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Author Topic: Humor - If Dogs Wrote Letters To God  (Read 828 times) Average Rating: 0
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Orthodoc
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Those who ignore history tend to repeat it.


« on: September 25, 2004, 09:45:26 AM »

If Dogs Wrote Letters to God

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God,
When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray and the rabbit but not ONE is named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I'd like you to help me remember so I can be a good dog:
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell!
The sofa is not a face towel; neither is Mom And Dad's laps.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes those noises I will remember it's not a good thing.

Dear God,
May I have my testicles back please?

========

Orthodoc

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gphadraig
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« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2004, 09:15:33 AM »

Sticking to the theme:

If only humans were so faithful and forgiving. If, dear dog, I left you for ten minutes or ten hours the welcome home was the same, fulsome and wholeheartedly welcoming. You seemed never to hold a grudge and asked for so very little and yet gave your all. Truly you were a lesson to us all which we in our haste took for granted. Yes, little dog you were a lesson to us all.......
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monkvasyl
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« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2004, 12:55:46 PM »

Being owned by a beagle, I rather enjoyed this.  I remember a priest saying that every time you return home and you are greeted by your dog...its like Pascha for him.  Makes me appreciate the times Bella wakes me in the middle of the night to go out or just to have me scratch her tummy.

The unworthy monk, Vasyl
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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2004, 09:10:58 PM »

Ah Beagles

I have two young beagle gentlemen myself....wonderful dogs and yes they do own me Wink

-Pavlos
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