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Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 20300 times) Average Rating: 0
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Tikhon.of.Colorado
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« on: July 25, 2011, 07:39:30 PM »

Has anyone ever seen something at liturgy that was really out of the ordinary, even an accident?  Like, the altar boys starting a fire, or, God forbid, the priest dropping the chalice?

I've heard of all this, but wonder if it's ever really happened?
« Last Edit: July 25, 2011, 07:57:22 PM by trevor72694 » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2011, 07:50:39 PM »

A VERY large and hairy spider slowly crawled up the priest's phelonion as he stood in front of the Holy Table during Vespers. The spider got within a couple of inches from the neck edge before crawling back down again. Not once, but three times. Father had no idea what was happening, and the few of us who were in the nave at the time were helpless, as none of us had a blessing to enter the altar, and there were no altarboys serving that night. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.
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« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2011, 10:20:10 PM »

We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.
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« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2011, 10:29:37 PM »

We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

My bishop has told me about that, and It made Father genuinely afraid that I would try it  laugh
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« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2011, 10:34:58 PM »

Let's see.....

I almost burned down the Birmingham cathedral. Twice.

I once was backing up while censing the dean of the Birmingham parish during the Feast of the Holy Cross, and tripped over a step leading to the solea. My arms swung wildly and I wrapped a censer around the neck of an altar boy, bringing him down with me.

In fact, the Birmingham community considered selling "Fr Chris Liturgical Bloopers" in DVD format as a fundraiser at one time.

I once was torchbearer and forgot to lower my lit candle as I walked out through the Deacon's Door. The candle broke but remained lit as it flopped around throughout the entire Gospel reading.

Once while spraying holy water my sprinkler fell apart in my hands, emptying itslef over one person while sprinkler parts were strewn around those attending.

Once for an Epistle reading, the person who was going to read the epistle in English stopped suddenly and I did not notice it. I flattened him when I collided with him. I once did a similar thing at Holy Cross, but not as dramatic.

In fact, my liturgical ineptitude is so extreme that a semi-honorary society was created at Holy Cross seminary, where I was basically founder and leader-for-life:

ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.
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« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2011, 10:41:27 PM »

ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.

I thought that sounded familiar... yep...  Smiley
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« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2011, 10:56:17 PM »

We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.

I also once passed out while at the chanters' stand during Vespers (it was so hot in the church; A/C wasn't working) for a few minutes.  I fell backwards and nearly hit my head on the bishop's throne.
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« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2011, 11:44:56 PM »

I had a friend fall into a grave once!

Someone else's friend  laugh

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« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2011, 11:48:40 PM »

The bottom section of the censer must have been slowly unscrewing itself for months -- and one day it came apart as I was censing and went crashing into the wall!  Thank the Lord it did not connect with anybody!!
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« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2011, 11:52:03 PM »

What our sacristan said once quite loud, in the altar, during vespers is both funny and unprintable in its peasant vulgarity. Those that were in church that evening had a good laugh about it.
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« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2011, 11:58:01 PM »

One of the funniest things I've ever seen. Our priest sent two of the elementary school boys out to ring the bell prior to vespers. Bear in mind the bells are just a few feet from the church right next to a side door. He told them to ring it twelve times. They both put on the ear muffs and as one of them started ringing the other one counted the number of rings screaming at the top of his lungs ONE.....TWO........THREE.......

It was so funny father actually lost his composure for a few moments. I'll never forget it.
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« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2011, 11:59:25 PM »

The troparion below and its mention of headaches caused the reader to go into uncontrollable laughter
and he couldn't read past that phrase...
and of course that set off everybody else in the church

10 November

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
* St. Aedh MacBricc of Meath
* St. Elaeth of Anglesey
* St. Just of Canterbury
* St. John the Irish of Mecklemburg
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


St. Aedh MacBricc, Bishop of Meath
(Aod, Aedsind, Aidus)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Died 589. The Lives of Aedh are full of miraculous events of healing,
bilocation, and other marvels. The son of Breece
of the Hy Neill, Aedh worked on his father's farm. His conversion
occurred when he was dissuaded by Bishop Saint Illathan of Rathlihen
(f.d. June 10) from kidnapping a girl from his brother's household in
retaliation for the refusal to give him his inheritance on his father's
death. Instead he became the bishop's disciple. He founded a monastery
at Cill-air and Rathugh in Westmeath and eventually became a bishop. He
cured Saint Brigid (f.d. February 1) of a headache, so is often invoked
to cure headaches (Benedictines, Delaney).

Troparion of St Aedh MacBricc tone 1
Founder of churches, Wonderworker Hierarch and curer of headaches,/ thou
art rightly praised for thy missionary labours,/ O Father Aedh
Macbricc./ We celebrate thy memory, O Saint,/ praying that we may be
given grace to emulate thee,/ for the re-establishment of Orthodoxy in
these islands/ and for the salvation of our souls.

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« Reply #12 on: July 26, 2011, 12:45:31 AM »

A VERY large and hairy spider slowly crawled up the priest's phelonion as he stood in front of the Holy Table during Vespers. The spider got within a couple of inches from the neck edge before crawling back down again. Not once, but three times. Father had no idea what was happening, and the few of us who were in the nave at the time were helpless, as none of us had a blessing to enter the altar, and there were no altarboys serving that night. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

Three times?

That was a very Orthodox spider.
Surely the purpose was to get your attention and praise the Lord that nothing happened.
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« Reply #13 on: July 26, 2011, 12:46:29 AM »

We had the power go out near the beginning of Liturgy one day. It was kinda funny actually, some tried to get it back on (to no success), it wasn't entirely off, but they had to shut off the A/C so the unit wouldn't be ruined.

It actually happened RIGHT at the Great Entrance the exact moment we opened the iconostasis door to begin the procession.

We were wondering how the heck we could get the water heated so it could be poured in with the body & blood, and Father's son did some quick thinking, took the water in the kitchen, and was able to heat it up somehow (I guess their stove isn't electric? not sure how he did it). Other than that, it didn't change the service one bit. The power completely came on after communion.

___________________________

A couple weeks ago, I was serving with a Priest at the mission that I attend during summers and the Priest actually forgot to open the doors at the beginning of Liturgy, so i kind of had to remind him. We ended up playing it cool and waiting until just before the Little Entrance (since liturgically they would have been closed anyway after the Great Litany) to open them up. Apparently he had forgotten, because they do the opening/closing different at one of the other churches in the area. (I think he said it was the Serbian one)

___________________________

It was during Holy Week (I think) and Father's other son apparently hadn't had anything to eat/drink for about a day. So we were standing there, Father was standing in the middle of the church (as was required for the service) and his son was standing there by him (to give him the censer at appropriate times). As the choir, we were standing right behind them. All the sudden his son starts to slump, and Father immediately grabbed him and easily set him on the floor (to gasps from everyone). His mother (a doctor) came over and checked him out, he had passed out but was okay, they ended up taking him to the narthex and gave him something to snack on and drink.
It was just something that shocked all of us and almost stopped our hearts, because we weren't obviously expecting it, and it could have been bad had Father not been paying attention to him. (Father apparently saw his eyes roll back and knew he was out before he fell) He ended up being okay, and the service continued. Just a scary moment.

___________________________

One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
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« Reply #14 on: July 26, 2011, 12:48:12 AM »

I was attending a Divine Liturgy once served by two priests. During the Great Entrance, somehow the Bread slipped off the diskos while they stood in the Royal Doors. They handled it quite well I thought.

Once, during a Bishop's visistation, one of the choir members fainted in the choir loft.
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« Reply #15 on: July 26, 2011, 12:55:08 AM »

The bottom section of the censer must have been slowly unscrewing itself for months -- and one day it came apart as I was censing and went crashing into the wall!  Thank the Lord it did not connect with anybody!!

Wow... I'm gonna have to start checking that! Never thought of that happening... (the censer gets REALLY hot too, so I'd be afraid of fire, or severe burns)

We have a couple Priests who hold the censer still under their robes sometimes... I always keep an eye on it to make sure they don't light themselves on fire... The thing just gets so red hot that I get worried about them when they do that. lol

_____________________

I'm hoping and praying that the littler kids that sometimes serve at the altar don't end up burning themselves. I like to let them do things to help out, but I'm always worried they'll burn themselves with the censer, or when pouring the hot water, or when handling candles... Man, I need to be less paranoid.
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« Reply #16 on: July 26, 2011, 02:41:29 AM »

Three times?

That was a very Orthodox spider.

That very thought went through my mind as well at the time.  laugh
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« Reply #17 on: July 26, 2011, 02:55:10 AM »

There was that one Pascha Liturgy many years ago when I walked out into the middle of the nave to read the Epistle lesson and forgot my service book with the Prokeimenon and Alleluia verses in it. I had to signal to the choir director that I didn't have the Prokeimenon with me and that he needed to chant it. That was rather embarrassing. Embarrassed

There was also the Ascension Liturgy a few years ago when I misread the pericopes for the Epistle reading (Acts 1:1-11 or so) and ended up reading on to about the end of the chapter, to include the story of how Judas hanged himself and fell to the ground and his guts busted out. Tongue

Another Pascha, one of our basses dropped out of the choir and almost fainted because he was running dangerously low on protein from having fasted all day. His wife and the physician who sings in our choir ran him to the parish hall and had him eat a couple of deviled eggs to get his protein level back up.

We've had not one, but two of our Epistle readers on separate occasions announce the Alleluia of the Epistle "in the Ninth Tone" (in reference to a special Moscow Chant Alleluia that we sing on feast days, a musical setting that stands outside of the usual 8 tones).

I also heard the story about how an old priest caught his beard on fire when he got a candle too close.
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« Reply #18 on: July 26, 2011, 03:06:35 AM »

ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.
Isn't there another similar acronym, FALL? ISLIP and FALL. laugh
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« Reply #19 on: July 26, 2011, 03:11:48 AM »

One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
That's kinda like some of the malapropisms I've heard in church.

The dild wonkeys (instead of wild donkeys)

Calling Christ immoral instead of immortal

The bombles in the tombs (instead of "upon those in the tombs")
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« Reply #20 on: July 26, 2011, 03:23:17 AM »


I'm told that one priest, during his Theophany sermon, said "Christ was baptised in the john by Jordan". Hard to beat, if it's true.  laugh laugh
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« Reply #21 on: July 26, 2011, 03:24:18 AM »


I'm told that one priest, during his Theophany sermon, said "Christ was baptised in the john by Jordan". Hard to beat, if it's true.  laugh laugh
I've heard that one, too. laugh Somehow, I remember that blooper being attributed to Fr. Thomas Hopko.


Man, this thread is too funny! laugh laugh laugh
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« Reply #22 on: July 26, 2011, 03:30:32 AM »

Quote
announce the Alleluia of the Epistle "in the Ninth Tone" (in reference to a special Moscow Chant Alleluia that we sing on feast days, a musical setting that stands outside of the usual 8 tones).


Must have been composed by Fr Vasily of Sts Boris, Gleb, Vladimir and Olga in Sydney, Australia.  laugh
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« Reply #23 on: July 26, 2011, 05:42:04 AM »

- I've collapsed during the Great Entrance when I went out with the candle.
- The cloth caught fire on the Sacrifice Table after the Chalice was placed there after Communion
- I've heard stories of altar servers  adding marijuana / petards to the censer
- The blessing of the newly built Skete was cancelled because the Igumen forgot his antimension. The Metropolitan got really mad then.
- My grandmother like to discuss with Priests when they give announcements.
- When I was 3 or 4 I overturned the candlestand 3 times as big and heavy as I was.
- My cat started to poop when we were having our house blessed.
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« Reply #24 on: July 26, 2011, 07:27:12 AM »

Quote
- The blessing of the newly built Skete was cancelled because the Igumen forgot his antimension. The Metropolitan got really mad then.

Ooooh, Lordy!! That's taking his pick from the shovels ....  Shocked Shocked laugh

Quote
- My cat started to poop when we were having our house blessed.

A venerable old priest lived in quarters adjacent to the church he served in. The two buildings were connected by a corridor. Everyone in the congregation knew the priest's cat, as she frequently entered the church during services, and would quietly mill around the people, and sometimes curl up for a snooze. One Sunday, as Father was giving the sermon, the cat came into the church, wandered around the nave for a bit (nothing unusual). Just as Father was getting to the crucial moment of the sermon, Puss walked up the steps of the ambon, and calmly went straight into the altar through the open Royal Doors, tail in the air.

Father henceforth made sure the door to the corridor was closed during service time to eliminate the possibility of the cat stealing the show again. He would open the door only after the service had ended, so that Puss could do her rounds.
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« Reply #25 on: July 26, 2011, 08:03:38 AM »

My priest once reminded the congregation that Communion is served only to those who are baptized and cremated Orthodox.

I don't remember the passage being read, but the reader referred to the "Jews and the geeks". I wasn't sure what I heard until I noticed an altar boy trying almost unsuccessfully to stifle his laughter.
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« Reply #26 on: July 26, 2011, 08:54:43 AM »

We had an interim some years back who came to us from being chaplain at the local hospital (he also helped serve at our wedding). The very first Sunday, he pulled on the bell rope, and the chain attaching it to the bell wheel broke, with chain and rope falling from the ceiling in a tremendous crash. A couple of years earlier, during the Easter vigil someone had been ringing it and managed to stand it upside down, so that pulling on the bell rope did nothing. Someone had to get a ladder and a long pole and poke the bell to turn it right side up again.

I happened before my time, but there was one Sunday where the reader got stuck with the one of the OT readings with a long list of names, and about half way through gave and said "and all those other people."

Ebor can tell you a great story about a thurible.
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« Reply #27 on: July 26, 2011, 09:00:09 AM »

As far as heat: back before the church expansion the building had no heat and the sacristy had no water in the winter. There is one legendary series of Sundays one summer where the notes in the service registry read:

"Hot!"
"More so!"
"Hotter than Hell!"
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« Reply #28 on: July 26, 2011, 10:30:14 AM »

Our old chanters-of whom some are dead now, may God  rest them, would routinely show up drunk in different stages of intoxication especially on eves of great feasts like Christmas etc. Then they would mess up the readings, jump lines, start arguing with each other etc. A couple of older priests-both of them dead by now, had similar habits. On time he was censing at vespers but he was so intoxicated that he literally crashed into one of the royal icons to the amusement of those present.
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« Reply #29 on: July 26, 2011, 10:41:20 AM »

We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.



I think he's supposed to.
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« Reply #30 on: July 26, 2011, 10:44:58 AM »

We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.



I think he's supposed to.

I read somewhere that a Divine liturgy must always be finished. If a priest dies while celebrating, another priest must finish where he left off.
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« Reply #31 on: July 26, 2011, 10:45:42 AM »

The troparion below and its mention of headaches caused the reader to go into uncontrollable laughter
and he couldn't read past that phrase...
and of course that set off everybody else in the church

10 November

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
* St. Aedh MacBricc of Meath
* St. Elaeth of Anglesey
* St. Just of Canterbury
* St. John the Irish of Mecklemburg
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


St. Aedh MacBricc, Bishop of Meath
(Aod, Aedsind, Aidus)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Died 589. The Lives of Aedh are full of miraculous events of healing,
bilocation, and other marvels. The son of Breece
of the Hy Neill, Aedh worked on his father's farm. His conversion
occurred when he was dissuaded by Bishop Saint Illathan of Rathlihen
(f.d. June 10) from kidnapping a girl from his brother's household in
retaliation for the refusal to give him his inheritance on his father's
death. Instead he became the bishop's disciple. He founded a monastery
at Cill-air and Rathugh in Westmeath and eventually became a bishop. He
cured Saint Brigid (f.d. February 1) of a headache, so is often invoked
to cure headaches (Benedictines, Delaney).

Troparion of St Aedh MacBricc tone 1
Founder of churches, Wonderworker Hierarch and curer of headaches,/ thou
art rightly praised for thy missionary labours,/ O Father Aedh
Macbricc./ We celebrate thy memory, O Saint,/ praying that we may be
given grace to emulate thee,/ for the re-establishment of Orthodoxy in
these islands/ and for the salvation of our souls.



Some liturgical texts crack me and others up. I laughed the first time I heard "butter mountain" in the Holy Transfiguration Psalter. Also, the canon for the departed on Meatfare Saturday lists several interesting ways in which people die--and in succession something like, "Give rest, O Lord, to those who have been mauled by bears, crushed by rocks, and hung by their neighbors." It's hard to maintain the tone and seriousness sometimes.
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« Reply #32 on: July 26, 2011, 10:51:17 AM »

Quote
I laughed the first time I heard "butter mountain" in the Holy Transfiguration Psalter.


There's also this gem from, IIRC, the Annunciation: .... and she [the Mother of God] is preserved by the Holy Spirit. And I've lost count of the number of times I've had to restrain mirth on hearing about Christ sitting on the right hand of the Father.  laugh
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« Reply #33 on: July 26, 2011, 10:55:27 AM »

When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."
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« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2011, 10:56:26 AM »

When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."

Oooh, what a booboo!  Wink laugh laugh
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« Reply #35 on: July 26, 2011, 11:48:08 AM »

Years ago, I was asked to assist my bishop at a liturgy in a mission meeting at a rented chapel.  We got there and were informed that the air conditioning was broken.  The problem was it was 8am and already about 85°.  By the time, Orthros ended, it was 100° outside and about 105° inside.

The first thing to let go was the trikiri and dikiri set.  The wax candles simply 'relaxed' and flopped over onto the table.  Pretty soon, the array of 24" candles (about 2" thick with brass followers) began to burn at an accellerated rate.  The followers went right down to the candelabra bases, forming a small vapor chamber where once there was an candle.  The chambers shot forth tongues of flame like something from a Disney theme-park ride.

The bishop and the priests were, of course, wearing their 'nice' vestments, including heavy satin sticharia that I call 'sweat bags' because that is exactly what they feel like by the Great Doxology.  The bishop was perspiring so profusely I swear I could hear it, so I found my stash of bottled water (my wife was addicted to it at the time so we had lots of it) and tried to offer him one.  He refused, but not without a look of profound desire.  Once he had communed, he shot a glance and said "WATER, NOW!"  I handed him the bottle, and he drank it so hard the plastic container literally shriveled from the vacuum.  He handed me the crumpled bottle and said "MORE!"  I also watered the priests assisting him.  My wife was annoyed that she would only have one bottle for the 2-hour ride home.  I was relieved because we would not have to pull over as often.

As we packed to leave, the vestments had to be left in the sun to dry.  The funny thing was that by the time we had to go, everything was dry.  Desert heat has its benefits.  On the drive home, the radio weatherman announced it was a record high.  I believed him.
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« Reply #36 on: July 26, 2011, 12:27:12 PM »

We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

My bishop has told me about that, and It made Father genuinely afraid that I would try it  laugh

It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   I was also told the story that when Archbishop Dimitri came to celebrate the Liturgy, during his being vested, the subdeacons forgot to open the button on his stichar.  So when it was put on him, they had a headless bishop for a couple of moments.
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« Reply #37 on: July 26, 2011, 12:31:49 PM »

When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."

While with the Franciscan's one of the seminarians was reading from the Old Testament and read, "the breasts of the field will devour you." The priest said, "Well, I guess I know where your mind was."  lol  Also, once during Mass there was a big fly buzzing around the altar.  At the point of the "Kiss of Peace" the 2nd priest swattered and killed the fly on the altar. Destroyed the mood at the Kiss of Peace.  The same priest, who killed the fly, was once serving Mass at a retirement home, ext to our friary.  Well, He was at the beginning of the anaphora and the wind blew the pages of the altar missal, so he went from just before the consecration to the Lord's Prayer.  One of the elderly women, turned to her husband and in a stage whisper said, "He messed up, again!"

At my present parish, we were in between priests being assigned.  A temp was to come from South Bound Brook to fill in on Sundays, but during a funeral, the ground was wet and soft and he feel into the grave and was too sore to be able to travel all the way to Boston.
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« Reply #38 on: July 26, 2011, 12:59:00 PM »

My priest once reminded the congregation that Communion is served only to those who are baptized and cremated Orthodox.

I don't remember the passage being read, but the reader referred to the "Jews and the geeks".
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« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2011, 01:06:01 PM »

We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

My bishop has told me about that, and It made Father genuinely afraid that I would try it  laugh

It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   I was also told the story that when Archbishop Dimitri came to celebrate the Liturgy, during his being vested, the subdeacons forgot to open the button on his stichar.  So when it was put on him, they had a headless bishop for a couple of moments.
When a friend of mine was tonsured a reader and had his cassock draped over him, he had a devil of a time trying to find the right hole through which to stick his head. By the time he finally emerged, arms a flailin', he was thoroughly embarrassed. When he saw that the bishop himself was laughing, he figured that all was good and he could have a few chuckles at his own misfortune.
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« Reply #40 on: July 26, 2011, 01:20:01 PM »

ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.
Isn't there another similar acronym, FALL? ISLIP and FALL. laugh

Aaahhhh, yes. There's this mention of both in one of Fr. George's posts from many years ago.

Isn't there a sister group known as FALL?

Yes, the FOundation for the Application of Liturgy in Life.  I was the founder of that one.

Once upon a time (in our common seminary days) ISLIP and FALL were a formidable tandem.
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« Reply #41 on: July 26, 2011, 01:24:44 PM »

We administer communion with the chalices placed on tables.  Essentially about three feet high, easier for the priest not to have to hold a chalice up for the 15 minutes it takes to administer communion.  I was holding the communion cloth or holding back his vestments, and that particular Sunday we had two tables for two chalices, as it was a busy morning and we had two priests.  

Now, the tables were put up right against the edge of the chancel, on the edge of a step of about 6 inches.  One priest leaned over the table to reach a shorter parishioner, and the table got pushed.  The other priest could see it happening and reached for the chalice so it wouldn't hit the floor.  He missed.  The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.  And if that wasn't enough, in reaching over, the other priest knocked over his chalice with the bulk of his vestments.  I'm watching this happen in slow motion, but my hands were full and there was nothing I could do.  

So now we have a table and two chalices rolling around on the marble floor, people have now stepped in it and ran to get out of the way, and the priests are absolutely freaking out...  It was bad.  Pretty much the entire (very large) church floor had to be specially cleaned that week.  And that was the last time the tables were at the edge of that step.
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« Reply #42 on: July 26, 2011, 01:46:46 PM »

We administer communion with the chalices placed on tables.  Essentially about three feet high, easier for the priest not to have to hold a chalice up for the 15 minutes it takes to administer communion.  I was holding the communion cloth or holding back his vestments, and that particular Sunday we had two tables for two chalices, as it was a busy morning and we had two priests.  

Now, the tables were put up right against the edge of the chancel, on the edge of a step of about 6 inches.  One priest leaned over the table to reach a shorter parishioner, and the table got pushed.  The other priest could see it happening and reached for the chalice so it wouldn't hit the floor.  He missed.  The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.  And if that wasn't enough, in reaching over, the other priest knocked over his chalice with the bulk of his vestments.  I'm watching this happen in slow motion, but my hands were full and there was nothing I could do.  

So now we have a table and two chalices rolling around on the marble floor, people have now stepped in it and ran to get out of the way, and the priests are absolutely freaking out...  It was bad.  Pretty much the entire (very large) church floor had to be specially cleaned that week.  And that was the last time the tables were at the edge of that step.

Lord, have mercy!!!
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« Reply #43 on: July 26, 2011, 01:52:31 PM »

I can't wait for Dyhn to log on so i texted her to ask if i could tell her story and she said yeah.

It was her church, the one her and her hub went to and she was sitting up on a stage area facing the congregation waiting to read the bible next to the senior vicar and it was the end of the music section when everyone was praying and a big fart noise came from the front row where a deaf lady was sitting with her tiny dog on her lap and noone in the front row knew who it was that did it, the lady or her dog. Well a tonne of people were trying not to laugh including the vicar on the stage and the vicar got up and said "please excuse me" because HE was laughing and the whole people thought that he did the noise!!!! So they laughed even more.

The lady saw that everyone was laughing or trying not to laugh was saying in a rli loud voice "whats everyone laughing at??" but noone in the front row had the boolars to tell her that it must have been her dog what did it. The rest of the people not close to the front row still think it was the vicar who did it because of what he said....too funny!!!
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« Reply #44 on: July 26, 2011, 01:53:20 PM »

- I've collapsed during the Great Entrance when I went out with the candle.

Difine "went out".... Smiley
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« Reply #45 on: July 26, 2011, 02:08:01 PM »

There's a story of one Roman Catholic bishop blessing the oil on Holy Thursday.  At one point the rubrics call for him to breathe on the oil.  Now as his was breathing on the oil, his false teeth fell into the oil.  He said an expletive deleted which was broadcast throughout his cathedral, as he was wearing a wireless microphones.  After hearing that story I promised myself I would never wear a wireless mic...lol

Again,while in the Franciscans, we had a charismatic seminarian.  Well, one Sunday the celebrating priest just kept going on and on with his sermon.  Most of us were beginning to fall asleep, when this seminarian stood up and yelled "ALLELUIA!"  Well, there was dead silence, and then we all broke out laughing.  The poor long-winded priest got so confused, he ended his sermon on the spot.  That was the talk of the seminary for a very long time.

Once a deacon was intoning a litany and his voice went falsetto.  The choir froze as there was no way they could sing that high.  Finally everyone broke up laughing.
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« Reply #46 on: July 26, 2011, 02:40:29 PM »

When I was at Vlad's, the story was attributed to Fr. Paul Lazor's son


It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   
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« Reply #47 on: July 26, 2011, 02:56:48 PM »

A certain priest I knew was born in Russia and was not a native English speaker.  When he was still a deacon in the late 50s, the transition to English was in its infancy.  The first time he had to say "In peace let us pray to the Lord," let's just say ea in "peace" sounded more like an i.  That was rather quickly corrected. Smiley

I also heard a story from the same era about a reader in a Slavonic-serving parish that got out to the center of the church to read the Epistle, and realized he had forgotten what he was supposed to read.  So he improvised a dialogue with the celebrant on the spot, asking something like "I am sorry, which page am I supposed to read?" The priest chanted back "Turn to page (whatever it was)," and so it was.
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« Reply #48 on: July 26, 2011, 03:09:34 PM »

In the large monastery a senior Archbishop was serving. We Russsian nuns wear a circular-type veil covering the whole head and shoulders to the waist. My obedience was to stand on the solea and hold his staff and hand it to him, kissing his hand, when he required it. He turned, grabbed the staff firmly, along with my veil!!! and wouldn't let go for several seconds until he turned again and noticed my veil firmly in his clutches. Needless to say, I failed to kiss his hand nor let go my grip of his staff whilst my veil was in his grasp, as I would have been without klobuk (monastic hat like kamalavka) and veil.
A yet more senior Archbishop was serving one day and my obedience that day was holding his voluminous mantle. I had dropped it so he could turn 360 deg for his blessing, and promptly stepped on it - a big no-no!
On one altar feast celebration, hundreds had packed our church and my obedience was tending to the candles. I managed to set my veil and riassa (outer monastic robe) on fire (not severely, thank God-I salvaged both!).
The worst I think was when I was taking Holy Communion. The Abbess was holding the red veil under my chin, but took it away before my Spiritual Father who was serving had completely removed the spoon and somehow the Precious Blood spilled on my veil. I was mortified! My Spiritual Father instructed me to burn the veil (my best one, too!).
A small child had communed in our church, and shortly afterwards was ill on the carpet. The piece of carpet had to be excised and burnt.
Once during a Vigil service my obedience was to hold the oil whilst my aforesaid Spiritual Father anointed the people. As the monastery driver, I always had a mobile phone with me and switched on, in case the Abbess needed me if she wasn't in church. Father's cellphone rang and he whispered to me "Mine or yours?" I whispered back "yours Father!" He promptly turned it off.
There must be a hundred other occurrences that I can't remember!
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« Reply #49 on: July 26, 2011, 03:27:58 PM »

When I was at Vlad's, the story was attributed to Fr. Paul Lazor's son


It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   

Well, at least I was right about it being at the seminary...lol
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« Reply #50 on: July 26, 2011, 04:14:05 PM »

There was that one time many years ago when someone's cell phone started to ring during the parish announcements after the Sunday Liturgy. Quite fittingly, the ring tone was the melody of the Wizard of Oz song, "If I Only Had a Brain". laugh
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« Reply #51 on: July 26, 2011, 04:19:58 PM »

There was that one time many years ago when someone's cell phone started to ring during the parish announcements after the Sunday Liturgy. Quite fittingly, the ring tone was the melody of the Wizard of Oz song, "If I Only Had a Brain". laugh
lol!

One time Father's cell phone started ringing.
Another time it was his wife's phone that rang (she needs it on though, as she is a doctor) and he obviously joked about it Wink (probably paid for it later lol)
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« Reply #52 on: July 26, 2011, 04:44:53 PM »

We had no matches of lighter available for the Divine Liturgy. I had to light some paper towels on fire with the stove in the parish hall and light a candle with it to light the charcoal. Once the paper towels caught completely on fire. I dropped them on the floor and stomped on them. My shoe caught on fire. Thank God, I stomped my shoe fire out and the paper towel fire out. Tongue
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« Reply #53 on: July 26, 2011, 09:05:02 PM »

When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LOL

 laugh laugh laugh
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« Reply #54 on: July 26, 2011, 09:28:10 PM »

Elderly Russian deacon, a truly saintly man, and loved by all, but getting a bit dotty, serving at a wedding: After the ceremony ended, time for the singing of the Mnogaya Lyeta (Many Years). He slowly chanted the invocations for the blessing of the newlyweds in a rising tone, then out came Vechnaya Pamyat (Eternal Memory), instead of Mnogaya Lyeta. A collective gasp rose in the nave (followed by snickers of mirth), the choir was derailed for several seconds, and the babushki were furiously crossing themselves, warding off this bad omen.

Some twenty years on, the couple is still happily married.  Cheesy
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« Reply #55 on: July 26, 2011, 10:18:50 PM »

Another wedding, this time Anglican, in Britain:

The wedding ceremony was about to begin, when the vicar had to excuse himself to answer the call of nature. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn off his radio mike. The church was filled with the sound effects of the vicar "enthroned".
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« Reply #56 on: July 26, 2011, 10:29:21 PM »

The biggest mishap I've seen?  The audible anaphora/epeclesis and priests praying the silent prayers aloud!!! 

It's evolution, baby.
American evolution...

The next thing we'll see if girl altarboys
You should take that one up with Greece, not America.
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« Reply #57 on: July 27, 2011, 01:04:06 AM »

There have been several occasions on which the altar boys were messing around with the censers and caused the fire alarm to go off.  On one such occasion, during the sermon after the Bridgroom Service on Holy Monday, Fr. Steve got onto the subject of the Last Judgement, and just as his remarks reached their high-point, the alarm went off.  Dead silence, followed by a remark from the congregation, "Is anybody Rapture-ready?"
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« Reply #58 on: July 27, 2011, 01:44:59 AM »

There was a couple years ago when our priest and deacon got a little heavy with the incense use.  It smelled great but the smoke alarm went off.  Our priest kept the Liturgy going and I plugged my ears while our sub-deacon and others were finally able to get the alarm off.  I see on this thread that this has also happened to others.  Smiley
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« Reply #59 on: July 27, 2011, 02:22:37 AM »

A certain priest I knew was born in Russia and was not a native English speaker.  When he was still a deacon in the late 50s, the transition to English was in its infancy.  The first time he had to say "In peace let us pray to the Lord," let's just say ea in "peace" sounded more like an i.  That was rather quickly corrected. Smiley

Reminds me of a deacon my old Parish had, English was clearly not his first language and sometimes he would struggle, reading out on several occasions about our Lord "He is robbed in majesty".
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« Reply #60 on: July 27, 2011, 02:23:38 AM »

When the priest came last year to bless our home, he forgot our names!   Roll Eyes
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« Reply #61 on: July 27, 2011, 06:52:12 AM »

Four times, count 'em, four, in the past year, we have had people pass out during the liturgy.   Embarrassed
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« Reply #62 on: July 27, 2011, 11:30:54 AM »

Let us keep this discussion in the tone it was created. If you have an controversy or pet peeve please, start a new topic for this. The discussion about the the Anaphora being said aloud can be found here http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,38252.0.html
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« Reply #63 on: August 14, 2011, 10:10:41 PM »

We had a churching of 9month old baby today in church. All of the Altar servers were standing at the right wall of the sanctuary. Father comes to the front of the Holy Doors and churches the child. He then comes into the altar and takes the babys hand and waves to us and continues to church the child. We all had a huge laugh!!! Thanks Father!!!
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« Reply #64 on: August 14, 2011, 10:21:04 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.
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« Reply #65 on: August 14, 2011, 10:25:09 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  laugh laugh Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  Shocked laugh laugh
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« Reply #66 on: August 14, 2011, 10:35:45 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.
That's why an experienced priest knows to always hold a baby boy so that he's facing AWAY from his vestments during and after the baptism.
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« Reply #67 on: August 15, 2011, 12:12:37 PM »

I was at a service once where a Priest had been serving (temporarily) at a Greek parish. It was just kind of funny when he started to commemorate Archbishop Demetrios rather than Metropolitan Jonah. (I was probably the only one to notice though, as he stopped at Archbishop)

Me and him shared a good chuckle about it after church.
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« Reply #68 on: August 15, 2011, 01:39:49 PM »

My 11 yo commented a few months ago after Liturgy about his 9 yo brother.  "Mom, if Michael's hair smells funny it's cause he got too close to the censer and set it on fire - but we put it out". 

The altar - where else would you mix young boys with fire, alcohol and sharp knives.
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« Reply #69 on: August 15, 2011, 01:58:11 PM »

My 11 yo commented a few months ago after Liturgy about his 9 yo brother.  "Mom, if Michael's hair smells funny it's cause he got too close to the censer and set it on fire - but we put it out". 

The altar - where else would you mix young boys with fire, alcohol and sharp knives.

Don't forget hot water Wink
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« Reply #70 on: August 15, 2011, 02:18:30 PM »

I was at a service once where a Priest had been serving (temporarily) at a Greek parish. It was just kind of funny when he started to commemorate Archbishop Demetrios rather than Metropolitan Jonah. (I was probably the only one to notice though, as he stopped at Archbishop)

Me and him shared a good chuckle about it after church.

In the Greek practice, both Archbishops and Metropolitans are commemorated as "Archbishop" in the Divine Liturgy.  E.g. The hierarch of my metropolis is Metropolitan MAXIMOS of Pittsburgh; in the Liturgy, he is "Our Father and Archbishop Maximos."
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« Reply #71 on: August 15, 2011, 02:20:06 PM »

I was at a service once where a Priest had been serving (temporarily) at a Greek parish. It was just kind of funny when he started to commemorate Archbishop Demetrios rather than Metropolitan Jonah. (I was probably the only one to notice though, as he stopped at Archbishop)

Me and him shared a good chuckle about it after church.

In the Greek practice, both Archbishops and Metropolitans are commemorated as "Archbishop" in the Divine Liturgy.  E.g. The hierarch of my metropolis is Metropolitan MAXIMOS of Pittsburgh; in the Liturgy, he is "Our Father and Archbishop Maximos."

Yeah, I know. But earlier he had accidentally commemorated former Metropolitan Herman. And he acknowledged it was Archbishop Demitrios he was thinking of.
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« Reply #72 on: November 13, 2011, 04:12:50 PM »

This morning in DL I was handed the wrong epistle by another chanter. Yes, it's my own fault for not checking first. As I finished the uh "first reading from the Epistles", my priest handed me the correct passage. I apologized later. He reminded me that when he was a deacon he had to do the same for a priest who read the wrong Gospel.

A bit later, as the priest (we don't have a deacon) was announcing, "With fear of God, and faith and love, draw near" a little old lady took him very seriously and ran (yes, as best as a little old lady can) right up to him even before he had fully exited the holy doors. Father David had to push her back by just continuing to walk forward!
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« Reply #73 on: November 14, 2011, 11:06:08 AM »

One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
That's kinda like some of the malapropisms I've heard in church.

The dild wonkeys (instead of wild donkeys)

Calling Christ immoral instead of immortal

The bombles in the tombs (instead of "upon those in the tombs")


Or "Leather thing" instead of "Leviathan"
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« Reply #74 on: November 14, 2011, 11:26:22 AM »

Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

There was stunned silence. You could tell it was not the ordinary way we wait and listen to the reading, and a lot of people were just staring with shocked looks. Every week, our congregation stands up at the same time. I guess we just got used to what we were doing. Our regular priest was out for the day, and the priest serving was a different one. The regular priest had never corrected us. Whenever there is some shuffling or burp or whatever among the crowd, he just pauses and doesn't do anything until the noise stops. This usually takes a couple seconds. But he never raises his voice or says anything that's not in the rubric.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   Smiley
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« Reply #75 on: November 14, 2011, 11:58:27 AM »

A VERY large and hairy spider slowly crawled up the priest's phelonion as he stood in front of the Holy Table during Vespers. The spider got within a couple of inches from the neck edge before crawling back down again. Not once, but three times. Father had no idea what was happening, and the few of us who were in the nave at the time were helpless, as none of us had a blessing to enter the altar, and there were no altarboys serving that night. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

3 times, how appropriate! Don't tell me that spider didn't know what was going on!
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« Reply #76 on: November 14, 2011, 12:23:44 PM »

Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

There was stunned silence. You could tell it was not the ordinary way we wait and listen to the reading, and a lot of people were just staring with shocked looks. Every week, our congregation stands up at the same time. I guess we just got used to what we were doing. Our regular priest was out for the day, and the priest serving was a different one. The regular priest had never corrected us. Whenever there is some shuffling or burp or whatever among the crowd, he just pauses and doesn't do anything until the noise stops. This usually takes a couple seconds. But he never raises his voice or says anything that's not in the rubric.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   Smiley
Geez, what a "mood" killer, for lack of a better term.

We always end up standing up before Father turns around. Doesn't "Orthoi" encompass a lot more than "stand up?" ("Let us be attentive," is what he says in English...lol, I know this is so basic. Orthodox n00b here.)

Anyway, yikes.

I haven't had too much experience yet, other than a visiting priest not being able to get the incense going, for some reason. I couldn't help it; I had to go to the bathroom to laugh because it was just so weird to see him censing everything and everyone making the sign of the cross like nothing was amiss. This was probably my third or fourth service.
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« Reply #77 on: November 14, 2011, 12:29:00 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  laugh laugh Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  Shocked laugh laugh

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.
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« Reply #78 on: November 14, 2011, 12:29:47 PM »

Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

There was stunned silence. You could tell it was not the ordinary way we wait and listen to the reading, and a lot of people were just staring with shocked looks. Every week, our congregation stands up at the same time. I guess we just got used to what we were doing. Our regular priest was out for the day, and the priest serving was a different one. The regular priest had never corrected us. Whenever there is some shuffling or burp or whatever among the crowd, he just pauses and doesn't do anything until the noise stops. This usually takes a couple seconds. But he never raises his voice or says anything that's not in the rubric.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   Smiley

Why you sit anyways?  IS OUTRAGE!  Wink
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« Reply #79 on: November 14, 2011, 04:58:14 PM »

One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
That's kinda like some of the malapropisms I've heard in church.

The dild wonkeys (instead of wild donkeys)

Calling Christ immoral instead of immortal

The bombles in the tombs (instead of "upon those in the tombs")

Or "Leather thing" instead of "Leviathan"



Or parakeet instead of Paraclete ....
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« Reply #80 on: November 14, 2011, 05:08:45 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  laugh laugh Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  Shocked laugh laugh

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.

lol who knows...because it's funny? Cheesy
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« Reply #81 on: November 14, 2011, 05:15:33 PM »

I once buttoned up the Bishop wrong.

He assumed I knew what I was doing as I mostly know what to do behind the Alter. So he motioned to me to help vest him..Lots of buttons... never did it before... I got "The Glare"

opps 
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« Reply #82 on: November 14, 2011, 05:17:57 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  laugh laugh Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  Shocked laugh laugh

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.

It may leave an important part untouched by the water. Like an Achilles Heel... only... ummmmmmmm a more important part.
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« Reply #83 on: November 14, 2011, 06:16:21 PM »

Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   Smiley

LOL yeah he just did, this reminds me of how Abimelech insulted the angel that was reveled to him in the form of an old man, when he woke up from his 66 years of sleep. when the old man told abimelech that  the ruins he is seeing is the city of Jerusalem as a result of what happened to her, Abimelech was so distressed he said to him: if it was not forbidden by the law to insult the elderly, and you were not an old man I would have cursed you right now,  infact  if the Law did not say honor the elderly,I would have called you a crazy senile old man.  and this story is specially told during the Dormition fast, and its always funny when the fathers commentary is read and they say: by saying this he cursed him anyway. you see it might  seem like he has not cursed him but he did manage to get in what he wanted to say.   Grin

These things happen, I would lough about it and make him happy the next time, he could not help it if he is real particular about some things and gets bothered by some things getting out of sync  angel  laugh
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« Reply #84 on: November 14, 2011, 08:45:40 PM »

The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  laugh laugh Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  Shocked laugh laugh

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.

It may leave an important part untouched by the water. Like an Achilles Heel... only... ummmmmmmm a more important part.

haha...those babies get all the love don't they? We don't have such a luxury being baptized as adults...  Cool
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« Reply #85 on: November 15, 2011, 11:51:33 AM »

hilarious..subscribing Smiley
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« Reply #86 on: November 28, 2011, 11:58:01 AM »

In keeping with the tone of several other posts...

-A couple of years ago during a Paschal liturgy one of the altar boys fell asleep on his feet, finally fell down and stayed asleep. The priest kept the liturgy going while the boy's father came down and picked him up.

-Before my time, the parish used to have a priest who would scold folks for getting the rubrics wrong. If the deacon would mess something up, he would apologize, saying, "I'm sorry," to which the priest would reply, "Of course you're the sorriest deacon I've ever seen!"

-Our parish has laminated prayer cards for certain parts of the liturgy. It wasn't long before my then-five-year-old figured out that if you bent the card just right and then let it go you could launch it all the way from the choir to the iconostasis.

-And multiple times I have been heard swearing about something at a moment of silence in church.
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« Reply #87 on: November 30, 2011, 07:54:14 AM »

In my language the deacon intones, "marilah kita berdoa kepada Tuhan" at the beginning of every litany, the English equivalent being "let us pray to the Lord". However that day, the deacon slipped and said dosa instead of doa. The whole thing then became "let us sin against The Lord". The priest promptly responded with what he claims to be 500 Lord have mercies. The deacon made the mistake not once, but he did it for every litany during that liturgy, and each time the priest, and later the people, responded with 500 Lord have mercies.
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« Reply #88 on: November 30, 2011, 08:09:11 AM »

Sorry I can't edit my post coz I am writing from my smartphone.

I guess it was 40, not 500. But it shocked me as an RC to hear so many Lord have mercies during my first visit to an Orthodox Church. Well, I laughed so hard back then, during the liturgy, that the priest actually scolded me. Never been back to that church since then.
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« Reply #89 on: November 30, 2011, 08:29:19 AM »

This incident happened many years ago... I used to attend the RCC before my baptism.

During the celebration of daily mass the priest (he was old) confused the words he was going to say over the Eucharistic bread (hostia) with the things he was going to say over the Eucharistic chalice. Therefore, he held the bread and said "Take you all and drink from this cup....", and later he held the chalice and said "Take you all and eat this bread..." while a lady kept clearing her throat to make the priest notice the mistake, but it was too late. When I left the church, I could not resist the laughter since I imagined drinking the bread and eating the chalice as the priest wanted us to do! Drinking the bread would not be a problem maybe, but eating the chalice?  Wink

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« Reply #90 on: November 30, 2011, 09:14:46 AM »

In my language the deacon intones, "marilah kita berdoa kepada Tuhan" at the beginning of every litany, the English equivalent being "let us pray to the Lord". However that day, the deacon slipped and said dosa instead of doa. The whole thing then became "let us sin against The Lord". The priest promptly responded with what he claims to be 500 Lord have mercies. The deacon made the mistake not once, but he did it for every litany during that liturgy, and each time the priest, and later the people, responded with 500 Lord have mercies.
LMAO. Oh my goodness!
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« Reply #91 on: November 30, 2011, 02:08:19 PM »

Today, in church, the subdeacon dropped the candle lighter, which is one of those barbecue-type lighters that looks sort of like a plastic gun. The lighter fell in the entranceway of the Royal Doors. I'm sure the poor fellow was pretty sheepish when the priest handed the thing back to him.  Wink
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« Reply #92 on: December 02, 2011, 01:30:39 AM »

With no permanent deacon, we have a revolving door of occasional visiting deacons, usually not of our diocese (or even jurisdiction). The most common is a deacon whose family lives nearby. Multiple heirarchical commemoration mishaps have occurred, including chanting the wrong city for the bishop ("Atlanta", instead of "Dallas") and forgetting the name of our hierarch altogether and having to have the priest whisper it to him (both during the Great Entrance).

Gospel Reading mishaps occur because of this as well, since us poor servers never know where the deacon is going to read from (as it could be from the solea or from the bema). Once, I recall all of the servers setting up for a reading at the solea, just to have the deacon exit the beautiful gate and walk right past them to the center of the nave. All of the servers then had to shuffle over to the new location.

Our priest accidentally set his service book on fire one morning during the psalter reading at Daily Matins. He got it put out and still uses that book, but there is one page that is almost entirely missing, which we see him flip by every Saturday night during Vigil, which always causes me to chuckle.

Here's one that I did myself: While serving at Vigil, I realized after God is the Lord that a new charcoal had not been lit (it is our practice to light a second one during the Six Psalms) and so I rushed to get it lit, which didn't quite work. I had to hand off the dying censer to the priest after the troparia were sung, but another server helped me to place the new charcoal on top of the remnant of the first (which also had incense on it) along with a little more incense so the priest could cense the nave (when he needs it, our priest will cense the altar, then stop by where we keep the incense and hold out the censer for us to "refill"). However, what we didn't think of was the fact that we had created, in essence, an "incense sandwich" with the two charcoals being the bread...and then topped it with incense. This caused not only the new incense to burn, but the old incense to burn VERY RAPIDLY. This caused WAAAY too much smoke, and even ran one family that is particularly sensitive out of the nave for the rest of the service. Suffice it to say, as soon as the priest finished with that censing, we fixed our error.
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« Reply #93 on: December 02, 2011, 02:04:59 AM »

With no permanent deacon, we have a revolving door of occasional visiting deacons, usually not of our diocese (or even jurisdiction). The most common is a deacon whose family lives nearby. Multiple heirarchical commemoration mishaps have occurred, including chanting the wrong city for the bishop ("Atlanta", instead of "Dallas") and forgetting the name of our hierarch altogether and having to have the priest whisper it to him (both during the Great Entrance).

Gospel Reading mishaps occur because of this as well, since us poor servers never know where the deacon is going to read from (as it could be from the solea or from the bema). Once, I recall all of the servers setting up for a reading at the solea, just to have the deacon exit the beautiful gate and walk right past them to the center of the nave. All of the servers then had to shuffle over to the new location.

Our priest accidentally set his service book on fire one morning during the psalter reading at Daily Matins. He got it put out and still uses that book, but there is one page that is almost entirely missing, which we see him flip by every Saturday night during Vigil, which always causes me to chuckle.

Here's one that I did myself: While serving at Vigil, I realized after God is the Lord that a new charcoal had not been lit (it is our practice to light a second one during the Six Psalms) and so I rushed to get it lit, which didn't quite work. I had to hand off the dying censer to the priest after the troparia were sung, but another server helped me to place the new charcoal on top of the remnant of the first (which also had incense on it) along with a little more incense so the priest could cense the nave (when he needs it, our priest will cense the altar, then stop by where we keep the incense and hold out the censer for us to "refill"). However, what we didn't think of was the fact that we had created, in essence, an "incense sandwich" with the two charcoals being the bread...and then topped it with incense. This caused not only the new incense to burn, but the old incense to burn VERY RAPIDLY. This caused WAAAY too much smoke, and even ran one family that is particularly sensitive out of the nave for the rest of the service. Suffice it to say, as soon as the priest finished with that censing, we fixed our error.
HOLY SMOKE, that was funny! laugh
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« Reply #94 on: December 02, 2011, 02:32:50 AM »

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew. 
One thing that gets me is the 21 gun salute the vetrans of foreigh wars (VFW) do graveside.  The like to shoot the blanks pointed in the crowds' direction.  Um, I plug my ears, I don't care, it's loud. 
I've burned a few holes in the rug, who hasn't?
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« Reply #95 on: December 07, 2011, 11:16:33 PM »

At my Parish there are three Priests and one time they were all walking down the altar to sit down for the sermon and then afterward, when they were going back up to get the Eucharist ready and everything, one of the Priests tripped on the stairs and nearly fell, but caught his balance last minute. Thought we'd have to get an ambulance if he fell, he is an older guy.
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« Reply #96 on: December 08, 2011, 12:08:53 AM »

I chant at my parish's baptisms, weddings, and funerals.  I've been doing this since 1976.  At a Baptism not too long ago, after the priest administered the Holy Chrism, I boldly chanted the hymn of Pentecost, "Blessed are you, Christ our God..."  The chanting was practically an involuntary action--I gave no thought to it and didn't realize what I had done 'till some time after I finished.   My priest smiled at me and said it must have been an inspiration.
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« Reply #97 on: December 08, 2011, 02:34:56 AM »

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew. 

LOL oh this so funny!
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« Reply #98 on: December 08, 2011, 03:41:39 AM »

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.  

LOL oh this so funny!

One time at the graveside I sang podi hospodi instead of tobi hospodi.  Earlier this year me and a reader were reading in a church and it was Pascha tide, I forgot the words to Christ is Risen in English and had to have the reader beside me sing it with me...I said before I chanted the hours, um, sing the Christ is Risen with me, I can't remember it in English.  Yes, I am English as a first language, my mind was just thinking Ukrainian at that particular moment. 

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« Reply #99 on: December 08, 2011, 05:22:24 AM »

During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.
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« Reply #100 on: December 08, 2011, 07:14:17 AM »

During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

 laugh  oops!
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« Reply #101 on: December 15, 2011, 03:13:59 PM »

I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.  

LOL oh this so funny!

One time at the graveside I sang podi hospodi instead of tobi hospodi.  Earlier this year me and a reader were reading in a church and it was Pascha tide, I forgot the words to Christ is Risen in English and had to have the reader beside me sing it with me...I said before I chanted the hours, um, sing the Christ is Risen with me, I can't remember it in English.  Yes, I am English as a first language, my mind was just thinking Ukrainian at that particular moment. 



LOL  a long time ago in my old parish during the Litany of Peace, the Deacon got out with out the book and started to recite it in Amharic, which is his first language, but in the middle of the litany he forgot the words in Amharic, so he stopped attempted to remember it by starting over, used some of the key words to remember, but soon gave up and  he switched to ge'ez and the prostrated people switched their " Lord have mercy" responses from Amharic to ge'ez along with him I tried not to laugh really hard, as I wanted to commune that day and the man who taught me as a child had told me no communing if I laughed for whatever reason during the DL. I succeeded that one time, but there were many others that I did not. angel
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« Reply #102 on: December 15, 2011, 03:15:06 PM »

During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

LOL hilarious Michal!
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« Reply #103 on: December 15, 2011, 04:11:55 PM »

During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

LOL hilarious Michal!

Actually it's a very common mistake. My friends' parents (in their 50s) have already built a grave for them. I plan to go there next Radonica and light a candle for them.
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« Reply #104 on: December 15, 2011, 05:14:56 PM »

-There are times in the liturgy where our minds start to wander off. No use denying it, we all do it some time in our lives. Sometimes, we unconsciously act out what we're thinking.

One time in the liturgy, a deacon serving inside the altar with the priest had this problem. It started with the "thousand yard stare", then all of a sudden everyone sees him try to make a 3-pointer!

-In the Liturgy of St. Basil, there is a deacon response "You who are seated, stand." Since it's so short, we usually give it to the younger deacons to say. One Sunday, my brother gave this response to a young kid (~7 years old or so). But when it came time to say it, he slipped up and said "You who are Jesus stand." Our priest could barely keep his composure.
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« Reply #105 on: January 12, 2012, 01:33:19 AM »

The day I was tonsured a reader was also the day the altar in our temple was consecrated by the bishop. It was a big deal, lots of visitors, many clergy, and a local news crew.  So I had just finished being tonsured as a reader when the service turned to the consecration of the altar.  Well the camera guy (in shorts, tee shirt and ball cap) wanted to get a better camera angle (the altar was being wrapped), and a lady near the front motioned for him to step a little closer…but he misunderstood and stepped upon the solea and stuck the nose of his camera into the door. I saw what was about to happen, said, "No, no, no" in a something a bit above above a whisper, and lurched forward to intercept him.  Unfortunately between me and him was the corner of the Bema…and I was vested, off balance and with tangled feet, I went flying, sprawled out on the floor in front of the holy doors. Everyone's attention was suddenly on me, and many were laughing or trying not to…well almost everyone. The instant the cameraman took it upon himself to step through the holy doors, the deacon took him in hand, relieved him of his hat, with the bishop's permission let him get a quick shot, and then with stern face turned him over to another in the altar to escort him out the back through the sacistry. I was uninjured except for a small spiral fracture in my anterior dignity.
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« Reply #106 on: January 12, 2012, 03:32:48 AM »

Wow these stories are hilarious! I must say tho, that the one where the deaf ladies dog farted, and where the Anglican vicar relieved himself with his mic still on where just SO funny haha.
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« Reply #107 on: January 25, 2012, 10:10:37 PM »

Not in the church proper, but in the hall next door: at our first Bible Study class last year, the priest went into the maintenance cabinet to switch on the overhead lights. Well, he tried one set, and then another, and nothing happened. Finally he must have picked one and given up.

A disco ball light. It stayed on through the entire class.
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« Reply #108 on: January 25, 2012, 11:04:23 PM »

Another Royal Door mistake: I walked through the Royal doors when I was five or six, and crossed directly in front of the altar.
 On Pascha 2009, I forgot to say " And to thy spirit, Alleluia in the 1st tone" and I just said " Alleluia in Tone 1" and I missed the first verse.
In 2006? I had an allergic reaction on Holy Saturday and ended up scratching myself until I bled.
There was another time when I got wax all over myself while serving in the altar. My sleeves were ruined, and my mom had to iron my dress shirt' collar
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« Reply #109 on: January 25, 2012, 11:20:32 PM »

The day I was tonsured a reader was also the day the altar in our temple was consecrated by the bishop. It was a big deal, lots of visitors, many clergy, and a local news crew.  So I had just finished being tonsured as a reader when the service turned to the consecration of the altar.  Well the camera guy (in shorts, tee shirt and ball cap) wanted to get a better camera angle (the altar was being wrapped), and a lady near the front motioned for him to step a little closer…but he misunderstood and stepped upon the solea and stuck the nose of his camera into the door. I saw what was about to happen, said, "No, no, no" in a something a bit above above a whisper, and lurched forward to intercept him.  Unfortunately between me and him was the corner of the Bema…and I was vested, off balance and with tangled feet, I went flying, sprawled out on the floor in front of the holy doors. Everyone's attention was suddenly on me, and many were laughing or trying not to…well almost everyone. The instant the cameraman took it upon himself to step through the holy doors, the deacon took him in hand, relieved him of his hat, with the bishop's permission let him get a quick shot, and then with stern face turned him over to another in the altar to escort him out the back through the sacistry. I was uninjured except for a small spiral fracture in my anterior dignity.
As someone who works for a news organization, I can assure you this is absolutely normal photographer behavior.

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« Reply #110 on: January 26, 2012, 08:30:34 AM »

More than once I have had a child start to squirm in my arms, fuss and then suddenly scream, "I NEED TO POOP!" during a quiet moment in the liturgy.

EPIC!
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« Reply #111 on: January 26, 2012, 10:16:12 AM »

Once a deacon was intoning a litany and his voice went falsetto.  The choir froze as there was no way they could sing that high.  Finally everyone broke up laughing.

I have an enormous range, so I tend to pick notes out of the air which aren't exactly easy for other people to reach.

I wasn't there for this one: the organist in high school typically improvised communion music. One time, for whatever reason, communion dragged on and on. To keep things interesting, he would modulate to another key, and so on, and on this Sunday he realized that (a) he had modulated into a totally artificial key with eight flats--more than the keyboard actually has, and that (b) he had absolutely no idea how he was going to get back to the home key of the piece. So he simply lift his hands from the keyboard and put them back down in the original key.
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« Reply #112 on: January 26, 2012, 10:30:49 AM »

One time at vespers, there were some punk skateboarder kids (reminded me of my high school self) riding around right outside the chapel.  They were making a ton of noise.  It was a very small vespers service, so the kids probably didnt think anyone was in there as there were only a couple cars in the lot. (Not like they cared anyways)

The priest had to do something, so he went and stood right in front of the window, motioning them to leave.  He had to do this several times.  I began to laugh hysterically because I used to skateboard in places I wasnt allowed to also.  The priest probably scared the heck out of those kids with his foot-long beard and fancy vestments, glaring at them through the window.  I just couldnt help but think about how me and my friends wouldve reacted back in the day.  We would have thought it was the most incredible thing ever.  Those kids will always tell the story of the bearded crazy man in a robe they saw down at the church while skateboarding.

It really was funny, but I guess you had to be there.
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« Reply #113 on: February 07, 2012, 01:17:57 PM »

When I was 5 or so I ran through the area between altar and royal gates.
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« Reply #114 on: February 07, 2012, 02:25:28 PM »

Hum, Michal, my parish's former presiding priest's 2 year old granddaughter did the samething, near the conclusion of the Vespers Service for our parish's name day.
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« Reply #115 on: February 07, 2012, 03:57:06 PM »

The little son of one of the subdeacons walks up to the altar area quite often. The child is about 1 or 2. Once he walked up to Father during the sermon. Father smiled and waved, and the boy's mom took him back to his seat. Once in chapel, when the baby started walking up the carpet in the small central aisle, Father turned around and censed him and went right back to censing the icons.  angel
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« Reply #116 on: May 10, 2012, 12:40:12 AM »

on st gregory palamas sunday a little server at the english liturgy had too much wine - poor fellow was drunk afterwards. On the same day at the slavonic liturgy, the deacon exclaimed WISDOM in georgian (sibvrdnis) and the choir answered Lord have mercy (upalo shevgitskalen).
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« Reply #117 on: May 10, 2012, 03:20:02 AM »

One rural parish in the area was visited by the delegation from Kenya. They sung at some parts of the Liturgy in Kikuyu language (the Liturgy was served in Church Slavonic) and that time we had Pentesagion instead of Trisagion.

edit:

one more:

During the marriage ceremony I've recently attended one little girl (age of 5 or something like that) started to scream "When will the prayers end and we can eat?".
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« Reply #118 on: May 17, 2012, 11:59:06 AM »

During one of the OT readings during Holy Week, our reader read, "male and female He cremated them." I don't think I managed to contain the giggling.
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« Reply #119 on: May 18, 2012, 01:24:56 AM »

Reminds me of my consciously created malapropian "Spaghettisburg Address":

"Four scores and seven yarns ago, our fathers brought fourth upon this Continental a new notion, conceived in puberty, and dedicated to the preposition that all men are cremated with Equal."
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« Reply #120 on: May 18, 2012, 01:50:53 AM »

Once our bishop was visiting, and despite writing "Eis Polla" into our service books at the right places, we still failed to sing it every time. Father covered for us, though the hesitant singing of half the people amplified the fail tenfold. (God bless our bishops; they probably see parishes at their worst.)

I recently got asked to read the epistle. After I said "Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia," I firmly closed the book and walked off, and the choir was looking at me in horror. I realized what I did and madly searched for the correct verses, which I did eventually find, but those moments of crickets were awful.
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« Reply #121 on: May 18, 2012, 01:58:23 AM »

Once our bishop was visiting, and despite writing "Eis Polla" into our service books at the right places, we still failed to sing it every time. Father covered for us, though the hesitant singing of half the people amplified the fail tenfold. (God bless our bishops; they probably see parishes at their worst.)
A pretty common blunder is at the end of a service when we normally sing "Father bless!" With a bishop it's "Master bless!", but how often choirs forget and sing "Father bless!" anyway. Even worse is when half the choir remember and the other half don't, or the choir remember only after they started incorrectly and try to correct themselves mid-word--it comes out sounding somewhat like "Faster bless!" laugh
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« Reply #122 on: May 18, 2012, 02:05:50 AM »

Oh yes, that does happen too. Cheesy

I also enjoy the long version of Eis Polla sung at the Dismissal. We sing it in Greek for some reason, but no one knows the words, so it's mostly mumbling until we get to the Eis Polla part at the end.
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« Reply #123 on: May 18, 2012, 02:50:40 PM »

Ton Despotin too difficult, eh? At an ordination, I was holding the book and accidentally tripped over the ordinand, but there weren't any serious consequences.
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« Reply #124 on: July 18, 2012, 05:24:18 AM »

I thought I would change the tone of this thread with a recent liturgical success story.

As Father was returning the Precious Gifts to the table of preparation, he began to intone "arise, having received the divine, holy, pure, &c.", and experienced an obvious mental blank at "pure". I whispered the next two words and he continued aloud.

Hopefully this makes up for the time I dropped the antidhoron?
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« Reply #125 on: August 10, 2012, 01:31:17 PM »

Not mine:

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:
- Who of you has confessed the feline?
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« Reply #126 on: August 10, 2012, 04:13:04 PM »

THAT story is a keeper!   laugh

Not mine:

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:
- Who of you has confessed the feline?
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« Reply #127 on: August 10, 2012, 10:14:56 PM »

Not mine:

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:
- Who of you has confessed the feline?

Brilliant!!  laugh laugh laugh
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« Reply #128 on: August 13, 2012, 01:55:13 PM »

Once I got my head slammed shut in the deacon's door. I was peeking out to get an estimate of how much antidoron we'd need.
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« Reply #129 on: August 13, 2012, 01:56:18 PM »

Ouch.
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« Reply #130 on: August 13, 2012, 05:43:41 PM »

When I was very young I was being naughty in Church..humming, spinning, really just being  a brat.My mother picked me up to carry me out and probably spank me and I started screaming "Help I'm being kidnapped" It did not go over well but Father laughed...
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« Reply #131 on: August 13, 2012, 07:51:14 PM »

Who of you has confessed the feline?

When has a cat ever confessed to anything?
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« Reply #132 on: August 13, 2012, 08:52:25 PM »

Who of you has confessed the feline?

When has a cat ever confessed to anything?

Cats expect you to confess to them.
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« Reply #133 on: August 13, 2012, 10:02:44 PM »

Oh man, a year back we trained a new Altar Server to use the Censer during Liturgy. We also told him to memorize a reading which the Thurifier traditionally chants before the Gospel. This reading goes like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give heed and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

Unfortunately for the poor guy, the Service Book he uses has a rather egregious typo. In retrospect, someone should really have warned him about it, but we assumed since he's heard everyone pronounce it the right way for all his life it shouldn't be a problem. I suppose you all know what happens when you assume. So, when the appointed time came, he, having memorized the faulty version, when the time for the Gospel came, naively exhorts the congregation at the top of his voice like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give head and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

It took all I had not to start laughing right there in the middle of the Altar.
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« Reply #134 on: August 14, 2012, 02:14:03 AM »

Oh man, a year back we trained a new Altar Server to use the Censer during Liturgy. We also told him to memorize a reading which the Thurifier traditionally chants before the Gospel. This reading goes like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give heed and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

Unfortunately for the poor guy, the Service Book he uses has a rather egregious typo. In retrospect, someone should really have warned him about it, but we assumed since he's heard everyone pronounce it the right way for all his life it shouldn't be a problem. I suppose you all know what happens when you assume. So, when the appointed time came, he, having memorized the faulty version, when the time for the Gospel came, naively exhorts the congregation at the top of his voice like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give head and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

It took all I had not to start laughing right there in the middle of the Altar.
Oh, NO!!! Shocked laugh laugh
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« Reply #135 on: August 16, 2012, 08:50:11 AM »

Last Sunday the Gospel reading was about the man with the epileptic son, and we heard: "Jesus rebuked him, and the demon came out of him, and the boy was cursed -- cured instantly"  Father didn't flinch, he just kept reading, may God bless him!
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« Reply #136 on: August 21, 2012, 12:42:17 PM »

Neither liturgical, nor mine:

After a meal for funeral guests at my father's homevillage two old men said goodbye to each other with "Let's hope we will reach this feast next year".
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« Reply #137 on: August 22, 2012, 09:19:06 AM »

Oh yes, that does happen too. Cheesy

I also enjoy the long version of Eis Polla sung at the Dismissal. We sing it in Greek for some reason, but no one knows the words, so it's mostly mumbling until we get to the Eis Polla part at the end.

"Ton Despotin, ke Archierea imon, Kyrie philate, Eis Pola Eti."

"Our Master, and Archierarch,  Lord protect him, Many Years." 

The liturgical language of the Church of Antioch was Greek until the beginning of the 20th century.  The Church of Russia advocated for the Antiochian Church in this regard, so that Arabic, vernacular of the region, would be their liturgical language, too.  The Russian Churches retain the Greek too as a remnant of the Byzantine Greek clergy who Christianized Ukraine and Russia.  While the liturgical language of the church was Slavonic, the Rusin faithful greeted their bishops in the language of their early hierarchs.
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« Reply #138 on: August 30, 2012, 01:51:39 PM »

Where did the "DESPOTA" go? Is the bishop  no longer Master?
In my cathedral, the choir director sung "Most blessed Master,bless" after Jonah had left. We should not be singing it until we get a new metropolitan,eh?
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« Reply #139 on: September 15, 2012, 11:06:40 PM »

We've had not one, but two of our Epistle readers on separate occasions announce the Alleluia of the Epistle "in the Ninth Tone" (in reference to a special Moscow Chant Alleluia that we sing on feast days, a musical setting that stands outside of the usual 8 tones).
This past Sunday, one of our Epistle readers, an older tonsured reader, no less, topped this one by a large margin. Though technically incorrect, since he should announce only the tone, he likes to announce the Prokeimenon with both a reference to the tone and the Psalm it quotes--e.g., "The Prokeimenon in the 5th Tone from Psalm 28". This time he got a little mixed up and announced the Prokeimenon this way: "The Prokeimenon in the 28th Tone". It was a struggle for me to sing the choir response without letting little chuckles of laughter interrupt my singing. laugh (Hey, the Octoechos has another 20 tones I've never heard of! Shocked I've got a lot of catching up to do in my liturgical studies!)
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« Reply #140 on: September 18, 2012, 11:05:29 AM »

Hyperdox Herman reminded me of this one:

During a baptism, when the priest gave the command to demonstrate the renunciation of Satan using the words, "...Then spit upon him!", the sponsor of the man being baptized turned spat on him.
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« Reply #141 on: October 17, 2012, 02:58:39 PM »

Not liturgical and not mine:

One of the parishioners during coffee hour:
- During our lat trip to Kenya I've noticed that bright plain vestments without any ornaments looks extremely beautiful, especially on black priests.
The priest:
- We can think about buying new vestments but unfortunately I cannot do anything about my skin colour.
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« Reply #142 on: December 11, 2012, 02:48:52 PM »

 The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.

What do they do when something like this happens? How are they supposed to clean the Blood? I know that if the Body falls one can pick it up and consume it anyways.

Quoting tags editted - nothing more - MK.
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« Reply #143 on: December 11, 2012, 02:58:39 PM »

I was told that when it's a carpet or parquet, one should cut out that place and burn it. When it's stone or ceramic one should pour there something flammable and bur it.
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« Reply #144 on: December 11, 2012, 03:02:33 PM »

 The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.

What do they do when something like this happens? How are they supposed to clean the Blood? I know that if the Body falls one can pick it up and consume it anyways.

Quoting tags editted - nothing more - MK.

I think if possible, the priest is supposed to lick it up. Anything the Blood comes in contact with should probably be burned as well.
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« Reply #145 on: January 06, 2013, 08:37:39 AM »


I'm told that one priest, during his Theophany sermon, said "Christ was baptised in the john by Jordan". Hard to beat, if it's true.  laugh laugh
that is hilarious laugh!
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« Reply #146 on: April 08, 2013, 12:30:29 AM »

Thought this would be the place to share this.

It happened today during the Liturgy for the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. First the as the procession of the cross began there was some confusion in the section were we were standing as to what to do. The lead sub-deacon who walks backward doing the censing for the procession swings the censer, looks over his shoulder to check his movement censes again and repeats. So today the procession starts he censes looks over his shoulder sees the lot of us still standing there gets a frown on his face, turns back censes again, turns back over his shoulder and hisses "kneel". Everyone kind of collectively jumps then we all hit the floor.

A little later and more personally I discovered, as I was on my way down to make a prostration during one of the songs where we do that, that my six year old had been squirming a bit too much against the front of my shirt and had gotten her braid tangled on one of my buttons. I got down and her little head yanked sideways and I hear a quite "ow", "ow", "ouch". Everyone else got up I stayed on the floor untangling hair from my button.
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« Reply #147 on: April 08, 2013, 06:27:41 AM »

A little later and more personally I discovered, as I was on my way down to make a prostration during one of the songs where we do that, that my six year old had been squirming a bit too much against the front of my shirt and had gotten her braid tangled on one of my buttons. I got down and her little head yanked sideways and I hear a quite "ow", "ow", "ouch". Everyone else got up I stayed on the floor untangling hair from my button.

Ouch.
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« Reply #148 on: April 08, 2013, 07:15:10 AM »

Not exactly a mishap, but a good story: during the Great Entrance, I usually cross myself and look down, and as the procession went past me, I noticed somebody different. One of the deacon's little kids had decided now was the time to take the cross that he'd brought with him for Holy Cross day, and follow everybody who was walking with his Dad. The kid is maybe two at most. Just cute as a button. Smiley Nothing went wrong, the procession finished without mishaps, and pretty much everybody was smiling when it was over.  angel
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« Reply #149 on: April 08, 2013, 11:36:25 AM »

I had one yesterday: our altar arrangement from years past included a rack holding all of the processional items in the High Place, which was mounted in such a way that the bottom of the rack was about 30" above the floor (ostensibly so that the people in the pews could 'see them' when seated, but that's another story).  It was almost impossible for the standard-issue altarboy to get the candles and fans down without a disaster, and in the intervening 15 years many an altarboy had been 'wounded' by candlewax or getting whacked with a fan, since the rack required the altarboy to hand-over-hand elevate these 3' long poles up into the air to get them into the rack.  So, the subdeacons and adults invariably have to step in, which makes every procession and entrance a distracting 'cluster'.

Having put up with this for more than six years, I finally got the nerve up to tear down the rack and make new holders, putting the candles in very easy-to-use rests that leave the candles right at the same level one would normally hold them.  One simply grabs the candle and lifts 1" and the candle comes out of the new sconce and requires no further hand positioning or precarious maneuvers.  The altar servers love the new arrangement, and things have been going much smoother.

Until one of the boys, who's family comes very irregularly, shows up this Sunday.  He apparently had no problem removing the candle, but entirely forgot how he did it by the end of the Little Entrance.  I'm saying the prayers when I noticed that he had moved his hands down to very bottom end of the candle (it is about the length of a yard stick), with the glass end waiving about up above his head by about three feet.  He was trying to balance the end of the candle on the top of the holder rather than just sliding it from the front the way he had pulled it out. 

I whispered.  The other servers were busy putting their gear away, and most of the adults are deaf and refuse to wear their hearing aids (there's a whole series of stories I could write on that).  I shouted, which startled the people in the church, but I was worried he was going to let go and have the giant brass and glass candle come down on his (or someone else's) head.  He ignored me and continued to try to balance the candle on the top of the sconce.  Then I started clapping and shouting.  Just as I was about to leave my place, he turned around and gave me this look like, "Hey, why are you making that racket? Don't you know this is a liturgy?"  The adults, I think somewhat embarrassed by their missing out on what had happened, then went further into their Sgt. Schultz ("I zee nothing!") imitations and become motionless. 

I walked over to the altarboy and inserted the candle into the sconce. "See, now you do it."  He pulled it out, then began to hand-under-hand it back up into the air to try to balance it again!  I grabbed the candle, "No, like this."  It took three attempts before he could get the idea that the candle went straight from his hands right into the bracket, no up or down action required.  He looked absolutely puzzled and spent the rest of the service staring at his nemesis.

After the service, one of the parishioners asked me, "What was going on up there?"  I wanted to say, 'suicide prevention.'  Instead, I said, "Just trying to help one of the boys out."
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« Reply #150 on: April 13, 2013, 03:18:27 PM »

Not mine, but I hope the source will not be offended I post it here:

A bishop goes to receive an entire community ithe Church, and they become their own parish. They have never served a Liturgy before on their own, so the bishop has to guide them through the first service (the pastor was chrismated and ordained the same day to the diaconate, then priest the next day). After the Liturgy, the bishop goes into the altar to unvest.

Two men, 'subdeacons,' are helping. After removing his omofor and other items, it comes time for the sakkos. The bishop extends his arms out from his sides and says, "buttons."

The two men look at each other, not knowing what to do. he says again, "Buttons!" The bishop wanted the men to unbutton the sakkos. They were still confused. Then they thought, "What do Orthodox people do?"

One man on either side, they each grabbed the side hem of the sakkos and began to kiss the buttons, one at a time!
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« Reply #151 on: April 23, 2013, 11:24:04 PM »

Parishioners crossing themselves in front of the chalice (about 10 cm from it) prior to and after receiving the Eucharist almost ended with spilling...so close to a complete disaster. Priest was not happy at all.
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« Reply #152 on: April 29, 2013, 08:35:49 AM »

This thread was created to share your funny mishaps, not to bring scandal to one another. Mistakes happen, and sometime we do not see everything. Do not pile on any of these comments.

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« Reply #153 on: April 30, 2013, 10:58:12 AM »

I remember once during a procession, a little kid was asked to carry the cross. But then the cross was to heavy, and he lost balance. The base of the cross then hit a guy at his crotch. And he was getting married the next day.
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« Reply #154 on: April 30, 2013, 10:59:10 AM »

Too heavy, sorry I don't know how to edit a post from my blackberry.
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« Reply #155 on: November 17, 2013, 01:57:35 PM »

Not mine and not liturgical:

My uncle wanted to have his new car blessed. He asked some priest to do so (he is a deacon himself so it wasn't much of a problem). The priest opened the euchologion on the wrong page, on the rite of blessing the house, not the car. No one noticed until he reached the part "let it not move from the site".
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« Reply #156 on: November 17, 2013, 02:07:57 PM »

Not mine and not liturgical:

My uncle wanted to have his new car blessed. He asked some priest to do so (he is a deacon himself so it wasn't much of a problem). The priest opened the euchologion on the wrong page, on the rite of blessing the house, not the car. No one noticed until he reached the part "let it not move from the site".

LOL that's awesome.
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« Reply #157 on: November 17, 2013, 02:40:50 PM »

Not mine and not liturgical:

My uncle wanted to have his new car blessed. He asked some priest to do so (he is a deacon himself so it wasn't much of a problem). The priest opened the euchologion on the wrong page, on the rite of blessing the house, not the car. No one noticed until he reached the part "let it not move from the site".

I have a similar story. 

I was serving with a priest one Sunday, and a parishioner brought his car to be blessed.  Rather than have it blessed after Liturgy, he insisted the car be blessed before, and the priest obliged.  We don't have a rite for blessing vehicles (it exists in Syriac, but is not much used in India for that reason), so the priest did something I've never seen before.  He served the full rite for blessing a house, but switched "car" or "vehicle" for "house" or "dwelling".  For the most part, it was odd but barely acceptable, until we got to the gospel:

Quote
Luke 19

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 And there was a man named Zacchae′us; he was a chief tax collector, and rich. 3 And he sought to see who Jesus was, but could not, on account of the crowd, because he was small of stature. 4 So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was to pass that way. 5 And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchae′us, make haste and come down; for I must stay at your house ride in your car today.” 6 So he made haste and came down, and received him joyfully. 7 And when they saw it they all murmured, “He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” 8 And Zacchae′us stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have defrauded any one of anything, I restore it fourfold.” 9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house vehicle, since he also is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of man came to seek and to save the lost.”

I had to excuse myself in order to finish laughing before Matins. 
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« Reply #158 on: November 17, 2013, 02:44:59 PM »

You won.
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« Reply #159 on: November 17, 2013, 03:05:31 PM »

Quote
Luke 19:9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house vehicle, since he also is a son of Abraham.

I had to excuse myself in order to finish laughing before Matins. 

This would've worked well with the Romanian RC translation of this verse.

We've got two words for "salvation": mântuire - the traditional term that the Orthodox use, and salvare - a neologism. Latinizers always prefer the latter, as they reject most of our Slavic/non-Latin linguistic heritage. The only trouble is that salvare can also mean "ambulance", so the first thing most Romanians think of when they hear this passage translated that way is: "Today the ambulance has come to this house"...
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« Reply #160 on: November 20, 2013, 04:52:02 PM »

Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves, trips over people r walks through the royal doors again.
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« Reply #161 on: November 20, 2013, 06:09:09 PM »

Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
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« Reply #162 on: November 21, 2013, 12:32:28 AM »

Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.
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« Reply #163 on: November 21, 2013, 12:42:55 AM »

Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.

Hmm...I always took "If you will it, you can become all flame" to be more of an encouraging word than a warning, but maybe not... Shocked
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« Reply #164 on: November 21, 2013, 12:49:44 AM »

Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.

I've had something like this happen to me once, but it was with a candle that fell off its stand and onto my face. Scariest second of my life.
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« Reply #165 on: November 21, 2013, 12:52:53 AM »

Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.

My story involves a careless thurifer who, while holding a lit candle, managed to set his hair on fire without noticing anything wrong...until a man ran up to him and started to beat him over the head with the Liturgy book in order to put out the flames. 
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« Reply #166 on: November 21, 2013, 01:24:40 AM »

Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
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« Reply #167 on: November 21, 2013, 01:49:51 AM »

Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.
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« Reply #168 on: November 21, 2013, 01:51:24 AM »

Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.

Wusses.  Tongue
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« Reply #169 on: November 21, 2013, 02:22:21 AM »

Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.

Wusses.  Tongue

Seconded.  laugh
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« Reply #170 on: November 21, 2013, 03:25:06 PM »

Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.

Wusses.  Tongue

Seconded.  laugh

My problem isn't that we dont have drip guards, rather I burn myself in spite of them because im afraid of burning the guard, aka dixie cup. which i did at my baptism,  haha
 Grin :-P
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« Reply #171 on: November 21, 2013, 03:28:19 PM »

Every Pascha for the past three years, I have burned myself with the candle, despite the paper guard thing.  angel
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« Reply #172 on: November 21, 2013, 03:29:12 PM »

^ I did that last Pascha also. Lips Sealed
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« Reply #173 on: November 21, 2013, 03:50:26 PM »

The priest was a lunatic.
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« Reply #174 on: November 21, 2013, 04:24:10 PM »


OK...so, I finally have a Liturgical mishap story.

This weekend our Metropolitan and Bishop were visiting.

So, it was a rather busy and exciting weekend.  One of my jobs is to capture the event with photos.

I seriously took hundreds of photos.  Of course, only a hundred or so, are good, with eyes open, etc.

So, Sunday morning, as Liturgy was beginning and the bishops were standing in the center of the nave....I had to get the perfect photo of them...So, I maneuvered behind the tetrapod,



....below the cross, over from the flowers....and over just a bit.....just a bit more....just a bit more.....OUCH!  I realized I had set myself on fire!  Yup.  I totally forgot the candle stand...and set myself ablaze.  I only realized, when I felt pain in my arm....at which point I quickly snapped the photo and reached to pat out the flames.  Cheesy   It was a new outfit, special for our Patronal Feast Day celebrations....and now....it's gone.  I wore it for all of a couple hours.

Here is the photo.



Grin  I wonder if the bishop noticed.
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« Reply #175 on: November 21, 2013, 04:32:25 PM »

Wow, Liza, Thank God you were not burnt further.  Well, just say you have suffered for your art....  Great photographs, as always!
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« Reply #176 on: November 21, 2013, 04:33:45 PM »

You took the photo before putting yourself out?  That's dedication!
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« Reply #177 on: November 21, 2013, 04:37:36 PM »

You took the photo before putting yourself out?  That's dedication!

LOL!  I know, right?!?

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« Reply #178 on: November 21, 2013, 04:41:42 PM »

The hierarch in blue is either enraptured in deep contemplation or he noticed what happened and thought to himself: "Oh my God, look what she did to herself!"  Tongue
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« Reply #179 on: November 21, 2013, 04:58:23 PM »

The one on the left is thinking: "I feel conflicted. I should probably warn her. But on the other hand bishops need to have good stories to tell, so maybe I should wait to see how this plays out..."
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« Reply #180 on: November 21, 2013, 05:13:05 PM »


Next time I see them, I'll have to ask if they saw me going up in flames or not!   angel
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« Reply #181 on: November 21, 2013, 05:14:35 PM »

The one on the left is thinking: "I feel conflicted. I should probably warn her. But on the other hand bishops need to have good stories to tell, so maybe I should wait to see how this plays out..."

The hierarch in blue is either enraptured in deep contemplation or he noticed what happened and thought to himself: "Oh my God, look what she did to herself!"  Tongue

Now I can't look at this photo without wondering what they were thinking! LOL!


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« Reply #182 on: November 21, 2013, 05:15:31 PM »


Next time I see them, I'll have to ask if they saw me going up in flames or not!   angel

If they are good bishops, they will never admit to having been distracted by a hot woman during the Liturgy. 
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« Reply #183 on: November 21, 2013, 05:23:19 PM »


Well then....I'll never know.
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« Reply #184 on: November 21, 2013, 05:31:32 PM »

Hmm... in my case, I was at Liturgy at St. Athanasius in Gulf Shores, when it was only the priest. And I mean ONLY. The altarboys and reader showed up just in time for the Gospel.
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« Reply #185 on: December 06, 2013, 10:16:04 PM »

We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

Something like that happened to me once. An altar boy put some kind of candy in the censer that popped.

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« Reply #186 on: December 08, 2013, 04:13:11 AM »

I was attending a Divine Liturgy once served by two priests. During the Great Entrance, somehow the Bread slipped off the diskos while they stood in the Royal Doors. They handled it quite well I thought.

Once, during a Bishop's visistation, one of the choir members fainted in the choir loft.
Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard. I continued with the Liturgy as if nothing had happened, because once a Liturgy is begun it is not stopped for anything. Even if I were to drop dead during the Liturgy, they would have to move my body, leave everything where it was when I died and get another Priest to come and finish the Liturgy. His grace has recovered and is doing well.
I once was service as the server during a Presanctified Liturgy. The priest accidentally turned several pages at once and almost left out a large portion of the Liturgy. in our tradition the Presanctified Liturgy is never concelebrated. The priest never wears a pectoral cross or epignathion when he serves the Presanctified Liturgy.
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« Reply #187 on: December 08, 2013, 10:31:33 PM »

I was at a wedding where the priest was doing the crowning for the groom and loudly intoned, "The handmaiden of God" when he meant the groom. He didn't correct himself. I don't think he realized what he did.
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« Reply #188 on: December 08, 2013, 10:37:05 PM »

^ Fun  Cheesy was I there?
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« Reply #189 on: December 08, 2013, 10:42:43 PM »

^ Fun  Cheesy was I there?

No, I think it was before your time.
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« Reply #190 on: December 08, 2013, 10:50:58 PM »

Ah, still it is fun,  thanks for sharing.
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« Reply #191 on: December 09, 2013, 12:35:16 PM »

I did that once.  I also reversed the names of the bride and groom during the betrothal.  I was rather nervous...

I was at a wedding where the priest was doing the crowning for the groom and loudly intoned, "The handmaiden of God" when he meant the groom. He didn't correct himself. I don't think he realized what he did.
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« Reply #192 on: December 09, 2013, 12:37:13 PM »

Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard. I continued with the Liturgy as if nothing had happened, because once a Liturgy is begun it is not stopped for anything. Even if I were to drop dead during the Liturgy, they would have to move my body, leave everything where it was when I died and get another Priest to come and finish the Liturgy. His grace has recovered and is doing well.

I am not really sure I wanted to read that.
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« Reply #193 on: December 09, 2013, 12:40:41 PM »

Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard...His grace has recovered and is doing well.
I have heard this tale told in multiple DOM parishes. It's sort of legend.
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« Reply #194 on: December 09, 2013, 12:49:42 PM »

I was attending a Divine Liturgy once served by two priests. During the Great Entrance, somehow the Bread slipped off the diskos while they stood in the Royal Doors. They handled it quite well I thought.

Once, during a Bishop's visistation, one of the choir members fainted in the choir loft.
Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard. I continued with the Liturgy as if nothing had happened, because once a Liturgy is begun it is not stopped for anything. Even if I were to drop dead during the Liturgy, they would have to move my body, leave everything where it was when I died and get another Priest to come and finish the Liturgy. His grace has recovered and is doing well.
I once was service as the server during a Presanctified Liturgy. The priest accidentally turned several pages at once and almost left out a large portion of the Liturgy. in our tradition the Presanctified Liturgy is never concelebrated. The priest never wears a pectoral cross or epignathion when he serves the Presanctified Liturgy.
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Easier said than done about the leaving the body and finishing the liturgy. About forty years ago on Christmas morning at liturgy at St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in Elizabeth, NJ,(my grandparent's parish) the 40 something pastor dropped dead following the gospel.(He left behind a young widow and family as I recall.) My aunt remembered that it was chaotic with people crying, standing around in shock and so on. The EMT's tried to save that priest as they took him to the hospital in a vain attempt to revive him. Several hours later, the dean came by and finished up, but by then only a curator or two were there just to keep an eye on things.
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« Reply #195 on: December 09, 2013, 01:13:27 PM »

When I was 12 and attending a modern-style Roman Catholic church, I passed out, very conspicuously, during Mass.  This church was in a half-circle, with all the pews at an slight incline looking down towards the altar.   When I got a bit dizzy before the time to go up for Communion, I went with my family where the line was way up to the back of the church.   At the back of the line, I really got dizzy and the last thing I remember was things starting to black out and me taking 1 step.   What then happened was I somehow was stumbling down the incline until I fell and hit my head on a pew about halfway down the aisle.  Some stranger  who was in the line in back of me had to pick me up and carry me out of the church where I did regain consciousness..  Ever since then I have had anxiety about standing in lines.  Shocked
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« Reply #196 on: December 11, 2013, 05:29:37 AM »

Not mine:

Metal iconostasis. Electrical lamps in front of icons. Breakthrough in the wires. Priest opens royal doors. Priest lands on altar table.
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« Reply #197 on: December 25, 2013, 06:14:49 AM »

Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. Shocked)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! Embarrassed" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! Angry" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.
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« Reply #198 on: December 25, 2013, 01:26:20 PM »

Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. Shocked)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! Embarrassed" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! Angry" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #199 on: December 25, 2013, 01:30:37 PM »

In my parish, the chanters, bless their hearts, manage almost every week to reach for the same books at the same time, and wind up knocking stuff to the floor.   Smiley
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« Reply #200 on: December 25, 2013, 01:44:56 PM »

In my parish, the chanters, bless their hearts, manage almost every week to reach for the same books at the same time, and wind up knocking stuff to the floor.   Smiley

The Antiochian Archdiocese has eliminated all the confusion caused by having to use different books. Every weekend, the Archdiocese posts the complete text for Vespers and Matins on the Archdiocesan Web site. My secretary prints it and puts it on the chanter's stand. For holy week we have a book that has all the complete services, so that both the priest and the chanters do not have to use any other books.
interesting enough, the Archdiocese had to put the liturgical texts in pdf format because someone hacked our site and was rewriting the services to eliminate anything that could offend non Orthodox, especially Jews.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #201 on: December 26, 2013, 11:32:43 AM »

Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. Shocked)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! Embarrassed" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! Angry" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris

Our jurisdiction doesn't yet have an all-English Gospel book, so if the Gospel is to be read in English, we have to use a normal English-language Bible and write the reference on a post-it note so that the priest knows what to read.  Usually, the acolytes are good about taking the notes out after Liturgy so that there's no confusion next time, but one year they were sloppy.  On Annunciation, they put the post-it in Luke 1, but somehow left the Bible open to another place which also had a post-it note.  I didn't know this, but I thought it was weird that he was reading an account of the Last Supper.  Apparently, Father also thought it was weird, but didn't quite know what to do about it in mid-reading.  At about the time Judas asks Christ "Is it I (who will betray you)?" and Christ answers "What you have to do, do quickly", with a confused look on his face, knowing how bizarre that was, Father closed the Bible, blessed the people and went ahead with the Liturgy.  Smiley 
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« Reply #202 on: December 26, 2013, 12:40:46 PM »

Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. Shocked)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! Embarrassed" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! Angry" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris

Our jurisdiction doesn't yet have an all-English Gospel book, so if the Gospel is to be read in English, we have to use a normal English-language Bible and write the reference on a post-it note so that the priest knows what to read.  Usually, the acolytes are good about taking the notes out after Liturgy so that there's no confusion next time, but one year they were sloppy.  On Annunciation, they put the post-it in Luke 1, but somehow left the Bible open to another place which also had a post-it note.  I didn't know this, but I thought it was weird that he was reading an account of the Last Supper.  Apparently, Father also thought it was weird, but didn't quite know what to do about it in mid-reading.  At about the time Judas asks Christ "Is it I (who will betray you)?" and Christ answers "What you have to do, do quickly", with a confused look on his face, knowing how bizarre that was, Father closed the Bible, blessed the people and went ahead with the Liturgy.  Smiley 

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #203 on: December 26, 2013, 12:55:17 PM »

Oh my!  Shocked

That has got to be a heart stopping moment...
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« Reply #204 on: December 26, 2013, 01:31:34 PM »

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

Smiley

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading.  

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine.  

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation?  
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« Reply #205 on: December 31, 2013, 11:51:49 PM »

We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.



I think he's supposed to.

I read somewhere that a Divine liturgy must always be finished. If a priest dies while celebrating, another priest must finish where he left off.

That is correct. Once the Divine Liturgy is begun, it must be finished.

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« Reply #206 on: December 31, 2013, 11:55:07 PM »

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

Smiley

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #207 on: December 31, 2013, 11:58:30 PM »

Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. Shocked)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! Embarrassed" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! Angry" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris

Our jurisdiction doesn't yet have an all-English Gospel book, so if the Gospel is to be read in English, we have to use a normal English-language Bible and write the reference on a post-it note so that the priest knows what to read.  Usually, the acolytes are good about taking the notes out after Liturgy so that there's no confusion next time, but one year they were sloppy.  On Annunciation, they put the post-it in Luke 1, but somehow left the Bible open to another place which also had a post-it note.  I didn't know this, but I thought it was weird that he was reading an account of the Last Supper.  Apparently, Father also thought it was weird, but didn't quite know what to do about it in mid-reading.  At about the time Judas asks Christ "Is it I (who will betray you)?" and Christ answers "What you have to do, do quickly", with a confused look on his face, knowing how bizarre that was, Father closed the Bible, blessed the people and went ahead with the Liturgy.  Smiley 

Why don't you use the Greek or Antiochian Gospel Book?

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #208 on: January 01, 2014, 12:24:40 AM »

Once a Priest was serving with the Bishop presiding from the throne. In our Antiochian Tradition, when the Bishop completes the Dismissal, the Priest says, "Through the prayer of our holy master...." He got confused and forgot the words. Finally the Bishop looked at the congregation and said, "Whatever."
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« Reply #209 on: January 01, 2014, 02:26:30 AM »

Why don't you use the Greek or Antiochian Gospel Book?

Our (West Syriac) lectionary differs significantly from your (Byzantine) lectionary, even though there are some ancient points of similarity. 
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« Reply #210 on: January 01, 2014, 06:30:57 AM »

Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy.

Why are priests needed then?
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« Reply #211 on: January 01, 2014, 12:22:05 PM »

Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy.

Why are priests needed then?

Your Roman Catholicism is showing. 
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« Reply #212 on: January 01, 2014, 02:26:23 PM »

Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy.

Why are priests needed then?

You need a Priest or Bishop to consecrate the gifts. A deacon can do a Typika and give Communion from the reserved Sacrament.
After thinking about this matter, I now think that the best thing to do would be to take some of the reserved Sacrament and put it into the Chalice because consecrated wine is poured on it before we dry it out and put it into the Tabernacle. That would be an exact parallel to what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. I should mention that I have never forgotten to put wine in the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #213 on: January 01, 2014, 04:59:48 PM »

During one service we all did a metania, and as we came up, my head bumped into the butt of the lady in front of me!!  Shocked  At least we knew each other (we were both inquirers) so we laughed it off and moved on.

The deacon at that church has told us the story of the time he set an altar cloth on fire once while assisting during a Liturgy in another church. It had been freshly imported from Russia, this handmade, exquisitely beautiful cloth. He felt so awful about the accident that he emptied his savings to replace it.
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« Reply #214 on: January 04, 2014, 12:47:22 AM »

Has anyone ever seen something at liturgy that was really out of the ordinary, even an accident?  Like, the altar boys starting a fire, or, God forbid, the priest dropping the chalice?

I've heard of all this, but wonder if it's ever really happened?

I once served with the Bishop and several other Priests when we received a group of converts and their Priest was ordained who were forming a new mission. Because their mission was too small we borrowed a chapel in a Protestant Church. The Holy Table was on wheels and kept moving every time that the Bishop or one of the Priests touched it.  Finally one of the older Priests said, "That is just like Protestantism always changing."

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #215 on: January 04, 2014, 01:06:57 AM »

In my parish, the chanters, bless their hearts, manage almost every week to reach for the same books at the same time, and wind up knocking stuff to the floor.   Smiley

The Antiochian Archdiocese has eliminated all the confusion caused by having to use different books. Every weekend, the Archdiocese posts the complete text for Vespers and Matins on the Archdiocesan Web site. My secretary prints it and puts it on the chanter's stand. For holy week we have a book that has all the complete services, so that both the priest and the chanters do not have to use any other books.
interesting enough, the Archdiocese had to put the liturgical texts in pdf format because someone hacked our site and was rewriting the services to eliminate anything that could offend non Orthodox, especially Jews.

Fr. John W. Morris

The cynical side of me laughs at seeing the juxtaposition of Antiochian and "eliminates all confusion." But then we still use several books.
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« Reply #216 on: January 04, 2014, 01:11:48 AM »

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

Smiley

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.
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« Reply #217 on: January 04, 2014, 02:20:07 AM »

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

Smiley

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.

I learned not to take my cell phone with me to Church after it went off when I was reading one of the Gospels during  Holy Week.
The faithful should also turn off their cell phones. It is most distracting when someone opens their mouth to receive Communion and their cell phone goes off playing a tune.

Fr. John W. Morris
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« Reply #218 on: January 04, 2014, 03:00:09 AM »

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

Smiley

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.
What if it's the bishop's cell phone that starts ringing during the Divine Liturgy?
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« Reply #219 on: January 04, 2014, 02:36:36 PM »

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

Smiley

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.
What if it's the bishop's cell phone that starts ringing during the Divine Liturgy?

Well, if he kept if on vibrate, he might be able to answer questions about liturgical emergencies when the priest needs a directive.
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