Hi all, I hope I'm putting this in the right forum. Don't really know where to start, but I'll try to make this as short as possible.
I have a complex, but typically American family situation I think. I am a male now in my early twenties. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and my father moved two hours away from where I currently live. I currently live with my mother and sister who is close in age to me.
There are a few things that are causing problems within the household, and I was wondering if you had advice on how to deal with them in a Christian way:
3. Lack of parental involvement
1. The first problem, financial, has caused me not to be able to attend college anymore as I must work full-time to help pay the bills - our situation is such that we are always being threatened with foreclosure, electricity being shut-off etc. We somehow find a way to manage throughout the month but it is very stressful nonetheless.
I do not necessarily have a problem with this except for the fact that my sister is not expected to act or contribute as I am, even though she is able-bodied and basically the same age as me. She has two jobs, a car, goes to college and will graduate, health insurance but my mother does not expect her to pay any "rent" as I have to, mostly in part because my sister goes into a tirade any time you ask her to help with finances. In fact, I loaned her a significant sum of money to buy a car because of her "tears", but two years later I have yet to be paid back. Me having no car or health insurance find this situation to be stressful on me and it causes me a lot frustration, although I do continually try to "rather be wronged" as Paul says.
2. The second problem is really interpersonal. For example, when I was enrolled in college, I was studying music and classical guitar. This has always been a passion of mine and I showed really great promise. However as of the last two years every time I even lay a hand and start to practice a soft acoustic/classical guitar, my sister will yell and scream at me until I stop. So I just don't practice what has been a passion of mine since childhood, something I thought I would always do. The same thing goes for when I practice church litanies or any type of singing - yelling and tirades until I stop.
Maybe people can't understand this, but it is so disheartening and it makes me feel as if my feelings/wants/desires/needs aren't important - only those of my sister and mother count.
3. The lack of parental intervention on behalf of my mother and father is astounding to say the least. On numerous occasions I have had "meetings" with them to no avail. My father will say, "I cannot do anything because your sister is an adult and I don't live in that house anymore" and my mother says, "I can't control your sister", etc. I have tried and tried and tried and prayed as well, but I am at my wits end.
I ask my parents for life, financial advice and the like but with nothing more than "figure it out yourself, you're 22 now". How can I figure it out myself when I have people CRYING to me how they can't afford their rent or bills etc. so I am forced to stay and work at home, but at the same time deal with being constantly harassed, abused, and lied to at home.
I have tried to be "patient" and "kind". I even left my study-abroad 7 months early (which was on a full-scholarship) to help my mom pay her bills and deal with my sister. I got a call of my mother crying that my sister was out of hand - breaking things - and I felt bad, so I decided to go back home, only to be yelled at constantly FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS.
I wish I could move out, but then my mother would be strapped financially. I don't know what the Christian way would be take in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. Please pray for me.