Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
This very thread and discussion poignantly illustrates some of the flaws in the scholastic approach and legalism of the Latin jurisdiction. This has always been the existential and ontological dichotomy between Western and Eastern thought in Christendom. In the Eastern approach, such matters are not necessarily matters of dogma, canons, or pulpits, rather they are individual discussions between a Confessor and a married couple. The Orthodox approach is to individualize rather then legalize or criminalize morality in the Church, based on the progress and level where each individual is at in their walk along the Way. To be sure there are certain canons and such within Orthodox which discuss these kinds of intimate or personal matters, however they are not intended for the en mass public rather they are intended for Confessors and priests to consult and individualize for the specific needs, circumstances, and situations of each person. Further, much like how human beings are inherent hypochondriac and so whenever we read WebMD we suddenly have every disease we read about, the same is with sin, when folks consults canons and Scriptures about sin, suddenly everything is sin, but one of the very purposes of Confession is to sort exactly what is sin, and what isn't.
It is the spirit, not the letter of the laws which are important. It is up to our spiritual Fathers to interpret the quality or lack there of within our married sex lives. They can help us to understand what is lust and what is lawful, what is selfish and what is communicative. Whether folks realize it or not, sex is the deepest form of communication between human beings, so much so that it carries the potential to bring a new life into the world. However, sometimes things get lost in translation..