OrthodoxChristianity.net
October 02, 2014, 10:41:48 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Reminder: No political discussions in the public fora.  If you do not have access to the private Politics Forum, please send a PM to Fr. George.
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags Login Register  
Pages: « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 »  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 20828 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
augustin717
Warned
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: The other ROC
Posts: 5,634



« Reply #225 on: January 23, 2014, 08:05:36 PM »

"Eternal memory"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4
Logged
hecma925
Non-clairvoyant
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA - Diocese of the South
Posts: 6,000


Pray for me, a sinner.


WWW
« Reply #226 on: January 24, 2014, 10:09:50 AM »


So, they got a good 2-for-1 deal.
Logged

mike
Stratopedarches
**************
Offline Offline

Posts: 21,467


WWW
« Reply #227 on: January 24, 2014, 11:25:36 AM »

The priest didn't have change.

Village burials are always fun. There was a while I've been to one.
Logged

Byzantinism
no longer posting here
Dominika
Serbian/Polish
OC.net guru
*******
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Orthodox Church of Poland
Posts: 1,016


St. Luke, pray for us!


WWW
« Reply #228 on: March 28, 2014, 04:07:57 PM »

From this Friday:

I was appointed to read the second reading (the Proverbs - I think that's the English name) at the Presanctifed Liturgy. So, I chanted the prokimenon in a very good way and then...
The priest said "Wisdom" and I said aloud, thoughtlessly, "The reading of the Proverbs!", while he was coming out with the candle saying "The Light of Christ..." - I forgot about this very important moment. I started to wave my hands in panic instead of kneeling and making prostration, but in the end, I did it, the priest said just "let us attend" without saying again "Wisdom" so I just started the reading without the title.

At first I felt quite ashamed as I'm considered as a secular liturgical specialist laugh but then I though it was necessary for me, to be more humble.
Logged

Pray for persecuted Christians, especially in Serbian Kosovo and Raška, Egypt and Syria
Patapouf
Newbie
*
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: none
Posts: 20


« Reply #229 on: March 28, 2014, 05:48:34 PM »

A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."
Logged
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #230 on: March 28, 2014, 07:05:52 PM »

A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."

Beautiful.  laugh laugh laugh laugh
Logged
Mor Ephrem
"Mor is right, you are wrong."
Section Moderator
Hoplitarches
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 17,415


The Pope Emeritus reading OCNet


WWW
« Reply #231 on: March 28, 2014, 08:26:38 PM »

At first I felt quite ashamed as I'm considered as a secular liturgical specialist laugh but then I though it was necessary for me, to be more humble.

That's not so bad, Dominika.  I've seen much worse.  Smiley 
Logged

Apolytikion, Tone 1, by Antonis

An eloquent crafter of divine posts
And an inheritor of the line of the Baptist
A righteous son of India
And a new apostle to the internet
O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
Mor Ephrem
"Mor is right, you are wrong."
Section Moderator
Hoplitarches
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 17,415


The Pope Emeritus reading OCNet


WWW
« Reply #232 on: March 28, 2014, 08:27:31 PM »

A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?!"
Logged

Apolytikion, Tone 1, by Antonis

An eloquent crafter of divine posts
And an inheritor of the line of the Baptist
A righteous son of India
And a new apostle to the internet
O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
hecma925
Non-clairvoyant
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA - Diocese of the South
Posts: 6,000


Pray for me, a sinner.


WWW
« Reply #233 on: March 28, 2014, 08:32:21 PM »

A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?!"

Ooof, then swords in the neck.
Logged

Ferd Berfel
Member
***
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: GOARCH
Posts: 84



« Reply #234 on: March 31, 2014, 09:21:47 AM »

My Priest's wife works as a doctor in town, so sometimes he is left with the care of their two very young children while holding a weeknight vespers service. Their son is 6 (?) years old, and just a bit rowdy, especially when the service can drag on for an hour or more. One evening, he was standing right in front of the iconostasis during the service. Father quietly told him that he needed to move because he was in the way. The boy disappeared behind the iconostasis, and when Father's back was turned he crawled under the altar and hid under the cloth that was draped over it. This led to a rather hilarious game of peek-a-boo; when Father would turn to face the congregation, his son would stick his head out from under the altar and make faces. When Father would turn back to the altar, he would hide again. I don't think Father ever figured it out.

I've also caught him lighting sticks on fire from some of the candles when he thought no one was looking.  Tongue
Logged
LizaSymonenko
Слава Ісусу Христу!!! Glory to Jesus Christ!!!
Global Moderator
Toumarches
******
Offline Offline

Faith: God's Holy Catholic and Apostolic Orthodox Church
Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the U.S.A.
Posts: 13,038



WWW
« Reply #235 on: March 31, 2014, 09:25:37 AM »


Oh....I feel so bad for that lady.  She was traumatized.  Poor thing.
Logged

Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #236 on: March 31, 2014, 09:26:08 AM »

My Priest's wife works as a doctor in town, so sometimes he is left with the care of their two very young children while holding a weeknight vespers service. Their son is 6 (?) years old, and just a bit rowdy, especially when the service can drag on for an hour or more. One evening, he was standing right in front of the iconostasis during the service. Father quietly told him that he needed to move because he was in the way. The boy disappeared behind the iconostasis, and when Father's back was turned he crawled under the altar and hid under the cloth that was draped over it. This led to a rather hilarious game of peek-a-boo; when Father would turn to face the congregation, his son would stick his head out from under the altar and make faces. When Father would turn back to the altar, he would hide again. I don't think Father ever figured it out.

I've also caught him lighting sticks on fire from some of the candles when he thought no one was looking.  Tongue

Legend has it that the children of Orthodox priests turn out to be either angels or the complete opposite.  Shocked laugh
Logged
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #237 on: March 31, 2014, 09:29:07 AM »


Oh....I feel so bad for that lady.  She was traumatized.  Poor thing.

Just goes to show that not all preposterous occurrences are urban (or rural) myths. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, and this shocker of a clip proves it.  Shocked Shocked
Logged
Nephi
Section Moderator
Protokentarchos
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Non-Chalcedonian Chalcedonian
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Church of Antioch
Posts: 4,474



« Reply #238 on: March 31, 2014, 06:03:40 PM »

Maybe not the most amazing story, but my baptismal water unfortunately came out only from the cold water tap. Needless to say it wasn't warmed up anywhere near room temperature in time for the service, so my entire immersion experience was accompanied by me going into a cold shock response. I was loudly gasping, hyperventilating, and shivering uncontrollably the whole time the whole I was in the water and being immersed. It took me a couple minutes after getting out of the water to even fully recover.

It almost felt like I was literally being baptized into Christ's death.
Logged
CopticDeacon
Αναγνώστης(Reader) in the God-loving Diocese of New York and New England
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Oriental Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Coptic Orthodox
Posts: 517


St Pachom, Antoni, and Stephen Pray for us!


« Reply #239 on: April 05, 2014, 04:05:39 PM »

My friend, a tonsured Reader at my church told me this story:
(first the correct responses)
Priest: Pray
Deacon: Stand up for prayer
Priest: Peace be with you
Congregation: And with your spirit
(What happened once in our old church during Orthros/Matins)
Priest: Pray
My Friend: Peace be with you
Congregation: and with your spirit
Our priest started the next litany without hesitation!

While guarding the Precious Blood(Standing with a cross, candle and linen cloth) as the priest administers it, 
I was a bit tired due to a long communion line and momentarily singed my hair.

I was instructing a young chanter how to serve in the altar at vespers. I gave him the bowl of incense to bring to the priest before the litany for the Holy Gospel. He was a bit nervous so I had to nudge him forward. Upon taking the candles from the priest, He loudly whispered to me Into the Microphone for ALL to hear (about everyone of my friends from church was there) "Andrew, Where is the censer"? I was embarrassed and rushed into the altar to grab it.

Good stuff these stories.
Logged

"I see the heavens opened up, and the Son of Man seated at the right hand of God"
-St. Stephen the Archdeacon and Protomartyr
Yurysprudentsiya
Section Moderator
OC.net guru
*****
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA, although in my heart I will always remain a loving son of the UOC-USA
Posts: 1,848


God, the Great, the Only, Keep for Us Our Ukraine!


« Reply #240 on: April 05, 2014, 05:30:25 PM »

I remember one time I gave a list of my living and departed relatives to a priest for commemorations.  At one Lenten service, he accidentally switched them, and as he commemorated parish families in an evening service, he intoned prayers for eternal rest and memory eternal for all my living relatives by name. 
Logged
ilyazhito
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: ROCOR
Posts: 907



« Reply #241 on: April 07, 2014, 05:25:51 PM »

Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?
Logged
Yurysprudentsiya
Section Moderator
OC.net guru
*****
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA, although in my heart I will always remain a loving son of the UOC-USA
Posts: 1,848


God, the Great, the Only, Keep for Us Our Ukraine!


« Reply #242 on: April 07, 2014, 05:53:41 PM »

Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?

English!  He didn't confuse the words . . . He just switched the lists of living and departed Id given him and read from the wrong list.   
Logged
Mor Ephrem
"Mor is right, you are wrong."
Section Moderator
Hoplitarches
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 17,415


The Pope Emeritus reading OCNet


WWW
« Reply #243 on: April 07, 2014, 11:06:18 PM »

I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare. 

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere. 

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone, complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute. 

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.             
Logged

Apolytikion, Tone 1, by Antonis

An eloquent crafter of divine posts
And an inheritor of the line of the Baptist
A righteous son of India
And a new apostle to the internet
O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #244 on: April 07, 2014, 11:15:34 PM »

I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare.  

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere.  

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone, complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute.  

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.            

Oy. Simply oy.

Does history record what was the fate of the unfortunate miscreant?  Shocked
« Last Edit: April 07, 2014, 11:15:54 PM by LBK » Logged
DeniseDenise
Tiredness personified
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Catechumen no more!
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 3,054


What curls do on a bad hair day!


« Reply #245 on: April 07, 2014, 11:18:17 PM »

Pre Liturgy frisking of altar servers to eliminate phones.....comes to mind...
Logged

Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting other passengers.
frjohnmorris
OC.net guru
*******
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 1,177


« Reply #246 on: April 07, 2014, 11:20:53 PM »

I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare. 

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere. 

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone, complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute. 

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.             

That happened to me once when I was reading one of the Gospels during the one of the Bridegroom Service during Holy Week. Fortunately, my ring tone is a piece by Mozart. However, since then I leave my cell phone at home or turn it off before I begin a service.\
Once when I was giving Holy Communion the second a man opened his mouth his cell phone went off with the CanCan music by Offenbach.
Years ago, at another parish which used an organ. One Sunday several weeks before Orthodox Pascha on the Western Easter, I suddenly heard the organist playing Irving Berlin's "Put on your Easter bonnet..." It has somehow become a parish custom for the organist to play that song on the Western Easter. Needless to say that is a custom that I stopped. When I served my first Liturgy there, the organist played during the Gospel. That is something that I immediately stopped. Fortunately since then, most Antiochian parishes have ceased to use an organ.
I may be wrong, but I read that the use of an organ was introduced  Athenagoras Spyroua who became the Archbishop of the North American Greek Archdiocese in 1931. He introduced the organ in at Spyridon's Cathedral when he was Metropolitan of Corfu before he came the the U.S. When he was accused of violating the traditions of the Church, he argued that the historian Fr. Constantine Callinikos argued that they used an organ in The Cathedral of Holy Wisdom in ancient Constantinople. In 1948 Archbishop Anthenagoras became the Ecumenical Patriarch.

Fr. John W. Morris
« Last Edit: April 07, 2014, 11:42:38 PM by frjohnmorris » Logged
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #247 on: April 07, 2014, 11:25:32 PM »

This didn't quite happen during a service, but it's a tale worth telling:

The woman who sets up the flowers in church for major feasts had finished arranging the flowers, and had placed the vases in the usual places, including two very large vases for the iconostasis icons of Christ and the Mother of God. These icons are painted on canvas, and are not set behind glass.

As she started filling the vase under the Mother of God with water, she noticed a mark on the face of the Christ-child, a little to one side of His nose. The woman reached up to flick off the speck - a particle of oily soot from the lamp set before the icon - which promptly smeared across His little face. Baby Jesus with a moustache ....  Shocked Shocked laugh

Fortunately, she was able to clean off the soot without damaging the icon.
Logged
Mor Ephrem
"Mor is right, you are wrong."
Section Moderator
Hoplitarches
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 17,415


The Pope Emeritus reading OCNet


WWW
« Reply #248 on: April 07, 2014, 11:25:59 PM »

Does history record what was the fate of the unfortunate miscreant?  Shocked

I didn't stay long enough to find out.  Smiley
Logged

Apolytikion, Tone 1, by Antonis

An eloquent crafter of divine posts
And an inheritor of the line of the Baptist
A righteous son of India
And a new apostle to the internet
O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
DeniseDenise
Tiredness personified
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Catechumen no more!
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 3,054


What curls do on a bad hair day!


« Reply #249 on: April 07, 2014, 11:27:28 PM »

This didn't quite happen during a service, but it's a tale worth telling:

The woman who sets up the flowers in church for major feasts had finished arranging the flowers, and had placed the vases in the usual places, including two very large vases for the iconostasis icons of Christ and the Mother of God. These icons are painted on canvas, and are not set behind glass.

As she started filling the vase under the Mother of God with water, she noticed a mark on the face of the Christ-child, a little to one side of His nose. The woman reached up to flick off the speck - a particle of oily soot from the lamp set before the icon - which promptly smeared across His little face. Baby Jesus with a moustache ....  Shocked Shocked laugh

Fortunately, she was able to clean off the soot without damaging the icon.

I believe thats the Theotokos of the 'They grow up so fast'.....
Logged

Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting other passengers.
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #250 on: April 07, 2014, 11:27:40 PM »

Does history record what was the fate of the unfortunate miscreant?  Shocked

I didn't stay long enough to find out.  Smiley

Smart move.  Wink Grin
Logged
Mor Ephrem
"Mor is right, you are wrong."
Section Moderator
Hoplitarches
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 17,415


The Pope Emeritus reading OCNet


WWW
« Reply #251 on: April 07, 2014, 11:27:52 PM »

That happened to me once when I was reading one of the Gospels during the one of the Bridegroom Service during Holy Week. Fortunately, my ring tone is a piece by Mozart. However, since then I leave my cell phone at home or turn it off before I begin a service.


I read about a Catholic priest who, feeling the need to have a phone on his person and audible during Mass, made a recording of himself coughing and set that as his ring tone.  Smiley  
Logged

Apolytikion, Tone 1, by Antonis

An eloquent crafter of divine posts
And an inheritor of the line of the Baptist
A righteous son of India
And a new apostle to the internet
O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #252 on: April 07, 2014, 11:29:19 PM »

This didn't quite happen during a service, but it's a tale worth telling:

The woman who sets up the flowers in church for major feasts had finished arranging the flowers, and had placed the vases in the usual places, including two very large vases for the iconostasis icons of Christ and the Mother of God. These icons are painted on canvas, and are not set behind glass.

As she started filling the vase under the Mother of God with water, she noticed a mark on the face of the Christ-child, a little to one side of His nose. The woman reached up to flick off the speck - a particle of oily soot from the lamp set before the icon - which promptly smeared across His little face. Baby Jesus with a moustache ....  Shocked Shocked laugh

Fortunately, she was able to clean off the soot without damaging the icon.

I believe thats the Theotokos of the 'They grow up so fast'.....

Of course! This is one icon missing from my icon archive. I must track one down.
Logged
LBK
Merarches
***********
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox
Posts: 10,896


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us!


« Reply #253 on: April 07, 2014, 11:34:56 PM »


Once when I was giving Holy Communion the second a man opened his mouth his cell phone went off with the CanCan music by Offenbach.


Your self-control in not dropping the chalice is admirable!  Shocked laugh
Logged
Nephi
Section Moderator
Protokentarchos
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Non-Chalcedonian Chalcedonian
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Church of Antioch
Posts: 4,474



« Reply #254 on: April 07, 2014, 11:36:27 PM »

I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare.  

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere.  

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone, complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute.  

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.            

I'm afraid I would've had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. The song choice could have been so much worse. I can just imagine someone's ringtone being Waka Flocka Flame's "Hard in the Paint." angel

I remember once the most annoying ringtone went off for a good couple minutes or so. I don't know if she just couldn't find it or didn't think it was hers, but I think almost everyone glanced over in her direction at least once before she finally turned it off.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2014, 11:37:20 PM by Nephi » Logged
hecma925
Non-clairvoyant
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA - Diocese of the South
Posts: 6,000


Pray for me, a sinner.


WWW
« Reply #255 on: April 08, 2014, 07:11:55 AM »

Could have been Tupac's "Hit me up."  We know how that song starts out.
Logged

TheOldFellow
Subdeacon Richard
Newbie
*
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Western Europe, EP.
Posts: 21


theoldfellow
WWW
« Reply #256 on: April 08, 2014, 08:41:42 AM »

I was serving with an Archbishop from North America at an orthodox conference here in England.  There was no deacon, so as usual muggins gets the job.  He reached to hand me the censor, and let go with my hand 2 inches from it.  Fortunately the resulting fire was limited to three carpet tiles.  I am firmly of the belief that carpet tiles are a blessed gift from the Lord to conference centre chapels.  What was so reassuring what that the Archbishop carried on as if nothing had happened, and never mentioned it afterwards - I love him for that alone.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2014, 08:42:07 AM by TheOldFellow » Logged

INXC, Subdeacon Richard.
ilyazhito
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: ROCOR
Posts: 907



« Reply #257 on: April 08, 2014, 02:51:44 PM »

Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?

English!  He didn't confuse the words . . . He just switched the lists of living and departed Id given him and read from the wrong list.   
An even more banal error. But hopefully both he and the "dead" people will recover.
Logged
Patapouf
Newbie
*
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: none
Posts: 20


« Reply #258 on: April 08, 2014, 03:48:10 PM »

During the ordination of a presbyter, this was so nervous that at the time of placing the felónion stood stiff as a tree, with arms glued to your sides. The deacon who helped put felónion ended up tying her arms with bands of felónion. Finished sorting the bishop turned to him to give him a hug and he did not correspondeu.O bishop a bit angry said to him, give me a hug, to which he replied, I can, i am  tied to the arms.
Logged
ilyazhito
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: ROCOR
Posts: 907



« Reply #259 on: April 08, 2014, 04:32:43 PM »

During the ordination of a presbyter, this was so nervous that at the time of placing the felónion stood stiff as a tree, with arms glued to your sides. The deacon who helped put felónion ended up tying her arms with bands of felónion. Finished sorting the bishop turned to him to give him a hug and he did not correspondeu.O bishop a bit angry said to him, give me a hug, to which he replied, I can, i am  tied to the arms.
I'm just making this a little clearer, because the original user's English is bad. I think this was directly translated by Google Translate from Portuguese, because the quality is horrible. However, I think he means that the priest was being ordained. He was very nervous and stood stiffly. The deacon who was helping vest the new priest accidentally tied his arms with the bands of the phelonion. The bishop greeted him and hugged him, but he would not do the same. The bishop was somewhat angry and said to him "Give me a hug." He said, "I can't. My arms are tied up."
Logged
Patapouf
Newbie
*
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: none
Posts: 20


« Reply #260 on: April 08, 2014, 06:00:02 PM »

Correct my English writing horrible, even, I speak and read, but writing is much more difficult. I ask you to forgive me the google translator. Thanks for intervention.
Logged
Yurysprudentsiya
Section Moderator
OC.net guru
*****
Online Online

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA, although in my heart I will always remain a loving son of the UOC-USA
Posts: 1,848


God, the Great, the Only, Keep for Us Our Ukraine!


« Reply #261 on: April 08, 2014, 06:17:40 PM »

Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?

English!  He didn't confuse the words . . . He just switched the lists of living and departed Id given him and read from the wrong list.   
An even more banal error. But hopefully both he and the "dead" people will recover.

Yes.  All is well. My living relatives counted it as a prayer for future needs. 
Logged
Agabus
The user formerly known as Agabus.
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Pan-American Colloquial Convert Hybrid Orthodoxy.
Jurisdiction: We are all uncanonical now.
Posts: 2,307



« Reply #262 on: April 09, 2014, 10:29:31 PM »

My son puked on the floor while on pilgrimage to see the Kursk Root icon.
Logged

Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH
ilyazhito
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: ROCOR
Posts: 907



« Reply #263 on: April 10, 2014, 06:25:59 PM »

I understand. There was one time that something even worse happened. I was serving in the altar in a Greek church in Boston, and I happened to puke in the altar around the time of the second antiphon. I had to leave afterwards, probably because I was sick. Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.
Logged
CopticDeacon
Αναγνώστης(Reader) in the God-loving Diocese of New York and New England
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Oriental Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Coptic Orthodox
Posts: 517


St Pachom, Antoni, and Stephen Pray for us!


« Reply #264 on: April 10, 2014, 07:16:36 PM »

Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you eat before liturgy? Perhaps I'm not educated enough on other liturgical practices but the coptic practice is to fast 9 hours before receiving Holy Communion. Is there such a fast for ROCOR? Or other eastern orthodox churches?
Logged

"I see the heavens opened up, and the Son of Man seated at the right hand of God"
-St. Stephen the Archdeacon and Protomartyr
Agabus
The user formerly known as Agabus.
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Pan-American Colloquial Convert Hybrid Orthodoxy.
Jurisdiction: We are all uncanonical now.
Posts: 2,307



« Reply #265 on: April 10, 2014, 11:28:56 PM »

I understand. There was one time that something even worse happened. I was serving in the altar in a Greek church in Boston, and I happened to puke in the altar around the time of the second antiphon. I had to leave afterwards, probably because I was sick. Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.
From what I understand, he was fine, waiting in line with his mother, and turned around and expelled what little food was in his stomach onto the floor in front of the Baptist couple waiting behind them. After that, he was fine.

Maybe it was a sign, but it was probably just indigestion caused by him not having the age or wisdom to know not to eat things off the ground.
Logged

Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH
Mor Ephrem
"Mor is right, you are wrong."
Section Moderator
Hoplitarches
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 17,415


The Pope Emeritus reading OCNet


WWW
« Reply #266 on: April 10, 2014, 11:32:25 PM »

From what I understand, he was fine, waiting in line with his mother, and turned around and expelled what little food was in his stomach onto the floor in front of the Baptist couple waiting behind them. After that, he was fine.

So he's an anti-ecumenist. 
Logged

Apolytikion, Tone 1, by Antonis

An eloquent crafter of divine posts
And an inheritor of the line of the Baptist
A righteous son of India
And a new apostle to the internet
O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
frjohnmorris
OC.net guru
*******
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 1,177


« Reply #267 on: April 11, 2014, 12:29:14 AM »

Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you eat before liturgy? Perhaps I'm not educated enough on other liturgical practices but the coptic practice is to fast 9 hours before receiving Holy Communion. Is there such a fast for ROCOR? Or other eastern orthodox churches?

Normally Eastern Orthodox do not eat after midnight when they are preparing to receive Holy Communion in the morning, or after lunch if they are preparing to receive Holy Communion the evening, such as during a Presanctified Divine Liturgy.  However, one must also consider one's health and follow one's physicians directions. I cannot fast before the Liturgy because, I have a severe case of hypoglycemia. Once when I did not eat before a morning Liturgy, I actually lost my voice due to low blood sugar. I tried taking protein pills but that did not work. I get a cold sweat and feel faint if I do not eat. I also am under doctor's instructions to eat at least some meat during fasting times. I asked my spiritual father what to do and he told me to follow the instructions of my doctor. While I am at it, please pray for me. I have been cursed with a kidney stone since November. It has not passed despite two lithotripsy treatments. Pray for me that I can make it through Holy Week.

Fr. John W. Morris
« Last Edit: April 11, 2014, 12:29:51 AM by frjohnmorris » Logged
elephant
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: GOAA
Posts: 590



« Reply #268 on: April 11, 2014, 07:42:50 AM »

Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy
Most Holy Theotokos Save Us
Logged
Maximum Bob
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Catechumen
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 2,590


Personal Text? We can have personal text?


« Reply #269 on: April 11, 2014, 08:11:13 AM »

Lord, have mercy on Father John.
Logged

Countdown to our Baptisms and Chrismations:


Psalm 37:23 The Lord guides a man safely in the way he should go.
Tags: altar accidents bloopers 
Pages: « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 »  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.135 seconds with 71 queries.