I sometimes use the Akathist for the Repose of the Departed for my wife*, but I don't know about the Canon for the Dead.
*Which I assumed was correct... would the canon be more proper?
I believe it is the sincerity in your heart that God sees, not whether you are praying the Akathist or the Canon. As punch said, there are no propers for home use.
Personally speaking, I find our memorial services to be very cathartic in the grieving process. I find it difficult to grieve when I go to a non-Orthodox funeral service and don't hear Veechnaya Pomyat/Memory Eternal.
Me, too. Some of my friends find it off-putting, somehow, that I have made prayers for the dead a part of my life. I actually keep to it more than I do my regular prayer rule; there's just something about the idea of praying for people who don't have anyone to pray for them by name (as is the case with most, if not all, of my ancestors outside of my immediate family) that keeps me coming back.
Going to a non-Orthodox or non-RC funeral is excruciating for me in so many ways, but the absence of a final exclamation of "Vicnaja pamjat!" or "Eternal rest..." is the worst.
My mother-in-law used to find it a little annoying when I would drift off at the funeral home during the wakes of my wife's family, but once she found out I would disappear into another room to pray the canon for the dead, she really appreciates it, another aspect of this type of prayer that keeps me coming back to it.