LOL I apologize! Though I do hope we all understand that the "clunky mess" I was referring to was the translations of the Eastern Liturgy that have been made into English, and not the Eastern Liturgies themselves. Indeed, I have found more depth and beauty in St John Chrystostom's Liturgy than elsewhere- though I do occasionally wince when a particularly jarring word choice breaks me out of my revery. At the moment it is not something I worry about- all the poetic parts are in Greek at my local parish anyway (there are times I'd like to wring the office lady's neck for telling me when I first moved to town and called them up that it was 50/50- yeah, 50/50 spoken parts, I haven't heard an English Cherubic Hymn or Troparion of St Justinian the Emperor in forever!). But I have yet to sit through a service in English in any jurisdiction where everything fits perfectly.
Even the different prayer books get annoying in this respect- HTM reads fine until you scratch your head going "Why'd they choose that word?", the Daily Prayers on goarch.org are just... badly translated, Jordanville tries a little too hard, St Tikhon's doesn't try hard enough, SVS is almost as bad as goarch.org, and the Little Red Prayer Book is at least not as bad as the others but doesn't have the Precommunion Canon and main bulk of precommunion prayers. Don't get me wrong, I'd take any of them over the 1979 Episcopalian BCP, but the 1662 on the other hand was written at a time when English speaking people understood poetry.