OrthodoxChristianity.net
October 30, 2014, 09:14:58 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Reminder: No political discussions in the public fora.  If you do not have access to the private Politics Forum, please send a PM to Fr. George.
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags Login Register  
Pages: « 1 2  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My life is a spiraling black abyss  (Read 4372 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
LizaSymonenko
Слава Ісусу Христу!!! Glory to Jesus Christ!!!
Global Moderator
Toumarches
******
Offline Offline

Faith: God's Holy Catholic and Apostolic Orthodox Church
Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the U.S.A.
Posts: 13,255



WWW
« Reply #45 on: June 28, 2012, 01:38:45 PM »


That's not really a bad idea....if those "caregivers" you speak of are family.
It would be good to mend the rift between the family.  Before that episode was she okay living where she was? 
Don't "dump" her back on their doorstep, but, see if you can't get them talking.

Remember, it is our duty to care for our neighbors, however, that doesn't mean she has to stay with you, if the relationship is over.  Help her get on her feet as much as you can and let her go. 

Perhaps you could assist her in finding full time employment?
Logged

Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #46 on: June 28, 2012, 08:44:47 PM »

(Even us "normal" girls can appreciate a knight in shining armor. Although of course, it can be can debated whether or not I'm normal, I told my husband recently that I was certain that he was capable of and would take care of me/protect me if necessary. Though I'm pretty self-reliant/independant and didn't think I would ever need it!
A week later I fell and broke my right arm and it's now immobilized in a splint. (Yes, I'm typing one-handed!)
And he has taken good care of me. )

On the practical side, there is a lot of help for people in a situation like your ex-gf, at least where I live. Do you know what programs are available or organizations there are in your area?
No idea on the programs or organizations, I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm sure the typical application for foodstamps, money asstiance, etc.

My advice is for you to take your butt over to the caregivers parents whatever and play the ref and take her stuff back there tell them your not getting into this anymore your done with the games hers and there's and drop her right there at home and walk away.
Her former caregivers are not her parents. And we both agreed that we will not be engaging in any sort of future contact with them over what has happened.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
katherineofdixie
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 3,368



« Reply #47 on: June 29, 2012, 08:30:06 AM »

In our area, United Way has a "help-line" - 211, which directs people to various agencies and organizations that can assist them. Perhaps there's something similar in your area? In any case, United Way might be a good place to start.
Logged

"If but ten of us lead a holy life, we shall kindle a fire which shall light up the entire city."

 St. John Chrysostom
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #48 on: June 29, 2012, 01:53:42 PM »

Cool thanks for the support Katherineofdixie.

Just a headsup, I will not be contributing to this thread anymore because someone had the audacity to use this thread as ammunition to insult me instead of actually posting here to wish that both of us do better. But I guess that's just Christian charity.

Thank you all again for the thoughtful replies, they have all been taken to heart.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
FatherGiryus
You are being watched.
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Patriarchate of Antioch - NA
Posts: 2,122



« Reply #49 on: June 29, 2012, 03:43:36 PM »

I do hope you get help, but don't get too annoyed next time when you start a thread with "And you can all take in part of mocking and ridiculing me" and people actually take you up on the invitation.

Just a thought.

You may now continue to do whatever you want.  You also know where to get help, because you know that there are those who care as well.


Cool thanks for the support Katherineofdixie.

Just a headsup, I will not be contributing to this thread anymore because someone had the audacity to use this thread as ammunition to insult me instead of actually posting here to wish that both of us do better. But I guess that's just Christian charity.

Thank you all again for the thoughtful replies, they have all been taken to heart.
Logged

http://orthodoxyandrecovery.blogspot.com
The most dangerous thing about riding a tiger is the dismount.  - Indian proverb
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #50 on: June 29, 2012, 04:04:47 PM »

I do hope you get help, but don't get too annoyed next time when you start a thread with "And you can all take in part of mocking and ridiculing me" and people actually take you up on the invitation.

Just a thought.

You may now continue to do whatever you want.  You also know where to get help, because you know that there are those who care as well.


Cool thanks for the support Katherineofdixie.

Just a headsup, I will not be contributing to this thread anymore because someone had the audacity to use this thread as ammunition to insult me instead of actually posting here to wish that both of us do better. But I guess that's just Christian charity.

Thank you all again for the thoughtful replies, they have all been taken to heart.
And I had no problem with people ripping me a new one, like biro did earlier in the thread (hilariously too might I add). However someone used this thread in a bickering fest to cut me down, and for that I won't tolerate it.

After that incident last night, I'm going to keep my personal life private as I should have done from the get go. It's clear people have worse intentions against me.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
HabteSelassie
Ises and I-ity
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Oriental Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church
Posts: 3,332



« Reply #51 on: June 29, 2012, 04:23:34 PM »

Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!


After that incident last night, I'm going to keep my personal life private as I should have done from the get go. It's clear people have worse intentions against me.

That my brother, is the wisest decision.  We should treat this forum like our parishes, and if we wouldn't feel comfortable discussing matters with random strangers at church over coffee, perhaps this forum is equally not the best place for the gritty details.  A simple request for prayer might have gone a lot further, but I can understand, women make us have to vent sometimes.  Then again, that is what priests and complaining to other women (like your sister/momma/platonic homegirl) is for Wink

At the least, I am prayin for ya!

stay blessed,
habte selassie
Logged

"Yet stand aloof from stupid questionings and geneologies and strifes and fightings about law, for they are without benefit and vain." Titus 3:10
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #52 on: July 10, 2012, 12:08:30 AM »

Hey folks, I am not trying to be an attention whore but even more stuff has been troubling my soul and caused me to despair.

My best friend relationship has been torn a part to what I thought were different intentions on using me for monetary reasons. And now there is a scandal at work involving me.

Can't catch a break. I just hope the job apps I have sent out gets me out of this state so I can start a new life.

This has caused me to be more cynical now and has hardened my heart. I ask for all prayers.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2012, 12:09:07 AM by Achronos » Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Volnutt
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Agnostic/Universalist
Posts: 3,107


« Reply #53 on: July 10, 2012, 08:37:43 AM »

Sad praying
Logged
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #54 on: October 04, 2012, 11:43:44 AM »

Welp.

I did it. Didn't think it woukd be this painful. She's destroyed and I have two of her family members sending me the nastiest death threats on Facebook.

I know wasn't going to bring up my personal life, but I really need healing.

Thanks to a certain someone for the help.

Maybe this week vacation will help.

Damn.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Online Online

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,849



« Reply #55 on: October 04, 2012, 01:24:27 PM »

Welp.

I did it. Didn't think it woukd be this painful. She's destroyed and I have two of her family members sending me the nastiest death threats on Facebook.

I know wasn't going to bring up my personal life, but I really need healing.

Thanks to a certain someone for the help.

Maybe this week vacation will help.

Damn.

God be with you, hommie!
Logged

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.
Αριστοκλής
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Catholic
Jurisdiction: American Carpatho-Russian Orthodox Diocese
Posts: 10,026


« Reply #56 on: October 04, 2012, 05:57:44 PM »

Man up, Achronos and place the fault where it REALLY belongs, then go to Confession.

Been there, done that.
Logged

"Religion is a neurobiological illness and Orthodoxy is its cure." - Fr. John S. Romanides
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #57 on: October 04, 2012, 06:22:48 PM »

Man up, Achronos and place the fault where it REALLY belongs, then go to Confession.

Been there, done that.

You mean the fault on me? Yeah Im only blaming myself. Unless your talking about something else.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Αριστοκλής
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Catholic
Jurisdiction: American Carpatho-Russian Orthodox Diocese
Posts: 10,026


« Reply #58 on: October 04, 2012, 06:45:02 PM »

Man up, Achronos and place the fault where it REALLY belongs, then go to Confession.

Been there, done that.

You mean the fault on me? Yeah Im only blaming myself. Unless your talking about something else.
I'm not criticizing you.
Logged

"Religion is a neurobiological illness and Orthodoxy is its cure." - Fr. John S. Romanides
Papist
Patriarch of Pontification
Toumarches
************
Offline Offline

Faith: Catholic
Jurisdiction: Byzantine
Posts: 12,275


Praying for the Christians in Iraq


« Reply #59 on: October 04, 2012, 06:56:31 PM »

Prayers for you man. I know relationship stuff is always soooooooo hard.
Logged

Note Papist's influence from the tyrannical monarchism of traditional papism .
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #60 on: October 04, 2012, 09:15:10 PM »

What I don't understand is just how hard this is. Before last night I played it over and over in my head and thought I could walk away without my emotions wrecking havoc. Right now I am sick to my stomach. Don't know if it's the guilt or love.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Shanghaiski
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 7,973


Holy Trinity Church of Gergeti, Georgia


« Reply #61 on: October 04, 2012, 10:35:25 PM »

Hey folks, I am not trying to be an attention whore but even more stuff has been troubling my soul and caused me to despair.

My best friend relationship has been torn a part to what I thought were different intentions on using me for monetary reasons. And now there is a scandal at work involving me.

Can't catch a break. I just hope the job apps I have sent out gets me out of this state so I can start a new life.

This has caused me to be more cynical now and has hardened my heart. I ask for all prayers.

God be with you in your quest.
Logged

Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Online Online

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,849



« Reply #62 on: October 04, 2012, 11:29:28 PM »

What I don't understand is just how hard this is. Before last night I played it over and over in my head and thought I could walk away without my emotions wrecking havoc. Right now I am sick to my stomach. Don't know if it's the guilt or love.

Both.  It will take a while but this too shall pass.
Logged

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.
Papist
Patriarch of Pontification
Toumarches
************
Offline Offline

Faith: Catholic
Jurisdiction: Byzantine
Posts: 12,275


Praying for the Christians in Iraq


« Reply #63 on: October 05, 2012, 10:54:18 AM »

What I don't understand is just how hard this is. Before last night I played it over and over in my head and thought I could walk away without my emotions wrecking havoc. Right now I am sick to my stomach. Don't know if it's the guilt or love.
The hardest feelings in the world to overcome. But, I promise, there is light at the end of he tunnel.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2012, 10:55:05 AM by Papist » Logged

Note Papist's influence from the tyrannical monarchism of traditional papism .
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #64 on: October 05, 2012, 02:47:57 PM »

I don't care too much about how I'm suffering but She texted me wanting to call her and I caved into it. Shes getting a counselor to come to her sisters house and talk with her because she won't even move. She can't eat, crying all the time, blah.

She needs more prayers than I do. I just don't want to sound like callous or whatever but she needs God right now. Im very empathetic towards her because I've been in her shoes but I worry my empathy will cause me to get back with her just for her sake.

I know bad mistake calling her but eh.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Online Online

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,849



« Reply #65 on: October 05, 2012, 06:18:34 PM »

I sent you a PM.  Some of this just hits too close to home.  If at some point I can say anything that might be of benefit to the forum at large I will repost.
Logged

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.
Papist
Patriarch of Pontification
Toumarches
************
Offline Offline

Faith: Catholic
Jurisdiction: Byzantine
Posts: 12,275


Praying for the Christians in Iraq


« Reply #66 on: October 05, 2012, 10:58:26 PM »

I don't care too much about how I'm suffering but She texted me wanting to call her and I caved into it. Shes getting a counselor to come to her sisters house and talk with her because she won't even move. She can't eat, crying all the time, blah.

She needs more prayers than I do. I just don't want to sound like callous or whatever but she needs God right now. Im very empathetic towards her because I've been in her shoes but I worry my empathy will cause me to get back with her just for her sake.

I know bad mistake calling her but eh.
Goodness. All I can say is that I have been in some very bad relationship situations without the will to walk away, even thought walking away would have been the best thing for me. I pray you have the strength to move on.
Logged

Note Papist's influence from the tyrannical monarchism of traditional papism .
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #67 on: October 06, 2012, 02:50:34 AM »

Thanks for the replies. Can't get too detailed, only have my phone in the middle of nowhere.

I'm doing pretty well on Day 2, alot better.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
mabsoota
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Coptic
Posts: 2,579


Kyrie eleison


« Reply #68 on: October 07, 2012, 06:50:00 AM »

may God have mercy on you and on yr friend.
praying for you.
Logged
Cyrillic
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Posts: 9,596


Cyrillico est imperare orbi universo


« Reply #69 on: October 07, 2012, 06:57:51 AM »

And then I thought I had it bad. I feel really sorry for you Achronos, you're a nice guy, you don't deserve this. I can't give you any advice on relationship problems, but I can pray for you.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2012, 07:08:50 AM by Cyrillic » Logged

"And the Devil did grin, for his darling sin
is pride that apes humility."
-Samuel Coleridge
quietmorning
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 2,339


St. Photini


WWW
« Reply #70 on: October 07, 2012, 11:00:49 AM »

Lord have mercy on our dear Achronos.  +++
Logged

In His Mercy,
BethAnna
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #71 on: October 07, 2012, 01:02:34 PM »

I don't want to sound like a nut, but since this break up I truly want to deepen my relationship with God. It's something I've wanted for a long time that just couldn't happen with my ex. I'd go to high Mass (I'm WRO) only but I never got to do anything else. I think it was 5 months into my relationship where my heart grew fonder for the Orthodox Church and how much I missed it. I observed just how dark I was spiritually because before that I was kind of hyperdox. But the difference in me was night and day.

Anyway I'm glad I'm away for a week so I can be strong when I see her on Tuesday.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #72 on: October 10, 2012, 02:55:12 PM »

Well we had a talk yesterday since I got back. I had her spend the night until she figures out her living situation. So she basically has no one but me. She's going to have to live out of her car but I told her to patch things up with her former guardian so she can live there temporarily. But she doesn't want to. So I'm helpin her pack up tonight and she will have to be gone tomorrow. The worst part is I don't even feel bad for her anymore, I'm over this whole situation. An her begging to stay with me is getting on my nerves. That really does only push me further away. It ain't my problem right?

Just awesome.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 03:02:02 PM by Achronos » Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Fabio Leite
Archon
********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 3,204



WWW
« Reply #73 on: October 10, 2012, 04:23:54 PM »

We usually think that a mistake is something like a point, an action that we perform in a certain point in time.

This, though, may be and usually is just the beginning of the mistake.

Breaking up with her was not right. But neither was staying with her. The tension this kind of situation brings comes from the fact that starting the relationship was the mistake, which was prolonged for all this time, leading to a situation where you have to chose the lesser of two evils. The first steps out of a swamp are still in the mud. But how did you actually enter the swamp after all?

You have accutely described your irresponsible attitude toward women. From this point on, "repent, go, and sin no more".

Stop over-promising to girls just because you are enfatuated to them. Better still fight enfatuation so you can find true love. They are two very different things. Enfatuation is the devil's temptation in your life to prevent you from having and giving love. It is how he makes you into his instrument to hurt people and yourself.

There are five sins here: 1) Seeing women as objects to satisfy your needs of sex, romance and challenge while they are not. They are full human beings with needs. Needs that you cannot satisfy as this case made painfully obvious; 2) Indulgence in that attitude; 3) In making them believe that you can satisfy their emotional needs you actually corrupt them by preventing them to access the opportunities they lost while with you and by planting seeds of cynism and despair in them. Further, by putting yourself and them in a path that was not chosen by God, you deviate both you and her; 4) Thinking that it is their responsibility to make up for the pain that you cause them by remembering they are responsible for their lives just after you had falsely committed to actually take part in that responsibility and failed, failed not because of lack of try in your part, but because you called upon you a mission much above your inner strength; 5) Vanity and over your own spiritual strength. Not everybody is suffciently strong to tackle  any kind of suffering of other people, or to get them out of the holes they are. That is why not everybody is fit to deal with prisoners, or with drug addicts. You are obviously not prepared to deal with the kind of problems you have been looking for. Do not call to you battles that God does not give you and has not prepared for you. He will defend you only in the challenges He wants for you. Don't be prideful in dealing with people's problems. You cannot solve them all, you are not supposed to solve them all, don't tell yourself that your interest is helping a woman with problems when it is really just to have fun with her and it is easy in her emotional state.

In short, repent not only from specific actions, but from your general attittude and stand on these issues. Repent, confess, ask forgiveness to all the girls that you hurt if you can find them. Turly help them *if* possible, if in your possibilities, if they let you and if that will not light old sparkles in them. Stop being a false promise, because the devil is the father of all falseness.

Repent, confess and stop sinning. Seek help for that if necessary.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 04:29:26 PM by Fabio Leite » Logged

Many Energies, Three Persons, Two Natures, One God.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #74 on: October 10, 2012, 05:04:09 PM »

What the hell was that?
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
orthonorm
Warned
Hoplitarches
*************
Offline Offline

Faith: Sola Gratia
Jurisdiction: Outside
Posts: 16,536



« Reply #75 on: October 10, 2012, 05:07:52 PM »

We usually think that a mistake is something like a point, an action that we perform in a certain point in time.

This, though, may be and usually is just the beginning of the mistake.

Breaking up with her was not right. But neither was staying with her. The tension this kind of situation brings comes from the fact that starting the relationship was the mistake, which was prolonged for all this time, leading to a situation where you have to chose the lesser of two evils. The first steps out of a swamp are still in the mud. But how did you actually enter the swamp after all?

You have accutely described your irresponsible attitude toward women. From this point on, "repent, go, and sin no more".

Stop over-promising to girls just because you are enfatuated to them. Better still fight enfatuation so you can find true love. They are two very different things. Enfatuation is the devil's temptation in your life to prevent you from having and giving love. It is how he makes you into his instrument to hurt people and yourself.

There are five sins here: 1) Seeing women as objects to satisfy your needs of sex, romance and challenge while they are not. They are full human beings with needs. Needs that you cannot satisfy as this case made painfully obvious; 2) Indulgence in that attitude; 3) In making them believe that you can satisfy their emotional needs you actually corrupt them by preventing them to access the opportunities they lost while with you and by planting seeds of cynism and despair in them. Further, by putting yourself and them in a path that was not chosen by God, you deviate both you and her; 4) Thinking that it is their responsibility to make up for the pain that you cause them by remembering they are responsible for their lives just after you had falsely committed to actually take part in that responsibility and failed, failed not because of lack of try in your part, but because you called upon you a mission much above your inner strength; 5) Vanity and over your own spiritual strength. Not everybody is suffciently strong to tackle  any kind of suffering of other people, or to get them out of the holes they are. That is why not everybody is fit to deal with prisoners, or with drug addicts. You are obviously not prepared to deal with the kind of problems you have been looking for. Do not call to you battles that God does not give you and has not prepared for you. He will defend you only in the challenges He wants for you. Don't be prideful in dealing with people's problems. You cannot solve them all, you are not supposed to solve them all, don't tell yourself that your interest is helping a woman with problems when it is really just to have fun with her and it is easy in her emotional state.

In short, repent not only from specific actions, but from your general attittude and stand on these issues. Repent, confess, ask forgiveness to all the girls that you hurt if you can find them. Turly help them *if* possible, if in your possibilities, if they let you and if that will not light old sparkles in them. Stop being a false promise, because the devil is the father of all falseness.

Repent, confess and stop sinning. Seek help for that if necessary.

I forced myself to finally glance over the second of your wordy posts in fear of what you might suggest here. If the length of your post didn't speak to hubris, the content certainly does.

But to the bolded part.

Achronos,

P
l
e
a
s
e

d
o
n
'
t

d
o

t
h
a
t
.

Is this long enough?
Logged

Ignorance is not a lack, but a passion.
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Online Online

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,849



« Reply #76 on: October 10, 2012, 05:16:52 PM »

I think Fabio had some good points in there.  It takes two to tango and while don't think that taking all the blame is healthy in a breakup you will be much better off the next time around it you analyze your own failings and correct them.  That, and repentance as well.

But I am going to have to back orthonorm up in the DO NOT CALL ALL THESE GIRLS UP.  You will never hear the end of it.  If you do decide to call them back and apologize, please, please keep a pistol and one bullet or a cyanide capsule around.  Sometimes suicide is the best option.  Giving a string of women who you may or may not have hurt emotionally an opportunity to rag on you is a great time to contemplate it.  I know I would.
Logged

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.
orthonorm
Warned
Hoplitarches
*************
Offline Offline

Faith: Sola Gratia
Jurisdiction: Outside
Posts: 16,536



« Reply #77 on: October 10, 2012, 05:20:40 PM »

I think Fabio had some good points in there.  It takes two to tango and while don't think that taking all the blame is healthy in a breakup you will be much better off the next time around it you analyze your own failings and correct them.  That, and repentance as well.

But I am going to have to back orthonorm up in the DO NOT CALL ALL THESE GIRLS UP.  You will never hear the end of it.  If you do decide to call them back and apologize, please, please keep a pistol and one bullet or a cyanide capsule around.  Sometimes suicide is the best option.  Giving a string of women who you may or may not have hurt emotionally an opportunity to rag on you is a great time to contemplate it.  I know I would.

This is a bit different than coming off all Optimal Elder on somebody over the internet.

Solid advice in two sentences?

I have a false tooth that is cyanide capsule for that special moment.
Logged

Ignorance is not a lack, but a passion.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #78 on: October 10, 2012, 05:21:47 PM »

lol at calling up ex-gf's. That is ridiculous and absurd.

Best course of action is no contact/no communication. I'm moving on with my life, and I'm sorry Fabio but your advice is just god awful.

EDIT: I mean seriously dude how is starting up a relationship a mistake? No relationship is never a mistake, and if it doesn't work out then it's a great learning experience. And let me tell you I've learned alot about myself.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 05:29:38 PM by Achronos » Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Fabio Leite
Archon
********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 3,204



WWW
« Reply #79 on: October 10, 2012, 06:14:20 PM »

Achronos,

You call it ridiculous and absurd. Some of them will call it liberating. I am not recommending something I suppose that should work. I am recommending something that I did.

True, some find in it opportunity to vent their frustrations. Others as an opportunity to feel superior. One or two, though, say thank you in tears. We hurt people much more than you suppose in this. Even some who have convinced themselves that it was ok. Hopefully you too will find out it is not ok.

God meant us to either be alone or with one person only. No "experimentation" thing, as much as our times appreciate it. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18. God does not tell us to find a woman with whom we will not have problems with. He simply says "stick to the woman I gave in your youth". And in those times, this woman was chosen by your parents. 

People are not things we experiment with to learn more about ourselves and what we truly need or want. They are... people who exist for God's sake just like you and me. They do not exist to pay the cost for your "self-discovery" with their broken hearts.

The right relationship will not be the one where there is no pain or suffering, but the one that you decide to keep despite pain and suffering. When both your will and character become greater than the pain, then, and only then, will you be able to truly love and be loved.


lol at calling up ex-gf's. That is ridiculous and absurd.

Best course of action is no contact/no communication. I'm moving on with my life, and I'm sorry Fabio but your advice is just god awful.

EDIT: I mean seriously dude how is starting up a relationship a mistake? No relationship is never a mistake, and if it doesn't work out then it's a great learning experience. And let me tell you I've learned alot about myself.

 

Logged

Many Energies, Three Persons, Two Natures, One God.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #80 on: October 10, 2012, 06:23:51 PM »

You call it ridiculous and absurd. Some of them will call it liberating. I am not recommending something I suppose that should work. I am recommending something that I did.
Newsflash, there is nothing NOTHING a dumper can say to help the dumpee. You have to let them heal on their own. The only thing you can say, which is the only thing they want, is for you to say "Oh let's just forget about this ever happened and let's get back together". Well guess what, that's not really going to happen and if that dumper did come back how do you know it's not going to happen again?

There's nothing I can say to make her feel better, only to get her time/space to heal and move on. Calling up an old ex 3 years later "Oh I'm so sorry" is so stupid, and could even potentially open up old wounds.

Quote
God meant us to either be alone or with one person only. No "experimentation" thing, as much as our times appreciate it. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18. God does not tell us to find a woman with whom we will not have problems with. He simply says "stick to the woman I gave in your youth". And in those times, this woman was chosen by your parents. 
My parents are divorced, so that's not happening.

Secondly, what do you mean no "experimentation". Guess what dating is bub?

Quote
People are not things we experiment with to learn more about ourselves and what we truly need or want.
Yes let me get into a relationship with someone just to hurt them so I find out who I really am. Nonsense. The only reason why I said I learned things about myself was AFTER the relationship is over. It's the healthiest thing to do. Look at what you can take away from it, something you learned from it and MOVE ON.

And yes sometimes in a relationships you do realize what you need and want. It happens. And that is one of the reasons why I needed to break up.

Quote
The right relationship will not be the one where there is no pain or suffering, but the one that you decide to keep despite pain and suffering. When both your will and character become greater than the pain, then, and only then, will you be able to truly love and be loved.
Actually I think a marriage is blood, sweat and tears. Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
orthonorm
Warned
Hoplitarches
*************
Offline Offline

Faith: Sola Gratia
Jurisdiction: Outside
Posts: 16,536



« Reply #81 on: October 10, 2012, 06:40:43 PM »

Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.


In some States of the Union it is.
Logged

Ignorance is not a lack, but a passion.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #82 on: October 10, 2012, 06:42:43 PM »

Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.


In some States of the Union it is.
lolz
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Online Online

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,849



« Reply #83 on: October 10, 2012, 06:44:14 PM »

Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.


In some States of the Union it is.

There's a reason they call it "gay" marriage.
Logged

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.
Fabio Leite
Archon
********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 3,204



WWW
« Reply #84 on: October 10, 2012, 09:15:40 PM »

Instead of "I'm so sorry" which is couple's talk, use the formal and religious: "Forgive me for anything that I might have done that hurt you" or something to that effect. The objective is not trying to console, it is to ask forgiveness. We are precisely coming down from the pedestal. We are not the "great" guy who is to help them somehow. We are their equal, their brother. And this is important for relationships. If you feel you have to mentor the other person, hold your instinticts and rise up to the challenge: be a mentor. You don't have to have a relationship to mentor someone if it's really necessary. In fact, it is unethical for a mentor to have this kind of relationship to the mentoree.

What I suggested is nothing of my own invention. It's just Jesus instructions:

If therefore thou art offering thy gift at the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee,
leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

St. Mat 5:22-24

For many guys who, after all don't have movie-like enemies, some of our most immediate "brothers"(or sisters in this case) is precisely the many girls whom we've hurt. We were brave enough to approach them, sometimes even seduce them, we were brave enough to break up with them, we sure can be Christian and brave enough to ask their forgiveness, even to those who even think it's not necessary.

As I said, yes, some do get angry, some do get arrogant or simply ignore it. Some say what you just said, since they were educated in the same age and values. But a couple feel really grateful and needed it. Besides God did not say anything about the reaction we should expect from the "brother" we reconciliate with. He just said we should go ask forgiveness. The martyrs were not afraid of horrible painful deaths for Christ. Why should we be afraid of some reproach made by girls?
Quote
My parents are divorced, so that's not happening.

I'm sorry to hear that. But the proverb is not restricted to parenting orientation. The meaning of "the girl of your youth" is to progress from the first feelings of love we have for a girl. We must go beyond the phase of romantic and sexual interest (the young phase of love) toward a mature relationship. But we must stay with that girl we loved when love was "young". Unfortunately today people want only the first sensations of love and keep changing. This is like always going back to the beginning of the race because one loves more the thrill of waiting for the start shot than actually completing the race. The one who is loyal to the beginning of the race is he who finishes it.


Quote
Secondly, what do you mean no "experimentation". Guess what dating is bub?

Exactly. Dating, in the form we exercise it today is anti-human and ungodly. We basically use each other in experiments, reducing ourselves and the other to things instead of people. Since what we think and do doesn't change reality, it simply helps in allienating us more, for our perception gets disconnected from reality - we partially perceive people as things.
It really is irrelevant if people agree to do that for the final effects, just like if two people agree in coupled suicide it doesn't make the act right.

Getting to know each other should happen before any kind of non-just-friends relationship. Getting to know virtues and vices, habits, everything. For respect of the person as image of God, our loyalty and the giving of our entire life must include our present, past and future, nothing less. Or as Master Yoda would put it "Do. Or do not. There is no try."

You call it ridiculous and absurd. Some of them will call it liberating. I am not recommending something I suppose that should work. I am recommending something that I did.
Newsflash, there is nothing NOTHING a dumper can say to help the dumpee. You have to let them heal on their own. The only thing you can say, which is the only thing they want, is for you to say "Oh let's just forget about this ever happened and let's get back together". Well guess what, that's not really going to happen and if that dumper did come back how do you know it's not going to happen again?

There's nothing I can say to make her feel better, only to get her time/space to heal and move on. Calling up an old ex 3 years later "Oh I'm so sorry" is so stupid, and could even potentially open up old wounds.

Quote
God meant us to either be alone or with one person only. No "experimentation" thing, as much as our times appreciate it. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18. God does not tell us to find a woman with whom we will not have problems with. He simply says "stick to the woman I gave in your youth". And in those times, this woman was chosen by your parents.  
My parents are divorced, so that's not happening.

Secondly, what do you mean no "experimentation". Guess what dating is bub?

Quote
People are not things we experiment with to learn more about ourselves and what we truly need or want.
Yes let me get into a relationship with someone just to hurt them so I find out who I really am. Nonsense. The only reason why I said I learned things about myself was AFTER the relationship is over. It's the healthiest thing to do. Look at what you can take away from it, something you learned from it and MOVE ON.

And yes sometimes in a relationships you do realize what you need and want. It happens. And that is one of the reasons why I needed to break up.

Quote
The right relationship will not be the one where there is no pain or suffering, but the one that you decide to keep despite pain and suffering. When both your will and character become greater than the pain, then, and only then, will you be able to truly love and be loved.
Actually I think a marriage is blood, sweat and tears. Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.

« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 09:22:19 PM by Fabio Leite » Logged

Many Energies, Three Persons, Two Natures, One God.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #85 on: October 10, 2012, 09:29:30 PM »

Fabio I have to know, and I want your opinion on this because I'm curious as to what response I'll receive, my girl has no father nor any family that will take her in.

In fact, her father, who has an empty house, will not let her stay because it would be uncomfortable for him if he has dates that come over.

I'm not making this up.

So considering that she has no one to go to, to live with, I assume you want me to have her stay. No?
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Fabio Leite
Archon
********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 3,204



WWW
« Reply #86 on: October 10, 2012, 09:52:44 PM »

I actually thought that you had already solved this. And the advice was related to prevent something like that from happening again.

But, since you are considering that, let me put in this way: what would you want if you were her? Not what you would want if you were in her shoes because maybe in that respect you could take more than her. But if you were actually her, with the kind of strength she has and everything? I *suppose* that the answer is "I would like to at least have more time to organize my life, so don't simply put me out for now. Give me half an year at least".

Now if you decide to take her in that is what I would advice (also from personal experience, not identical but similar): Rules. Rules. Rules. Not cold fascist rules, you two had something once after all. But rules to make clear that you are helping her to get up on her own feet again. No dating in the house for any of the two in the mean period. That is to prevent further broken feelings and also protects any healthy relationship you may have (or her!).

Have a clear project for her. To get  a friend to live with, a job where she could pay her own rent somewhere , make the project adaptable - she has to be able to support herself in a decent, self-respecting way. We surely cannot help the person who doesn't want to help herself, but, from what I understood, you didn't even give her time to try after announcing you wanted her out. If I asked that question to myself I would answer that the most humane thing to do would be to say that she will have some time to organize her life, at least. Find a job so she can pay a rent in a decent place, get a network of good friends besides your own circle to help her and so on.



Fabio I have to know, and I want your opinion on this because I'm curious as to what response I'll receive, my girl has no father nor any family that will take her in.

In fact, her father, who has an empty house, will not let her stay because it would be uncomfortable for him if he has dates that come over.

I'm not making this up.

So considering that she has no one to go to, to live with, I assume you want me to have her stay. No?
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 10:02:57 PM by Fabio Leite » Logged

Many Energies, Three Persons, Two Natures, One God.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #87 on: October 10, 2012, 09:59:33 PM »

Couple of things. None of her "friends" are there to support her and let her stay. Secondly she doesn't have the money to get her own place. I got her to save up a a thousand dollars but her salary, she just can't move out.

Section 8 housing is about 6 months - 5 year waitlist.

I ain't into the whole bootstrap BS, but I've contemplated a 30 day timetable to find a place. Once that time period ends then she will have to leave.

I don't know yet, I just can't tolerate her any longer. And you know what how the hell is it my responsiblity to care for her when we aren't even married?

And no this wasn't "solved" same girl here.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 10:00:05 PM by Achronos » Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Fabio Leite
Archon
********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 3,204



WWW
« Reply #88 on: October 10, 2012, 10:13:29 PM »

30 days is a bit too tight, but feasible.

It's not you civil responsibility but it is your spiritual responsibility to at least try prevent the worst. Even if she was just a man-friend. You don't have to solve all her problems, but at least not just be homeless.

All that Christian talk of accepting our crosses, "giving up ourselves for Christ", "I must decrease, for He to increase in me" you know that? This is it. No theological jargon. It's the thing itself. It's your chance. You said you are a cathecumen, right? So be glad, because this is the Holy Spirit teaching you directly.

You say you don't tolerate her. But I suppose that what you really don't tolerate is the idea of having to live with her forever. That is no longer on the table. It's an impossibility and she knows that. You know that. *That* burden is no longer on your shoulder. Now, what you have is a person in *real* need of your help. Just that.
« Last Edit: October 10, 2012, 10:15:32 PM by Fabio Leite » Logged

Many Energies, Three Persons, Two Natures, One God.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Moderated
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #89 on: October 10, 2012, 10:20:31 PM »

Yeah you're right Fabio, that's the thing I was trying to rationalize and with the advice of others it was best to let her go because what responsibility was it of mine?

Maybe this is the right thing to do.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Tags:
Pages: « 1 2  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.148 seconds with 72 queries.