Okay, I'll cut right to the chase.
I'm staying over at a friend's home today. She's a very dear friend and we have had feelings for each other for some time. She herself isn't a Christian, but I've made my feelings and words on celibacy clear, and she seems very understanding and accepting of them. I even went so far as to ask her to pull away from me if she starts to feel any lust (and I'd do likewise). I've had problems with lust not long ago in the past (feel free to read my previous post,http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,45026.msg756762.html#msg756762
, if you want details).
In short, we agreed that we wouldn't go beyond kissing and some cuddling. I'll have a cross around my neck as normal, and even carry a rosary in my pocket (I know it's not an Orthodox tool, but I don't see anything really wrong with it and do substitute the Orthodox versions of the prayers when I say it)
But I still find myself worrying in terms of my faith and what this could do. I'm new to this and haven't exactly been attacking it with the zeal that I should have, and I'd like to know if this is normal. Do others have this worry? Is it normal? How should I react to this?
I had a dream last night after my prayers, and I had a dream. It seems pretty silly- kind of like those supernatural action shows (e.g., Supernatural, or, if you're awesome, Buffy)- but can't help but wonder if it means something. My details are pretty... fuzzy. Basically, I think I was working for a demon. Not sure if I knew at the time or not. She looked like a little girl, and I think she had a teddy (like I said, kinda silly). She also had an assistant, who was an older guy in a suit. I for some reason or another mocked her; childish teasing and name-calling, mostly. Then I turn around and the assistant tells me she's transforming and the assistant tells me she's especially angry, so she has 30 seconds to eat me before she changes back. I think I start running, and I wake up before any resolution. I don't think I was killed or anything. I just sort of woke up.
....It sounds sillier when I describe it, but again, I'd just like some advice. I really like this girl and hope to make it work. She hasn't had her first kiss yet (neither have I). I won't share my age, but I'll say we're in university, so... yeah. Kinda odd. I don't want to disappoint her, but it's a nagging thought. A friend of mine studying to be an Orthodox priest seemed to support me when I told him about her (also telling me to pray to St. Nicholas every day for 60 days if I want to find a wife. Definitely saving those prayers for later. Valuable, but not really what I want at this moment).