Evil thoughts in my head [Pray for me please]

[GTAsoldier]

Lately, every time I invoke the name of Holy Trinity by making the sign of the Cross when I pray, Satan attacks my thoughts with iniquity when I mention the Holy Spirit. Like when I say:

"Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit...."

At that point, a condescending thought of the Spirit attacks my head. I know that blasphemy against the Spirit is unforgivable (Matthew 12:30-32), but I want these thoughts to stop attacking me spiritually and intellectually. It seems as if the more I learn about God and strive to live a life in Christ, Satan is trying his hardest to make me fall away. This is beginning to hinder my journey into Orthodoxy. One way I try to stop it is by constantly reciting the Jesus Prayer every chance I get (which helps), even up to the point of saying it in my head and quietly on my lips all day. But I need your prayers too. I don't want to fall away from the grace of God by sinning against God in my thoughts. Please help me.  

- GTA

[zekarja]

Lord, have mercy!

[IsmiLiora]

Lord, have mercy on your servant!

[Fabio Leite]

Lord have mercy!

[Seraphim Rose]

Lord, have mercy!

[CBGardner]

Lord, have mercy.

[Volnutt]

I have this problem as well. You aren't alone.

Imo, the father of lies is attacking us in this area specifically it is the sin we (I'm guessing this is true for both of us) most fear committing. This leads me to believe we won't be condemned as long as we keep fighting it. Satan doesn't bother attacking people who still have hope. Yes, the Jesus Prayer helps me. Getting outside and taking a walk sometimes gets my mind on other things as well-not full-proof, but still helpful.

Also, I don't know about you, but I tend to hole up with my laptop and isolate myself. When these things start, I find getting out and talking to people helps me get my mind on other things. When I'm alone at these times my neurotic nature makes everything worse.

You have my prayers.

[GTAsoldier]

Thank you, and thanks to everyone else here for your prayers. +

[Volnutt]

You're welcome. It'll be ok, man.

[Seraphim Rose]

I have this problem as well. You aren't alone.

Imo, the father of lies is attacking us in this area specifically it is the sin we (I'm guessing this is true for both of us) most fear committing.

Getting outside and taking a walk sometimes gets my mind on other things as well-not full-proof, but still helpful.

Also, I don't know about you, but I tend to hole up with my laptop and isolate myself. When these things start, I find getting out and talking to people helps me get my mind on other things. When I'm alone at these times my neurotic nature makes everything worse.

I think there is a lot of truth in Volnutt's words. You might think about very practical, non-spiritual and non-religious changes you can make to avoid the situations when the thoughts occur.

Maybe, for example, stop saying the Gloria for a time. Replace it with another prayer, if you wish. Also, the Orthodox don't always say "In the name of the Father..." when they cross themselves. They might also say, "Lord, have mercy," or the Jesus Prayer. It may not be necessary to recite any verbal prayer at all -- the Sign of the Cross is an extremely powerful prayer, absolutely necessary for spiritual warfare. We discussed it in a recent thread.

My thought is that moderation can go a long way in healing illness like this. I might examine what leads up to these attacks for you. Like Volnutt says, are there times you hole up, and do the fears follow them? Then avoid doing those things, or do them more moderately. Even certain foods, in excess or not, can trigger certain moods. Illness, physical or psychological, often doesn't just "happen" to us. We often invite it through our own immoderate living.

I am not at all suggesting that your fears are "merely" psychological. But it seems to me that the adversary can use our preexisting fears to tempt us and snare us into despair, or into crazy actions that we use to escape the pain and confusion. If nothing else, satan loves to see us suffer. One trick he has is to get us to use religious activities as a magical practice to keep away fear and confusion. (Please, will someone who is wiser me correct where I am wrong.)

Just work on doing normal things in addition to your prayers. Nothing out of the ordinary -- don't worry about special breathing, purifying diets, or marathon sessions of prayer or spiritual reading. Your attack is a symptom of your own injured nature.

You need a priest you can talk to. Just make sure that his parish is registered in his Bishop's jurisdiction! There are some not-so-legit priests running around -- I know firsthand.

[ipm]

The same is true for me. For me the vile thoughts are against The Theotokos and the love she shows her Son and all of us.

May God have mercy on us all and may he give us strength to endure these trials.

[SolEX01]

Lord have Mercy.

[Robb]

It sounds like your suffering from OCD.  Remember that God loves you and would not hold some disturbing thought that comes involuntarily into your head as a sin at all.  God judges whats in your heart, not some disturbing thought that enters your head. 

I have OCD too and experience from time to time what you deal with. Don't worry.  You are neither alone nor abnormal for these things.

[sainthieu]

It seems as if the more I learn about God and strive to live a life in Christ, Satan is trying his hardest to make me fall away.

You're absolutely correct. But these attacks are a sign of your success, not of your failure. Satan really gets vicious when we're making progress in the good. When we don't care, neither does he; he can run off and take a nap. Yet open a Bible, and there he is.

Don't let this struggle discourage you; rather, let it give you heart. (Besides, it will stop.) Keep praying the Jesus Prayer. Memorize Psalm 51, if you haven't already, and repeat that to yourself as well. Pray to God to give you the strength to clear your mind of these aberrations---and thank Him for this blessing. Things are really looking up for you.

[Nero]

Lord have mercy upon your servants

[GTAsoldier]

Thanks everyone. All of your replies and prayers are really helpful.

[elijahmaria]

Lately, every time I invoke the name of Holy Trinity by making the sign of the Cross when I pray, Satan attacks my thoughts with iniquity when I mention the Holy Spirit. Like when I say:

"Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit...."

At that point, a condescending thought of the Spirit attacks my head. I know that blasphemy against the Spirit is unforgivable (Matthew 12:30-32), but I want these thoughts to stop attacking me spiritually and intellectually. It seems as if the more I learn about God and strive to live a life in Christ, Satan is trying his hardest to make me fall away. This is beginning to hinder my journey into Orthodoxy. One way I try to stop it is by constantly reciting the Jesus Prayer every chance I get (which helps), even up to the point of saying it in my head and quietly on my lips all day. But I need your prayers too. I don't want to fall away from the grace of God by sinning against God in my thoughts. Please help me. 

- GTA

Indeed you are not alone.  After a particularly strong conversion and return to regular attendance at daily mass, there came a period where directly after the liturgy of the word, I began to experience very lurid and explicit sexual thoughts, almost like a film running in my head, that lasted all the way through the Agnus Dei.  That went on for months and I was nearly crazed by it.  I had no one to talk to at the time, so I prayed for a spiritual father and when one came across my path, I asked and he told me what he thought was happening to me and he suggested that I drop all guilty feelings and stop fighting the experience, and return my focus to the content of the Eucharist and wait and see.  Within weeks the "smut films" in my head ceased and never returned.

Other things have happened but that was the most dramatic and long lived experience.  It is sometimes good to pray to dispel demons in the name of Jesus Christ.  But that is not something to take lightly, and the best advise is to work to turn your focus toward Jesus, the Mother of God, all the angels and saints...and leave the rest to their own vices.  Go lightly, and go with God.

M.

[PeterTheAleut]

Just a reminder that this is the Prayer Forum, which is a place for prayer, not a place for dispensing psychological or medical advice. If advice is what you wish to offer, please start another thread on a different board for that. Thank you.

[elijahmaria]

Thanks everyone. All of your replies and prayers are really helpful.

Please understand that I was not offering medical advice to you or clinical advice of any kind.  I am not a medical professional.  I related a personal experience and hope that you might benefit.

God bless.

M.

[GTAsoldier]

I understand. Thanks.

[Seraphim Rose]

Just a reminder that this is the Prayer Forum, which is a place for prayer, not a place for dispensing psychological or medical advice. If advice is what you wish to offer, please start another thread on a different board for that. Thank you.

Understood.

[Hiwot]

Lord have mercy!
you are not alone dear brother, this terrifying warfare I have it too. The unspeakable terrifying blasphemies ,yes they may be there but do not pay attention to them, do not dwell on them,those are the thoughts of the enemy not yours. God loves you.May the Lord give you respite. Find an experienced spiritual father in these matters. May the Mother of Light protect you!

[GTAsoldier]

Thanks, brother.

[GTAsoldier]

^ I mean, sister. Sorry I didn't check your profile before addressing you as 'brother', Hiwot. But thanks anyway.

[Hiwot]

selam dear
That's quite alright, I did not check your profile either when I called u brother
blessed day :

[tweety234]

It sounds like your suffering from OCD.  Remember that God loves you and would not hold some disturbing thought that comes involuntarily into your head as a sin at all.  God judges whats in your heart, not some disturbing thought that enters your head. 

I have OCD too and experience from time to time what you deal with. Don't worry.  You are neither alone nor abnormal for these things.

what is ocd? can you explain?
thanks.

[GTAsoldier]

It sounds like your suffering from OCD.  Remember that God loves you and would not hold some disturbing thought that comes involuntarily into your head as a sin at all.  God judges whats in your heart, not some disturbing thought that enters your head.  

I have OCD too and experience from time to time what you deal with. Don't worry.  You are neither alone nor abnormal for these things.

what is ocd? can you explain?
thanks.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).

[Nathanael]

The unspeakable terrifying blasphemies ,yes they may be there but do not pay attention to them, do not dwell on them,those are the thoughts of the enemy not yours.

Exactly in this way I overcame such blasphemic thoughts two years ago. The more I was upset by such thoughts the more it became worse!

[NightOwl]

It sounds like your suffering from OCD.  Remember that God loves you and would not hold some disturbing thought that comes involuntarily into your head as a sin at all.  God judges whats in your heart, not some disturbing thought that enters your head.  

I have OCD too and experience from time to time what you deal with. Don't worry.  You are neither alone nor abnormal for these things.

Thank you for this! I posted a thread discussing this in the Convert Issues forum a couple weeks back, and I believe I struggle with a mild form of it too.

A better description, for those wondering:

The nature and type of Purely Obsessional OCD varies greatly, but the central theme for all sufferers is the emergence of a disturbing intrusive thought or question, an unwanted/inappropriate mental image, or a frightening impulse that causes the person extreme anxiety because it is antithetical to closely held religious beliefs, morals, or societal mores.[3] The fears associated with purely obsessional OCD tend to be far more personal and terrifying for the sufferer than what the fears of someone with traditional OCD may be. Pure O fears usually focus on self-devastating scenarios that the sufferer feels would ruin their life or the lives of those around them. An example of this difference could be that someone with traditional OCD is overly concerned or worried about security or cleanliness. While this is still distressing, it is not to the same level as someone with purely obsessional OCD who may be terrified that they have undergone a radical change in their sexuality (i.e.: might be or might have changed into a pedophile or become homosexual ), that they might be a murderer or that they might cause any form of harm to a loved one or an innocent person, or that they will go insane. They will understand that these fears are unlikely or even impossible but the anxiety felt will make the obsession seem real and meaningful. While those without Purely Obsessional OCD might instinctively respond to bizarre intrusive thoughts or impulses as insignificant and part of a normal variance in the human mind, someone with Purely Obsessional OCD will respond with profound alarm followed by an intense attempt to neutralize the thought or avoid having the thought again. The person begins to ask themselves constantly "Am I really capable of something like that?" or "Could that really happen?" or "Is that really me?" (even though they usually realize that their fear is irrational, which causes them further distress)[4] and puts tremendous effort into escaping or resolving the unwanted thought. They then end up in a vicious cycle of mentally searching for reassurance and trying to get a definitive answer.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD

Recognizing that these thoughts are the evil products of a form of psychological disorder and don't come from my own heart has helped me greatly with feelings of immense guilt or paranoia.

Lord have mercy...

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