You've all got it wrong.
September 13, 2004
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA
CNO (Cizinec News Organization)
The large mushroom cloud covering two miles was caused by a controlled fire, sources say.
According to No Wey Eh of the North Korean Recreational and Agricultural Products, a regional leader was preparing a large banquet for the benefit of North Korea's President, Kim Jung Il. "We were trying to brew President Il's favorite beer, but, since we have an overabundance of grain this year, we decided to brew a barley wine instead."
Unfortunately, they found their OG to be too low to classify as a true barley wine, and didn't want to disappoint their leader. "He is a god to us. Would you give your god beer that does not meet BJCP classification requirements?" To boil the wort down, the heat required was tremendous. "We just meant to make a big fire, not cause an international uproar."
Both President Bush and Senator Kerry expressed alarm at not being invited to the party. "The President is serious about talks with North Korea. This just shows that they don't want to talk."
Senator Kerry's camp stated that the lack of invitation proved that President Bush had shunned the rest of the world. "This president has admitted that he stopped drinking. Well, Mr. President, I drink and I'm no party pooper. Why don't you go back to Texas and let me deal with the world's problems."
No Wey Eh stated that President Bush wasn't invited because they were afraid he may say something. Senator Kerry wasn't invited because President Il has a great fear of Mrs. Kerry.
Then came the follow up . . .
We are sadly reporting that No Wey Eh of the North Korean Recreational and Agricultural Products has been imprisoned for insinuating the production of grain has been below "abundance" levels in previous years.