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Author Topic: Catechumen ups and downs  (Read 3089 times) Average Rating: 0
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Azul
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« Reply #45 on: June 12, 2012, 12:17:42 PM »

Being a catechumen is rough! 

I'm feeling very discouraged and I don't have anyone to really talk to about it. Over the past several months I've really dove into learning about Orthodoxy, reading anything my priest could give me, and now I'm officially in a catechumen class with some others being chrismated and that's going okay (it's a bit elementary compared to what I was getting one on one with my priest before others came forward to be catechumen… and classes are inconsistent, but whatever). The catch for me is I'm not baptized so my conversion will include the whole package deal at once. But not just that, I live with my fiance (I use the term loosely, we've been together 8 years, own a home together, but neither of us are in a hurry to get married) who also has never been baptized and really isn't interested in making church a priority. He's gone several times with me to Liturgy and does enjoy it but says he doesn't care if he's never baptized and is basically "along for the ride" since I'm the one who has been on a search for God. He's technically agreed to join the catechumen group except it's obvious he's not all that interested in doing the reading (although he does seem to enjoy the discussions when he goes). He's very supportive and understanding that it's important to me, but it's just not as important to him.

So anyway, I went to the Memorial Day Pilgrimage at St Tikhon Monastery in S Canaan, PA (which I highly, highly recommend!) with some others from my church and just soaked it all in. It was 3 days of church bliss. My priest was serving at the Liturgies so later we all met for dinner. Father pulled me aside and said, "I need to talk to you." So I said, OK and we leaned off to the side, and he told me, "I need to tell you that I can't get the Bishop's blessing to baptize you unless Sean gets baptized too, or at least commits that he will shortly after you do."

I tried not to let it bother me, but now I feel like all the air has been let out of my balloon. How am I going to explain to Sean that if he doesn't get baptized with me (or at least soon after) that I can’t? I know he’ll say, “That’s stupid, you’re the one who wants to do it, what does it have to do with me?” And I understand the why because we live together, because we should and eventually will get married, but he won’t understand it. To Sean it will be “rules of authority” over his head and he’ll get defensive under the pressure. And knowing that he’s not even really invested spiritually in any of it, how can I ask him to go through with it? 

I wish Father didn’t drop this bomb on my shoulders. I wish he would have called a meeting with the 3 of us to sit down and talk about the issue, because maybe if it was explained by the priest and not me he’d agree to do it. But now I feel it’s my responsibility to get Sean back on board and it’s too much and I feel like I’d be manipulating him. I wish Father would have told us both so it didn’t have to come from me.  I don’t even know how to approach it with him and don’t want to.

I’m just a wreck about it. Part of me says, “Well that was fun, I learned a lot. Found the true faith and all that jazz but can’t pass Go, cannot collect $200 so that’s that.”  What’s the point in continuing to attend?

The other part says be patient, continue to go, continue to invite Sean to liturgy and there’s no hurry and no need to put any pressure on him. Maybe he’ll come around. But that’s HARD to hold onto a “maybe”.  I feel lost and burned. And praying about it just makes me cry.


that is low, unless sean is your husband , but still not ok.. some idiotic extremist orthodox have this idiot mind. they are wrong... my advice , keep your dignity find another priest to baptize you.
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« Reply #46 on: June 12, 2012, 02:21:51 PM »


that is low, unless sean is your husband , but still not ok.. some idiotic extremist orthodox have this idiot mind. they are wrong... my advice , keep your dignity find another priest to baptize you.
If you notice, Joyce said that the priest could not get the bishop's blessing to baptize her, which means that it would be the same, no matter where she is in the Metropolitan, and likely true of everyone bishop's decision, since they are all in communion with one another. Given the nature of the situation, the bishop's choice was the right one, in my opinion.
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« Reply #47 on: June 12, 2012, 02:33:52 PM »

If you notice, Joyce said that the priest could not get the bishop's blessing to baptize her, which means that it would be the same, no matter where she is in the Metropolitan, and likely true of everyone bishop's decision, since they are all in communion with one another. Given the nature of the situation, the bishop's choice was the right one, in my opinion.

I have no issue with what the Bishop says, I understand why it is that way, my upset is more the way the priest dropped it on me instead of bringing it up to both of us privately to at least get the "if you wish to continue with conversion, this is what has to happen" card on the table. Thinking about it more, I feel it is not my responsibility to try to explain these things to Sean (like I know what I'm talking about!) and it should come from the priest, so I am thinking at a Catechumen class (there's only 4 of us and the other 2 are being chrismated so this doesn't apply) I can say, "Father mentioned a specific issue that pertains to us since we're not baptized yet" and turn it over to Father to explain. To take the responsibilty off me.

But maybe before I do that, just lay low for a bit until the emotional charge is out of it....
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« Reply #48 on: June 12, 2012, 02:34:27 PM »

And anyway, what good would "priest-shopping" do? Even if, and it's a pretty big if, she could find a priest who would baptize her, they are still not married and he is still not a baptized Christian. So both the obstacles still remain to her full participation in the sacramental life of the Church. Nor should her partner feel coerced or forced into it, IMHO.
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« Reply #49 on: June 12, 2012, 02:43:15 PM »


that is low, unless sean is your husband , but still not ok.. some idiotic extremist orthodox have this idiot mind. they are wrong... my advice , keep your dignity find another priest to baptize you.
If you notice, Joyce said that the priest could not get the bishop's blessing to baptize her, which means that it would be the same, no matter where she is in the Metropolitan, and likely true of everyone bishop's decision, since they are all in communion with one another. Given the nature of the situation, the bishop's choice was the right one, in my opinion.

well maybe she should send this directly to the bishop.. if the bishop really believes and acts like that he is an idiotic nitwit.
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« Reply #50 on: June 12, 2012, 02:44:24 PM »

always remmeber that the priests bishops etc are ment to be our servants so you can act with them like you would act with a slave.
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« Reply #51 on: June 12, 2012, 02:45:17 PM »

And since when does a priest need a bishop's approval to baptize someone?
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« Reply #52 on: June 12, 2012, 02:48:29 PM »

if the bishop really believes and acts like that he is an idiotic nitwit.

Tell us how you really feel!   laugh
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« Reply #53 on: June 12, 2012, 02:56:27 PM »

my bf and I had a handfasting ceremony in 2005. So in our reality, and our families who attended we are married (just not legally, and not in the Christian sense of the word).
Joyce, that is a very important detail that sort of changes things. If you read St. Paul's letters, he says:

"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband"

Now, if the husband and wife were previously unbelievers, in Corinth, that means they had a pagan marriage, which Paul is recognizing as a marriage here. A marriage done by Hindus or Buddhists or Pagans was and is still a marriage.

You need to tell your priest that you were married to your boyfriend in a ceremony.
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« Reply #54 on: June 12, 2012, 02:58:43 PM »

And since when does a priest need a bishop's approval to baptize someone?
Azul,

I'm with you on this.
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« Reply #55 on: June 12, 2012, 03:11:58 PM »

I have no issue with what the Bishop says, I understand why it is that way, my upset is more the way the priest dropped it on me instead of bringing it up to both of us privately to at least get the "if you wish to continue with conversion, this is what has to happen" card on the table. Thinking about it more, I feel it is not my responsibility to try to explain these things to Sean (like I know what I'm talking about!) and it should come from the priest, so I am thinking at a Catechumen class (there's only 4 of us and the other 2 are being chrismated so this doesn't apply) I can say, "Father mentioned a specific issue that pertains to us since we're not baptized yet" and turn it over to Father to explain. To take the responsibilty off me.

But maybe before I do that, just lay low for a bit until the emotional charge is out of it....


that sounds like a good idea, joycev925. maybe it is also a good idea to explain to yr priest the thing about pagan weddings before he speaks to both of u about it.

about pagan weddings; nicholas myra has a good point, but remember that in the greek/roman empire, pagan weddings were recognised by the state. so it's nearly the same, but probably makes more sense in most countries if a civil wedding follows or happens at the same time. in the uk it is easy to have an official present with a register to recognise yr pagan wedding, i don't know how easy it is in north america or wherever u are.
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« Reply #56 on: June 12, 2012, 03:13:52 PM »

If you notice, Joyce said that the priest could not get the bishop's blessing to baptize her, which means that it would be the same, no matter where she is in the Metropolitan, and likely true of everyone bishop's decision, since they are all in communion with one another. Given the nature of the situation, the bishop's choice was the right one, in my opinion.

I have no issue with what the Bishop says, I understand why it is that way, my upset is more the way the priest dropped it on me instead of bringing it up to both of us privately to at least get the "if you wish to continue with conversion, this is what has to happen" card on the table. Thinking about it more, I feel it is not my responsibility to try to explain these things to Sean (like I know what I'm talking about!) and it should come from the priest, so I am thinking at a Catechumen class (there's only 4 of us and the other 2 are being chrismated so this doesn't apply) I can say, "Father mentioned a specific issue that pertains to us since we're not baptized yet" and turn it over to Father to explain. To take the responsibilty off me.

But maybe before I do that, just lay low for a bit until the emotional charge is out of it....


This sounds like a very sensible response. Although after waiting a bit for the emotional charge to dull a little, you might give the priest a head's up that you want to do it this way rather than just springing it on him in the middle of a class (you might think that's fair since he sprung the news to you, but 'do unto others, etc...').
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« Reply #57 on: June 12, 2012, 03:15:29 PM »

If you notice, Joyce said that the priest could not get the bishop's blessing to baptize her, which means that it would be the same, no matter where she is in the Metropolitan, and likely true of everyone bishop's decision, since they are all in communion with one another. Given the nature of the situation, the bishop's choice was the right one, in my opinion.

I have no issue with what the Bishop says, I understand why it is that way, my upset is more the way the priest dropped it on me instead of bringing it up to both of us privately to at least get the "if you wish to continue with conversion, this is what has to happen" card on the table. Thinking about it more, I feel it is not my responsibility to try to explain these things to Sean (like I know what I'm talking about!) and it should come from the priest, so I am thinking at a Catechumen class (there's only 4 of us and the other 2 are being chrismated so this doesn't apply) I can say, "Father mentioned a specific issue that pertains to us since we're not baptized yet" and turn it over to Father to explain. To take the responsibilty off me.

But maybe before I do that, just lay low for a bit until the emotional charge is out of it....

That's a great idea. Remember, you're only just learning yourself. You need to make sure that you are okay on your own journey before you assume the teacher role in Sean's. Talking with your priest is an excellent way to include him, without it being an added complication to your already difficult transition. I wish you all the best, as always, may God bless you.
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« Reply #58 on: June 12, 2012, 03:18:41 PM »

And since when does a priest need a bishop's approval to baptize someone?
It would be like doing something behind his back. This is a delicate situation, so the priest must use not only his own discretion, but also accept the input of others, especially other leaders in the Orthodox Church. Joyce, also, would have to assume further complicatons if she were to be baptized at her current situation, and the church leaders are there to guide her in her decisions, make sure every steps she takes is the right one. The priest doesn't want to baptize her and be responsible for a step that wasn't the correct one. I don't mean any harm in anything I say, on a side note Smiley
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« Reply #59 on: June 12, 2012, 03:20:21 PM »

And since when does a priest need a bishop's approval to baptize someone?
Azul,

I'm with you on this.

Any time a priest encounters something which falls outside the rubrics and synodal or episcopal guidelines he's been given (like, for example, a catachumen who is still living with her non-Christian signifiant other (if the priest doesn't know about the handfasting ceremony) or a catachumen who has had a pagan ceremony that the priest is not familiar with (if he is aware of the handfasting and isn't sure how it lines up with the rules he's been given for common-law marriages)), it is his duty to check with the bishop rather than just make up things as he goes along.

I tend to agree with your analysis of how I Corinthians and the later canons apply in this situation, but castigating a priest for wanting to check with the authority set over him by the Church doesn't make much sense.
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« Reply #60 on: June 12, 2012, 03:22:10 PM »

I have no issue with what the Bishop says, I understand why it is that way, my upset is more the way the priest dropped it on me instead of bringing it up to both of us privately to at least get the "if you wish to continue with conversion, this is what has to happen" card on the table. Thinking about it more, I feel it is not my responsibility to try to explain these things to Sean (like I know what I'm talking about!) and it should come from the priest, so I am thinking at a Catechumen class (there's only 4 of us and the other 2 are being chrismated so this doesn't apply) I can say, "Father mentioned a specific issue that pertains to us since we're not baptized yet" and turn it over to Father to explain. To take the responsibilty off me.

But maybe before I do that, just lay low for a bit until the emotional charge is out of it....


that sounds like a good idea, joycev925. maybe it is also a good idea to explain to yr priest the thing about pagan weddings before he speaks to both of u about it.

about pagan weddings; nicholas myra has a good point, but remember that in the greek/roman empire, pagan weddings were recognised by the state. so it's nearly the same, but probably makes more sense in most countries if a civil wedding follows or happens at the same time. in the uk it is easy to have an official present with a register to recognise yr pagan wedding, i don't know how easy it is in north america or wherever u are.
That's an important point to bring up. In addition, I think that Joyce's intentions are to eventually marry Sean? I'd be sure to bring this into the conversation at some point. I also know, however, that this is rought for you, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, Joyce.
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« Reply #61 on: June 12, 2012, 03:37:56 PM »

That's an important point to bring up. In addition, I think that Joyce's intentions are to eventually marry Sean? I'd be sure to bring this into the conversation at some point. I also know, however, that this is rought for you, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, Joyce.

Yes if it were my way, we'd come to know Christ together, Sean would feel comfortable to be baptized of his own accord, we could then get married in the church and be on the same spiritual page (which I don't think is impossible if handled gently and patiently) bringing us even closer but I know if I put a "you need to" push on him, he'll push back. So I am just trying to figure out how to be patient about it I guess is what it boils down to.
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« Reply #62 on: June 12, 2012, 04:05:52 PM »

but castigating a priest for wanting to check with the authority set over him by the Church doesn't make much sense.
I'm not castigating him. I just find it quite odd.

Joyce, if I may ask, why didn't you guys get a civil marriage/union contract?
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« Reply #63 on: June 12, 2012, 04:17:44 PM »


Joyce, if I may ask, why didn't you guys get a civil marriage/union contract?

He'd take me to the courthouse tomorrow if I said okay. But to be honest, we both come from broken homes and I want to be sure we understand what it is and means in a greater deeper sense before we become "legal". Which is why I like the idea of being married in the church because it tells you what marriage is and you have a guideline (at least that's what I'm thinking?).
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« Reply #64 on: June 12, 2012, 04:40:52 PM »

But to be honest, we both come from broken homes and I want to be sure we understand what it is and means in a greater deeper sense before we become "legal". Which is why I like the idea of being married in the church because it tells you what marriage is and you have a guideline (at least that's what I'm thinking?).

Joyce,

As an engaged man, let me just tell you that understanding the "greater deeper sense" is a lifelong journey together.  Loving another person is the greatest risk you will ever take in your life, and you, indeed, will have to sacrifice much.  Loving another person is a lifetime of martyrdom.  I'm afraid that if you keep waiting for this "greater deeper sense" to reveal itself in a grand epiphany then you will one day wake up a lonely, old woman.  I knew my fiance for a little over two years before we got married, but ours was (and still is) a highly mobile relationship which has required a lot of traveling back and forth to see each other on weekends or when time permits.  We would love to partake of any ceremony that spiritually bound us together, to own a home together, to live together, to have one another right there by our side to talk to through good times or bad.  You and Sean sound as if you have a solid foundation.  It's time to do something with that, in my opinion.
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« Reply #65 on: June 12, 2012, 05:12:48 PM »

I want to be sure we understand what it is and means in a greater deeper sense before we become "legal".
I personally don't think the state should have that sort of spiritual/emotional authority over someone, but in our culture it certainly is considered an important step.
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« Reply #66 on: June 12, 2012, 05:17:48 PM »

But to be honest, we both come from broken homes and I want to be sure we understand what it is and means in a greater deeper sense before we become "legal". Which is why I like the idea of being married in the church because it tells you what marriage is and you have a guideline (at least that's what I'm thinking?).

Joyce,

As an engaged man, let me just tell you that understanding the "greater deeper sense" is a lifelong journey together.  Loving another person is the greatest risk you will ever take in your life, and you, indeed, will have to sacrifice much.  Loving another person is a lifetime of martyrdom.  I'm afraid that if you keep waiting for this "greater deeper sense" to reveal itself in a grand epiphany then you will one day wake up a lonely, old woman.  I knew my fiance for a little over two years before we got married, but ours was (and still is) a highly mobile relationship which has required a lot of traveling back and forth to see each other on weekends or when time permits.  We would love to partake of any ceremony that spiritually bound us together, to own a home together, to live together, to have one another right there by our side to talk to through good times or bad.  You and Sean sound as if you have a solid foundation.  It's time to do something with that, in my opinion.
This is great stuff.
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« Reply #67 on: June 12, 2012, 05:40:05 PM »

I risk derailing the conversation by saying this, but: what you Americans call a "common law marriage" is a marriage. I don't see how having a certificate issued by the godless state and a ceremony with optional booze-up makes any difference to the reality of the situation.

I dunno, the bishop's approach just seems kinda formalistic to me.

I suppose what matters is that Joyce has demonstrated many admirable virtues in this thread alone. May the Lord God unite her to his holy, catholic and apostolic church, amen.
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« Reply #68 on: June 12, 2012, 05:49:58 PM »

the godless state
Hey, our state isn't godless.

It's just, you know, a vague deistic god combined with Ares.
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« Reply #69 on: June 13, 2012, 11:12:53 AM »

I'm not at all sure that the bishop's decision is formalistic and/or legalistic -though this is all just pure speculation of course.

There are very real substantive issues in this situation which could negatively impact both the relationship and individual spiritual health. Perhaps a more sensible, sensitive and considerate pastoral approach is to slow down and work through the issues, so that hopefully both people can be received into the Orthodox Church, and together experience the blessings of the sacraments.

Not saying that this is the case, but for me, often I want what I want when I want it, and when you desire something so earnestly and completely, it's difficult to see that waiting might be the best thing after all. (thinking of my first boyfriend, for example. Cheesy)
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« Reply #70 on: June 15, 2012, 08:56:03 AM »

I'm not at all sure that the bishop's decision is formalistic and/or legalistic -though this is all just pure speculation of course.

There are very real substantive issues in this situation which could negatively impact both the relationship and individual spiritual health. Perhaps a more sensible, sensitive and considerate pastoral approach is to slow down and work through the issues, so that hopefully both people can be received into the Orthodox Church, and together experience the blessings of the sacraments.

Not saying that this is the case, but for me, often I want what I want when I want it, and when you desire something so earnestly and completely, it's difficult to see that waiting might be the best thing after all. (thinking of my first boyfriend, for example. Cheesy)

I think you nailed it. I've decided to slow down, chill out, and try not to rush or worry too much on the "how".

Thank you everyone for your input, it really helped me take a step back and get a fuller picture of what is important and what is just "happening right now".
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« Reply #71 on: June 15, 2012, 04:45:13 PM »

this sounds good.
may God bless u and guide u.
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« Reply #72 on: June 15, 2012, 06:43:46 PM »

the godless state
Hey, our state isn't godless.

It's just, you know, a vague deistic god combined with Ares.

 Shocked  Cheesy
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« Reply #73 on: June 15, 2012, 07:52:08 PM »

the godless state
Hey, our state isn't godless.

It's just, you know, a vague deistic god combined with Ares.

Fact: everybody's part of the state. Sorry. Just reality.

Funny how people want to blame some imagined distant entity instead of themselves.
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« Reply #74 on: June 16, 2012, 01:41:29 PM »

Well to give a little background on my relationship, neither of us were raised Christian (or anything else) so cohabitation and the "common sense of Christianity" never applied and we had no reason to know it or adhere to it.  In fact, I considered myself Pagan and my bf and I had a handfasting ceremony in 2005. So in our reality, and our families who attended we are married (just not legally, and not in the Christian sense of the word).

None of the early pagan converts to Christianity that were married had to have a second Christian ceremony or wait for their spouse to convert so I'm finding this a bit confusing. 2nd century Christians would say you are already married and hope that by your Christian life your spouse would convert. You can probably actually move that all the way up until the 1700's or later with the pagans in the Russian east and Alaska.

This "the only marriage that is valid is a state marriage" stuff is relatively new compared to Christianity.
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« Reply #75 on: June 16, 2012, 01:52:25 PM »

It also occured to me reading various things here that the word "catechumen" means something different in different churches. My priest was quick to call me a catechumen as "one who studies" almost as soon as I showed interest but others seem to be more careful and choosey with the term. Being that I have no point of reference on any of it, I can only go with what I'm told.  Huh

I never understood it, either.  If you're attending a church with the intention of becoming a full member once you completely understand what that all entails, you're a catechumen.  I don't understand this apparent obsession some people/priests/places have with some "official" catechumenate. 

There's a ritual/service (sorry don't know what is most proper to call it) for entry into the catechumenate, doesn't that make it official?
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« Reply #76 on: June 16, 2012, 05:23:50 PM »

Please forgive me for not helping with this post, but I feel moved to say that I think this decision of your bishop is most unwise.

It seems to me that there is no thing of greater importance to your spiritual life than you being baptised in the name of the Most Holy Trinity and communed of the Precious Body and Blood of our Lord, God and Saviour Jesus Christ. The problems that your relationship and mode of living might cause to you soul and/or the scandal that they might cause in the community absolutely pale in comparison.

I'm sorry, but I just find the whole thing mind-boggling.

You have my sympathy and my prayers.
I didn't notice this before, and I don't know if someone else quoted it, but you see, if Joyce marries Sean outside the church or continues to live with him without being married, she may not receive Communion, even after baptism. It's in the Canons that people falling into these categories are excommunicated.
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« Reply #77 on: June 16, 2012, 06:26:33 PM »

although i think if she marries him before joining the church it should be ok.
otherwise i would not be able to take Holy Communion (non orthodox spouse since long before i became orthodox), and i can.
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« Reply #78 on: June 16, 2012, 06:47:52 PM »

although i think if she marries him before joining the church it should be ok.
otherwise i would not be able to take Holy Communion (non orthodox spouse since long before i became orthodox), and i can.
You were married outside of the Church though? A non-Orthodox person can marry an Orthodox person in the church if they are baptized in the Name of the Trinity. Is your spouse Christian?

My mother was Methodist in her youth. She and my father married outside of the Church the first time. She was Chrismated later that year. When the priest found out that they had not been married in the church...he kinda freaked (whoops!). They were married in the Church in December. She wouldn't have been able to be Chrismated, had the priest known of their marriage outside the church, nor would she be able to receive Holy Communion.
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« Reply #79 on: June 17, 2012, 05:09:22 AM »


Joyce, if I may ask, why didn't you guys get a civil marriage/union contract?

He'd take me to the courthouse tomorrow if I said okay. But to be honest, we both come from broken homes and I want to be sure we understand what it is and means in a greater deeper sense before we become "legal". Which is why I like the idea of being married in the church because it tells you what marriage is and you have a guideline (at least that's what I'm thinking?).

Don`t rush into things.And don`t get married just for the sake of.. the majority of ppl here are idiots.. to me it looks like a cheap shot.. check with other priests i`m sure you will get one to baptize (not sure how the catechumenate goes).
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« Reply #80 on: June 17, 2012, 07:29:33 PM »

And since when does a priest need a bishop's approval to baptize someone?

Actually this is a norm within the Church especially when the priest is having problems in deciding the right thing to do. Bishops have all issued their diocesean policies and priests call when in doubt as to their interpretations.. Apparrently Father did that.

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« Reply #81 on: June 17, 2012, 08:36:44 PM »

the godless state
Hey, our state isn't godless.

It's just, you know, a vague deistic god combined with Ares.

Fact: everybody's part of the state. Sorry. Just reality.

Funny how people want to blame some imagined distant entity instead of themselves.

How does this affect my point?
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« Reply #82 on: June 18, 2012, 03:27:31 PM »

i was married in a protestant church by someone who was not ordained many years before becoming orthodox.
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« Reply #83 on: June 18, 2012, 03:41:40 PM »

If a baptised Orthodox Christian to choses to enter into a relationship and marry someone who isn't Christian, this is fair grounds for excommunication, but there is absolutely no reason why a person already married to a non-believer should be denied baptism on that basis, none.
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« Reply #84 on: June 19, 2012, 08:39:52 PM »

My priest has to get permission from the bishop to baptize, marry, chrismate, heck to give out any of the Mysteries. It's not the priest's church, it's the bishop's. True, it's usually a rubber-stamp sort of "yeah yeah" deal but he still had me fill out paperwork requesting it of the bishop when I wanted to be Chrismated, and again with my fiancee when we wanted to get married.

To the OP my suggestion was going to be to ask your priest to bring this up with your fiance, but you seem to have already come to that decision. I hope all goes well.
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« Reply #85 on: June 21, 2012, 12:31:24 PM »

If a baptised Orthodox Christian to choses to enter into a relationship and marry someone who isn't Christian, this is fair grounds for excommunication, but there is absolutely no reason why a person already married to a non-believer should be denied baptism on that basis, none.

Well the catch is we're not technically married. If we were married then I think the rule would go that through me being baptized and his being married to me, he's already saved. I could be wrong but that's kind of the jist I got.
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