@quietmorning: Thank you for your wonderful thoughts.
I do pray for her. And I try to be silent most of the time, but even my silence is perceived negatively as she assumes the worst for it. Having a (new)dysfunctional family puts our faith at test. My parents were people of prayer and so the family environment I was raised in, didn't have those problems. I have strong examples to follow but a weak self to motivate in prayer through all those temptations.
I try to keep in mind that the peace given to me is mine and I can only give it up if I want to give it up. There are times when I enjoy something no one else enjoys and they want to make a squawk about it . . . I just keep right on enjoying it and let them have their party by themselves. I don't have to join them in their stuff if I don't want to. When it gets really off the wall ugly, then I can excuse myself or pray the Jesus Prayer while they are going off the deep end.
Their opinions are theirs, not mine. . .and they can have them. It's not going to change me, and just because they are hyper reactive doesn't mean my opinion needs to change or be wrong.
But this is the most important thing. If I'm dead to this world, then they can argue and fight all they want. . . a corpse doesn't have an issue with it. Corpse's are dead. Sometimes I grants me quite a smile to remember the rant is going up into the face of me the dead to this world corpse. . . full tilt. . .and there well. . .just isn't what they want out of it. . .so I go about my way. . . **chuckles** No worse for wear.
This goes a long long way of toward not taking this person's 'stuff' into your 'stuff'. . . while this person would love to make it yours, it isn't yours . . . and the minute you 'react' to her instead of responding to her, you take her stuff. It isn't yours to take.
Sometimes, if I need to, I excuse myself to give myself a break. But think of this . . . how much power are you giving this person just because she's acting differently from what you are used to? Is she really in the place of God? Is she that powerful? She's a woman a little older than I am. . . lemme tell ya a secret. . . my bones are getting brittle, I have acid indigestion more times than not, I have a pot belly, I have to wear bifocals, and my morning run to the bathroom is getting . . .um . . .more and more uncomfortable.
I just ain't that intimidating any more. **wink**
Don't let this person intimidate you, either. You have Christ in you, He has overcome the world.
She's different from what you are used to. Love her as God made her. . . just as. . .and you'll be amazed at what happens.
One of the things I did for one of my family members - I'd catch her doing good. Then when she was completely alone, I'd tell her that I caught her and saw what she did. She at first wouldn't take the compliments - they HAD to be sincere. Then in time, she began to say 'thank you' . . . and she became less and less angry. . .
to find out she was angry at HERSELF all along. Then I heard the rest of the story about why this person was the way she was. . .why she hurt so much. It broke my heart.
Praying for you, your family and this new family member. Lord have mercy.