Author Topic: Romance problems  (Read 1125 times)

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Offline BalmungSama

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Romance problems
« on: July 12, 2012, 07:22:37 AM »
Okay, I'll cut right to the chase.

I'm staying over at a friend's home today. She's a very dear friend and we have had feelings for each other for some time. She herself isn't a Christian, but I've made my feelings and words on celibacy clear, and she seems very understanding and accepting of them. I even went so far as to ask her to pull away from me if she starts to feel any lust (and I'd do likewise). I've had problems with lust not long ago in the past (feel free to read my previous post,,45026.msg756762.html#msg756762, if you want details).

In short, we agreed that we wouldn't go beyond kissing and some cuddling. I'll have a cross around my neck as normal, and even carry a rosary in my pocket (I know it's not an Orthodox tool, but I don't see anything really wrong with it and do substitute the Orthodox versions of the prayers when I say it)

But I still find myself worrying in terms of my faith and what this could do. I'm new to this and haven't exactly been attacking it with the zeal that I should have, and I'd like to know if this is normal. Do others have this worry? Is it normal? How should I react to this?

I had a dream last night after my prayers, and I had a dream. It seems pretty silly- kind of like those supernatural action shows (e.g., Supernatural, or, if you're awesome, Buffy)- but  can't help but wonder if it means something. My details are pretty... fuzzy. Basically, I think I was working for a demon. Not sure if I knew at the time or not. She looked like a little girl, and I think she had a teddy (like I said, kinda silly). She also had an assistant, who was an older guy in a suit. I for some reason or another mocked her; childish teasing and name-calling, mostly. Then I turn around and the assistant tells me she's transforming and the assistant tells me she's especially angry, so she has 30 seconds to eat me before she changes back. I think I start running, and I wake up before any resolution. I don't think I was killed or anything. I just sort of woke up.

....It sounds sillier when I describe it, but again, I'd just like some advice. I really like this girl and hope to make it work. She hasn't had her first kiss yet (neither have I). I won't share my age, but I'll say we're in university, so... yeah. Kinda odd. I don't want to disappoint her, but it's a nagging thought. A friend of mine studying to be an Orthodox priest seemed to support me when I told him about her (also telling me to pray to St. Nicholas every day for 60 days if I want to find a wife. Definitely saving those prayers for later. Valuable, but not really what I want at this moment).

« Last Edit: July 12, 2012, 07:37:17 AM by BalmungSama »
-John Eusebio.

Offline BalmungSama

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Re: Romance problems
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2012, 07:25:32 AM »
Maybe I could watch this video before seeing her to help keep any urges down?

Hearing this certainly kills any desires I have. lol

EDIT: I use humor to diffuse a situation. I still take things like this seriously.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2012, 07:41:52 AM by BalmungSama »
-John Eusebio.

Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: Romance problems
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2012, 12:39:11 PM »

BalmungSama, you do realize that unless this girl is a baptized Christian you cannot marry her.

Therefore, before you move in for that kiss, and solidify the "relationship"....think about both of your futures.

Is marriage the ultimate goal here?  If so, instead of cuddling and kissing, how about laying it all on the table....and letting her know that your Faith is important to you, and if she wishes to be your wife, she needs to take a step to learn about Christianity...and see if it's something she might consider.

If she's not willing to learn about Orthodoxy, embrace it's truths and get baptized....then stop right where you are.  Remain friends, but, don't take it any further.

You will be doing her a disservice.  If she is adamant in her beliefs, she will most likely wish to raise her children to follow them, as well.  Forcing her, or guilting her into something she's not happy with, will only lead to disaster down the road....and even worse if offspring are involved.

As for the dreams, I always say not to "believe" everything you "see" in a dream.  You will know if God is trying to send you a message.  However, your dreams might simply be your conscience telling you to stop before you cause yourself and this girl too much pain. for the kissing and cuddling, and moving back "if" lust sets in.....Really?  Unless it's a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug....what are you expecting to happen when the two of you are cuddling and making out on the couch?

...and exactly "why" are you staying the night at her place?   I hope you will be satisfied with sleeping on the cough or the floor.

Wishing you all the best.

Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria