Author Topic: Should I bring this to the attention of my priest? Or just keep my mouth shut  (Read 1191 times)

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Offline Quinault

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One of the ladies that went thru catechism with us is recently engaged to a Calvinist type pastor. Our daughters are close in age and I have seen that she hasn't been attending our parish at all as of late. I had no clue why they were absent and never thought anything of it. Although my daughter missed her daughter tremendously, I never thought to call and ask. The mother has a joint custody agreement and I figured the daughter was with her dad. I recently found out that she is attending an off-shoot splinter type group of the church we left (Mars Hill). You can google Mark Driscoll and find out a bit about him if you don't know already. I am friends with this lady on facebook. I don't think she or anyone else realize just how incompatible MH theology is with Orthodoxy. I think she is attempting to bridge the gap so to speak between the two. I have written her to point out that if she attempts to fulfill both Orthodox and Calvinist type theology she will fail at both. This was written in response to her post of dismay at a negative review of one of Mark Driscoll's books about sex to be released in the new year.


Should I let our priest know what I have discovered about her attempting to be Calvinist and Orthodox? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 10:26:40 PM by Quinault »

Offline Riddikulus

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One of the ladies that went thru catechism with us is recently engaged to a Calvinist type pastor. Our daughters are close in age and I have seen that she hasn't been attending our parish at all as of late. I recently found out that she is attending an off-shoot splinter type group of the church we left (Mars Hill). You can google Mark Driscoll and find out a bit about him if you don't know already. I am friends with this lady on facebook. I don't think she or anyone else realize just how incompatible MH theology is with Orthodoxy. I think she is attempting to bridge the gap so to speak between the two. I have written her to point out that if she attempts to fulfill both Orthodox and Calvinist type theology she will fail at both.


Should I let our priest know what I have discovered about her attempting to be Calvinist and Orthodox? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?

Quin, if it were me, I would follow the mouth shut priniciple.  ;)
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Offline quietmorning

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Pray for her.  If you have the chance to talk to her, then just ask her how she's doing and let her know she is missed. Ask her if there is any thing you can do or pray for her about.  Her Heavenly Father sees all - He already knows.
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Offline LBK

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If she intends to have an Orthodox church wedding, things could get interesting.
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Offline scamandrius

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Keep your friendship with her, but it is not your job to be the Orthodox police.  Let her do as she wills;  if there is repentance, there will be great rejoicing in  heaven.  Pray for her.  Besides, I'll probably bet your priest knows more than you think he knows.
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Offline Quinault

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Her fiance is a pastor at an emergent hybrid church near me that attempts of converge Orthodox and Calvinist theology and practices. I can't imagine that he would want to have a wedding at an Orthodox church.

I have pretty stringent rules/guidelines of what "friendship" is. There is no mutual emotional investment, so I wouldn't call her a "friend" so much as a semi-close acquaintance. Our daughters were (up until very recently when they stopped attending) the best of friends.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 11:17:21 PM by Quinault »

Offline biro

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I would most likely speak to her first, kindly but clearly. Ask her if she wants to discuss things with the priest. Then your friend can make the decision.

Offline Quinault

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I guess the only thing I can do is not allow my daughter to stay overnight if she is going to be taken the next morning to this strange hybrid church. Another Orthodox church would be fine with me. But my daughter is such a black/white person that she wouldn't be capable at this point of staying quiet if someone started preaching something opposed to Orthodox theology.

At this point that hasn't been an issue. But if the girls start wanting to stay overnight with each other it will come up.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 11:20:23 PM by Quinault »

Offline quietmorning

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I guess the only thing I can do is not allow my daughter to stay overnight if she is going to be taken the next morning to this strange hybrid church. Another Orthodox church would be fine with me. But my daughter is such a black/white person that she wouldn't be capable at this point of staying quiet if someone started preaching something opposed to Orthodox theology.

 ;D Wonderful.  I so love the honesty and truth children carry.  Ahhhhh what it is to be a child.

At this point that hasn't been an issue. But if the girls start wanting to stay overnight with each other it will come up.

How old is your daughter?
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Offline Quinault

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Our daughter is 10. In terms of interests she is very much akin to the ten year olds of 20 years ago: books, games, fairy tales and the like over video games, fashion, boys and such. In terms of her faith she is like a 30 year old seminarian. If we ever wanted to leave Orthodoxy (which we don't) I think the girl's head might pop off. Her reaction to Orthodoxy in part is what kept us going down this path. From the moment she entered an Orthodox church she was "home." Whereas her whole life of 6 years at the same church (Mars Hill) still resulted in her hiding under tables, not wanting to attend church, refusing to speak to anyone at church and being pretty much an agnostic.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 11:42:02 PM by Quinault »

Offline Quinault

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The people at our parish are amazed that our little girl was ever the anti-social child hiding under tables that no one thought was capable of speech. She is such an outgoing, happy, intelligent and polite child now that it is unbelievable the literally overnight change in her. From the first month we attended an Orthodox parish she wanted to be Orthodox at the age of 6.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 11:42:12 PM by Quinault »

Offline NicholasMyra

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Quinault, is this woman really into the emergent theology, or just into all the "pros" of being an emergent church member? Demagogues, no rules, youth group format for adults, take-as-you-will, find a husband easy, etc?
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Offline Quinault

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I can't say anything definitive. But I imagine/think/assume that she found a man that she wants to marry and is just trying to make the pegs fit so to speak. She wants to marry this man, so she wants to believe that his theology is correct. The chicken in this case would be the man, the egg would be emergent/calvinist theology. I think the chicken came before the egg in this case.

Offline Ortho_cat

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One of the ladies that went thru catechism with us is recently engaged to a Calvinist type pastor. Our daughters are close in age and I have seen that she hasn't been attending our parish at all as of late. I had no clue why they were absent and never thought anything of it. Although my daughter missed her daughter tremendously, I never thought to call and ask. The mother has a joint custody agreement and I figured the daughter was with her dad. I recently found out that she is attending an off-shoot splinter type group of the church we left (Mars Hill). You can google Mark Driscoll and find out a bit about him if you don't know already. I am friends with this lady on facebook. I don't think she or anyone else realize just how incompatible MH theology is with Orthodoxy. I think she is attempting to bridge the gap so to speak between the two. I have written her to point out that if she attempts to fulfill both Orthodox and Calvinist type theology she will fail at both. This was written in response to her post of dismay at a negative review of one of Mark Driscoll's books about sex to be released in the new year.


Should I let our priest know what I have discovered about her attempting to be Calvinist and Orthodox? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?

are you certain that she was chrismated?

Offline Quinault

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Yes, she was definitely chrismated. I saw her chrismated, and her two children baptized with my own eyes.

Offline Ortho_cat

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If you know her you might bring it up if/when you see her...be like "i haven't seen you in church for a while", or something and see what she says...if she's honest or not about it.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2011, 03:39:51 AM by Ortho_cat »

Offline PrincessMommy

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I would most likely speak to her first, kindly but clearly. Ask her if she wants to discuss things with the priest. Then your friend can make the decision.

I agree.  Speak with her first.  It is the loving thing to do. If you saw someone drowning wouldn't you try to save them?   I don't think it has to be a long confrontational discussion.  Perhaps she just needs someone to gently point out that Calvinism/Emergent Theology is not compatible with Orthodoxy and leave it at that.  But, perhaps a seed will have been sown.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2011, 08:36:11 AM by PrincessMommy »

Offline quietmorning

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Our daughter is 10. In terms of interests she is very much akin to the ten year olds of 20 years ago: books, games, fairy tales and the like over video games, fashion, boys and such. In terms of her faith she is like a 30 year old seminarian. If we ever wanted to leave Orthodoxy (which we don't) I think the girl's head might pop off. Her reaction to Orthodoxy in part is what kept us going down this path. From the moment she entered an Orthodox church she was "home." Whereas her whole life of 6 years at the same church (Mars Hill) still resulted in her hiding under tables, not wanting to attend church, refusing to speak to anyone at church and being pretty much an agnostic.

My parents were very protective of me and my faith when I was growing up - and I really am thankful for that - as it's so easy to get lost out there in all the stuff that's presented. 

I think setting this limit for your daughter is a very wise one.
In His Mercy,
BethAnna