Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 92965 times)

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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #360 on: March 29, 2012, 12:24:02 AM »
As a side note, Aki, there are times I really really like you.  No homo.

Wasn't there something in another thread about your shifting sex/gender?

I was doing that just for Asteriktos' amusement.  He said there was nothing interesting going on so I flew to Thailand and got a sex-change operation.  There is nothing I won't do for my online family.  But it's alright.  The doctor said everything would grow back in six to eight months, just like a lizard's tail.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline akimori makoto

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #361 on: March 29, 2012, 12:43:22 AM »
As a side note, Aki, there are times I really really like you.  No homo.

Wasn't there something in another thread about your shifting sex/gender?

I was doing that just for Asteriktos' amusement.  He said there was nothing interesting going on so I flew to Thailand and got a sex-change operation.  There is nothing I won't do for my online family.  But it's alright.  The doctor said everything would grow back in six to eight months, just like a lizard's tail.

Hmm, not sure I'm into that, haha.
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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #362 on: March 29, 2012, 12:45:25 AM »
As a side note, Aki, there are times I really really like you.  No homo.

Wasn't there something in another thread about your shifting sex/gender?

I was doing that just for Asteriktos' amusement.  He said there was nothing interesting going on so I flew to Thailand and got a sex-change operation.  There is nothing I won't do for my online family.  But it's alright.  The doctor said everything would grow back in six to eight months, just like a lizard's tail.

I will accept your situation out of love, but don't be surprised if I'm disgusted with myself each time we've finished.

Offline JamesRottnek

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #363 on: March 29, 2012, 01:45:41 AM »
As a side note, Aki, there are times I really really like you.  No homo.

Wasn't there something in another thread about your shifting sex/gender?

I was doing that just for Asteriktos' amusement.  He said there was nothing interesting going on so I flew to Thailand and got a sex-change operation.  There is nothing I won't do for my online family.  But it's alright.  The doctor said everything would grow back in six to eight months, just like a lizard's tail.

Hmm, not sure I'm into that, haha.

Now if you had a race-change operation along with it, and became a Japanese girl, Akimori would be interested.
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Offline Νεκτάριος

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #364 on: March 29, 2012, 02:42:03 AM »
Intelligent - go back to Alaska and swim to the west.  I have been searching and searching for an uneducated Russian woman.  Not that I have an interest in stupid women, it's just kinda like the four leaved clover thing.  It doesn't really do anything useful, but it's an accomplishment to say you found one.

Work as a teacher here.  It won't take long for your search to be completed. 

A good point though about Russian culture and conversation.  I really enjoy the fact that a great date is simply going for a pleasant walk in a park and chatting.  That's still really my favorite way to spend a pleasant day with my wife.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #365 on: March 29, 2012, 05:17:10 AM »
A good point though about Russian culture and conversation.  I really enjoy the fact that a great date is simply going for a pleasant walk in a park and chatting.

I like the thought of that. Sounds inexpensive, intimate and intellectually satisfying. However, if you do not mind me asking, isn't walking through a park at night dangerous? Over in California it can be pretty dangerous with the crime and everything. Fortunately though, some efforts are being made to combat it as it is becoming more and more common for police stations to be built next to parks and libraries.
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Offline Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #366 on: March 29, 2012, 08:47:18 AM »
I don't know how much success people have with online dating in the Orthodox world.  Yet I know of a new yahoo group which I can't post here due to the rules.

As I understood it, the rule used to be that you could post a link to another site/forum/group if it was relevant to the discussion and you weren't just trying to advertise or divert the conversation. Don't know if that's still the rule though...

What say our moderators?

I clicked on "Rules" and scrolled down. Miracle of miracles, I did find the rule that you are referring to!!!

"    * Links -- Posters are not permitted to post links to websites designed for the commercial purposes of selling without explicit permission from a moderator or administrator.  Advertising is also prohibited without explicit permission.  Offending posts will be immediately deleted.  Posting of a link to any website not related to the ongoing thread discussion is not allowed.  If it is the first topic in the thread, or if the link IS relevant to the conversation at hand, it is required that the poster post a paragraph of text from the article in question into the thread.  The poster can then include a DIRECT link to the article in that post, below the paragraph of text."

Offline IXOYE

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #367 on: March 29, 2012, 12:37:48 PM »
Thanks Second Chance!

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Offline Νεκτάριος

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #368 on: March 29, 2012, 04:54:00 PM »
A good point though about Russian culture and conversation.  I really enjoy the fact that a great date is simply going for a pleasant walk in a park and chatting.

I like the thought of that. Sounds inexpensive, intimate and intellectually satisfying. However, if you do not mind me asking, isn't walking through a park at night dangerous? Over in California it can be pretty dangerous with the crime and everything. Fortunately though, some efforts are being made to combat it as it is becoming more and more common for police stations to be built next to parks and libraries.

Parks have the potential to be unpleasant - drunks around the clock and dangerous at night.  Daytime is nice though. 

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #369 on: March 29, 2012, 04:57:41 PM »
Now if you had a race-change operation along with it, and became a Japanese girl, Akimori would be interested.

But there's more to it than looks. I know from extensive research that I have done on video sites that, to be a Japanese girl, you must be willing to participate in the most perverted and disgusting sexualized acts possible, but still have the sense of propriety to blur out your private bits. This isn't something that can be taught quickly, you need to be raised and conditioned in a society for decades to have that kind of mindset.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 04:58:10 PM by Asteriktos »

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #370 on: March 29, 2012, 06:11:51 PM »
I'm looking for a special lady to enjoy my company and appreciate my brilliance. If you meet the following qualifications, you will private message me, and I will then let you know whether I want to go forward with a relationship.

Qualifications
- No kids. Also, you must not have any kids of your own.
- Red hair preferred. Natural redheads only. Imposters will be severely punished. This will be verified during the first meeting.
- Breasts no bigger than a C cup, but no smaller than a B cup.
- Green eyes a plus, but I can work with brown eyes if you also have brown or black hair.
- Glasses a plus. Contact wearers need not apply.
- Long toes.
- Large tush. Bubble butts will be accepted or rejected depending on comparison of butt-to-breast proportions.
- Intelligent, but not smarter than me. (Exception: must be smarter than me in culinary and other related skills).
- Between 5'2" and 5'4"
- Between 125 and 145 lbs. Exceptions to this (within a 5 pound margin) must have good justification.
- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
- Must be a liberal: philosophically, politically, religiously.
- Must enjoy reading.
- Must enjoy watching sports.
- Should have a graduate degree, or be preparing to enter a program in pursuit of such a degree.
- Must find bald men irresistable.
- Likes heavy metal music, horror movies, and various other forms of low-brow entertainment.
- No pro wrestling fans.
- Familiarity with Star Trek highly desired.
- Must be able to meet personal grooming requests.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2012, 06:13:14 PM by Asteriktos »

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #371 on: March 29, 2012, 06:23:12 PM »
Dude can you link us to your eHarmony profile? I have to see it.
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Offline akimori makoto

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #372 on: March 29, 2012, 06:26:55 PM »
Now if you had a race-change operation along with it, and became a Japanese girl, Akimori would be interested.

But there's more to it than looks. I know from extensive research that I have done on video sites that, to be a Japanese girl, you must be willing to participate in the most perverted and disgusting sexualized acts possible, but still have the sense of propriety to blur out your private bits. This isn't something that can be taught quickly, you need to be raised and conditioned in a society for decades to have that kind of mindset.

The man speaks truth.
The Episcopallian road is easy and wide, for many go through it to find destruction. lol sorry channeling Isa.

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #373 on: March 29, 2012, 06:27:23 PM »
Dude can you link us to your eHarmony profile? I have to see it.

I signed up for eHarmony during one of those "free weekend" things, but they sent me an email saying that they could not help me at this time   :'(

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #374 on: March 29, 2012, 06:32:03 PM »
It's alright buddy. I'm sure eHarmony would send you this as a "consolation" prize:



Wait.
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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #375 on: March 29, 2012, 06:33:15 PM »
It's alright buddy. I'm sure eHarmony would send you this as a "consolation" prize:

Wait.

:( Wouldn't help anyway. I don't have a working microwave where I'm staying. Those milky way bars look downright delicious though...

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #376 on: March 29, 2012, 06:35:59 PM »
With my lottery winnings we can construct the woman of your dreams and make her stronger, better, faster
“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #377 on: March 29, 2012, 10:07:59 PM »
With my lottery winnings we can construct the woman of your dreams and make her stronger, better, faster

Tubular!

That post was supposed to be a parody of certain profiles I've seen on dating sites. I understand having a certain idea of who your dream guy/girl is, but the chances that you're going to make up an insanely specific list and then find that person on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid isn't very likely.

Not that the above list isn't my dream girl...  :angel: ;D

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #378 on: March 29, 2012, 10:58:34 PM »
True story, I was on that plenty of fish site a few years ago. My god the women on their freaked me out.
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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #379 on: March 29, 2012, 11:45:52 PM »
True story, I was on that plenty of fish site a few years ago. My god the women on their freaked me out.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up POF,
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #380 on: March 30, 2012, 12:04:28 AM »
All of those dating sites are so hopeless and actually made me a bit depressed. People are so full of themselves, it's truly remarkable.

What's that Christian dating site? Christian Mingle? Oh lawdy.
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Offline dzheremi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #381 on: March 30, 2012, 12:08:56 AM »
I'd never heard of Plenty of Fish, just E-Harmony because it has all those dumb tv ads, so I went there...thanks a lot, thread. That was terrible. Turns out there are a LOT of single women in Albuquerque, but to find one that doesn't come with an instant family or probably needing a green card is apparently quite a challenge. And that's not even getting started on all the 18-20 year olds that are probably fake accounts to sell you/infect your computer with pornography...yikes!

That settles it; I'm never leaving my apartment.

Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #382 on: March 30, 2012, 12:10:08 AM »
Oh yeah I forgot about all the accounts that are probably fake. Man I'm so naive.
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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #383 on: March 30, 2012, 06:40:59 PM »
Oh yeah I forgot about all the accounts that are probably fake. Man I'm so naive.

Match.com seems to be worst for this (of the paid sites).  They leave them up indefinitely unless the user decides to make their account inactive.  FWIW, I met my first girlfriend on Match, so it is possible.  Also, they get hacked profiles where someone just makes a profile with no preferences (first give away) and then uploads a pretty picture they got off the interwebz and sends out "winks" to random guys.  These are relatively easy to spot.  All in all it's not a terrible site.

As for Christian Mingle, I don't have a lot of experience on that site.  I met one girl on there and she is so inexplicably wonderful that I never bothered talking to anyone else and let the subscription expire.  I cannot comment on the overall female content of the site, but as far as the mechanics of the site goes, it's actually one of the better ones.

Regarding Plenty of Fish...it's free and you get what you pay for.  Half of the women on there have "if you are just looking for a booty call I'm not for you" so there has to be a rather large number of creepers on there as far as men go.  Unfortunately, when you throw that many creepers onto one site the women get pretty jaded pretty quickly.  Then you have the ones saying they don't want to be thought of as a piece of meat, but their main profile pic has 76% of it taken up by their cleavage!  There is an "intimate encounters" search option.  I ran this search a few times as it is excessively hilarious.  I found a one-armed woman who was married but said that her husband just didn't excite her so she was looking for something on he side.  You just can't make up that sort of thing!  And to top it all off, she was from Council Bluffs!  One woman emailed me only to tell me that I looked like a child molester.  I took a peak at her profile and there was just way too much ammunition.  She made a big point of saying that she was not interested in men who were overweight.  That was just pure gold because when I saw her picture I thought, 'wow, if I were an Eskimo she would make one heck of a good meal.  Enough for the whole tribe!' 

(I generally make a point of never making fun of overweight women because I have met too many of them who have had a heart of gold.  Not to mention, I have been a chubby bloke my whole life and only now am starting to diet and exercise.  I know how hard it is to loose weight, though to all you plump people out there, once you get going it gets a whole lot easier!  But yeah, this woman was just way too hypocritical for me not to make fun of!)

But yeah, POF is plenty worth steering away from, unless you're looking for lulz.  Any woman on there who was at least remotely serious was just as picky as one you could have found on a paid site.

I have nothing really good to say about eharmony.  It costs way more than any of the others and I never had it send me any matches and I am sure as heck not going to cough up cash if I don't have some idea as to the quality up front.

Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline That person

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #384 on: March 30, 2012, 06:55:40 PM »
What's that Christian dating site? Christian Mingle? Oh lawdy.
My youngest sister met her current boyfriend on there. I'll let you know how it goes.
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #385 on: March 30, 2012, 07:14:37 PM »
I'll get to vamrat soon but.

What's that Christian dating site? Christian Mingle? Oh lawdy.
My youngest sister met her current boyfriend on there. I'll let you know how it goes.
What age?
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Offline That person

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #386 on: March 30, 2012, 08:42:55 PM »
I'll get to vamrat soon but.

What's that Christian dating site? Christian Mingle? Oh lawdy.
My youngest sister met her current boyfriend on there. I'll let you know how it goes.
What age?
She's 26. He's somewhere in his 30s.
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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #387 on: April 03, 2012, 03:53:09 PM »
I'll get to vamrat soon but.


I would be more than happy to answer any questions or make clarifications.  I might as well get some use out of several pathetic years of online dating!
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #388 on: April 04, 2012, 12:13:59 AM »
Ok, so I was at this bar the other night called The Blue Oyster, and I got to talking with this guy. He said he was a model scout and I was perfect for an upcoming calendar he was putting together. I was so stoked! Anyway, he said the only thing was that it was a really high quality one, and only the best of the best could get in. So basically he just wanted to check out to make sure I was worthy of being on it. Well I'm sorta shy so I suggested something more private. He said the bathroom, but I was like, no way, that's not private enough for me to take my shirt off in! So I suggested maybe my apartment, and he seemed fine with that. We get back to my place and I take off my shirt to show him, and he started getting very aggressive and I was quite uncomfortable and asked him to leave. He got mad and was going, but then I remembered that he said I'd have to pay $500 for an administrative fee to get in, so I chased him down in the hall and gave him the cash. Anyway, so the thing is, I don't want to blow my chance to get in this calendar! He gave me his business card when we first met... do you think I should call him and apologize, or just wait for him to call me, or what? It's been 2 1/2 days since I saw him.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2012, 12:17:15 AM by Asteriktos »

Offline Punch

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #389 on: April 04, 2012, 08:17:42 AM »
Ok, so I was at this bar the other night called The Blue Oyster, and I got to talking with this guy. He said he was a model scout and I was perfect for an upcoming calendar he was putting together. I was so stoked! Anyway, he said the only thing was that it was a really high quality one, and only the best of the best could get in. So basically he just wanted to check out to make sure I was worthy of being on it. Well I'm sorta shy so I suggested something more private. He said the bathroom, but I was like, no way, that's not private enough for me to take my shirt off in! So I suggested maybe my apartment, and he seemed fine with that. We get back to my place and I take off my shirt to show him, and he started getting very aggressive and I was quite uncomfortable and asked him to leave. He got mad and was going, but then I remembered that he said I'd have to pay $500 for an administrative fee to get in, so I chased him down in the hall and gave him the cash. Anyway, so the thing is, I don't want to blow my chance to get in this calendar! He gave me his business card when we first met... do you think I should call him and apologize, or just wait for him to call me, or what? It's been 2 1/2 days since I saw him.

I admire your decency, and I think that you did the right thing.  However, when it comes to blowing things, your chances for getting on that calendar are pretty high on the list.
I would be happy to agree with you, but then both of us would be wrong.

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #390 on: April 04, 2012, 02:33:24 PM »
I admire your decency, and I think that you did the right thing.  However, when it comes to blowing things, your chances for getting on that calendar are pretty high on the list.

Yeah, it seems so. I decided to call him this morning and try to smooth things over. He said his partner that is working on the calendar with him already promised the final spot to some other guy. If I had only sealed the deal last night I could have got on it, but alas, that didn't happen. He did promise to keep me on a list in case someone else can't do it though. And more importantly he told me that he is about to begin on another project--and a bigger one than the calendar!--and he thinks I'll be perfect for it. It's a straight-to-video movie that they are filming out on Long Island. He said it would require some nudity, but assured me that it would be tastefully done. I know this is legit though because he said I'd have to go get blood tests done to show that I didn't have any diseases or anything... so you know these guys care about the safety of their actors! Anyway, I guess everything is working out for the best! Dolf (the guy I met at the bar) even said I could stay at his place when I'm out in NY. This is gonna be great!

Offline That person

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #391 on: April 05, 2012, 02:24:33 AM »
Sounds like quite an opportunity. Do they have a working title?
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Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #392 on: April 05, 2012, 02:48:16 AM »
They actually have the official title, because he said they have done this a thousand times, and they plan everything out in advance, that way when the filming is done they can get through post-production quickly and get it out to these "specialty shops" they work with. The title is set to be Johnny's Jackhammer. Not sure what it's about yet, but from the title and location I'm assuming it'll be about construction on the mean streets of Long Island.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #393 on: April 05, 2012, 07:25:56 AM »
A children's show like Mighty Machines, no doubt.

I'm going to need this.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #394 on: April 05, 2012, 04:23:15 PM »
So I'm hoping to get my license soon, which should increase my chances of successfully arranging dates. I'll likely be using a Toyota Corolla primarily. Do guys who drive small cars have any stereotypes associated with them comparable to guys who drive big cars, but the opposite?
"Some have such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at pleasure, so as to produce the effect of singing."- St. Augustine of Hippo

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Offline Aindriú

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #395 on: April 05, 2012, 06:22:17 PM »
Do guys who drive small cars have any stereotypes associated with them comparable to guys who drive big cars, but the opposite?

Yeah. Poor.

I'm going to need this.

Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #396 on: April 06, 2012, 11:49:21 AM »
So I'm hoping to get my license soon, which should increase my chances of successfully arranging dates. I'll likely be using a Toyota Corolla primarily. Do guys who drive small cars have any stereotypes associated with them comparable to guys who drive big cars, but the opposite?

If she has a problem with the car you drive, then she isn't worth it.

Here's one tip for you - go on three dates and if there isn't a spark and she isn't showing interest drop her. 
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #397 on: April 06, 2012, 02:38:51 PM »
I'm looking for a special lady to enjoy my company and appreciate my brilliance. If you meet the following qualifications, you will private message me, and I will then let you know whether I want to go forward with a relationship.

Qualifications
- No kids. Also, you must not have any kids of your own.
- Red hair preferred. Natural redheads only. Imposters will be severely punished. This will be verified during the first meeting.
- Breasts no bigger than a C cup, but no smaller than a B cup.
- Green eyes a plus, but I can work with brown eyes if you also have brown or black hair.
- Glasses a plus. Contact wearers need not apply.
- Long toes.
- Large tush. Bubble butts will be accepted or rejected depending on comparison of butt-to-breast proportions.
- Intelligent, but not smarter than me. (Exception: must be smarter than me in culinary and other related skills).
- Between 5'2" and 5'4"
- Between 125 and 145 lbs. Exceptions to this (within a 5 pound margin) must have good justification.
- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
- Must be a liberal: philosophically, politically, religiously.
- Must enjoy reading.
- Must enjoy watching sports.
- Should have a graduate degree, or be preparing to enter a program in pursuit of such a degree.
- Must find bald men irresistable.
- Likes heavy metal music, horror movies, and various other forms of low-brow entertainment.
- No pro wrestling fans.
- Familiarity with Star Trek highly desired.
- Must be able to meet personal grooming requests.

Sounds like you are going to need more than one woman...
Until I see the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come, I will not believe.

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #398 on: April 06, 2012, 02:48:20 PM »
Sounds like you are going to need more than one woman...

I am open to that scenario, though think it unlikely that it could work out over a period of several years or more. Some have found a way though, so there is hope...

However, interestingly, the fantasy list aside, when I think about someone who I've actually met in real life who I thought I fit best with, she only had about half of the 21 listed qualifications  ??? 8)

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #399 on: April 06, 2012, 09:16:35 PM »

If she has a problem with the car you drive, then she isn't worth it.
I figured as much, but what if the car I drive would make her think better of me? Or certain aspects of me anyway.

It doesn't really matter. Most girls at my school are too sheltered to get the ins and outs of phallic stereotypes.
"Some have such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at pleasure, so as to produce the effect of singing."- St. Augustine of Hippo

Movie reviews you can trust.

Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #400 on: April 07, 2012, 12:12:47 AM »

If she has a problem with the car you drive, then she isn't worth it.
I figured as much, but what if the car I drive would make her think better of me? Or certain aspects of me anyway.

It doesn't really matter. Most girls at my school are too sheltered to get the ins and outs of phallic stereotypes.

If you need to impress a girl with a car get a Benz.  If you have the money get something Italian.  Otherwise, don't worry about it.  If it isn't a Lamborghini, someone will always have something better.

If they don't understand all the nuances of the phallus, just make sure you wear a codpiece on your first date.  Even the dimmest broad will understand that.

BTW, if you buy a truck, you're just admitting that you posses a microphallus**.  Don't do that.  And I swear, I f****ng swear, if you put truck balls on your truck, I will hunt you down and kill you.



**Or you utilize it for some form of work.  That is OK, but it will probably be dinged up which will prove that you aren't doing this as a means of penile prosthesis.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #401 on: April 07, 2012, 01:44:59 AM »
I do not think women care about cars. Judging from every woman I have ever talked to, they seem to show little to no interest in a man's car. It might just be an unnecessary burden we are putting on ourselves. Besides, if a person has funk and style, then it does not matter what you are wearing or riding because you can sell it and make it look good.
Until I see the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come, I will not believe.

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #402 on: April 07, 2012, 03:03:20 AM »
Why don't you take a sec to mire my car...



Haters gonna hate. Come at me bro.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2012, 03:04:09 AM by Asteriktos »

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #403 on: April 07, 2012, 04:05:22 AM »
You just have to have style my friend and sell it. Play some Nate Dogg on the radio, hang two oversized dice from the rear view mirror, some leather seats etc. Funk will go a long way for you.
Until I see the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come, I will not believe.

Offline Cavaradossi

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #404 on: April 07, 2012, 06:15:25 AM »
I'm looking for a special lady to enjoy my company and appreciate my brilliance. If you meet the following qualifications, you will private message me, and I will then let you know whether I want to go forward with a relationship.

Qualifications
- No kids. Also, you must not have any kids of your own.
- Red hair preferred. Natural redheads only. Imposters will be severely punished. This will be verified during the first meeting.
- Breasts no bigger than a C cup, but no smaller than a B cup.
- Green eyes a plus, but I can work with brown eyes if you also have brown or black hair.
- Glasses a plus. Contact wearers need not apply.
- Long toes.
- Large tush. Bubble butts will be accepted or rejected depending on comparison of butt-to-breast proportions.
- Intelligent, but not smarter than me. (Exception: must be smarter than me in culinary and other related skills).
- Between 5'2" and 5'4"
- Between 125 and 145 lbs. Exceptions to this (within a 5 pound margin) must have good justification.
- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
- Must be a liberal: philosophically, politically, religiously.
- Must enjoy reading.
- Must enjoy watching sports.
- Should have a graduate degree, or be preparing to enter a program in pursuit of such a degree.
- Must find bald men irresistable.
- Likes heavy metal music, horror movies, and various other forms of low-brow entertainment.
- No pro wrestling fans.
- Familiarity with Star Trek highly desired.
- Must be able to meet personal grooming requests.

Sounds like you are going to need more than one woman...

Why else would these two be criteria?

- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
Be comforted, and have faith, O Israel, for your God is infinitely simple and one, composed of no parts.