Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 96257 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Mor Ephrem

  • A highly skilled and trained Freudian feminist slut
  • Section Moderator
  • Hypatos
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,684
    • OrthodoxChristianity.net
  • Faith: Mercenary Freudianism
  • Jurisdiction: Texas Feminist Coptic
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #495 on: December 13, 2017, 12:07:00 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Offline Alpha60

  • Pray without ceasing!
  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,783
  • Faith: Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #496 on: December 13, 2017, 01:34:08 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

Indeed,  I quite agree.   In this most embarassing instance I lit the candle well before the Creed, during the antiphons, I think, and then remained near the candlestand; I then noticed during the Institution Narrative that the candle was listing at a severe angle and had to rush to adjust it.

What is the trick for securing those candles anyway?  Note btw this was a slightly abbreviated weekday service with the homily after the Dismissal, so the candle had only been burning for about 20 minutes when I noticed the severe lean.  With the small candles, you just heat up he underside and insert while the wax is hot; when the wax cools it will form in the shape of the candle holder securing it properly.

At one ROCA-A Old Calendarist parish I visited, the sister of the young reader would continually remove burned out candles throughout the service except during the most sacred moments, like the Institution Narrative, the Entrances and so on.  I have seen this a few other places and I would agree with you, I think the ideal cutoff for lighting candles would be the end of the Third Antiphon, at least at the front of the church.

A part of me wishes we wouldnt primarily sell candles during the service but instead have parishioners “subscribe” to them, so that the candles would predominantly be prepaid and lit at the start of the service.  Additional candles would be available free of charge for visitors.

In most Coptic parishes I have visited the candles tend to be in the back, whereas St. Ephrems Syriac Orthodox Church has the sort of setup where you place candles in a container of sand, located in the narthex.  St. Mary’s Assyrian Church of the East has a beautiful grotto attached to the narthex, out of view of the nave, an artificial cave with niches on which the faihful place lighted candles.  I really like that sort of candle-cave chapel idea (which was probably in part inspired by a fear of another fire breaking out in the nave and burning their parish down again; their main altar lights are electric which I greatly dislike).  On the whole, my ideal candle setup would have the Byzantine candle stands with central oil lamps and a built in thurible on one of them (St. Anthonys Greek Orthodox Monastery under Elder Ephrem has this, the stationary thurible being used during the Hours), in the entrance to the nave and in the Solea surrounding a floral-ensconced set of icons proper to the day, and a separate grotto-chapel like that at the Assyrian church off the Narthex, with Greek style sand pits, differing from the Addyrian one only in that it would have shelves wih icons (lower wuality or less standard icons vs. those in the nave), where people could purchase and light candles and let them burn continually, whereas the candles on the Byzantine candle stands in the Solea would, like the oil lamps, be “managed” at least to some extent (perhaps at a minimum you might buy the candle from a matushka or a pious yiayia who would then place it in the best spot at the best time in the service, whether that was Vespers, the Liturgy, an Akathist or whathaveyou.

This also applies to OO churches; I really like the Russian model of a central icon commemorating the feast of the day surrounded by fresh flowers and candle stands, in the heart of the solea, for everyone to see and venerate; there are aspects of this like our placement of stands with pictures of the deceased for memorial services in the West Syriac Rite that would require adjustment for compatibility, but my view is that the Russian/Slavonic layout of the solea is the aesthetic ideal we should be pushing for in the Syriac Orthodox Church, (and in the Coptic), except in the few ancient churches we have with an ancient layout, like the monasteries in Tur Abdin.  It would just be a question elsewhere of placing the icon of the day, the flowers and the candle stands where they would not get in the way of the processions straight up and down the central aisle we have in our services, yet still central.  One Coptic parish I visited tried to do just that, with a festal icon or an icon of the Theotokos on the ladies side of the nave next to fresh cut flowers.
"It is logical that the actions of the human race over time will lead to its destruction.  I, Alpha 60, am merely the agent of this destruction."

- The computer Alpha 60, from Alphaville (1964) by Jean Luc Godard, the obvious inspiration for HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. 

This signature is not intended to offend any user, nor the relatives of Discovery 1 deputy commander Dr. Frank Poole,  and crew members Dr. Victor Kaminsky, Dr. Jack Kimball, and Dr. Charles Hunter.

Offline Alpha60

  • Pray without ceasing!
  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,783
  • Faith: Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #497 on: December 13, 2017, 01:36:14 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Indeed, I regret to say I missed most of Terce, but at least I was there for your favorite hour.  :)
"It is logical that the actions of the human race over time will lead to its destruction.  I, Alpha 60, am merely the agent of this destruction."

- The computer Alpha 60, from Alphaville (1964) by Jean Luc Godard, the obvious inspiration for HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. 

This signature is not intended to offend any user, nor the relatives of Discovery 1 deputy commander Dr. Frank Poole,  and crew members Dr. Victor Kaminsky, Dr. Jack Kimball, and Dr. Charles Hunter.

Offline MariaJLM

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 74
  • Faith: Eastern Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #498 on: December 13, 2017, 02:26:13 PM »
I haven't really experienced anything too outrageous, but I do have some smaller stuff that happened. I'm a singer/cantor in my parish. A few times when I was going through the prayers and readings I messed it up and everybody noticed. One mistake I made that was immediately pointed out was me saying "Glory to the Father and the Holy Spirit". I forgot the Son! Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #499 on: December 13, 2017, 02:28:14 PM »
Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Maybe you're the reencarnation of an Old Believer.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline MariaJLM

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 74
  • Faith: Eastern Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #500 on: December 13, 2017, 02:32:20 PM »
Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Maybe you're the reencarnation of an Old Believer.

Reincarnation? Hah, spot the heretic :P.

Offline Bob2

  • High Elder
  • ******
  • Posts: 778
  • Faith: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #501 on: December 13, 2017, 05:45:29 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Our bishop says not to move unless you are on fire during this time.

Offline William T

  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,545
  • Faith: Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Antioch
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #502 on: December 13, 2017, 07:20:33 PM »
Please tell us more about you checking out a girl. Did the priest yell at you? What did he say? I've gotten caught a few times by friends although at school. Church is a little easier (not that I would ever check out a girl at church) I'm just guessing since everyone is facing front.

I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   

I remember my girl cousins in the choir making fun of me calling me rubber neck and things like that,  and me getting embarresed assuring my girl cousins that girls were gross and stupid, and there was no way I would be checking one out.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2017, 07:22:07 PM by William T »

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #503 on: December 13, 2017, 07:33:59 PM »
I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   
A friend tells about a time he was in an Antiochian church, the priest made a minor mistake and a woman from the choir simply opened the altar door and started yelling at him in Arabic. It seems you guys can be very incisive.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline William T

  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,545
  • Faith: Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Antioch
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #504 on: December 13, 2017, 07:42:46 PM »
I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   
A friend tells about a time he was in an Antiochian church, the priest made a minor mistake and a woman from the choir simply opened the altar door and started yelling at him in Arabic. It seems you guys can be very incisive.
During a liturgy?  Not really at all.  From my experience the eastern Europeans are way more sensitive to that as a service is going on than a Greek or Antiochian.  Most places I've been to are pretty lassiez faire.   After the service is when fire works erupt, on the hour every hour.

When the priest,  deacon,  or whoever chidded me it was when we (the alter boys) were in the back room.   If you ever have a job that involves boys ages 7-18, there will be moments when setting them in place is part of the job.   That goes with the territory.   There's nothing special at yelling at a 13 year old boy for doing something silly, every culture has that.

I mean c'mon:
https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/IVP-NT/Luke/Twelve-Year-Old-Jesus-Goes


If that's with Christ and the Holy Theotokos what do you expect?

« Last Edit: December 13, 2017, 07:51:20 PM by William T »

Offline MariaJLM

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 74
  • Faith: Eastern Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #505 on: December 13, 2017, 07:46:35 PM »
I remembered another incident from my own parish. During liturgy one of the little girls present was pretty hyperactive. She ran through the royal doors and into the altar right as liturgy was going on. Her dad had to go retrieve her. 

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #506 on: December 13, 2017, 09:19:58 PM »
I remembered another incident from my own parish. During liturgy one of the little girls present was pretty hyperactive. She ran through the royal doors and into the altar right as liturgy was going on. Her dad had to go retrieve her.
The archbishop once told me that if my sister ever tried walking into the altar, I should let them deal with it instead of going there myself. Once we were praying outdoors and she simply walked in among the priests and one of them signed me to let her stay wherever she wanted when I walked there to retrieve them. Kinda sweet of them.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #507 on: December 19, 2017, 02:48:29 PM »
Someone's phone rang as the Great Entrance was happening.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #508 on: December 19, 2017, 02:52:22 PM »
Someone's phone rang as the Great Entrance was happening.
LOL!
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline Dominika

  • Troublesome Sheep
  • Global Moderator
  • Taxiarches
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,950
  • Serbian/Polish
    • My youtube channel
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Antiochian Patriarchate/POC
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #509 on: December 19, 2017, 02:54:48 PM »
Someone's phone rang as the Great Entrance was happening.
LOL!

+1

Well, if you write "vader" and "father" in Polish you would read it the same way, plus both wear black matnle.. So sometiems I do jokes with this vader/father. Such music during the Great Entrance would be a nice addition xd
Pray for persecuted Christians, especially in Serbian Kosovo and Raška, Egypt and Syria

My Orthodox liturgical blog "For what eat, while you can fast" in Polish (videos featuring chants in different languages)

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #510 on: December 19, 2017, 02:56:12 PM »
Are hieromonks technically "dark fathers"?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Alpha60

  • Pray without ceasing!
  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,783
  • Faith: Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #511 on: December 22, 2017, 03:10:17 PM »
Are hieromonks technically "dark fathers"?

They were called “black clergy” in the Russian Orthodox church in the past, for example, in the 1920s-1930s, as opposed to the married “white clergy.”  The Rennovationists of the evil Living Church movement persecuted the monastics and in contradiction to the ancient canons ordained “white clergy” as bishops.

I believe the term is now obsolete and best avoided; I would fear to use it owing to potential perjorative connotations or potential confusions involving racism.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2017, 03:12:10 PM by Alpha60 »
"It is logical that the actions of the human race over time will lead to its destruction.  I, Alpha 60, am merely the agent of this destruction."

- The computer Alpha 60, from Alphaville (1964) by Jean Luc Godard, the obvious inspiration for HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. 

This signature is not intended to offend any user, nor the relatives of Discovery 1 deputy commander Dr. Frank Poole,  and crew members Dr. Victor Kaminsky, Dr. Jack Kimball, and Dr. Charles Hunter.

Offline Saxon

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 171
  • Faith: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #512 on: January 08, 2018, 10:25:49 AM »
Yesterday, during the Gospel reading for the Nativity liturgy, our deacon - a Russian immigrant with a good command of English - on getting to the part about the Magi, chanted that they brought "gifts of gold, Frankenstein, and myrrh." 

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #513 on: January 21, 2018, 11:16:59 PM »
Not a liturgical mishap, but I was mistaken for a drunkard while carrying a bottle of holy water home after Epiphany. I got some strange looks and only understood what I was going on when a homeless man pointed at it and said cachaça (a hard liquor) could destroy my life. I explained to him it was holy water, put some in his hand and he blessed himself with it. I kept getting ugly looks, though.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #514 on: January 21, 2018, 11:38:17 PM »
Was it a vodka bottle?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #515 on: January 21, 2018, 11:56:55 PM »
Was it a vodka bottle?
Nope, but it looked very roughly like one of these:

"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #516 on: January 22, 2018, 12:56:54 AM »
Ah, ok.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Iconodule

  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 15,241
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Patriarchate of Johnstown
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #517 on: January 23, 2018, 12:52:25 PM »
Not a liturgical mishap, but I was mistaken for a drunkard while carrying a bottle of holy water home after Epiphany. I got some strange looks and only understood what I was going on when a homeless man pointed at it and said cachaça (a hard liquor) could destroy my life. I explained to him it was holy water, put some in his hand and he blessed himself with it. I kept getting ugly looks, though.

I'm surprised people would be so judgmental about liquor in your city.
Mencius said, “Instruction makes use of many techniques. When I do not deign to instruct someone, that too is a form of instruction.”

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #518 on: January 23, 2018, 08:02:40 PM »
I'm surprised people would be so judgmental about liquor in your city.
I think one of the main vices of Brazilians (at least the core Rio-São Paulo culture and everything it has messed up) is hypocrisy.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #519 on: April 08, 2018, 05:14:43 AM »
A priest exclaimed "Wisdom!" at the wrong moment. The archbishop replied in a low voice: "no wisdom at all..."

Also, during the Paschal kiss, people were just kissing the icons and the priests' hands (not each other yet) and the archbishop just pointed at me and a girl in her first Pascha and said "now kiss!" She looked at me very awkwardly and he said "fraternally, it's Pascha!"
« Last Edit: April 08, 2018, 05:24:47 AM by RaphaCam »
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline biro

  • Site Supporter
  • Stratopedarches
  • *****
  • Posts: 21,553
  • Excelsior
    • Archive of Our Own works
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #520 on: April 08, 2018, 10:24:47 AM »
We had so many train-wreck moments last night. The chanters and the priests got their wires crossed all the time. Well, it's Pascha. Everyone wound up happy anyway.
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parakeetist


Warning: stories have mature content.

Offline wynd

  • High Elder
  • ******
  • Posts: 601
  • Transfiguration
  • Faith: Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: OCA
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #521 on: April 09, 2018, 11:21:24 AM »
Last Lent, during a presanctified liturgy:

Priest: Wisdom! Let us attend!
Me: The reading is from--
Priest: The light of Christ illumines all!

I then proceeded to do the most humble prostration I've ever done.

Offline Dominika

  • Troublesome Sheep
  • Global Moderator
  • Taxiarches
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,950
  • Serbian/Polish
    • My youtube channel
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Antiochian Patriarchate/POC
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #522 on: April 09, 2018, 01:19:17 PM »
A priest exclaimed "Wisdom!" at the wrong moment. The archbishop replied in a low voice: "no wisdom at all..."

Also, during the Paschal kiss, people were just kissing the icons and the priests' hands (not each other yet) and the archbishop just pointed at me and a girl in her first Pascha and said "now kiss!" She looked at me very awkwardly and he said "fraternally, it's Pascha!"

Both situations are great! :D


Last Lent, during a presanctified liturgy:

Priest: Wisdom! Let us attend!
Me: The reading is from--
Priest: The light of Christ illumines all!

I then proceeded to do the most humble prostration I've ever done.

It happened to me 2 years ago, if I recall correctly. However, before the prostration I started to wave hands in panic, as if I'd wanted to fly away xd
Pray for persecuted Christians, especially in Serbian Kosovo and Raška, Egypt and Syria

My Orthodox liturgical blog "For what eat, while you can fast" in Polish (videos featuring chants in different languages)

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #523 on: June 17, 2018, 03:49:38 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Orthodox_Slav

  • A sinful servant of God.
  • OC.net guru
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,031
  • 1539: Seal of Ivan IV
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Moscow Patriarchate
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #524 on: June 17, 2018, 04:02:32 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')
"Two Romes fell, a third stands, and there will not be a fourth one."-Philotheus of Pskov

Christ is risen from the dead,
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life!- Paschal troparion

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #525 on: June 17, 2018, 04:12:36 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Yes.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Dominika

  • Troublesome Sheep
  • Global Moderator
  • Taxiarches
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,950
  • Serbian/Polish
    • My youtube channel
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Antiochian Patriarchate/POC
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #526 on: June 17, 2018, 04:20:36 PM »
Yesterday I was asked, unexpectedly (as in 90% cases) to chant the parts of the reader at Matins. I have always problems with the refrain of the canon of the cross and resurrection, it's quite complicated in Church Slavonic: "Слава, Господи, Кресту Твоему Честному и Воскресению" (Glory be Lord to your Cross honorable and Resurrection). Every refrain I chanted with words in different order, and the first refrain was catastrophe, something like "Glory be... to your O Lord... and your Cross.... and to Resurrecion your...", so each time I was supposed to chant this refrain, the choir director was running toward me and whispering the words in the proper order.

Anyway, it's a great proof that I pass the Friday exam (recitation of two arctile about water crisis in Arabic from memory) by God's mercy, as I can't remember even the text that repeats almost every week, a few times at the service.

And I read a stichera instead of the exapostilarion, so the director asked me to read fastly also the exapostilarion. I had a headcahe and was tired after Friday (that's the first time I'd not slept at night because I'd been preparing for an exam), so maybe that's an excuse.
Pray for persecuted Christians, especially in Serbian Kosovo and Raška, Egypt and Syria

My Orthodox liturgical blog "For what eat, while you can fast" in Polish (videos featuring chants in different languages)

Offline Mor Ephrem

  • A highly skilled and trained Freudian feminist slut
  • Section Moderator
  • Hypatos
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,684
    • OrthodoxChristianity.net
  • Faith: Mercenary Freudianism
  • Jurisdiction: Texas Feminist Coptic
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #527 on: June 17, 2018, 05:38:32 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

Offline Orthodox_Slav

  • A sinful servant of God.
  • OC.net guru
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,031
  • 1539: Seal of Ivan IV
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Moscow Patriarchate
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #528 on: June 17, 2018, 06:12:20 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

what do you mean by that!!!
"Two Romes fell, a third stands, and there will not be a fourth one."-Philotheus of Pskov

Christ is risen from the dead,
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life!- Paschal troparion

Offline Brilko

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 176
  • Faith: Christian
  • Jurisdiction: ?
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #529 on: June 17, 2018, 08:32:53 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

what do you mean by that!!!

Picture the scene. A memorial service. The choir is about to sing “Memory Eternal”. The little girl, thinking she is doing very well, sings “Many Years”. It’s a mishap. It’s shocking. It’s also a funny event that spits in the eye of death. Reacting to that with a Russian lesson might seem a bit odd to some.

Offline Orthodox_Slav

  • A sinful servant of God.
  • OC.net guru
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,031
  • 1539: Seal of Ivan IV
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Moscow Patriarchate
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #530 on: June 17, 2018, 09:03:12 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

what do you mean by that!!!

Picture the scene. A memorial service. The choir is about to sing “Memory Eternal”. The little girl, thinking she is doing very well, sings “Many Years”. It’s a mishap. It’s shocking. It’s also a funny event that spits in the eye of death. Reacting to that with a Russian lesson might seem a bit odd to some.

well, we Slavs are strange people! ;D
"Two Romes fell, a third stands, and there will not be a fourth one."-Philotheus of Pskov

Christ is risen from the dead,
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life!- Paschal troparion

Offline scamandrius

  • A man of many, many turns
  • Merarches
  • ***********
  • Posts: 9,372
  • Faith: Greek Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: DOWAMA of AANA
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #531 on: June 17, 2018, 09:41:48 PM »
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.
Da quod iubes et iube quod vis.

Offline Mor Ephrem

  • A highly skilled and trained Freudian feminist slut
  • Section Moderator
  • Hypatos
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,684
    • OrthodoxChristianity.net
  • Faith: Mercenary Freudianism
  • Jurisdiction: Texas Feminist Coptic
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #532 on: June 17, 2018, 09:48:14 PM »
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.

That’s easy to do.  Nothing to understand, really.  There are rubrics for what to do when you’re about to consecrate the chalice and discover that you never poured wine into it.  That’s a bit more difficult to understand.

Offline Ainnir

  • Section Moderator
  • Archon
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,713
  • Faith: Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #533 on: June 17, 2018, 10:00:32 PM »
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.

That’s easy to do.  Nothing to understand, really.  There are rubrics for what to do when you’re about to consecrate the chalice and discover that you never poured wine into it.  That’s a bit more difficult to understand.

That makes me feel so much better about life, you have no idea.    ;D
Is any of the above Orthodox?  I have no clue, so there's that.

Offline hecma925

  • Non-clairvoyant, but you can call me Elder
  • Hoplitarches
  • *************
  • Posts: 16,239
  • Unbreakable! He's alive, dammit! It's a MIRACLE!
  • Faith: Truthful Chalcedonian Truther
  • Jurisdiction: In Hell I'll be in good company
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #534 on: June 18, 2018, 06:16:56 PM »
Step 1 :  Chalice
Step 2 :  Wine
Step 3 :  ?? ??
Step 4 :  Profit (spiritually)!
« Last Edit: June 18, 2018, 06:17:21 PM by hecma925 »
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #535 on: June 18, 2018, 09:38:09 PM »
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.

That’s easy to do.  Nothing to understand, really.  There are rubrics for what to do when you’re about to consecrate the chalice and discover that you never poured wine into it.  That’s a bit more difficult to understand.
I wonder how many times they actually did it before immortalising this into rubrics...
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline RaphaCam

  • Taxiarches
  • **********
  • Posts: 7,046
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #536 on: June 18, 2018, 09:40:32 PM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"
The kid was actually trying to take the gloom away singing to the glory of the resurrection. Axia!
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline Bob2

  • High Elder
  • ******
  • Posts: 778
  • Faith: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #537 on: June 19, 2018, 12:16:55 AM »
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"
The kid was actually trying to take the gloom away singing to the glory of the resurrection. Axia!
better than happening the other way around at a wedding

Offline LBK

  • No Reporting Allowed
  • Toumarches
  • ************
  • Posts: 13,594
  • Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!
  • Faith: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #538 on: June 19, 2018, 12:24:09 AM »
better than happening the other way around at a wedding

This did happen at a wedding I went to.  :o :o
Am I posting? Or is it Schroedinger's Cat?

Offline Orthodox_Slav

  • A sinful servant of God.
  • OC.net guru
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,031
  • 1539: Seal of Ivan IV
  • Faith: Orthodox Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Moscow Patriarchate
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #539 on: June 19, 2018, 10:55:23 AM »
me going to church standing there crossing my self and praying I accidentally cross myself with my left hand (don't ask how its an accident I was just starting with the faith back then I cant think of me doing it again nowadays) later during the service satan attacked me  I felt light headed and have to sit down (people tried to convince me it was because its a small room and the windows were closed but what do they know)
"Two Romes fell, a third stands, and there will not be a fourth one."-Philotheus of Pskov

Christ is risen from the dead,
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life!- Paschal troparion