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Author Topic: How Do You Teach a Child to Follow You?  (Read 1286 times) Average Rating: 0
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JamesR
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« on: July 24, 2012, 01:23:18 AM »

Long story short, I have a younger sister who is about a year and 10 months old; almost 2, and I find that I often have trouble watching her at stores or at public places because she never really wants to follow me. She is really stubborn and persistent, commonly ignoring you when you call her or throwing tantrums when you try to pick her up. I can put her in a shopping cart, but not all places have those and I feel bad keeping her inside of one the whole time since it must get boring.

So, to all you parents out there, how do I teach her to follow me around at places and not wander off, and to maybe be more responsive when I call her to come to me?
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« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2012, 01:56:31 AM »

When my brother and I were little, we had to hold Mom's hand (or later he had to hold mine sometimes) until she was confident we wouldn't wander off. We hated it and learned to follow.
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« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2012, 03:19:25 AM »

I'm not a parent, and this is probably terribly un-pc in this day and age - but what about the good old-fashioned child harness and reins?  One more modern take on this idea I've seen is a version that straps to the child's wrist and yours, connected with a short coiled cable.
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« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2012, 03:58:41 AM »

When my brother and I were little, we had to hold Mom's hand (or later he had to hold mine sometimes) until she was confident we wouldn't wander off. We hated it and learned to follow.

I second this (and the ability to see through their ears that mothers seem to develop would help also!). Honestly, holding her hand is about the only option. My kids will still hold our hands when told to (though they don't like it much) and they are considerably older.

James
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« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2012, 07:49:34 AM »

Dear JamesR,

It's nice to hear you are diligent about caring for you little sister. 

I'd follow if you dropped a trail of M&M's behind you.   Smiley

Love, elephant
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« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2012, 11:01:37 PM »

Being the age she is, I feel that she isn't ignoring you exactly... when there are so many big things going on around such a little person, it is difficult to catch everything.
That being said, keeping her safe is, of course, a priority. I admire you wanting to find a way to keep her safe that is respectful of both her safety and her happiness. She isn't too old to wear in a carrier on your back if you (or your parents or someone you know) have one handy (like an Ergo carrier), and she is a great age to give shoulder-back (or piggy-back) rides to. She may enjoy the view from up there! Smiley  Sometimes I still wear my big 3 year old on my back to keep her safe (and to keep me sain, lol). You may be able to engage her to keep her busy in the world around her... "Can you help me find a bush with pink flowers?", "Can you help me find the bananas?", etc.  Hope this helps!
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« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2012, 07:40:39 AM »

Dear JamesR,

It's nice to hear you are diligent about caring for you little sister. 

I'd follow if you dropped a trail of M&M's behind you.   Smiley

Love, elephant
ET might follow you instead
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« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2012, 09:09:52 AM »

I have a daughter 2 year old and I really know what you are talking about.
It’s a real problem when children doesn’t want listen you, the more I forbid something to do the more she does and it makes me anger subsequently.
I think in such situations we must to bring up meekness and humility in our heart, we have to be an example for our children.
When we forbid something and say the following: “not doing that”, “not say”, “not go”, child’s conscious understand this without word not, and because of that they prolong to do started step.
Instead of using not, no, we have to explain a reason of prohibition and direct our child in right
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« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2012, 10:23:32 AM »

Long story short, I have a younger sister who is about a year and 10 months old; almost 2, and I find that I often have trouble watching her at stores or at public places because she never really wants to follow me. She is really stubborn and persistent, commonly ignoring you when you call her or throwing tantrums when you try to pick her up. I can put her in a shopping cart, but not all places have those and I feel bad keeping her inside of one the whole time since it must get boring.

So, to all you parents out there, how do I teach her to follow me around at places and not wander off, and to maybe be more responsive when I call her to come to me?
At that age, if she doesn't, it is nearly impossible.  Hence the term "terrible twos."  They are just learned their own independence, i.e. they can say "no," so they try it out.  Same reason a toddler is fascinated with dropping something, over and over, when he finds out it will fall.

Two minute time outs if she wanders off.  And don't reward tantrums-that will just exacerbate your problem.
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« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2012, 11:02:25 AM »

Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Toddlers throw tantrums, that is a fact.  You have to let them vent a little but you also can't cave entirely to the situation.  So for me, dealing with fussy children that age is really a matter of vibe and situation nuanced approach.  You have to lead a child to get them to follow, and truth be told, I'm not sure many 2-3 years fully are into the follow along when walking in situations you've mentioned.  This is an instance for hand holding, carrying, or even a stroller.  If she is too fussy and trying to drag you to other places, politely ( I am serious, children dig polite) but assertively bring her where y'all need to be.  You can be explaining why and why not you go certain places, always make it a teachable moment.  Many times if we just in a pleasant tone explain all of our actions, intentions, and purposes to small children, they buy into it.  Sometimes they don't, and that is where a more assertive approach is needed.  You can be strict without being stern.  Again, sometimes you have to let them vent, sometimes you have to let them know pouting does not get their way.  However, it really all does start at this age 2-3.  At this age they learn the appropriate at inappropriate ways to express their emotions and assert their own will.  When we cave to tantrums, we teach them that anger and crying wins battles, and when we don't explain all our actions carefully and every time, we can leave them wondering exactly what they are expected to do.

This is just toddler advice in general, honestly your sister don't sound like too much trouble, just a bit curious Smiley  If you hold her hand and let her lead you around but within the range of the direction you need to be going, explaining what all you see is and asking her questions all the time, you will have more success.  Children need to be engaged, so engage her and she will have less time to get fussy about things Smiley

Keep in mind no strategy works even a majority of the time with small children, they have more will than folks imagine.  In fact, I think small children have the MOST free-will because their not yet burdened by their social obligations to other human relationships, they're just learning the ropes of social navigation.


I think in such situations we must to bring up meekness and humility in our heart, we have to be an example for our children.
When we forbid something and say the following: “not doing that”, “not say”, “not go”, child’s conscious understand this without word not, and because of that they prolong to do started step.
Instead of using not, no, we have to explain a reason of prohibition and direct our child in right

BINGO to the last part.  Some good advice I was taught, when disciplining children of any age, from small children to teenagers, we always need to ask ourselves the question, "Why am I doing this?"  Is it from anger? Is it a power trip issue? Why can't they do what they are asking, what really is wrong? If we have no serious answer, then as you've mentioned, it is a matter for US to learn humility.  I read a great novel that said eventually we learn that children are just strangers we learn to live with.  It can be so true!

stay blessed,
habte selassie
« Last Edit: October 16, 2012, 11:06:31 AM by HabteSelassie » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2012, 01:35:08 AM »

JamesR, I have 3 of various ages. All of them are very different. Reaching children, I have found, is often a task where one must meet a child where they are at. I'm sure you have found ways to reach her already. Why does she look up to you? How do you get her to respond in other circumstances?

All kids need two things.... Patience and a nudge. Figure out which she needs in the moment and she'll respond.
The nudge has to be creative, gentle and yet consistent. If this doesn't work at first, remember the other tool, patience.

Hand holding is best. How to get her to do it is your duty and since you know her best, you'll figure it out.

One thing I know for sure, kids respond to honest truth. They can handle a lot. While the old mechanism of "because I said so" is sometimes appropriate, kids also respond to being told why things must be a certain way.

Patience and a nudge.

God bless you, SG+
« Last Edit: October 22, 2012, 01:36:21 AM by simplygermain » Logged

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« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2012, 05:42:05 PM »

Upbringing of children is a very difficult act for both parents.
Although children always don’t want to listen our instruction we have to use belt just in exclusive (very difficult) ways. 
When child is disobedient  it would be better  to change child`s attention into another subject of discovery. We have to use actions more than words, because of our own action speaks louder than words.
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« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2012, 05:59:14 PM »

Elder Porphyrios on the upbringing of children(very good):

http://www.stparaskevi.org.au/the_upbringing_of_children

And another good story:

http://orthodox.net/redeemingthetime/2010/02/10/nb-angelic-children-a-story-told-by-archimandrite-zacharias/
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