So I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been thinking. Is it possible that one can truly convert too quickly? I haven't exactly prayed very much, which I suppose is part of the downfall of my own "spiritual life". My priest told me that to get beyond doubt, you just have to pray more. Needless to say I wasn't following his direction, but thinking back on it maybe I should have. Everything I know about Orthodoxy, I learned mostly over the internet. So I only set down for two or three sessions with my original priest before deciding that I wanted to do this over a year ago.
My Mom is always telling me about how I "flip flop". Before I came to Orthodoxy, I couldn't make up my mind what religion I wanted to be or if I followed one at all. I'm not sure what made me think that Orthodoxy would some how stop this tendency with me. I've been so busy "searching for the Truth", that even when encountering the Holy Mysteries I failed to realize the fullness of Truth that the Orthodox Church brought. I even managed to destroy my chrismation certificate, thinking that maybe I would just be an atheist instead. The Greek church that I was going to is a lovely church, and I still continue to adore the Divine Liturgy, the chanting, and the icons. There is however, no one my age that goes there and so a lack of community is what I was sensing. About the only "Orthodox" community I got, was from being here on the internet -- whether it was on Facebook or here on this forum.
I just don't know what to do with myself, it's sort of funny in a way -- and yet tragic almost. My entire family is Christian so needless to say, there's always that bit of wanting to "conform" with everyone else. However, even if not everyone in my family was Christian -- it's the simple fact that I was raised in Christianity, that causes it to give me comfort as opposed to other religions. If the atheists are right and we just cease to exist, then none of it matters -- but I suppose that's just too depressing for me to accept.
So I guess what I'm looking for is advice, or suggestions? I don't know if any of you have ever gone through such dilemmas or know someone who has, what helped the most?