please me.  I believe he does it out of love and desire for God working secretly in his heart.  I'm just the excuse.  I don't want to evaluate the sincerity of his faith, working on my own is hard enough.  BTW, if I never ask him to come to Church, he eventually offers on his own.  But once in a while I ask too. 

Love, elephant

Offline katherineofdixie

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2012, 10:32:03 AM »
This is where open and honest communication, with your priest and your husband, could be useful.
While your priest may have a general rule that it is best for families to stay together, sharing your frustrations and anger will help him understand your particular situation, and lead to different advice.
The same for your husband - letting him know that you are not pressuring him, but that your intention is to be baptized sooner rather than later may also help ameliorate the situation.
OTOH, after everyone has had their say, this may be just the way things are, and prayer and patience are required.
"If but ten of us lead a holy life, we shall kindle a fire which shall light up the entire city."

 St. John Chrysostom

Offline katherineofdixie

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2012, 10:34:59 AM »
Then people moving in and out all the time because of having to tend to their kids, we were among those.


Just fyi, that probably won't change in a larger parish, though it may be less noticeable. Children are full communing members of the Church, though they may need a few breaks.
"If but ten of us lead a holy life, we shall kindle a fire which shall light up the entire city."

 St. John Chrysostom

Offline choy

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Re: How do you wait on a spouse?
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2012, 01:26:21 PM »
Just fyi, that probably won't change in a larger parish, though it may be less noticeable. Children are full communing members of the Church, though they may need a few breaks.

I know, I told her in our current Eastern Catholic parish it doesn't look chaotic because we're usually the only family with kids, we have a church that is 4 times bigger and only a quarter of the population.