Elder Prophyrios spoke of his soon coming death with his disciples and when asked about his place in heaven or hell, he replied, and I paraphrase, "I will say wherever Thy love places me, O Lord, wherever Thy love places me, only do not separate me from Thy love."
If this heart is in you at all times you will have already what is most precious in your possession, a gift better than miracles.
Consider that Jesus said many will come unto Him in that day and say Lord didn't we prophesy and work miracles in your name? He will say, "When I was hungry you didn't feed me, when I was naked you didn't clothe me, when I was in prison you didn't visit me. Depart from me, I never knew you."
Want to to have a rich and pure enough relationship with Christ so as to do wonders is not a bad thing and indeed it is given to some for the good of others. Consider again Elder Prophyrios. He was a great wonderworker…would put Yoda to shame real life. He had the gift of unerring prophecy, knew the hearts of men, could "see" others at great distances, could "borrow" another's eyes or faculties of speech. He could see deep into the earth to know where lost icons, old ruins, hidden sources of water were to be found. He even was known to both bend space and time and to question rocks about the holy men who had sat upon them…and get answers…amazing things. Things you wouldn't believe except you hate to call so many witnesses liars who said they did happen. And yes he saw the uncreated light.
How did that come about for him. First several years as a hyper obedient, ever joyful young man under the care of two very strict elders on Mt. Athos. Lots of prayer, church services, bodily labor, and spiritual reading…then devastating sickness that forced him off Mt. Athos until the very end of his earthly life. More prayer, more church, more spiritual reading, busy to the point of physical exhaustion serving others, then a variety of debilitating diseases (cancer among them) and botched surgeries after God had blessed him with great gifts. Do you know what spiritual wish he prayed for as a youth…for which his elders rebuked him…spiritual gifts? No…he wanted cancer so he might suffer with Christ. And once he was gifted with such grace as to work wonders, he never used them once for his own personal gain or benefit…he went to doctors for his cancer, for his failing eyesight…no miracles of healing for him…though through his prayers he healed hundreds if not thousands. In his old age, because of his cancer, which made his tongue to grow too large he had trouble speaking and he had back problems, and circulation problems in his legs and feet from years of difficult labor when younger and better able. In all this he blessed God, and still saw many people each day to show them love and give them counsel though it was often physically excruciating for him to continue at times.
In the last months of his life, very weak in body, though lively in mind he was able to return to his beloved Mt. Athos and complete his life's journey.
Are you ready to undertake a life of spiritual struggle on that scale? Can you be baptized with that baptism? Will you undertake it even if God does not give great gifts (and they are gifts…not wages earned) and be happy with whatsoever the Lord gives you…even if it is only multiplied crosses and sorrows? Can the door to that furnace be opened in your face and you say, "Here am I Lord."
Be sure you really want the great spiritual gifts and the sight of the uncreated light…He keeps them accessible to all at the back on the bottom shelf in the furnace of godly affliction.
Take some time to read the lives of those blessed with great gifts and the uncreated light. Look at the nature of the path they followed…if you really want it…that's what it will cost to be purified so that if God chooses He can entrust you with such things….things that if you aren't ready can easily destroy you, setting you up to face temptations for which you are not prepared.
To desire that close a place with the Lord, that intimate and pure a walk is a noble thing…but it lies at the end of a path paved with thorns.