My wife is having a difficult time finding a patron saint. She wants one that has been through similar circumstances in her life. For instance, she had a very hard home life growing up and was often taken advantage of by friends. Also, she's interested in finding a saint who also has a similar background and was married. She doesn't feel like she can relate at all to women saints who gave up marriage for a life of chastity or who were royalty.
I understand the difficulty you are facing. It seems that the overwhelming majority of women saints are listed as virgin martyrs, in fact many of the hagiographies of early women saints are so similar the names could be interchangeable.
I have done some research myself and found the titles of a couple of books in the past on married saints, but one of the titles is almost impossible to come by.
I remember that there are a few widowed female saints, as well as some that were monarchs who assisted the Church, but the list is slim.
St. Basil the Great's mother, St. Emily (married to St. Basil the Elder), and his grandmother, St. Macrina the Elder were married female saints who were not royalty.
The fact remains that if anyone hopes to be recognized as a saint after they die (not that anyone would aspire to that status, since it would show a lack of humility), and are members of the laity, (or the married clergy), the chances are almost nil.