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Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 24397 times) Average Rating: 0
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« Reply #270 on: April 11, 2014, 07:17:27 PM »

From what I understand, he was fine, waiting in line with his mother, and turned around and expelled what little food was in his stomach onto the floor in front of the Baptist couple waiting behind them. After that, he was fine.

So he's an anti-ecumenist. 

We need to make that kid a forum member.
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« Reply #271 on: April 12, 2014, 10:00:55 AM »

may God bring healing to father john and his kidneys.

i deliberately have a church song ring tone, in case of forgetting to switch my phone off.
one day my phone went off while the bishop was reading the gospel and i was in the front row!
i turned it within 3 or 4 seconds, and during coffee after liturgy apologised to the bishop for the mistake.

he hadn't noticed!
thank God for recordable ring tones and clergy with impressive levels of concentration!
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« Reply #272 on: April 28, 2014, 09:24:53 AM »

Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  Embarrassed. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.
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« Reply #273 on: April 28, 2014, 10:53:53 AM »

Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  Embarrassed. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.

 Cheesy Glad you made it through.
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« Reply #274 on: April 28, 2014, 11:12:05 AM »

Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  Embarrassed. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.

They are well known for cutting off ears!
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« Reply #275 on: April 28, 2014, 11:44:02 AM »

If your parish buys one of those fancy hand carved Biers, make sure to take measurements of your Epitaphios to make sure that it will fit into the Bier. The Priest before me ordered a Bier from Greece, but it is too small for our Epitaphios. Also make sure that it is not too heavy and that it can get through the door for the procession.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #276 on: May 09, 2014, 01:35:00 PM »

It would be funny, but also sad if the Epitaphios and Bier do not fit through the doors. They would have to be brought in, each separately, and I don't think that even a Cathedral would have a large enough complement of priests for THAT.
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« Reply #277 on: May 15, 2014, 10:18:58 PM »

fish n chips  police
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« Reply #278 on: June 08, 2014, 03:31:00 PM »

I really messed us up at Kneeling Vespers earlier today. I did have some help from my priest, though. Things started out OK, but suddenly our priest announced: "The Evening Prokeimenon!" when we chanters were about to sing "O Lord, I have cried..." Two things immediately went through my mind: first, I had misarranged the pages in my binder (I have the whole service printed out with appropriate music in its correct place), but some quick checking showed that that was not the case; secondly, our priest had suddenly decided to do a major abbreviation - he does occasionally make some cuts, but this seemed extreme. We chanters paused for several seconds as I was hoping to hear the priest correct himself, but I heard nothing. I was likely in such a panic mode that my ability to hear anything completely disappeared, as Fr D did tell me later that he said (in a somewhat lower volume) "Not that, sing the Psalms". So anyway, we launched into the Prokeimenon, and Fr D simply picked it up at that point and carried on with the First Kneeling Prayer. He wasn't the least bit upset as he was (I'm sure) appreciative of the unexpected shortening of the service.  Wink Cheesy. Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.
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« Reply #279 on: June 08, 2014, 04:32:35 PM »

Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.

But now the whole internet knows, and will know unto ages of ages!
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« Reply #280 on: June 08, 2014, 04:50:42 PM »

Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.

But now the whole internet knows, and will know unto ages of ages!
Still OK. We don't have internet here .  Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
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« Reply #281 on: June 25, 2014, 02:35:10 AM »

I was serving behind the altar today at a very small service in my church. There was my Priest, the Deacon, and me behind the altar, and the Presbytera was singing alone. Near the end of the Orthros, Presbytera suddenly stops mid-hymn and shouts, “OH MY GOD”. The three of us behind the altar look out at her, and she’s practically climbing the walls freaking out.

“There’s a scorpion! Or something! I don’t know! EW!”

Father, the deacon and I all come out and look around to find the bug, but we come up with nothing. Eventually, Presbytera calms down and says, “Let’s just keep going.”

She starts over again, but this time she gets about ten seconds into it before she’s shouting again, but much louder, “OH OH OH THERE IT IS KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT”

We run out again and spot a little house centipede running around on the music stand. Father grabs the Great Horologion that she had sitting on the stand and smacks the bug onto the floor. It starts crawling towards my feet, so I stomp it flat.

As we return to the altar to finish Orthros, the deacon, a jolly old man in his late 70s, leans over to me and whispers, “And people say that church is boring!” laugh
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« Reply #282 on: June 25, 2014, 07:34:31 AM »

^Old deacons are the best!  Cheesy
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« Reply #283 on: June 25, 2014, 09:19:04 AM »

I was serving behind the altar today at a very small service in my church. There was my Priest, the Deacon, and me behind the altar, and the Presbytera was singing alone. Near the end of the Orthros, Presbytera suddenly stops mid-hymn and shouts, “OH MY GOD”. The three of us behind the altar look out at her, and she’s practically climbing the walls freaking out.

“There’s a scorpion! Or something! I don’t know! EW!”

Father, the deacon and I all come out and look around to find the bug, but we come up with nothing. Eventually, Presbytera calms down and says, “Let’s just keep going.”

She starts over again, but this time she gets about ten seconds into it before she’s shouting again, but much louder, “OH OH OH THERE IT IS KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT”

We run out again and spot a little house centipede running around on the music stand. Father grabs the Great Horologion that she had sitting on the stand and smacks the bug onto the floor. It starts crawling towards my feet, so I stomp it flat.

As we return to the altar to finish Orthros, the deacon, a jolly old man in his late 70s, leans over to me and whispers, “And people say that church is boring!” laugh


I just got out of 6am liturgy, I'm sitting in a tiny local coffee shop, and that story makes my day even better!
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« Reply #284 on: June 25, 2014, 10:07:24 AM »

Almost a year ago I was vested. Chanting and what not. Really feeling this Saturday liturgy. Attendance is rising as I spread the word about Saturdays. Chanting Psalm 150(our communion hymn). Everything is going well. I almost forgot to take communion. "Run" into the altar to tell father. Both priests were there. Uber embarrassing. Basically no Body left. Only a few crumbs(we receive the Body separate from Blood as per the Coptic standard) left. Father took the crumbs and placed them on the Spoon with the Blood in it. Received both together. Basically had communion the way EVERY OTHER ORTHODOX CHURCH DOES IT(save for a few). Heart racing. Go sit down outside and cool off.
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« Reply #285 on: July 03, 2014, 10:10:14 PM »

Not exactly a mishap, but still funny:

Seeing as I'm employed as the 7 am Mass cantor for a Roman Catholic parish, I don't worry too much about service music- I just grab my SEP for the introit, and the usual hymnal for the offertory and communion (we're one of those 'we'll eventually be chanting the whole thing' parishes where the priest is traditional, but scared of being seen as such, the organist and I are traditionalists and sneak in as much chant as we can, and the other cantor (and my old mentor- good voice, poor taste in hymns) is practically married to Haugen-Haas-Schutte tunes out of a Glory and Praise hymnal. Now, this was when a visiting priest was here, so the organist and I tried to take Father's absence as an opportunity to break out the Graduale Romanum from the back. Just as I started the introit, the priest signalled "stop", walked up a side aisle instead of the main one, and stopped the procession to walk up to me and ask in a stage whisper, looking genuinely confused. "Why are you singing some kind of chant for the Gathering Song? I didn't get sent accidentally to a Latin Mass parish, did I?"  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #286 on: July 04, 2014, 12:25:55 AM »

^I'm not sure if you meant that to be funny or sad...
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« Reply #287 on: July 04, 2014, 02:42:31 AM »

I didn't know that the situation is that bad for American RCs. I'd probably have walked out of the church or something. The priest should be defrocked.
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« Reply #288 on: July 04, 2014, 12:24:11 PM »

I didn't know that the situation is that bad for American RCs. I'd probably have walked out of the church or something. The priest should be defrocked.

He was probably trying to avoid being defrocked.  Tongue
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« Reply #289 on: July 05, 2014, 09:11:12 AM »

I really messed us up at Kneeling Vespers earlier today. I did have some help from my priest, though. Things started out OK, but suddenly our priest announced: "The Evening Prokeimenon!" when we chanters were about to sing "O Lord, I have cried..." Two things immediately went through my mind: first, I had misarranged the pages in my binder (I have the whole service printed out with appropriate music in its correct place), but some quick checking showed that that was not the case; secondly, our priest had suddenly decided to do a major abbreviation - he does occasionally make some cuts, but this seemed extreme. We chanters paused for several seconds as I was hoping to hear the priest correct himself, but I heard nothing. I was likely in such a panic mode that my ability to hear anything completely disappeared, as Fr D did tell me later that he said (in a somewhat lower volume) "Not that, sing the Psalms". So anyway, we launched into the Prokeimenon, and Fr D simply picked it up at that point and carried on with the First Kneeling Prayer. He wasn't the least bit upset as he was (I'm sure) appreciative of the unexpected shortening of the service.  Wink Cheesy. Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.

I've been dragged into the choir for two hierarchical liturgies and and both of them the bishop did something unexpected to the rite that sent the choir director and then the rest of of us frantically turning pages trying to figure out where he was.
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« Reply #290 on: July 05, 2014, 09:24:39 AM »

We had a bishop visit recently, and he was moving from the chair to stand in front of the altar, only he was moving a little faster than people expected. The altar servers had to rush with the candles to keep up with him.  Smiley
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« Reply #291 on: July 05, 2014, 09:36:17 AM »

We had a bishop visit recently, and he was moving from the chair to stand in front of the altar, only he was moving a little faster than people expected. The altar servers had to rush with the candles to keep up with him.  Smiley

Keeps them on their toes!
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« Reply #292 on: September 07, 2014, 06:32:32 PM »

This morning, we had a bit of a train wreck. The chanters started singing something, only stopped after a few seconds - it must have been the wrong thing. Then the choir started, but they stopped right after that too. Then the chanters stared up at the choir, and there was a pause while nobody sang anything. Then Father just started chanting whatever he was supposed to chant next, and we proceeded as normal. Smiley
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« Reply #293 on: September 07, 2014, 07:05:08 PM »

I was serving behind the altar today at a very small service in my church. There was my Priest, the Deacon, and me behind the altar, and the Presbytera was singing alone. Near the end of the Orthros, Presbytera suddenly stops mid-hymn and shouts, “OH MY GOD”. The three of us behind the altar look out at her, and she’s practically climbing the walls freaking out.

“There’s a scorpion! Or something! I don’t know! EW!”

Father, the deacon and I all come out and look around to find the bug, but we come up with nothing. Eventually, Presbytera calms down and says, “Let’s just keep going.”

She starts over again, but this time she gets about ten seconds into it before she’s shouting again, but much louder, “OH OH OH THERE IT IS KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT”

We run out again and spot a little house centipede running around on the music stand. Father grabs the Great Horologion that she had sitting on the stand and smacks the bug onto the floor. It starts crawling towards my feet, so I stomp it flat.

As we return to the altar to finish Orthros, the deacon, a jolly old man in his late 70s, leans over to me and whispers, “And people say that church is boring!” laugh


St. Seraphim of Sarov would not harm a mosquito.

Is outrage! The poor centipede.


That is funny.
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« Reply #294 on: September 07, 2014, 07:15:40 PM »

What was there with the small print?
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« Reply #295 on: September 07, 2014, 07:16:35 PM »

What was there with the small print?

Quote
St. Seraphim of Sarov would not harm a mosquito.

Is outrage! The poor centipede.
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« Reply #296 on: September 07, 2014, 07:18:07 PM »

Ooh. Appropriate for Hyperdox Herman as well, methinks.
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« Reply #297 on: October 22, 2014, 11:17:18 PM »

Okay so it didn't actually become a mishap but it was close.  As you may have noticed my girls were baptised this last Sunday and they and my wife and myself were Chrismated.  At the end of the service service Father tonsured us. When he did my older daughter he started on her left side and when he leaned over to get hair from her right side and put his vestments right in the flame of her baptismal candle, I nearly dropped my candle reacting to it. When he did my younger daughter same thing happened causing several more people to jump to the rescue.

Also when my youngest, who has always been nervous around water, was baptized she didn't go under all the way.  So the second time Father splashed the top of her head.  The third time he got a firm grip and made sure she went under all the way.  When he turned around he remarked "I guess she really doesn't like swimming".

 I got the chance to tie things together later telling her about the baptism which she evidently didn't realize happened that way because she looked concerned.  I jumped in quickly and said "it's okay you got even with him" and told her about her candle at the tonsuring, which she didn't realize either,.  We both had a good laugh.
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« Reply #298 on: October 22, 2014, 11:32:37 PM »

Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  Embarrassed. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.

Praying aloud at home I sometimes mix up "servant" with "serpent".
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« Reply #299 on: October 28, 2014, 07:20:38 PM »

Communion feel out of my mouth  Shocked
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« Reply #300 on: October 30, 2014, 04:36:24 PM »

That must really suck!
To the poster on serpents, hopefully no priest will say "serpent" instead of servant, because it would be weird to give communion to snakes, even if a person is mistakenly called a snake.
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« Reply #301 on: October 30, 2014, 09:53:59 PM »

Last week, at Vespers, the chanters kept starting and stopping, and in between, a lady standing next to me would whisper corrections in Greek.  Smiley
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« Reply #302 on: October 30, 2014, 10:13:16 PM »

Last week, at Vespers, the chanters kept starting and stopping, and in between, a lady standing next to me would whisper corrections in Greek.  Smiley

That must be my coworker's wife.  Wink
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« Reply #303 on: October 30, 2014, 11:11:27 PM »

Last week, at Vespers, the chanters kept starting and stopping, and in between, a lady standing next to me would whisper corrections in Greek.  Smiley

That must be my coworker's wife.  Wink

You're right. It has to be her.  laugh laugh laugh
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« Reply #304 on: October 30, 2014, 11:13:14 PM »

Wait...did she also correct people's english? if so then its a direct relative.


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« Reply #305 on: October 31, 2014, 01:43:25 AM »

One time I dropped a cup of blessed bread cubes on the floor and had to pick up the specks.
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« Reply #306 on: October 31, 2014, 04:01:56 AM »

To the poster on serpents, hopefully no priest will say "serpent" instead of servant, because it would be weird to give communion to snakes, even if a person is mistakenly called a snake.

I've said it the other way around, too: "... rescue me from the mouth of the pernicious servant, who is yawning to devour me and take me down to hades alive."

Thankfully never in church, and I don't recall hearing any slips like that from clergy, either.

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« Reply #307 on: October 31, 2014, 07:44:41 AM »

I was lighting another piece of charcoal for the censer during the Paschal Liturgy and it 'exploded' going all over the floor and burning big holes into the carpet.  The water was on the other side of the sanctuary and I had to get innovative when it came to the 'cup' and used the top of the water heater pot (really it's almost a coffee pot). 

Another time I dropped the censer and burned a even bigger hole into the carpet.  I was actually in shock when I did that.  I don't serve at the altar that much anymore...
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« Reply #308 on: October 31, 2014, 02:20:46 PM »

One time I dropped a cup of blessed bread cubes on the floor and had to pick up the specks.

our blessed bread is not crumbly!
you should check out coptic recipes...
 Wink

seriously though, we have to pick up (and eat) anything that drops.
it's a good incentive to keep the floor clean!
really tiny crumbs (very rare, and usually mixed with dust) can be put in the garden.

i am sorry to hear about pst about the dropped Holy Communion;
i hope it was retrieved and consumed properly.
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« Reply #309 on: October 31, 2014, 08:49:14 PM »

Laughing like crazy in the middle of the choir singing; dropping the Ethiopian umbrella right on top of the Priest; tripping the Deacon; chasing a 2 year old because he was about to go into the altar, oh all of it has happened with me   Tongue Tongue
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« Reply #310 on: November 10, 2014, 01:44:02 PM »

We had Bishop Thomas at our parish this week, which is always an honor because is is such a nice guy. He brought word that Bishop Antoun said to tell us hi because Bishop Antoun was our bishop when the parish was founded.  Apparently, Bishop Antoun's favorite song is You are my Sunshine, so the parish decided to sing it and record it and send it along with Bishop Thomas to pass it on to Bishop Antoun. Everyone sang the first verse and Bishop Thomas was all smiles and was about to conclude when the congregation really got into it and started singing verse two.  Bishop Thomas' face turned bright red, he crossed himself numerous times, turned around, and doubled over. After the verse was over, he turned back around and sternly said, "Well that was very nice, but how about next time, we keep that second verse for the bedroom, not for church!".   I suspect my priest was apologizing profusely afterward.  laugh
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« Reply #311 on: November 10, 2014, 03:13:04 PM »

I heard a story about a senile priest celebrating Mass that got confused and lost his place, and ended up jumping from the Preface to the Our Father (thus skipping the consecration) but adoring the bread/wine as if they were the Body and Blood of Christ. Somebody in the pews shouted "this is blasphemy" and stormed off. Everybody else received 'communion' and didn't say anything about it.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2014, 03:13:30 PM by Inquirer » Logged

"[The Sacred Congregation of Rites'] decisions are made by a crowd of dirty little Monsignori at Rome in utter ignorance of the meaning or reason of anything. To the historian their decisions are simply disgusting nonsense, that people of my kind want simply to ignore." -- Fr. Adrian Fortescue
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« Reply #312 on: November 10, 2014, 09:52:47 PM »

During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
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Hamartolos
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« Reply #313 on: November 10, 2014, 10:21:38 PM »

We had Bishop Thomas at our parish this week, which is always an honor because is is such a nice guy. He brought word that Bishop Antoun said to tell us hi because Bishop Antoun was our bishop when the parish was founded.  Apparently, Bishop Antoun's favorite song is You are my Sunshine, so the parish decided to sing it and record it and send it along with Bishop Thomas to pass it on to Bishop Antoun. Everyone sang the first verse and Bishop Thomas was all smiles and was about to conclude when the congregation really got into it and started singing verse two.  Bishop Thomas' face turned bright red, he crossed himself numerous times, turned around, and doubled over. After the verse was over, he turned back around and sternly said, "Well that was very nice, but how about next time, we keep that second verse for the bedroom, not for church!".   I suspect my priest was apologizing profusely afterward.  laugh

Bishop Thomas is my bishop as well and I've served with him many times. I can imagine his reaction EXACTLY.  How uncomfortable for the priest!!
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Formerly known as "mctavix"
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« Reply #314 on: November 12, 2014, 11:56:31 AM »

During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Why not just deal with it and light new candles? What's the fuss?
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Tags: altar accidents bloopers 
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