Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 71142 times)

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Offline biro

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #315 on: November 12, 2014, 12:23:24 PM »
During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Why not just deal with it and light new candles? What's the fuss?

In my parish, this happens with some of the candles for various occasions almost every week. The altar servers have access to those trigger lighters they use to start barbecue grills. I suppose that's so they don't burn their fingertips as they might with old-fashioned matches.
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Offline OrthoMEX

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #316 on: November 14, 2014, 06:46:55 PM »
During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Why not just deal with it and light new candles? What's the fuss?
In my parish, this happens with some of the candles for various occasions almost every week. The altar servers have access to those trigger lighters they use to start barbecue grills. I suppose that's so they don't burn their fingertips as they might with old-fashioned matches.
We had 12 candles in bowl of sand and we would put one out for each gospel and we didn't have any more of those kind of candles left so even if we wanted to light new ones we couldn't. we just stopped putting out candles until we got to the last 3 or 4 gospels.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2014, 06:49:10 PM by OrthoMEX »

Offline vladf

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #317 on: November 17, 2014, 06:12:02 AM »
Once fellow Church-Goers brought the priest the lectern and it fell down.
I recall a time a few weeks ago (I am an altar boy) I was holding a candle and the plastic on the side of the candle stopping the wax falling melted and caught on fire.. I have a scar now.
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Offline Georgii

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #318 on: November 17, 2014, 08:07:15 AM »
I don't know if I've shared this on these forums before, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but about 15 years ago at Liturgy in a church that dates to the 11th century I was thinking about a dream I had had about ten years before that, in which a dog was being chased and beaten with sticks. Even back then to me as an agnostic it was clear that this dog was a Christ figure.

What is dog spelled backwards?

On that day in church the door was left open at about a 45 degree angle. About a minute after I had that thought about the dog a thunderstorm was brewing -- dark clouds, winds and a threat of rain. Just then a dog ran in the door. One of our older woman parishioners sucked air in through her teeth and said Oh!

Someone shooed the dog out, not by beating it with sticks, but fairly vigorously for all that. Our priest said quite calmly, "Father Deacon, get the the holy water ready", and then explained that if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.
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Offline biro

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #319 on: November 17, 2014, 09:13:10 AM »
Once fellow Church-Goers brought the priest the lectern and it fell down.
I recall a time a few weeks ago (I am an altar boy) I was holding a candle and the plastic on the side of the candle stopping the wax falling melted and caught on fire.. I have a scar now.

Ouch!  :-\
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Offline Inquirer

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #320 on: November 17, 2014, 09:27:08 AM »
I don't know if I've shared this on these forums before, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but about 15 years ago at Liturgy in a church that dates to the 11th century I was thinking about a dream I had had about ten years before that, in which a dog was being chased and beaten with sticks. Even back then to me as an agnostic it was clear that this dog was a Christ figure.

What is dog spelled backwards?

On that day in church the door was left open at about a 45 degree angle. About a minute after I had that thought about the dog a thunderstorm was brewing -- dark clouds, winds and a threat of rain. Just then a dog ran in the door. One of our older woman parishioners sucked air in through her teeth and said Oh!

Someone shooed the dog out, not by beating it with sticks, but fairly vigorously for all that. Our priest said quite calmly, "Father Deacon, get the the holy water ready", and then explained that if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

Wow! That's an amazing story!  :o
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Offline Aram

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #321 on: January 06, 2015, 04:33:03 AM »
Got a good one. Tonight I'm chanting the gospel reading for Armenian Christmas Eve liturgy. There was a big jumble and I ended up having to do the reading with about thirty seconds notice, and didn't have a chance to read through the text. And if you've ever had to read Classical Armenian from a crumbly, poorly printed book, you'll realize that this can be a recipe for disaster.

So all said I'm doing pretty OK after a few paragraphs, feeling pretty confident. Then there's a page turn, and a new column of text. I get to the bottom of the column, sing the signal that the reading is over, get to the last syllable of the final word, and realize there's a comma at the end. Not a period. There was another column on the other side of the page. Reading over, mid-sentence. Organ starts, choir starts singing, and there's no going back.

Basically, the three magi saw the star, but never got to be overjoyed. And never saw the newborn Christ. Whoops. Another Festivus miracle!
« Last Edit: January 06, 2015, 04:34:34 AM by Aram »

Offline Seekingtrue

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #322 on: January 07, 2015, 06:34:30 AM »
 :D I really enjoyed all your funny stories.They could publish a book like this

Offline vladf

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #323 on: January 08, 2015, 03:16:27 AM »
The other day when the priest and deacon where leaving with the gospel I accidentally shut the door in their faces!
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #324 on: January 11, 2015, 03:09:26 AM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Offline Georgii

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #325 on: January 11, 2015, 08:38:57 AM »
Got a good one.

I feel with you about that. We got some major confusion in our choir loft on the Eve of the Nativity, and I got worked up about how we could have done things better. Lord have mercy.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #326 on: January 11, 2015, 08:41:06 AM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
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Offline Aram

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #327 on: January 11, 2015, 07:02:48 PM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

Offline LBK

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #328 on: January 11, 2015, 07:08:15 PM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2015, 07:09:02 PM by LBK »
Am I posting? Or is it Schroedinger's Cat?

Offline hecma925

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #329 on: January 11, 2015, 08:24:40 PM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.

Did you ever not feed him?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline lovesupreme

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #330 on: January 11, 2015, 08:30:44 PM »
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Offline LBK

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #331 on: January 11, 2015, 08:35:28 PM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.

Did you ever not feed him?

He was fed as all of my cats were and are, twice a day, with the occasional treat in between. If I was late in feeding him, he always reminded me politely. Other cats I've had would tell me off in typical feline style, like disgruntled schoolmistresses glaring over their half-moons. But not him.
Am I posting? Or is it Schroedinger's Cat?

Offline hecma925

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #332 on: January 11, 2015, 08:36:26 PM »
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Yeah, people.
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #333 on: January 11, 2015, 08:37:37 PM »
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.

Did you ever not feed him?

He was fed as all of my cats were and are, twice a day, with the occasional treat in between. If I was late in feeding him, he always reminded me politely. Other cats I've had would tell me off in typical feline style, like disgruntled schoolmistresses glaring over their half-moons. But not him.

LOL, sounds like a good one.  The one cat I did have was of the typical variety.  I'm sure if I would have died in my apartment she would have had no qualms eating me up.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline Georgii

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #334 on: January 11, 2015, 08:53:33 PM »
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Not just him; some of our parishioners clearly thought that a dog coming in was a Big Bad.
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Offline Peacemaker

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #335 on: January 12, 2015, 09:23:28 PM »
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

« Last Edit: January 12, 2015, 09:25:18 PM by Peacemaker »

Offline gueranger

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #336 on: January 12, 2015, 09:40:21 PM »
I was in middle school; an altar boy at a conservative Novus Ordo parish. I was serving a funeral mass for a friend of my grandparents. His name was Frank. He had been cremated and his ashes were in an urn on a very small table in front of the altar. When I was walking toward the sanctuary to receive the gifts with the priest I bumped Frank. His urn wobbled precariously before falling off the the table. Luckily, at the last second before crashing on the floor, I caught Frank. Thanks be to God, the lid didn't come off.

« Last Edit: January 12, 2015, 09:41:27 PM by gueranger »

Offline Bob2

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #337 on: January 12, 2015, 10:18:33 PM »
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

Hmmm, interesting, my experience in the fairly ethnic Russian parish I go to is that most moms are so afraid of kids making squaks or fussing that they only bring them in for communion. We have about 6-7 kids in there for most of the service then bam, "Holy things are for the Holy!" and then there are 25+ in line for communion.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #338 on: January 13, 2015, 03:01:06 AM »
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

Hmmm, interesting, my experience in the fairly ethnic Russian parish I go to is that most moms are so afraid of kids making squaks or fussing that they only bring them in for communion. We have about 6-7 kids in there for most of the service then bam, "Holy things are for the Holy!" and then there are 25+ in line for communion.


This mission parish doesn't have a back room to store the kids in while they play. Which I thought was only a protestant practice but I guess kids will be kids. The priest doesn't know how to tell them to be quite because being from Mt Athos they don't have that problem. I made the suggestion of converting all the non-orthodox husbands so we can have some order during the services.

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #339 on: January 13, 2015, 04:36:38 AM »
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

How naive you are.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #340 on: January 13, 2015, 05:13:27 AM »
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

How naive you are.

Why do you have to be such a (removed - Mor) to me? What have I ever done to you? Please answer me that, could you chill out on the name calling and rude comments to me. You are a father, shouldn't you be a roll model? Better yet, you are a Christian, shouldn't you be a roll model? I didn't realize you knew so much about Russian culture, enlighten me oh wise Porter.

Edited to remove obscenity.  Mor.  
 
You know very well that such obscene language as you used here is not permitted in polite company. Please make greater effort to manage your anger in the future so you can rein in such outbursts as this on our forum. To emphasize the importance of this task, I am resetting the length of your warning to 60 days, less the time that has elapsed since you submitted this post.

If you wish to appeal this warning, please send me a private message.

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« Last Edit: January 13, 2015, 01:30:57 PM by Mor Ephrem »

Offline elephant

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #341 on: January 13, 2015, 08:35:39 AM »
Dear Peacemaker,

Please do not use vulgar language in public.  I read this thread to be amused, not disgusted.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #342 on: January 13, 2015, 12:27:00 PM »
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

How naive you are.

Why do you have to be such a (removed - Mor) to me? What have I ever done to you? Please answer me that, could you chill out on the name calling and rude comments to me. You are a father, shouldn't you be a roll model? Better yet, you are a Christian, shouldn't you be a roll model? I didn't realize you knew so much about Russian culture, enlighten me oh wise Porter.

wow...pot kettle

Edited to remove obscenity from quote.  Mor.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2015, 01:32:22 PM by Mor Ephrem »
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #343 on: January 13, 2015, 12:30:45 PM »
We have enough bickering threads. Lets try to keep this one congenial.  :)
God bless!

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #344 on: January 13, 2015, 01:31:26 PM »
Error.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2015, 01:31:46 PM by Mor Ephrem »
The whole forum is Mor. We're emanations of his godlike mind.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #345 on: January 13, 2015, 03:18:49 PM »
Forgive me




Offline biro

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #346 on: January 14, 2015, 12:54:42 AM »
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Not just him; some of our parishioners clearly thought that a dog coming in was a Big Bad.

But there were animals at the manger when Jesus was born. Surely, He loves all His creation.  :(
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #347 on: January 14, 2015, 01:57:20 AM »
Lots of kids at a Liturgy (especially weekday ones) is always a good sign.
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #348 on: January 14, 2015, 01:58:31 AM »
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Not just him; some of our parishioners clearly thought that a dog coming in was a Big Bad.

But there were animals at the manger when Jesus was born. Surely, He loves all His creation.  :(

It's a symbol, as most ritual uncleanness is, not a belief that God hates dogs! :)
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #349 on: January 14, 2015, 01:58:48 AM »
Lots of kids at a Liturgy (especially weekday ones) is always a good sign.

And a great blessing.
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Offline ilyazhito

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #350 on: March 05, 2015, 09:52:02 PM »
Speaking of liturgical mishaps, there is one time that I tried to correct a candle that had gone crooked- and burned the sleeve of my sticharion. I spent some time frantically trying to put out the flame, and eventually succeeded, but the sticharion was made of a plastic-like material, and I ended up with a hole in the sleeve. I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable. Hopefully that does not happen again.

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #351 on: March 06, 2015, 01:43:43 AM »
Plastic-like material?!
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Offline Maria

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #352 on: March 06, 2015, 01:48:32 AM »
Plastic-like material?!

Yes, polyester garments or yarn when burned forms a hard lump of plastic.

My former priest used to call his polyester vestments "a plastic garbage bag."

During the hot spring, summer, and fall months when the temperature is about 110 to 115 degrees for weeks on end, that polyester vestment does not breathe, and is very hot to wear in a church with inadequate ventilation.

Whenever I receive a gift of fabric of unknown origin, I cut a small piece of the fabric from the yardage, then I use the flame test to determine if the fabric is pure polyester, a cotton/polyester mix, or pure cotton, silk, or linen. The polyester forms a black plastic lump, the cotton, linen, or silk burns and forms carbon soot, while the mixture of cotton and polyester forms a sooty black lump of plastic.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2015, 01:54:26 AM by Maria »
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #353 on: March 06, 2015, 11:05:13 AM »
I don't believe I have ever been gifted fabric of an unknown origin. Do you do this with gifted clothing as well? It would seem odd to cut apart parts of clothing to burn in order to find out their composition.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #354 on: March 06, 2015, 02:46:17 PM »
I don't believe I have ever been gifted fabric of an unknown origin. Do you do this with gifted clothing as well? It would seem odd to cut apart parts of clothing to burn in order to find out their composition.

If Maria does a lot of sewing, people may give her yards of fabric.  Fabric tends not to have tags.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #355 on: March 06, 2015, 04:50:50 PM »
I was carrying the hot water to the altar, stumbled a bit and scalded my hand something fierce.  I have been burnt by every thing from fryer oil to a weldment (forgot that 300+ deg metal doesn't cool down very quickly) so didn't freak out and more importantly didn't blurt out my usual hurt-word by the Eucharist.  The Lord did indeed set a watch before my mouth and kept my lips from speaking vile.

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #356 on: March 06, 2015, 07:32:44 PM »
I was carrying the hot water to the altar, stumbled a bit and scalded my hand something fierce.  I have been burnt by every thing from fryer oil to a weldment (forgot that 300+ deg metal doesn't cool down very quickly) so didn't freak out and more importantly didn't blurt out my usual hurt-word by the Eucharist.  The Lord did indeed set a watch before my mouth and kept my lips from speaking vile.

"Owie"?
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #357 on: March 07, 2015, 02:22:23 PM »
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2015, 02:22:35 PM by mike »
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #358 on: March 07, 2015, 07:17:21 PM »
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #359 on: March 07, 2015, 07:43:50 PM »
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy