My sexual orientation is gay and always has been as long as I can remember. I can't remember a point in my life when I did not feel this way. However, I am not sexually active now and haven't been for almost 10 years now. I never had any spiritual peace when I was active sexually. I did not have much success with gay relationships either. For a while I was promiscuous and found that completely unfulfilling. It made me feel cheap and used. Then I began a relationship with a nice guy and we stayed together for about 2 years. However, during that whole time the amount of drama I had to endure was incredible. It simply drained me. Drama and petty jealousy about everything, accusations about being unfaithful (even though I never cheated on him) seemed to occur almost daily. We did have periods where were got along well, but our relationship was an emotional roller coaster. I realize not all gay relationships are like that, but mine was. I was Orthodox when this occurred and voluntarily abstained from the Eucharist for the entire period that I was in this gay relationship. I knew my priest would not approve of it. I still did attend Divine Liturgy on occassion and told no one at church about it, except my priest (and I did that privately.) I did not expect or demand that my priest 'bless' my gay relationship. I received and respectfully listened to his advice and counsel. I told him that I was not ready to make decision about this at present. I needed time and I took two years. At the end of the two years, I found I really missed Church and receivign the Eucharist. My partner did not share my Orthodox faith at all. In fact, he had great disdain for it. Nearly all of the gay people I knew (with a few expections) were appalled and shocked at my respect for the Orthodox Church and for Christianity in general. They couldn't understand my attraction to the Church, to its feasts and fast, its music, its icons and its dogmatic teachings. Many of them, including my partner, told me I should just dump the Church entirely and either become an atheist, an agnostic, a Unitarian or an Episcopalian. Overtime I simply grew less and less satisfied with my gay relationship. So my partner and I amicably decided to end it. He started dating again and when he found someone, he moved out. That was almost 10 years ago and I have not seen him since. I have been celibate since then and I am content with it. At least my conscience is at peace now and I don't feel torn between living in a gay relationship and living an Orthodox life. I think my life has become more peaceful, calmer and less materialistic now. I have not "magically changed" my sexual orientation. I'm still gay. I am still attracted to men. But now that I have actually experienced a gay relationship, I don't miss all the drama and tension that accompanies it. Part of me, deep down inside, always felt that I should resist those gay urges and not act on them, even when I was in a gay relationship. I never was 100% comfortable with it.
I am not deliriously happy now, but I am content and reasonably happy. And that's enough.