I am not Orthodox.
I'm a Jew (although my dad was baptized in to the Greek Orthodox Church) in Israel studying at Yeshiva (a school for Jewish studies) and want to understand and become closer to Christ. Here are some fear-driven thoughts that have been troubling me and preventing me from doing so:
1. I don't want to upset God by accepting Christ and perceiving Hashem (god) as a trinity. In Judaism this is considered idolatrous.
2. I've been told that I would completely sever my relationship with God by adopting "foreign" ideologies such as those related to Christ.
3. In Judaism we have a concept related to Satan that is referred to as the "Evil Inclination", and I've been told that this is what is causing me to become drawn to Christianity.
4. When presented with all these different forms of Christianity (Orthodoxy, RC, Protestantism, etc.) sometimes I just feel like "throwing in the towel", as there is no chance I'll ever discover the truth and am better off with Judaism.
5. I don't want to upset my mother.
6. I'm worried about getting baptized. For one, as I've already initiated what's become an ongoing experience of faith in Christ, I'm worried that my desire for an "official baptism" would undermine the "spiritual baptism" that I've already undergone. Also, I'm in Jerusalem and can't find any english speaking Greek Orthodox priests to talk to!
My name is Theo.
Thank you for your prayers.
Yeshayahu, have you tried contacting the Patriarchate in Jerusalem? If there are any English speaking clergy there they would know.
I wouldn't worry about baptism just yet. Take the time to read and learn about Christianity and all the different denominations. Once you've learned a bit, you will be able to make the right decisions with less anxiety and fear.
I would highly recommend the book by Rev. A. James Bernstein, "Surprised by Christ". You may find it helpful. It describes the author's journey from Orthodox Judaism to Orthodox Christianity.
May God give you strength and guide you.