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Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 65710 times) Average Rating: 3
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« Reply #990 on: March 27, 2013, 02:37:30 AM »

"Steak and Shake" is my favorite sexual euphemism...

I'm no prude, but for some reason I've an aversion to combining sex and food.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2013, 02:37:38 AM by orthonorm » Logged

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« Reply #991 on: March 27, 2013, 02:40:34 AM »

"Steak and Shake" is my favorite sexual euphemism...

I'm no prude, but for some reason I've an aversion to combining sex and food.

I didn't mean an actual steak in this case. Though in regards to food and sex I find it hit and miss. Whipped cream is obviously good. Ice can be fun for sadistic purposes. Bananas don't hold up as well as you'd hope, unless you freeze them, but then it's an entirely different sensation. Peanut butter? Oh my, never again!
« Last Edit: March 27, 2013, 02:41:22 AM by Asteriktos » Logged

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« Reply #992 on: March 27, 2013, 02:56:59 AM »

"Steak and Shake" is my favorite sexual euphemism...

I'm no prude, but for some reason I've an aversion to combining sex and food.

I didn't mean an actual steak in this case. Though in regards to food and sex I find it hit and miss. Whipped cream is obviously good. Ice can be fun for sadistic purposes. Bananas don't hold up as well as you'd hope, unless you freeze them, but then it's an entirely different sensation. Peanut butter? Oh my, never again!

I meant even in euphemism, metaphor, and the like. Not incorporating food into sex. I can't think of a worse way to ruin a great meal.
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« Reply #993 on: March 27, 2013, 03:58:26 AM »

Five Guys a euphemism for something more sinister of the gay variety.

And there is Johnny Rockets.

These joints all have something in common. Poor Wendy.
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« Reply #994 on: March 27, 2013, 03:32:59 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

This article is about online relationships
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/03/25/generation-naive-why-young-people-can-t-help-falling-for-strangers-online.html

but makes the following point which could also relate to being infatuated:

Quote
“When you have little information about someone, we tend to fill in the blanks,” she says—more often than not in an unrealistic manner. “Filling in the blanks leads you to like someone without knowing much about them, which leads to an intensification of emotions,” says Toma.

You've just got to fill your life with other pleasant things so it doesn't have as much power over you. Unfortunately infatuation doesn't usually end well.  It also creates the view the other person is perfect, and that just isn't ever going to be reality.

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« Reply #995 on: March 27, 2013, 05:22:52 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

This article is about online relationships
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/03/25/generation-naive-why-young-people-can-t-help-falling-for-strangers-online.html

but makes the following point which could also relate to being infatuated:

Quote
“When you have little information about someone, we tend to fill in the blanks,” she says—more often than not in an unrealistic manner. “Filling in the blanks leads you to like someone without knowing much about them, which leads to an intensification of emotions,” says Toma.

You've just got to fill your life with other pleasant things so it doesn't have as much power over you. Unfortunately infatuation doesn't usually end well.  It also creates the view the other person is perfect, and that just isn't ever going to be reality.



What nonsense. I might have to get back to this thread now that the misogyny has seem to pass.
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« Reply #996 on: March 27, 2013, 05:23:11 PM »

Five Guys a euphemism for something more sinister of the gay variety.

And there is Johnny Rockets.

These joints all have something in common. Poor Wendy.

Awesome!
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« Reply #997 on: March 27, 2013, 05:28:03 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

This article is about online relationships
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/03/25/generation-naive-why-young-people-can-t-help-falling-for-strangers-online.html

but makes the following point which could also relate to being infatuated:

Quote
“When you have little information about someone, we tend to fill in the blanks,” she says—more often than not in an unrealistic manner. “Filling in the blanks leads you to like someone without knowing much about them, which leads to an intensification of emotions,” says Toma.

You've just got to fill your life with other pleasant things so it doesn't have as much power over you. Unfortunately infatuation doesn't usually end well.  It also creates the view the other person is perfect, and that just isn't ever going to be reality.



What nonsense. I might have to get back to this thread now that the misogyny has seem to pass.

That would be cool.
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« Reply #998 on: March 27, 2013, 06:10:59 PM »

I might have to get back to this thread now that the misogyny has seem to pass.

You were ever involved in this thread? When have you answered any of my questions? How much pain could have been avoided had you just given me some advice in my darkest hour(s)?  Angry
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« Reply #999 on: March 27, 2013, 06:34:03 PM »

I might have to get back to this thread now that the misogyny has seem to pass.

You were ever involved in this thread? When have you answered any of my questions? How much pain could have been avoided had you just given me some advice in my darkest hour(s)?  Angry

You have Hoarders to provide you with a comparative degree of relief. And I ain't talking to you here. It was clear from the get go, guys like William are more the target here. Not guys who crack wise in the face of wisdom or have managed to actually have relationships with women.

First the Williams, then the, well then the older guys who ain't had any success at all.

I can offer advice to gay men as well. But no lesbians or straight women. The former are an utter mystery to me and the latter, well my presence does enough good for those I encounter on a day to day basis.

If the women hating returns, I split. I can't keep up the frequency of posts to drown out the widespread low view the men take around here of women. Yes, you are married and have been for 172 years. Yes, board member x who claims to be a woman thinks you are awesome. You still have latent hostility toward women and are willing to arouse it in other men and will poison the Williams.

My hostility is overt and healthily expressed.

Women are the most dangerous and threatening thing in the world to a man.

Oh *, somewhere, you stopped being you.
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« Reply #1000 on: March 27, 2013, 06:44:24 PM »

NVM!

Also, 1000th post!
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« Reply #1001 on: March 27, 2013, 07:05:56 PM »

Wait, I'm a William right?

So my school's ball is coming up not too far from now. As a senior, I am allowed to bring a date. I'm not really sure whom to ask. I asked one girl with whom I get along well and who's very pretty but not so much as to be way out of my league in my best attempt at a casual "Would you be interested"-type approach and got a "maybe," so I suspect that that's not gonna go anywhere. So where to next?
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« Reply #1002 on: March 27, 2013, 07:14:09 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

This article is about online relationships
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/03/25/generation-naive-why-young-people-can-t-help-falling-for-strangers-online.html

but makes the following point which could also relate to being infatuated:

Quote
“When you have little information about someone, we tend to fill in the blanks,” she says—more often than not in an unrealistic manner. “Filling in the blanks leads you to like someone without knowing much about them, which leads to an intensification of emotions,” says Toma.

You've just got to fill your life with other pleasant things so it doesn't have as much power over you. Unfortunately infatuation doesn't usually end well.  It also creates the view the other person is perfect, and that just isn't ever going to be reality.



What nonsense. I might have to get back to this thread now that the misogyny has seem to pass.


Ok, fine...  Smiley But, you should say what you considered nonsense for our edification.

William, the thing is, I've been the target of infatuation a few times and it was very uncomfortable, so that is where I am coming from.  (And, I've also been infatuated with someone where it didn't go well....... So, I'm against infatuation.....  Smiley)  One of my brother's college friends really liked me but never got the nerve to ask me out. But,  he ended up making an oak chest that was lined with cedar for me.  The wood was all from his grandfather farm, and he took months to make it.  But, instead of giving it to me directly, he gave it to my brother for my brother to give it to me for Christmas.  Needless to say, this was very uncomfortable because he never asked me out but he was making me furniture.   Huh And, I didn't want to go out with him because he was rather sexist and racist.  I wish he had just asked me out and I could have said no, and then I didn't have to feel bad getting handmade furniture. 
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« Reply #1003 on: March 27, 2013, 08:17:48 PM »

Women are the most dangerous and threatening thing in the world to a man.
I think a lot of the women hatred you see are men who can't get what they can't have, or whatever that stupid phrase is.

Their failings in dating and relationships has festered into hatred.

As for the above, to add to it, women are also the best thing ever. I love listening to them and get their opinions on things. I've had volatile and complimentary relationships with women, but they bring a different dynamic to my own life.

I am totally ready for women to take over the world, because this world is far too male.

In all honesty with people like William, you just gotta muster up the courage to talk to them and have something interesting/funny to say. You just gotta tease them at first, give them attention, sincerely compliment them in what they want to be complimented about (girls who are pretty hear the same crap 100 times a day about how beautiful they are, but may want to be recognized for something else, like intelligence.), etc.

You gotta just be yourself (well if you are a misyognist, then don't be yourself) and have fun.

As for me, I'm happy being single or in a relationship, and if you have that mindset it makes it much easier to select which women to date.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2013, 08:18:29 PM by Achronos » Logged

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« Reply #1004 on: March 27, 2013, 08:20:58 PM »

William, the thing is, I've been the target of infatuation a few times and it was very uncomfortable, so that is where I am coming from.  (And, I've also been infatuated with someone where it didn't go well....... So, I'm against infatuation.....  Smiley)  One of my brother's college friends really liked me but never got the nerve to ask me out. But,  he ended up making an oak chest that was lined with cedar for me.  The wood was all from his grandfather farm, and he took months to make it.  But, instead of giving it to me directly, he gave it to my brother for my brother to give it to me for Christmas.  Needless to say, this was very uncomfortable because he never asked me out but he was making me furniture.   Huh And, I didn't want to go out with him because he was rather sexist and racist.  I wish he had just asked me out and I could have said no, and then I didn't have to feel bad getting handmade furniture. 

I really hope you aren't a Marcela. Wink
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« Reply #1005 on: March 27, 2013, 08:25:01 PM »

One more thing, once you get your first girlfriend or whatever, things do get pretty easy as far as talking to them. You get more comfortable being around girls.

For some having that sort of charisma that all ladies love doesn't come naturally to most, so you just gotta work at it.

You gotta break out of that social shell. And if you aren't going to clubs, bars, whatever I think a good way to break that is getting a job. It will also help your confidence a lot with talking to girls.

Just my two centz
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« Reply #1006 on: March 27, 2013, 08:25:35 PM »

Thanks Adela, it's good to get the opposite perspective. Good thing I haven't done anything as awkward or creepy as making a chest, though.
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« Reply #1007 on: March 27, 2013, 08:28:36 PM »

Thanks Adela, it's good to get the opposite perspective. Good thing I haven't done anything as awkward or creepy as making a chest, though.
Infatuation knows no bounds. It must hurt to have that sort of unrequited love, but we men are pretty pathetic about chasing after different girls. We just want that ONE girl and not anyone else lol.

Except for orthonorm, who probably has seen more [redacted].

Anyway, good on you for not being a creep. That is one surefire way to get rejected.
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« Reply #1008 on: March 27, 2013, 09:23:21 PM »

"Steak and Shake" is my favorite sexual euphemism...

We used to have a place here called "Hot and Now".  I have to say that is how I like it . . . my burgers, that is.
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« Reply #1009 on: March 27, 2013, 11:03:42 PM »

"Steak and Shake" is my favorite sexual euphemism...

We used to have a place here called "Hot and Now".  I have to say that is how I like it . . . my burgers, that is.

Nice!

This is stuff is really going to stop me from eating anywhere.
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« Reply #1010 on: March 27, 2013, 11:05:20 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

This article is about online relationships
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/03/25/generation-naive-why-young-people-can-t-help-falling-for-strangers-online.html

but makes the following point which could also relate to being infatuated:

Quote
“When you have little information about someone, we tend to fill in the blanks,” she says—more often than not in an unrealistic manner. “Filling in the blanks leads you to like someone without knowing much about them, which leads to an intensification of emotions,” says Toma.

You've just got to fill your life with other pleasant things so it doesn't have as much power over you. Unfortunately infatuation doesn't usually end well.  It also creates the view the other person is perfect, and that just isn't ever going to be reality.



What nonsense. I might have to get back to this thread now that the misogyny has seem to pass.


Ok, fine...  Smiley But, you should say what you considered nonsense for our edification.  

I am not here to edify you. If that happens to occur it is by happenstance (is that redundant?). You get enough male attention; the last thing you need is more around here.
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« Reply #1011 on: March 27, 2013, 11:09:02 PM »

Thanks Adela, it's good to get the opposite perspective. Good thing I haven't done anything as awkward or creepy as making a chest, though.

Ignore what most women are going to tell you. It probably isn't helpful especially if they are relating their own experience and what they like.

It is projection. It could be interesting, but I would doubt it. Helpful it will be not.

People never want what they want. So hearing what they want or don't is for most people is nothing but hearing the inaccurate self analysis of a lay person. But that is getting far away from your easily managed "problems".
« Last Edit: March 27, 2013, 11:18:00 PM by orthonorm » Logged

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« Reply #1012 on: March 27, 2013, 11:17:23 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

This thought is ambiguous to me. I am assuming you are saying you are infatuated with someone, but you do not want to be infatuated with that someone.

My advice, assuming my assumption is correct, is to relish the infatuation. This is one of the most beautiful, yet painful, emotions God has granted us.

God bless you Opus! And thank you for not falling into the inane pop psych chit chat that gets blabbed about within and without religious circles (see the ridiculous posted link above about how to nurture a balanced life or something).

I am not sure our dear William suffers infatuation as you aptly pointed out that his statement was unclear in more than a few ways.

But all such "romantic" feelings truly are the beginnings of realizing our radical transcendence. That we are never ourselves and can be in a twinkling of an eye pulled right out of caricature we have made ourselves into.

But onto to real "problems".
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« Reply #1013 on: March 27, 2013, 11:19:00 PM »

Before I take up my unfinished thoughts from much earlier in this thread, time to pick on William.
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« Reply #1014 on: March 27, 2013, 11:24:05 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

The more heartbreak you endure the more cold and detached you become.  This is a good thing.  It makes life easier.  Hell, you get shot down enough, someday you'll be just like me!  And I know you'd love that!   Wink

This advice and the following by the ever like minded Punch is absolutely sad at best.

Opus has the right of it. Vamrat is not wrong in a descriptive sense unfortunately, but prescriptively this is poison.

Don't take it. Biology will gradually harden such dispositions over time for better and worse.
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« Reply #1015 on: March 27, 2013, 11:24:53 PM »

I never dare to ask because I'm afraid of being turned down. These stories aren't exactly helping.

You are in my insights. Hold fast young man.
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« Reply #1016 on: March 27, 2013, 11:27:48 PM »

How much does chemistry in a relationship build over time?
I think there needs to be chemistry right away.

Another one off. Ignore Achronos. Life is radically too differentiated to boil anything down to such reduction.

Chemistry is overrated. It is a stupid and lazy word. In my life, I've found myself quite taken with women who I at first nearly loathed. And loathed quite quickly women I at first quite taken with.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2013, 11:45:28 PM by orthonorm » Logged

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« Reply #1017 on: March 27, 2013, 11:43:48 PM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

See folks, I'm a coward. I have had countless perfect opportunities to talk to this girl but never have. Now I realize the ship has sailed as I'll never see her again after Saturday and I'm just trying to stop hating myself.

So if orthonorm wants to actually make a post in this thread conducive to its original purpose and give advice on how to break the ice and keep a conversation going and such I'd be open to it.

William, look at these posts I quickly grabbed.

I am not sure how you sound outside the forum but look these words you write.

Quote 1: Opened ended cul-de-sac of discussion. Deal with the figure of speech.

Quote 2: Hyperbolic self loathing and over the top fatalism.

Quote 3: Passive aggression.

Now, you are not a complete stranger to me. You've PMd me a little but more importantly I've read some of your posts.

Now I know some of us affect a particular online personae and offline personae. Most people just can't. They are what they are pretty much in some pedestrian sense.

Not everyone can be the Indira's Web of absolute multi-faceted interest that is orthonorm; however, frankly you could work a little a bit being a bit more interesting and less hostile and passive aggressive.

So let's talk specifics. If you do not presently have a particular romantic interest in mind, then we can work with the ship which passed in daylight while you sat forlorn on the shore.

So what specifically kept you from being able to approach the current woman you are interested in or the prior woman? If you are able to approach them, why can't you carry on a conversation?

Be specific. If you don't reply, then I will move onto to more general tales of wisdom or help That.

Not everyone wants to have their person put on display, even in this narcissistic world, so I understand. But God and the Devil are in the details.

I might bump a few relavent prior posts to give context.


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« Reply #1018 on: March 28, 2013, 12:02:07 AM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

See folks, I'm a coward. I have had countless perfect opportunities to talk to this girl but never have. Now I realize the ship has sailed as I'll never see her again after Saturday and I'm just trying to stop hating myself.

So if orthonorm wants to actually make a post in this thread conducive to its original purpose and give advice on how to break the ice and keep a conversation going and such I'd be open to it.

William, look at these posts I quickly grabbed.

I am not sure how you sound outside the forum but look these words you write.

Quote 1: Opened ended cul-de-sac of discussion. Deal with the figure of speech.

Quote 2: Hyperbolic self loathing and over the top fatalism.

Quote 3: Passive aggression.

Now, you are not a complete stranger to me. You've PMd me a little but more importantly I've read some of your posts.

Now I know some of us affect a particular online personae and offline personae. Most people just can't. They are what they are pretty much in some pedestrian sense.

Not everyone can be the Indira's Web of absolute multi-faceted interest that is orthonorm; however, frankly you could work a little a bit being a bit more interesting and less hostile and passive aggressive.

So let's talk specifics. If you do not presently have a particular romantic interest in mind, then we can work with the ship which passed in daylight while you sat forlorn on the shore.

So what specifically kept you from being able to approach the current woman you are interested in or the prior woman? If you are able to approach them, why can't you carry on a conversation?

Be specific. If you don't reply, then I will move onto to more general tales of wisdom or help That.

Not everyone wants to have their person put on display, even in this narcissistic world, so I understand. But God and the Devil are in the details.

I might bump a few relavent prior posts to give context.




Well, I'm not really verbose, even with close friends and family. Maybe that's why all my posts are like a line long. If I try and 'shoot the bull' (especially with a relative stranger) the conversation usually comes up short. I just can't talk for talking's sake.
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« Reply #1019 on: March 28, 2013, 12:28:34 AM »

What can you do if you've got an unwanted infatuation with someone?

See folks, I'm a coward. I have had countless perfect opportunities to talk to this girl but never have. Now I realize the ship has sailed as I'll never see her again after Saturday and I'm just trying to stop hating myself.

So if orthonorm wants to actually make a post in this thread conducive to its original purpose and give advice on how to break the ice and keep a conversation going and such I'd be open to it.

William, look at these posts I quickly grabbed.

I am not sure how you sound outside the forum but look these words you write.

Quote 1: Opened ended cul-de-sac of discussion. Deal with the figure of speech.

Quote 2: Hyperbolic self loathing and over the top fatalism.

Quote 3: Passive aggression.

Now, you are not a complete stranger to me. You've PMd me a little but more importantly I've read some of your posts.

Now I know some of us affect a particular online personae and offline personae. Most people just can't. They are what they are pretty much in some pedestrian sense.

Not everyone can be the Indira's Web of absolute multi-faceted interest that is orthonorm; however, frankly you could work a little a bit being a bit more interesting and less hostile and passive aggressive.

So let's talk specifics. If you do not presently have a particular romantic interest in mind, then we can work with the ship which passed in daylight while you sat forlorn on the shore.

So what specifically kept you from being able to approach the current woman you are interested in or the prior woman? If you are able to approach them, why can't you carry on a conversation?

Be specific. If you don't reply, then I will move onto to more general tales of wisdom or help That.

Not everyone wants to have their person put on display, even in this narcissistic world, so I understand. But God and the Devil are in the details.

I might bump a few relavent prior posts to give context.




Well, I'm not really verbose, even with close friends and family. Maybe that's why all my posts are like a line long. If I try and 'shoot the bull' (especially with a relative stranger) the conversation usually comes up short. I just can't talk for talking's sake.

So is there someone currently you are interested in?

Were you able to at least speak with the former interest?

Or let's back up a step, do you want to speak with a woman. Maybe I am just assuming too much.

If so, what specifically, not some general thing you believe about yourself, makes it difficult to talk to women?

I hate small talk. I don't do it for the most part. This has never stopped me from being to approach and talk to others. Whether they care for what comes out of my mouth is another thing altogether.

So let's work on this.
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« Reply #1020 on: March 28, 2013, 12:32:01 AM »

For the record William, some people think I am nearly mute who I know. They are  shocked to hear me the way others know me: he who never shuts up.

I've known many an introvert, given my extremity of blabbering and remaining mute, we make good companions. Introversion doesn't stop people from making connections with others. It simply describes in general the quality and quantity of such connections.
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« Reply #1021 on: March 28, 2013, 12:42:15 AM »

Williams, in case you missed it, some basic remarks on speaking to a woman:

The first tip is an oldie but a goodie and contains a lot of truth, especially in the hands of someone who actually understands the nuance behind it.

Tell a smart girl she is pretty and a pretty girl she is smart.

Before you women get your skirts in a twist and say: can't a woman be both?!?!?! Of course. But the point of pithy statements is not to be 100% accurate. They contain truths writ broad that if one truly understands can be used to much advantage.

This statement sums up on how to properly give compliments which will actually resonate with whomever you are speaking, even men. But since women are the subject, let's stick with them.

Men seem absolutely oblivious on how to compliment women from first encounter and throughout their relationships, if they manage to get that far.

Most women who catch your attention do so for a particular reason, especially if in a social setting where you are pretty much unknown to each other. Guess what? Every other bore in her life was probably attracted to her for the same reason and she has heard the same compliments her whole life.

People know their "strengths". Because they have been told about them all their lives. Often these strengths are not what they want to be noticed for or have appreciated. They want to be understood and appreciated for the qualities they wish to aspire to have, feel they might, but get overshadowed by their outstanding qualities.

So how do you effectively and sincerely compliment a woman, whether it be day one or day one hundred?

That my friends will follow.


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« Reply #1022 on: March 28, 2013, 01:44:29 AM »

Well, I'm not really verbose, even with close friends and family. Maybe that's why all my posts are like a line long. If I try and 'shoot the bull' (especially with a relative stranger) the conversation usually comes up short. I just can't talk for talking's sake.
Do you find yourself over-thinking things? Are you getting out often? Do you have any hobbies or activities that make you happy? If not, find some. Being confident and comfortable with yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, not only to attract potential partners, but also to simply improve the way you experience life.

My advice is to focus on being a good listener instead of planning questions or topics or anecdotes. Being stuck in your own head while the other person is speaking is a quick way to create a stilted, unnatural conversation. If you're perceptive enough to realize when a discussion is becoming awkward, then you'll probably notice that the flow is choppy and weird and just end up more nervous.

Force yourself not to think about what you're going to say next until the other person has finished. Work on engaging with them non-verbally as a way to keep yourself on your toes as a listener - smile when they recall something happy, nod your head when you agree with them. When they're finished, if you can't come up with a related experience or some other appropriate thing to share on the spot, then you're still in an OK position. Worst case scenario, you can repeat back something they said and just add a follow-up question or a sympathetic comment. "Wow, I can't believe that X happened. That must have been hilarious" or whatever comes to mind. As long as you've been listening, you'll have something to say.

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?
« Last Edit: March 28, 2013, 01:46:45 AM by Achronos » Logged

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« Reply #1023 on: March 28, 2013, 01:59:08 AM »

Another one off. Ignore Achronos. Life is radically too differentiated to boil anything down to such reduction.

Chemistry is overrated. It is a stupid and lazy word. In my life, I've found myself quite taken with women who I at first nearly loathed. And loathed quite quickly women I at first quite taken with.
I don't know man, if there ain't much chemistry in the beginning, I really don't see how it's going to work. Sure there are more things than just chemistry right off the bat, but for me it's an important facet in dating. I do include liking, having the same interests and being attracted to that other person as part of chemistry.

Now building chemistry in the course of a relationship as Anastasia suggested, I think she is using the wrong word to describe it.

There's been girls I have hit right off the bat with and we click instantly. Other times it's unclear where things are going to lead, but reveals itself later in time.

EDIT: LOL at the loathing women part. That happens to me, but for entirely the wrong reasons.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2013, 02:04:53 AM by Achronos » Logged

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« Reply #1024 on: March 28, 2013, 02:12:00 AM »

Well, I'm not really verbose, even with close friends and family. Maybe that's why all my posts are like a line long. If I try and 'shoot the bull' (especially with a relative stranger) the conversation usually comes up short. I just can't talk for talking's sake.
Do you find yourself over-thinking things? Are you getting out often? Do you have any hobbies or activities that make you happy? If not, find some. Being confident and comfortable with yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, not only to attract potential partners, but also to simply improve the way you experience life.

My advice is to focus on being a good listener instead of planning questions or topics or anecdotes. Being stuck in your own head while the other person is speaking is a quick way to create a stilted, unnatural conversation. If you're perceptive enough to realize when a discussion is becoming awkward, then you'll probably notice that the flow is choppy and weird and just end up more nervous.

Force yourself not to think about what you're going to say next until the other person has finished. Work on engaging with them non-verbally as a way to keep yourself on your toes as a listener - smile when they recall something happy, nod your head when you agree with them. When they're finished, if you can't come up with a related experience or some other appropriate thing to share on the spot, then you're still in an OK position. Worst case scenario, you can repeat back something they said and just add a follow-up question or a sympathetic comment. "Wow, I can't believe that X happened. That must have been hilarious" or whatever comes to mind. As long as you've been listening, you'll have something to say.

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?

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« Reply #1025 on: March 28, 2013, 02:14:30 AM »

ok orthonorm I really don't know how to have a conversation with you anymore, it's coming up short right now. We are so done talking right now, this isn't working with the chemistry.
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« Reply #1026 on: March 28, 2013, 02:34:17 AM »

Can anyone tell me how I can hook up with Bettany Hughes? The sticking points are that she's married, has children, and lives in England. Oh, and she doesn't know me yet. Thoughts?
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« Reply #1027 on: March 28, 2013, 09:13:01 AM »



Well, I'm not really verbose, even with close friends and family. Maybe that's why all my posts are like a line long. If I try and 'shoot the bull' (especially with a relative stranger) the conversation usually comes up short. I just can't talk for talking's sake.



That's a virtue.  I don't know how old you are, iirc it is also typical developmental phase in young men.  I also know some very quiet men who found the right woman for them, and they didn't have to be Mr. Chatty.  If you just want to be a player, well, you'll have to train yourself to run your mouth a lot more and say a bunch of meaningless crap.  Entire cultures are based on meaningless drivel.  Check out Italian or, closer to the US, Mexican culture.  All the local women know the deal, so they don't believe it so much.

Some women actually find sincerity tempered with tact to be a good thing, but not all women are the same.  Being yourself will be the best way, because being phoney will become obvious later when you are unable to keep up the facade.

Do you like to be around people who chat all the time?  Do you want to spend time with someone who just goes on and on about every little thing that comes into their head?  Think about the people you enjoy being around, and try to be involved in something with like-minded people.

Maybe you could find things to get involved in, like volunteering, where the major focus is on doing something.  Then it is not all focused just on conversation, and is naturally broken up with the task at hand.   And you get to know the person better by seeing how they think and do things.
  
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« Reply #1028 on: March 28, 2013, 09:46:40 AM »

Can anyone tell me how I can hook up with Bettany Hughes? The sticking points are that she's married, has children, and lives in England. Oh, and she doesn't know me yet. Thoughts?

Step 1 - Go to England
Step 2 - Abduct Bettany (wtz kinda name is that?) Hughes
Step 3 - Be the only person she is allowed to relate with
Step 4 - Stockholm Syndrome, the truest sort of love
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« Reply #1029 on: March 28, 2013, 05:32:58 PM »

So is there someone currently you are interested in?

Were you able to at least speak with the former interest?

Or let's back up a step, do you want to speak with a woman. Maybe I am just assuming too much.

Yes, no, yes. The ship has pretty much sailed. I could get really specific but I'd rather not do it on a public forum.

Quote
If so, what specifically, not some general thing you believe about yourself, makes it difficult to talk to women?

I could say a lot of stuff, but I don't know what kind of answer you're looking for here.
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« Reply #1030 on: March 28, 2013, 05:34:51 PM »

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?

It isn't terrible.
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« Reply #1031 on: March 28, 2013, 06:01:17 PM »

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?

It isn't terrible.

LOL!

Try to be somewhere between these wonderful minimalist conversational paintings you offer and the Jackson Pollacks that Achronos spews.
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« Reply #1032 on: March 28, 2013, 06:10:34 PM »

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?

It isn't terrible.

LOL!

Try to be somewhere between these wonderful minimalist conversational paintings you offer and the Jackson Pollacks that Achronos spews.
Wow that is actually spot on.
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« Reply #1033 on: March 28, 2013, 06:15:10 PM »

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?

It isn't terrible.

LOL!

Try to be somewhere between these wonderful minimalist conversational paintings you offer and the Jackson Pollacks that Achronos spews.
Wow that is actually spot on.

All I know is that you don't come across so spastic when you talk. BTW, how'd that interview go?
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« Reply #1034 on: March 28, 2013, 06:28:03 PM »

How's your self-esteem? What is your opinion of yourself?

It isn't terrible.

LOL!

Try to be somewhere between these wonderful minimalist conversational paintings you offer and the Jackson Pollacks that Achronos spews.
Wow that is actually spot on.

All I know is that you don't come across so spastic when you talk. BTW, how'd that interview go?
Haha yeah I talk much differently than I write.

It went well, no "uhms" "ahs" filler words. Won't know anything till probably late May.

Thanks for the help, and way to put me on the spot (do you want this job?) Smiley
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