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Author Topic: Jack Chick On The Attack!  (Read 2642 times) Average Rating: 0
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Antonious Nikolas
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« on: September 20, 2004, 04:25:53 PM »

Hi Everyone,

I stumbled across these on-line and couldn't stop laughing!  Thought you might enjoy them too.  Most of them are rabidly anti-Catholic, but he also finds time to slam the Jews, Mormons, and Jehovah's Witnesses.  Wonder if he'll ever get around to us Orthodox?  I guess most of his attacks on the Catholic Church can also be applied to our belief.  For example:

Here, he attacks the real presence of the Body and Blood of Our Lord in the Eucharist in (hold onto your hats): "The Death Cookie"!  In this chapter, Satan speaks directly to the Pope, instructing him to run a scam on the unsuspecting Visigoths, which of course will lead to their damnation.
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp

Next, an angry, vengeful, faceless "Jesus" scares the crap out of a fatally injured Catholic, who learns that "Last Rites" and "Confession" won't help him now, and that the Liturgy is not Biblical.  He's cast into hell for believing his priest instead of the lady handing out the Chick tracts:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0082/0082_01.asp

So now that we know that the Holy Mysteries are worthless and that the Pope chats up Beelzebub, should we even consider these "Catholics" to be Christians?  Not according to Jack Chick!  In fact, there were no Christian priests in the Bible, only Jewish priests, and the entire Catholic priesthood, along with male and female monastic orders, adds up to nothing more than a great big racket.  This one also blasts a record seven Holy Mysteries!:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01.asp

Now that we've established that the Catholics aren't Christians, its easier to accept the fact that they engineered that whole "Holocaust" thing.  What, you didn't know?  Well good thing ol' Jack is here to set you straight.  Otherwise, you might end up like silly old Holocaust survivor Grandpa, who is misguided in his hate for "Christians".  His righteous indignation should be aimed squarely at the Vatican!  Check it out!:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0054/0054_01.asp


Here's one attacking the so-called "Apocrypha" and all of the Jesuit conspirators who include parts of it in their Bibles: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0031/0031_01.asp

This one is pretty clever: Love the Theotokos?  Then stop showing her any devotion!  Every time you do, you hurt her feelings!  Which answers the burning question, "Why is Mary Crying"?  Based on extra-Biblical sources (Wait, I thought we were supposed to disregard those?!?) we can ascertain that those who think they are asking for the intercession of St. Mary are really praying to a beautiful minion of Satan named Semiramis!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0040/0040_01.asp

And did you know that each Catholic priest sets himself up as "another Christ"?:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0047/0047_01.asp

That's why we shouldn't let those suckers on TBN with us!  Why, we're being "unevenly yoked"!:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0008/0008_01.asp


Now onto the Jews!  This one, ironically titled "Love the Jewish People", teaches us that all of their suffering at Christian hands is well deserved because of their rejection of Our Lord as the Messiah.  It also mentions that little thing called the Holocaust in which "Catholic Germany, serving the Vatican, launched a 20th century inquisiton, murdering 6 million Jews".  You didn't know that the Vatican was pulling Hitler's strings, did you?  Its all there in pictures folks, funny little mustache and all!  Also, Ethiopia and other African nations deserved that little famine thing because God cursed them for breaking diplomatic relations with the state of Israel.:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1000/1000_01.asp

And even though we are supposed to love the Jews, we all know (wink wink nudge nudge) that their leaders are intentionally concealing the truth about the Messiah out of vanity, and fear that their people will reject them.  Just ask Rabbi Waxman, who goes to hell for doing just that.  "Jesus was NOT a Jewish carpenter. He is the Creator of the Universe"!  Guess He can't be both, huh?:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0014/0014_01.asp

Enjoy!
« Last Edit: September 20, 2004, 07:17:26 PM by Antonious Nikolas » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2004, 04:45:21 PM »

Yeah, I read several of his tracks in the past.  I thought that they were so "over the top", that I investigated church history myself.  Needless to say, the facts are far different than Chick's far-out conspiracy theories.
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« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2004, 04:58:51 PM »

Tony Nick,
I think we've laughed at Chick Tract absurdities here in the past.  You also forgot to mention how it says (in the Apocrypha tract), that Roman Emperor Constantine was the 'first pope' and the 'second attack' on the Word of God came when he ordered 50 copies of the satanic Alexandrian Manuscripts.   Roll Eyes  What a joke!
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« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2004, 05:20:47 PM »

Can't waste my time on that idiot, the LA Times had a story on TBN in Sundays edition I believe, talk about earthly pleasures & lusts, the Crouches should be ashamed of themselves ! Whats up with all  that makeup she wears anyway?

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« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2004, 05:46:31 PM »

Wonder if he'll ever get around to us Orthodox?  I guess most of his attacks on the Catholic Church can also be applied to our belief.

Actually, there's one publication where -- on this page, this page and this page -- bizarrely enough, he paints us as innocent victims of the Vatican...weird, huh?
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« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2004, 07:54:02 PM »

Thomas & Elijah - Its hilarious to me.  This guy is worse then Mel Gibson in "Conspracy Theory".  But wait!  Mel Gibson is a Catholic, so he's evil!  But he made the Passion which Born Agains love!  So he's good....Does not compute!  Short circuit!  Help!  I need Jack Chick and Jack Van Impe to explain it all to me.  Or maybe Jack Daniels...

Actually, there's one publication where -- on this page, this page and this page -- bizarrely enough, he paints us as innocent victims of the Vatican...weird, huh?

I don't know that he portrays in too sympathetic a light.  He also says the Jews were the victims of the Vatican, and we know how he feels about them.  He calls St. Constantine a Satan-worshipper, and portrays the early Church Fathers as being wiiling servants of Satan; Satanic Caesars in religious robes.  I think that he portrays us as victims of Rome when it suits him to do so (as he does with the Jews).  Anything to take a swipe at the Pope.  Oh yeah, and Orthodoxy was just starting to creep into the Balkans on the eve of World War I.  I guess Sts. Paul, Cyril, and Methodius forgot to set their alarm clocks in Chick World.

His "history" of the Children's Crusade was way off too, wasn't it?  And now we know that in addition to the Nazi Party, the Vatican also created communism, the Masons, and the Illuminati.  Say, its a good thing for the Russian Orthodox Church that Rasputin was able to cajole the secret location of the Czar's gold out of the Czarina, and pass that on to the Patriarch.  Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to bribe the comrades with the Pope's $666 Million (Catch that little figure there? Satan!) and stop the slaughter of the Orthodox bishops!  

It was funny when he drew that corpulent Orthodox bishop throwing up a peace sign instead of making the blessing though!
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« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2004, 09:39:40 PM »

Oookaaayyy. I haven't read any Jack Chick in years. Those pages you linked to, Pedro were... shall we say... inventive? The bit about Jews loyal to the Pope publishing the loathsome "Protocols of the Learned Elders..."  was a doozy.

I was particularly intrigued by the note under the picture of priests being shot on the third page which read that Russia was a

"test case. If the Russian Church was destroyed, the next target was the Church of England, which was still reeling from the false conversion of the great Jesuit, Cardinal Newman."

  Indeed? Was it, indeed? <imagine the driest of voices here, and a raised eyebrow>  Since Newman became RC in 1845 that's a lot of "reeling" until the Russian Revolution.  Funny how alot of things happened in that time (like Anglican orders of nuns and missionary work etc.) if the C of E was 'reeling'.

So Mr. Chick doesn't know beans about the EO Churchs (Greek/Russian seems blurred to him) or the Anglicans along with his fantastical representations of history and the RC's.  Life's too short to look up and pick about his, ahem, work.  If he wrote that a certain day in history was a Tuesday, I wouldn't believe it until I checked it myself.


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« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2004, 12:51:10 AM »

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the funniest retarded diatribe I have ever read  Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy..........

I read the first two & had to close by door at work earlier today because I was dying laughing.  I think I'll read the rest when I have a few cold ones down.
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« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2004, 08:14:56 AM »

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the funniest retarded diatribe I have ever read  Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy..........

I read the first two & had to close by door at work earlier today because I was dying laughing.

 Cheesy Now you know how I felt Nacho!  I know it wasn't his intention, but he really entertained the heck out of me!  I'll bet he bought a half ton of toilet paper and bottled water and hid out in his basement when that Y2K scare was on.  On the paranoia scale, this guy is somewhere between Fox Mulder and Hitler.
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« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2004, 12:11:42 PM »

Jack Chick has a new name, and it is "WHEELER". Grin
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« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2004, 05:27:47 PM »

Quote
On the paranoia scale, this guy is somewhere between Fox Mulder and Hitler.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

I think he would have been a natural fit for an X - Files episode. It could have gone along the lines of Chick mysteriously vanishing & Fox Mulder & Sculley are only left with a trail of his "animated" charcitures to go by.......In the end they find him in a cave somewhere in West Virginia dressed in a Robe pretending to be Moses getting ready to rid the world of the evil pope & his puppets in the priesthood..........to be continued if anyone would like to add any details to the story lol!!!!!
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« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2004, 06:06:52 PM »

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

I think he would have been a natural fit for an X - Files episode. It could have gone along the lines of Chick mysteriously vanishing & Fox Mulder & Sculley are only left with a trail of his "animated" charcitures to go by.......In the end they find him in a cave somewhere in West Virginia dressed in a Robe pretending to be Moses getting ready to rid the world of the evil pope & his puppets in the priesthood..........to be continued if anyone would like to add any details to the story lol!!!!!


 Grin ROFL!!!  That's hilarious!  I could really see them doing that too!  You should pitch that to Fox!!!  Halfway through the episode Chick could kidnap Scully and tie her up for wearing men's clothes (i.e. her usual pants suit).  Mulder could free her and come really close to catching him, but his yokel true-believers would riot, and Chick would get away.  Mulder and Scully leave with nothing more than a handful of pamphlets and we think its all over.  Then, right before the credits roll, the Pope and the Smoking Man shows up and shoot Chick because ...it turns out he's right after all!!!  Muhuhahaha!!!
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« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2004, 12:30:40 AM »

I have to say that I have also found Jack Chick tracts to be so far from fact that they are really can be amusing, but the sad thing is that there are people who pick these things up and believe the blatant misrepresentations that are contained therein.

Yeesh....  :-

In Christ,
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« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2011, 02:15:14 AM »

teaches us that all of their suffering at Christian hands is well deserved because of their rejection of Our Lord as the Messiah.
I don't see where he says that.

"Jesus was NOT a Jewish carpenter. He is the Creator of the Universe"!  Guess He can't be both, huh?:
You left out the "just." It says He's not just a Jewish Carpenter.


For someone who loves the Jews he's sure good at drawing them with huge, Nazi propaganda noses...
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« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2011, 03:21:03 AM »

teaches us that all of their suffering at Christian hands is well deserved because of their rejection of Our Lord as the Messiah.
I don't see where he says that.

"Jesus was NOT a Jewish carpenter. He is the Creator of the Universe"!  Guess He can't be both, huh?:
You left out the "just." It says He's not just a Jewish Carpenter.


For someone who loves the Jews he's sure good at drawing them with huge, Nazi propaganda noses...
You do realize that this thread hadn't seen a post in close to 7 years before you resurrected it and that the person you're talking to may not have posted here for several years?
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« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2011, 03:40:13 AM »

I need to read post dates more often  Embarrassed
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