Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 84985 times)

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Offline That person

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #450 on: April 21, 2012, 02:04:34 PM »
All right, so I got my driver's license (Yay!) and I got to talking with a girl I'm interested in. I wanted to ask her out, but I wound up going with "Would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" in a text message because I'm stupid and cowardly and stuff. But she did say yes, so that's a plus. Having made what I've been told elsewhere is a mistake, how should I take things from here?
« Last Edit: April 21, 2012, 02:05:19 PM by That person »
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #451 on: April 21, 2012, 03:06:00 PM »
I'm not sure what mistake you made, but I'd say the next step is to make plans to hang out with her. Did you have something in mind?
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Offline John of the North

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #452 on: April 21, 2012, 03:18:28 PM »
All right, so I got my driver's license (Yay!) and I got to talking with a girl I'm interested in. I wanted to ask her out, but I wound up going with "Would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" in a text message because I'm stupid and cowardly and stuff. But she did say yes, so that's a plus. Having made what I've been told elsewhere is a mistake, how should I take things from here?

I'm no Casanova, but this seems like good advice: http://artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/
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Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #453 on: April 22, 2012, 02:28:04 AM »
I love impressing women with my musical abilities :)
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
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Offline NicholasMyra

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #454 on: April 22, 2012, 02:29:16 AM »
All right, so I got my driver's license (Yay!) and I got to talking with a girl I'm interested in. I wanted to ask her out, but I wound up going with "Would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" in a text message because I'm stupid and cowardly and stuff. But she did say yes, so that's a plus. Having made what I've been told elsewhere is a mistake, how should I take things from here?

I'm no Casanova, but this seems like good advice: http://artofmanliness.com/2008/01/16/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/
*Reads URL*

No.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2012, 02:29:50 AM by NicholasMyra »
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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #455 on: April 22, 2012, 02:38:52 AM »
Spring has sprung. Men and women cannot resist. Looking like a cancer surviving survivor still ain't got in my way this evening.

You just got it or you don't.

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Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #456 on: April 22, 2012, 02:40:02 AM »
I love impressing women with my musical abilities :)

The great thing about music and women is that you don't even have to play an instrument. Just put a guitar or piano in your place and let them assume that you play it. Then casually say something like: "Yeah, I used to be really good, even thought about going to Highfalutin school of music in Boston to study it when I was younger, but I gave it up years ago because I wanted to focus on more important things, like volunteering at the local animal shelter." Instant success!

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #457 on: April 22, 2012, 12:34:16 PM »
Hahaha. Isn't James in his mid-teens or thereabouts? Something tells me that story won't work in his case, Asteriktos. Unless he wants to try to say that he was some kind of wunderkind at age 5 or something, then moved on to bigger and better things. :D

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #458 on: April 22, 2012, 01:13:50 PM »
All right, so I got my driver's license (Yay!) and I got to talking with a girl I'm interested in. I wanted to ask her out, but I wound up going with "Would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" in a text message because I'm stupid and cowardly and stuff. But she did say yes, so that's a plus. Having made what I've been told elsewhere is a mistake, how should I take things from here?
Wait you don't know this girl enough yet to ask her out. Hanging out is perfectly fine and the way to go, for right now. Once you hang out and you want to date her, just tell her if she wants to go out for a date. Simple as that. If she says no, no big deal right? It's not like you gave her your heart/soul/mind already. Plenty of other women out there.
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Offline That person

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #459 on: April 22, 2012, 03:45:24 PM »
Thanks for the tips everyone.
I love impressing women with my musical abilities :)
Bo Burnham shows how it's done:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdbP6cSFJXs
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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #460 on: April 23, 2012, 12:00:58 AM »
All right, so I got my driver's license (Yay!) and I got to talking with a girl I'm interested in. I wanted to ask her out, but I wound up going with "Would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" in a text message because I'm stupid and cowardly and stuff. But she did say yes, so that's a plus. Having made what I've been told elsewhere is a mistake, how should I take things from here?

I just recently got dumped via text message.  I am scared of those things now so I have no advice to offer you.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #461 on: April 23, 2012, 12:12:11 AM »
Clearly the girl who dumped you had not read the aforelinked guide to manliness, Vamrat. Shame on her. You don't dump someone via text message. Grow some cajones, lady...sheesh. (By which I mean: Sorry to hear about that.)

Seriously, though...stories like that make me think that actually having the chutzpah to talk to someone without using electronic mediators should practically guarantee you a date, That Person. Of course, your young lady friend is probably of the generation and mindset that would dump someone via text, so that's probably not how it works. It should be, though.

Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #462 on: April 23, 2012, 07:13:29 AM »
Clearly the girl who dumped you had not read the aforelinked guide to manliness, Vamrat. Shame on her. You don't dump someone via text message. Grow some cajones, lady...sheesh. (By which I mean: Sorry to hear about that.)

Seriously, though...stories like that make me think that actually having the chutzpah to talk to someone without using electronic mediators should practically guarantee you a date, That Person. Of course, your young lady friend is probably of the generation and mindset that would dump someone via text, so that's probably not how it works. It should be, though.

Well, there were mitigating factors.  We were conversing via text message at the time because I was at work and we usually talked via text message because she was partially deaf.  So yeah, there were mitigating factors for the method of the deed, and while I'm glad it's over and done with, it does not make her any less of a f****** b****-a** c***.   ;)
« Last Edit: April 23, 2012, 07:13:43 AM by vamrat »
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline Punch

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #463 on: April 23, 2012, 11:28:04 AM »
(f)abulus (sic) (b)lond - (a)nd (c)ute, for any moderators trying to figure out what you wrote.
I would be happy to agree with you, but then both of us would be wrong.

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #464 on: April 23, 2012, 11:57:42 AM »
(f)abulus (sic) (b)lond - (a)nd (c)ute, for any moderators trying to figure out what you wrote.

 :D
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Offline FormerReformer

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #465 on: April 23, 2012, 12:58:23 PM »
(f)abulus (sic) (b)lond - (a)nd (c)ute, for any moderators trying to figure out what you wrote.

If I spelled "fabulous" so horribly I'd use asterisks, too. Spell check, Vamrat, spell check!
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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #466 on: April 23, 2012, 01:10:13 PM »
(f)abulus (sic) (b)lond - (a)nd (c)ute, for any moderators trying to figure out what you wrote.

She wasn't blonde, but the other two were correct... :'(
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline Punch

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #467 on: April 23, 2012, 02:05:20 PM »
(f)abulus (sic) (b)lond - (a)nd (c)ute, for any moderators trying to figure out what you wrote.

She wasn't blonde, but the other two were correct... :'(

Hey, I had to work with what you gave me.  I did not want you to get a warning over this like I did  :)
I would be happy to agree with you, but then both of us would be wrong.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #468 on: April 23, 2012, 02:59:59 PM »
Any advice for dating your best friend's sister? There is no better way to put it; she is absolutely amazing in every way. She's a gorgeous, hot blonde with amazing looks, yet also one of the sweetest, kindest persons I have ever met. She wants to settle down one day with children, she never judges people or talks behind their back as far as I know and she is also extremely religious. The only problem is that she is a 'non-denom' Protestant, however, she seems open minded to Orthodoxy. I have to have this girl. Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline FormerReformer

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #469 on: April 23, 2012, 03:09:35 PM »
Any advice for dating your best friend's sister? There is no better way to put it; she is absolutely amazing in every way. She's a gorgeous, hot blonde with amazing looks, yet also one of the sweetest, kindest persons I have ever met. She wants to settle down one day with children, she never judges people or talks behind their back as far as I know and she is also extremely religious. The only problem is that she is a 'non-denom' Protestant, however, she seems open minded to Orthodoxy. I have to have this girl. Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(

See the bolded part there? Yeah, that's a "no".

Other things to stay away from? Best friend's mom, best friend's ex, best friend's (who are of the feminine persuasion).
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Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #470 on: April 23, 2012, 03:12:11 PM »
Any advice for dating your best friend's sister? There is no better way to put it; she is absolutely amazing in every way. She's a gorgeous, hot blonde with amazing looks, yet also one of the sweetest, kindest persons I have ever met. She wants to settle down one day with children, she never judges people or talks behind their back as far as I know and she is also extremely religious. The only problem is that she is a 'non-denom' Protestant, however, she seems open minded to Orthodoxy. I have to have this girl. Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(

See the bolded part there? Yeah, that's a "no".

Other things to stay away from? Best friend's mom, best friend's ex, best friend's (who are of the feminine persuasion).

I asked my friend and he said it was all right because I'm his best friend and he can trust me. But will it still make things awkward? You don't understand. She's BLONDE and has a good personality. I'm never going to meet a woman who is as beautiful as her yet still so nice. Every other attractive BLONDE woman I have met was not so nice or intelligent. She's a diamond in the rough. Where else am I going to meet an attractive blonde who is actually nice and intelligent?
« Last Edit: April 23, 2012, 03:13:16 PM by JamesR »
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #471 on: April 23, 2012, 03:14:03 PM »
Uh...take a cold shower? If you have to 'have' this girl even though she's not single, something tells me you're going to keep getting rejected. I'm no Mr. Smooth, but even I know that women do not like being made into objects to be possessed, and like to have their personal boundaries (e.g., "I'm in a relationship right now, so no, thank you" or the like) respected, same as any people.

Let it go, let it go, let it go. Sorry to repeat myself, but it will help you remember.

(Also, as others have mentioned, she's your best friend's sister. Don't even think about it. You ever heard the phrase "don't (poop) where you eat"? That. Exactly that. Nothing good can come of that, even if your best friend said you could. That green light, in reality, means nothing anyway. He's not his sister's pimp or chaperone. Once again, let it go.)

Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #472 on: April 23, 2012, 03:14:43 PM »
Any advice for dating your best friend's sister? There is no better way to put it; she is absolutely amazing in every way. She's a gorgeous, hot blonde with amazing looks, yet also one of the sweetest, kindest persons I have ever met. She wants to settle down one day with children, she never judges people or talks behind their back as far as I know and she is also extremely religious. The only problem is that she is a 'non-denom' Protestant, however, she seems open minded to Orthodoxy. I have to have this girl. Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(

Personally, I find my bolded part to be the major issue.  

Is she your friend's older or younger sister?  That could make a difference.  Keep in mind if things go south you could be left without a friend and a girlfriend.  Oh, and if you cheat on her, invest in Class III body armour.  No less, don't skimp on that Class II crap.  A Tokarev is pretty cheap and will swiss cheese that stuff.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #473 on: April 23, 2012, 03:17:45 PM »
Any advice for dating your best friend's sister? There is no better way to put it; she is absolutely amazing in every way. She's a gorgeous, hot blonde with amazing looks, yet also one of the sweetest, kindest persons I have ever met. She wants to settle down one day with children, she never judges people or talks behind their back as far as I know and she is also extremely religious. The only problem is that she is a 'non-denom' Protestant, however, she seems open minded to Orthodoxy. I have to have this girl. Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(

See the bolded part there? Yeah, that's a "no".

Other things to stay away from? Best friend's mom, best friend's ex, best friend's (who are of the feminine persuasion).

I asked my friend and he said it was all right because I'm his best friend and he can trust me. But will it still make things awkward? You don't understand. She's BLONDE and has a good personality. I'm never going to meet a woman who is as beautiful as her yet still so nice. Every other attractive BLONDE woman I have met was not so nice or intelligent. She's a diamond in the rough. Where else am I going to meet an attractive blonde who is actually nice and intelligent?

Don't get hung up on how she looks.  My "fabulus blond-and cute" girl probably took craps that were prettier than most women could aspire to be.  I assure you, looks are not everything.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #474 on: April 23, 2012, 03:18:27 PM »
 
Is she your friend's older or younger sister?

They are actually twins and she is older by seven seconds. And the looks aren't everything. She truly does have a personality that is amazing. She freaking helps homeless people for crying out loud.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2012, 03:19:39 PM by JamesR »
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline FormerReformer

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #475 on: April 23, 2012, 03:19:39 PM »
Any advice for dating your best friend's sister? There is no better way to put it; she is absolutely amazing in every way. She's a gorgeous, hot blonde with amazing looks, yet also one of the sweetest, kindest persons I have ever met. She wants to settle down one day with children, she never judges people or talks behind their back as far as I know and she is also extremely religious. The only problem is that she is a 'non-denom' Protestant, however, she seems open minded to Orthodoxy. I have to have this girl. Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(

See the bolded part there? Yeah, that's a "no".

Other things to stay away from? Best friend's mom, best friend's ex, best friend's (who are of the feminine persuasion).

I asked my friend and he said it was all right because I'm his best friend and he can trust me. But will it still make things awkward? You don't understand. She's BLONDE and has a good personality. I'm never going to meet a woman who is as beautiful as her yet still so nice. Every other attractive BLONDE woman I have met was not so nice or intelligent. She's a diamond in the rough. Where else am I going to meet an attractive blonde who is actually nice and intelligent?

Yeah, what you've described? Not a diamond in the rough. That's a diamond that's been mined, chiseled, evaluated, and set in a fancy gold ring.

That other girl that you haven't looked twice (and is not your best friend's sister) at because the BLONDE is in the room? That's the diamond in the rough.
"Funny," said Lancelot, "how the people who can't pray say that prayers are not answered, however much the people who can pray say they are."  TH White

Oh, no: I've succumbed to Hyperdoxy!

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #476 on: April 23, 2012, 03:21:09 PM »
That other girl that you haven't looked twice (and is not your best friend's sister) at because the BLONDE is in the room? That's the diamond in the rough.

Are you referring to the girl at my Church I mentioned around Pascha? She is actually blonde too...
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #477 on: April 23, 2012, 03:24:10 PM »
All right, so basically you gentlemen are telling me that even though she is amazingly hot and goodhearted, I should let it go because not only is she not single, but because it could entirely ruin my relationship with my friend?
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline Punch

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #478 on: April 23, 2012, 03:25:24 PM »
What really helps in situations like these is to take that part of your body that makes you a male and slam it in a door two or three times.  That will allow you to think more clearly about these matters.
I would be happy to agree with you, but then both of us would be wrong.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #479 on: April 23, 2012, 03:27:29 PM »
What really helps in situations like these is to take that part of your body that makes you a male and slam it in a door two or three times.  That will allow you to think more clearly about these matters.

You might be correct. I have trouble making him listen to reason sometimes. He can be quite pursuasive...
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline FormerReformer

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #480 on: April 23, 2012, 03:28:26 PM »
That other girl that you haven't looked twice (and is not your best friend's sister) at because the BLONDE is in the room? That's the diamond in the rough.

Are you referring to the girl at my Church I mentioned around Pascha? She is actually blonde too...

No, not that one either. Diamond in the rough = person (in this case, girl) with qualities you haven't noticed because you're too busy getting distracted by all the obvious shinies.
"Funny," said Lancelot, "how the people who can't pray say that prayers are not answered, however much the people who can pray say they are."  TH White

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #481 on: April 23, 2012, 03:29:44 PM »
All right, so basically you gentlemen are telling me that even though she is amazingly hot and goodhearted, I should let it go because not only is she not single, but because it could entirely ruin my relationship with my friend?

For starts, IMHO you "should let it go because not only is she [is] not single".

Otherwise, neither FormerReformer (I assume) nor I know your relationship with your best friend, so take what we say with a grain of salt.  But in my experience "I trust you because you are my best friend" is code word for "go for it if you want but if you do anything to hurt her I will tie you to a bed, emasculate you, amputate your arms and legs with a rusty circular saw, than beat you to death with a wiffle-ball bat".  Just an FYI.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline Punch

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #482 on: April 23, 2012, 03:30:58 PM »
What really helps in situations like these is to take that part of your body that makes you a male and slam it in a door two or three times.  That will allow you to think more clearly about these matters.

You might be correct. I have trouble making him listen to reason sometimes. He can be quite pursuasive...

Let's face it.  If it wasn't for Mr. Happy, all a woman would be to us is a dude who has no Happy and has them replaced by two funny tumors on their chest.
I would be happy to agree with you, but then both of us would be wrong.

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #483 on: April 23, 2012, 03:39:04 PM »
Wow. That's just...wow. This thread sure took a "juice box and fingerpainting" turn fairly suddenly...

Offline akimori makoto

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #484 on: April 23, 2012, 05:40:12 PM »
I have to have this girl.

A girl is not a rare pokemon.

Only problem is she rejected me because she is not single right now :(

You thought the good Christian girl would have done otherwise?

Honestly, James ...
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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #485 on: April 23, 2012, 07:25:29 PM »

I'm going to need this.

Offline Punch

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #486 on: April 23, 2012, 07:56:25 PM »
All right, so basically you gentlemen are telling me that even though she is amazingly hot and goodhearted, I should let it go because not only is she not single, but because it could entirely ruin my relationship with my friend?

For starts, IMHO you "should let it go because not only is she [is] not single".

Otherwise, neither FormerReformer (I assume) nor I know your relationship with your best friend, so take what we say with a grain of salt.  But in my experience "I trust you because you are my best friend" is code word for "go for it if you want but if you do anything to hurt her I will tie you to a bed, emasculate you, amputate your arms and legs with a rusty circular saw, than beat you to death with a wiffle-ball bat".  Just an FYI.

A girl is SINGLE until she is married (or at least engaged).  It explains a lot if you guys think that any female withing 10 feet of a male is somehow not single.  It may explain why you guys are still single.  Thankfully, I stole a girl away from her boyfriend and actually MARRIED her, and we have been together for 31 years.  As to going after your best friend's sister, go for it.  Friends are a liability.  A wife is something to hold on to (and hopefully a REAL friend for you for the rest of your life).  For what it is worth, I have known several guys who have had their best friend cheat with their wife.  That will probably not be a problem with this arrangement.
I would be happy to agree with you, but then both of us would be wrong.

Offline Aindriú

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #487 on: April 23, 2012, 08:03:17 PM »
All right, so basically you gentlemen are telling me that even though she is amazingly hot and goodhearted, I should let it go because not only is she not single, but because it could entirely ruin my relationship with my friend?

For starts, IMHO you "should let it go because not only is she [is] not single".

Otherwise, neither FormerReformer (I assume) nor I know your relationship with your best friend, so take what we say with a grain of salt.  But in my experience "I trust you because you are my best friend" is code word for "go for it if you want but if you do anything to hurt her I will tie you to a bed, emasculate you, amputate your arms and legs with a rusty circular saw, than beat you to death with a wiffle-ball bat".  Just an FYI.

A girl is SINGLE until she is married (or at least engaged).  It explains a lot if you guys think that any female withing 10 feet of a male is somehow not single.  It may explain why you guys are still single.  Thankfully, I stole a girl away from her boyfriend and actually MARRIED her, and we have been together for 31 years.  As to going after your best friend's sister, go for it.  Friends are a liability.  A wife is something to hold on to (and hopefully a REAL friend for you for the rest of your life).  For what it is worth, I have known several guys who have had their best friend cheat with their wife.  That will probably not be a problem with this arrangement.

+1

I'm going to need this.

Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #488 on: April 23, 2012, 08:11:06 PM »
I asked my friend and he said it was all right because I'm his best friend and he can trust me. But will it still make things awkward?

I dated the sister of one of my friends when I was in high school. It wasn't awkward during the time we were dating (not with my friend, anyway), but when I broke up with his sister it was a bit awkward. All of a sudden I was the guy who "hurt" his sister because I didn't want to go out with her anymore. Though I'm pretty sure all was forgotten after a couple weeks, so it wasn't too big a deal.

Offline witega

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #489 on: April 23, 2012, 08:15:47 PM »
All right, so basically you gentlemen are telling me that even though she is amazingly hot and goodhearted, I should let it go because not only is she not single, but because it could entirely ruin my relationship with my friend?

For starts, IMHO you "should let it go because not only is she [is] not single".

Otherwise, neither FormerReformer (I assume) nor I know your relationship with your best friend, so take what we say with a grain of salt.  But in my experience "I trust you because you are my best friend" is code word for "go for it if you want but if you do anything to hurt her I will tie you to a bed, emasculate you, amputate your arms and legs with a rusty circular saw, than beat you to death with a wiffle-ball bat".  Just an FYI.

A girl is SINGLE until she is married (or at least engaged).  It explains a lot if you guys think that any female withing 10 feet of a male is somehow not single.  It may explain why you guys are still single.  Thankfully, I stole a girl away from her boyfriend and actually MARRIED her, and we have been together for 31 years.  As to going after your best friend's sister, go for it.  Friends are a liability.  A wife is something to hold on to (and hopefully a REAL friend for you for the rest of your life).  For what it is worth, I have known several guys who have had their best friend cheat with their wife.  That will probably not be a problem with this arrangement.

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Offline FormerReformer

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #490 on: April 23, 2012, 08:53:45 PM »
All right, so basically you gentlemen are telling me that even though she is amazingly hot and goodhearted, I should let it go because not only is she not single, but because it could entirely ruin my relationship with my friend?

For starts, IMHO you "should let it go because not only is she [is] not single".

Otherwise, neither FormerReformer (I assume) nor I know your relationship with your best friend, so take what we say with a grain of salt.  But in my experience "I trust you because you are my best friend" is code word for "go for it if you want but if you do anything to hurt her I will tie you to a bed, emasculate you, amputate your arms and legs with a rusty circular saw, than beat you to death with a wiffle-ball bat".  Just an FYI.

A girl is SINGLE until she is married (or at least engaged).  It explains a lot if you guys think that any female withing 10 feet of a male is somehow not single.  It may explain why you guys are still single.  Thankfully, I stole a girl away from her boyfriend and actually MARRIED her, and we have been together for 31 years.  As to going after your best friend's sister, go for it.  Friends are a liability.  A wife is something to hold on to (and hopefully a REAL friend for you for the rest of your life).  For what it is worth, I have known several guys who have had their best friend cheat with their wife.  That will probably not be a problem with this arrangement.

Agree with the first half (note, I said nothing about her having a boyfriend in my posts), but if the bolded part is how you view friends, Punch, I feel sorry for you. In my experience, it's often women who turn out to be the bigger liability- a girlfriend (who does not become a wife) is a dime a dozen and often wasted drama and almost always a passing experience, a good friendship usually tends to be more stable and long-lasting- friendship certainly can come to an end, especially when one or both parties get married and start families and priorities naturally shift, but usually without the earth-shaking explosives of a "relationship" blowing up.
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Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #491 on: April 23, 2012, 09:13:08 PM »
I think I might have misunderstood the boyfriend bit. I thought that the girl had specifically shot James down because she didn't want to be with him, but rather with the guy that she is with (which I suppose still shouldn't necessarily stop you from trying, just be aware that there is a line between "persistent" and "JamesR, you must stay 500 feet away from ______ at all times"). Anyway, if it's a matter of a girl who likes you but happens to be with some dork, then I completely reverse what I wrote earlier: I think you should go for it. But also keep a few things in mind:

1) It's high school, so it probably won't matter if she dumps that guy.
2) It's high school, so it probably won't matter if she dumps you later. (Not trying to be cruel, just that most people don't marry their high school sweethearts...thank God.)
3) Knowing that you want to date her means that you actually have to go for it. Don't wait around hoping that she'll magically realize that you'd be a great date. You have to make the effort and assume the risk that it'll go/end badly (but refer to points 1 and 2; that's probably not a big deal, all told).
4) If you can't work up the guts to deal with (3) [and you wouldn't be the first to have that problem], then forget about her and date someone else. I like the other poster's "diamond in the rough" observation. There are all kinds of ladies out there, and you never know who you'll really hit it off with until you try.

I'm still not convinced about the friend's sister part, though. I guess it depends on the friendship. You willing to give it up for a chance to date the sister? Potentially get into a really sticky/messy/potentially violent (hey...we all know some families are like that) situation? Then it might be worth it. It wasn't in my experience (not because of the friend, but because of other family members...ugh), but maybe you'll have a better experience. :)

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #492 on: April 23, 2012, 09:33:58 PM »
You thought the good Christian girl would have done otherwise?

Honestly, James ...

What are you talking about? I don't understand you or what you think I meant.
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline akimori makoto

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #493 on: April 23, 2012, 09:36:09 PM »
You thought the good Christian girl would have done otherwise?

Honestly, James ...

What are you talking about? I don't understand you or what you think I meant.

You say this girl is good-hearted and a Christian, right?

Notwithstanding what has been said earlier in this thread about "stealing" other people's girlfriends, I would expect that such a girl would have feelings of loyalty and affection towards her current boyfriend.

Or am I misunderstanding your comment about her not being single?
The Episcopallian road is easy and wide, for many go through it to find destruction. lol sorry channeling Isa.

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #494 on: April 23, 2012, 09:40:30 PM »
Yeah, what did you mean, James? Cos apparently I didn't get it either.