Author Topic: Prayer request.  (Read 1095 times)

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Offline orthodoxchristianonline

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Prayer request.
« on: December 17, 2011, 08:32:50 AM »
I am in a situation where i am not sure what to do to get out of. Since I was 12 I had problems in school and college and dropped out.... I was bullied as a kid, and often times i hated going to school and that is one of the reasons that i disliked going. I have always been poor, and I come from a poor family, singleparent. In our home there have always been problems. As a kid i didn't have money to go out, to buy clothes like all teenagers do, and at school i sometimes went with a pound or less for lunch. This is one of the reasons i hated going to school. Even when i was going i was bullied alot and people were jealous of me because i was a good looking kid. I got beaten up badly many times. At times that i was not attending i was sitting at home learning how to use the computer and eventually i became really good at it. I started learning from books how to program and how to write code. I was so fascinated, that I would replace going to school with sitting at home and browsing the internet in hope to learn something new or to chat online or find friends online. I was looking for a replacement for the horrible situation i had in school, that nobody cared.. Often times i got beaten so badly that i would go home and sit in my room and cry. People made fun of me because of the way i looked, because i was a good looking, yet a very shy kid. I was so shy that I wouldn't sit next to girls or even not turn up the next day if some girl told me that she liked me or even if i had acne. One day i decided to take up karate lessons to be able to defend myself. My parents were against that , although i finally convinced them, despite the difficulties. I was so fascinated by this, that i would go every single day of the week and practise there for hours. That taught me discipline and values, and made me a stronger person. By the time i turned 15 i was more liberal. I wanted to take my revenge and look good. Martial arts made me a more social, outgoing kid. I was stronger. That was more like my revenge. I was still being bullied at college, but i could defend myself. By the time i was 15-16 i was so concentrated on martial arts that i wanted to compete. I wanted to look good just like those movies i had seen on tv and really liked.  I had been to martial arts competitions then for a first time and really liked the look and feel of it. I was thinking that girls would like me more , and that people would like me more.. I was so concentrated on my dreams to be a martial artist. I was doing well in competitions and eventually were promised to be included in the national team , and i had ambitions and dreams for success. One day my life had changed completely. I had a terrible injury to the face in sparring , that left me scarred. My nose was broken and i lost that feeling of looking good. I had lost my confidence and I was staying home sleeping, wishing that would go away.  Having been to the doctor they had suggested me to do surgery, but I didn't have the money to afford that.  I wouldn't go back to college because of that.  My parents wouldn't help me and as a result i missed out. They insisted that I would have to fix it when i would be 18.  The same year i decide to go and live at my dads, and find a new college.  Living with him was difficult. He wouldn't care about me and often times he would shout or swear at me, and constantly harass me verbally. He would threaten and shout at me, and often times he wouldn't bring home any food. Even at times there was food in the fridge he would try to hide it. I had to call my family in the UK and ask them to support me. My mom would send me some money but weren't enough even to buy clothes or even for food.
Eventually i applied for jobs at local shops , but they wouldn't hire me. I decided to make a cv and apply for computing vacancies. I had sent my CV across to companies, and it was such a suprise to find out that i was receiving so many phone calls from agents and such a great attention. Eventually i got my first job working for some company, but unfortunately they had used my skills and kicked me out, saying that i have no degree or formal education and that i wouldn't fit in. I was so disappointed that i would call my mom and ask her to send me some more money to do some additional courses that would help me get a job and sustain it. My life with my dad was hell. Time was passing by and most of my time was spent sleeping, trying to find ways to make money to fix that, and put my life in order aswell. I had missed out my teenage years and teenage life by that time. The only memories i had of teenage life was that with my friends when i was 15, when all my friends had gf's and money to go out and party, and i did not.
 Moving forward by the time i was 21 i got employed by some companies , got some work experience but never sustained employment, i would always find myself right at the bottom. being kicked out for no reason right after their business demands were met, or when the job was done. I was being used.
 some tried to justify their actions on my attitude , my look didn't fit with the team or either my lack of qualifications those are some of the excuses. My dad made my life so hard that he wouldn't let me do things that were necessary, like ironing a shirt, having a shower. Often times i was late due to that, and that was one of the reasons that i would get kicked out. In terms of my education, some people called me out of the blue and offered to help me with my problem, they promised to get me on a trainng course and eventually they would help me find employment. that was part of the deal. they asked me to sign for a loan. the outcome was disastrous. they had taken 10,000 for a couple of books, unreliable training, and they lied that they would place me in employment. It was all lies.
 I was so angry that i would cry. Nobody cared. Nobody had time for me, not even my 'parents'.  I was so weak and depressed. I experienced feeling of hate from strangers, or even comments about my appearance. I had never had a relationship in my entire life by that time. The pain i went through  is unimaginable. I had no friends. I was all alone in a jungle, and I still am. I had seen things i shouldn't see.  All types of crime. I tried to avoid. 
One day i 've met this guy, and he was trying to convince me about going out. He looked like a decent guy. , although i couldn't tell straight away, but only after i met him. He had offered me a cigarette and apparently that was not a normal cigarette. It was drugs. That happened after months of 'friendship' in hope to find someone to help me. All i know is that I WAS on the street dying , and people passed by me and were laughing and making fun of me. Nobody cared. I had lost my mind and my nervous system was so weak. I am lucky i didn't die that day.... A terrible experience . I wouldn't want to go into more detail, other than i had experienced death.  I couldn't do anything. I couldn't read, write or sleep.  All i knew was that exercise and martial arts would help me get that out of my system. My spirit wanted to carry on.. to live .. to live as a teenager , to live life , to get an education.. i didn't want to die. I started running and exercising daily despite my mental difficulties, despite being in a place like insomnia. It took me two years to see improvements. I wanted all those things i was promised. The karate competitions, the national team trials, the education i paid for and never received, the jobs all those things i was promised, but were lies. In my daily marathon i was thinking of the warriors , the people who discovered martial arts, that gave me strength. That was giving me hope. Eventually i wanted the dream, That was the dream. . To live. a dream that for others was a basic thing. I wanted my Freedom.  . Since i was 15 i was praying that this would end, and that i would be given my freedom. That didn't happen. At the age of 22 i was looking for ways to survive...... my dad had kicked me out at that time, and had no money to rent. He was coming home drunk and often times i was scared. I had found a local church and attended there daily.  Eventually i started helping out in the church, but people there didn't seem to appreciate it. Even the priests would make fun of me, and sometimes they would call me names, or even threaten to kick me out of the Church!! for the reason of being annoying to them. One of the priests actually 'helped 'me find a place to stay. One of his friends at the church offered to let me live for some months in one of his empty apartments and he promised he would let me live for as long as i would like. The man let me stay in that apartment for 7 months, but then he demanded the money. He made me apply for benefits and he eventually kicked me out. He said the money was not enough for the rent.  During the time i was staying at that apartment i had applied for a university course and got accepted, with an unconditional offer. My mom was the one who asked me to try to get into uni or study at uni.  She just wanted me to send her a confirmation letter that i am a student. I did everything i could to get into Uni to help my mom with the confirmation letter. All i knew was it had to do something with some debt. Eventually i was offered an unconditional offer, and quite funnily for a postgraduate course. I was so excited. My mom would send me some money and also help me with paying the tuition fees. she had borrowed some money and tried to help me.  The people at the university diliked me, they were jealous of me being an active student and they would complain to tutors. The tutors eventually disliked me, and despite my efforts and endless hours of studying or having no sleep at all they bullied me.  During the same year i had been hit by a car and had nearly died. quite miraculously i was unharmed. thank God for that?!
 In the exams i was so sure that i did well, although they denied me the degree. I had to return back to my moms. I had left the country. Now i am 24, and my life is in ruins. My mom won't help me , and often times she shouts as me aswell. I get the feeling that she dislikes me. Maybe shes angry at me. I wish i could help myself, but i can't. She can't help me either. I need to find the money to continue my education, and get my freedom.. I want to live.. Now the dream is gone. I am well passed teenage years. I feel old.
I am 24 and have no memories of a teenage life, i have no memories of a gf or good times just like my friends did. The memories i have are those of pain and struggle, and empty prayers unanswered... those that the world is not loving...and nobody cares.. Why does everyone hate me so much ? Even the people who acted like friends or even my 'family' , they dislike me.... and don't care.
I don't have a degree, but i want to continue my education, I am looking for ways to fund my education. I am helpless and don't know what to do...  My appearance still creates so much problems to me. I don't feel like being my true self.
Is 24 too old?  Am i too late?  Shall i try and complete my education or stay at home and help my mom with her debts? I am bored staying at home all the time and want to live my life and have some education.
Please pray for a fellow human being, that God will show me a miracle, if you feel like it.

Offline genesisone

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2011, 08:53:10 AM »
I will offer my humble prayers on your behalf.

(Your questions are best answered on another forum - we try not to discuss issues in the prayer forum.)

Offline orthonorm

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2011, 08:57:56 AM »
Nicholas, you will be in my prayers.

Lord have mercy.

Offline McB

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2011, 09:06:59 AM »
Lord, have mercy!

Offline NicholasMyra

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2011, 10:14:07 AM »
Lord have mercy.
Quote from: Fr. Thomas Hopko, dystopian parable of the prodigal son can imagine so-called healing services of the pigpen. The books that could be written, you know: Life in the Pigpen. How to Cope in the Pigpen. Being Happy in the Pigpen. Surviving in the Pigpen. And then there could be counselling, for people who feel unhappy in the pigpen, to try to get them to come to terms with the pigpen, and to accept the pigpen.

Offline biro

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2011, 04:28:50 PM »
Lord have mercy.

St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, pray for us.

Warning: stories have mature content.

Offline Riddikulus

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2011, 05:29:23 PM »
St Nikolas pray for you. Lord, have mercy.
I believe in One God, maker of heaven and earth and of all things visible and invisible.

Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution.
Theodosius Dobzhansky, Russian Orthodox Christian (1900-1975)

Offline quietmorning

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2011, 11:49:27 AM »
Lord have mercy!
In His Mercy,

Offline stashko

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Re: Prayer request.
« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2011, 04:08:19 PM »

Lord Have Mercy....Amen Amen