I'm having one of those late-night nostalgia moments where I think of my first love. I'm going to tell my story in a wise manner for anyone who is interested because I have nothing better to do.
It twas many ages ago--ancient, buried in memory--in the year of our Lord 2008. I was a young, frisky lad in the 6th grade, puberty just around the corner. It was during this time in my life that I met her--my heart's first love. Her name was [namewithheld]--and by God, was she a beauty. Her light, brunette hair flowing as elegantly and majestic as the rivers of Eden, eyes engulfed with the very essence of beauty and life itself. Without spot or blemish, she was the pinnacle of perfection when Germans and Filipinas reproduce.
I befriended the young maiden, oftentimes relying on my innate sense of stupidity and humour to amuse her. I knew right then and there that she would change my life--and she did, by becoming my first love. Our friendship lasted throughout the years, from that end-of-the-school-year 6th grade trip to Great America where I ate her leftover food like the gluttonous child I was, to the Spanish-class field trip to the Mexican restaurant across the street in 7th grade, in which I lightheartedly humoured her soul by rudely 'trolling' the waiter like the obnoxious little pubescent middle-schooler that I was.
It was in 8th grade when things became hectic and confusing. Alas, the young maiden transferred to a different school. While in reality it was only ten miles away from my school, when you are a child whose sole source of interaction comes from school, and sole source of transportation wherever your parents and/or the parents of your friends will take you, it might as well have been ten lightyears away. This was perhaps the worst year of my entire life; for it was the moment when I had hit rock bottom, probably for snuffing Jesus since this was at the time when I abandoned Christianity. My mother suffered a tragic miscarriage--an event that still haunts me to this very day--my father lost his job--which ultimately led me to having to leave my Private School since tuition would no longer be free. But worst of all, we had to move. We were moving to a run down craphole in California called 'Modesto' which was like two hours away from my hometown--the town where the young maiden I fancied also dwelt. We would be separated by a two hour drive.
In the heat of all the misery, when the bondage of fear and despair had me in a chokehold, I could not conceal it any longer. The truth came out. I blurted to her how I truly felt about her, all my feelings, nothing hidden. As if my pain were not enough, it only became worse, because what I discovered next was the icing on the cake--the killing blow from the dagger that came when I thought that I could not endure anything more. She had a boyfriend. Within the few months of attending a new school, she was swept off her feet by a puny little Asian kid named Bryan--my arch nemisis.
I had given up all hope in life. Nothing mattered to me anymore. My grades slipped, I began eating compulsively, I cried all night, the only thing I ever looked forward to was sleep. Ahh sleep. How I loved sleep! The one force that could offer me temporary relief from all of the pain and despair--the one place where a man can truly confide--despite any problem you throw at him--and enjoy a few hours of total bliss within the solitary confines of the cousin of death. When the moment to move came, I reluctantly went along with it.
The first few weeks in my new home where the worst of my life. How I missed the girl! How I loathed to be back in my hometown with the maiden I loved and all of my friends! Despite her boyfriend and our difficult situation, I kept in touch with her. We talked over the phone, facebook and text message almost every day. She confided all her problems in me, and I did the same. My emotions for her were nourished during this period, and thus, my pain was also amplified as I had to learn to deal with the unsettling reality that I was gone from her and she had a boyfriend.
It was during this period that a new interest in religion--particularly Christianity was resparked within me. Religion--the last hope of a man's soul, the opiate of those who despair--became the primary purpose of my life. I read the scriptures, and every single day
I would literally pray for hours and hours
, oftentimes in a frenzy of tears, asking God to somehow move me back to my hometown and reunite me with her and somehow give me victory over her boyfriend. Everyone I knew doubted me. My parents laughed and said I should get used to my new home, my friends had all lost hope that I would return--even though they really wanted me to, and thus, I was all alone. Despite the ridicule and all the odds being against me, I continued this strict regime of prayer. And in the end--after an entire year of this regime, a miracle happened. My mother announced to me that we were moving back to my hometown. In a glorious jolt of disbelief, I ran to my bedroom and opened up my Bible for reasons I cannot remember. Either way, I looked at the Bible, and the first passage I saw was Matthew 15:28, which states "...great is your faith! let it be done as you desire!'
As if that were not enough, she also broke up with her boyfriend right around this time as well. How much better could it have gotten? Moving forward, we moved back to my hometown within the following month, and I was reunited with all of my friends. But most importantly, reunited with the girl. It was at this time that I asked her out, and I experienced my very first date, being new Sophmores in High-school by this time. The date was amazing, and for once I truly felt at peace.
Ah how we bonded! We dated several more times throughout the year together. We even met each other's families. What made our dates amazing was that she was always dragging me on to do these amazingly dangerous, stupid yet fun things together. Like when we would sneak off away from where our parents thought we were or when we would almost get hit by cars. Such a thrill! I loved her, and I think that she loved me.
But all good things don't last. We drifted apart. I became obsessed with pursuing a hip-hop career as I spent all of my spare time successfully rap-battling guys at my school, and she no longer had feelings for me. And thus, here we are now. The bond we once had is broken. Every once in a while we will still text or have the random IM chat, but they are far and in between, and every time we do, it only further pains my soul as I am haunted by the memory of what we used to have and what we could have had.
I'm so sad right now
You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.