Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
I agree with some of the sentiments of that article, surely pews are an added part of particularly American Orthodox worship. In Ethiopia pews were quite foreign until relatively recent times. However, I think they are not entirely useless or distracting in the Orthodox Liturgy, so long as we don't use them in the Catholic sense. When I walk into a Catholic parish, even just at a regular, non-liturgical moment, all the people are there are either sitting with their heads bowed or prostrate on their knees. When I walk into an Orthodox Church, even with pews the folks are always standing in prayer. So even while we have pews, we do not necessarily "abuse the privilege" and if anything, they have become quite useful for the elderly and ill parishioners to take a momentary rest during the Service. Folks who pray sitting down in this condition speak volumes as to their piety, faith, and sincerity of worship.
as to the point #1, all jokes aside I actually agree with (aside from the Priest commentary) as the pews do demarcate a place to stand and worship, where as a big open Church sort of forces people to feel like standing anywhere in particular and yet nowhere at all.
the #5 does also have its advantages, honestly 3-6 year old children can't be expected to stand attentively for three hours of service, the pews do indeed give them a place to lie down or to play quietly why the parents and breathe easy and pray. Also, I would say that it allows for the kids to stay in the Sanctuary rather then be scuttled out elsewhere or even worse have the parents only show up just on time for Communion to avoid having their kids in the Church. Even if our kids just sleep during the Liturgy, they are sleeping in the most Graceful and Serene place where the Spirit is bound to grow on them.
As to the #7, during Holy Week at my parish we stack up all the pews in the back and open up the floor for prostrations