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Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 62189 times) Average Rating: 3
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« Reply #2250 on: February 16, 2014, 07:53:16 PM »

This is the best/worst thread on this forum. It has everything.
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« Reply #2251 on: February 16, 2014, 08:17:20 PM »

This is the best/worst thread on this forum. It has everything.

Bak, durk durk Allah.  Durka durka Muhammad jihad.  Haka shurpa shurpa, abakala.  Durka durka durka?   
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« Reply #2252 on: February 16, 2014, 08:46:51 PM »

This is the best/worst thread on this forum. It has everything.

Bak, durk durk Allah.  Durka durka Muhammad jihad.  Haka shurpa shurpa, abakala.  Durka durka durka?   

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« Reply #2253 on: February 17, 2014, 12:44:30 AM »

This is the best/worst thread on this forum. It has everything.

Bak, durk durk Allah.  Durka durka Muhammad jihad.  Haka shurpa shurpa, abakala.  Durka durka durka?   



A scene from Team America: World Police
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« Reply #2254 on: February 18, 2014, 06:32:52 PM »

There's this one from Fr. Andrew Philips, UK. Seems a bit superstitious and mechanical but I like this kind of old-fashioned piety. Not that I've tried it though.

http://orthodoxengland.org.uk/pdf/st_nicholas.pdf

I think you'd need to get the blessing of your spiritual father before carrying it out. That and have faith and a clean conscience. This is actually what makes the difference between piety and superstition: there is nothing mechanical about Orthodoxy.

I have read the prayer three times to St. Nicholas (forty days each).  The first time my conscience was not clean. I believe that the Lord used this as an opportunity to punish me.  I met her on the very day I finished the prayer.  She was one of the best girls I have dated, and it ended rather abruptly.  The depths of my depression are rather well documented throughout the fifty pages of this thread.  Some time later I read it a second time and met someone who had many of the same problems I did, but let me see them from a female perspective.  I still email her (and she back - I'm not a harasser...I promise!).  Between the second and third times I fell to one my the greater depths of despondency (I was polite enough not to document it this time for all on OC.net to see).   I did have a rather long talk with my grandfather (a retired Lutheran minister) about my despondency and he set me straight, in far more words.  He suggested that I keep praying to God about it but accept His will regardless of whether it met my expectations or not.  My thoughts that I was wasting God's time were not to be entertained.  Eventually I read the prayer a third time, but not on my behalf but for the girl from prayer number 2 (a Hindu, for what it's worth).  Whether she marries the guy she met is up for debate, though on the very day I finished the prayer I met in person the girl I have been with for over a year now. 

None of this is to detract from your suggestions, I think they are very good, even if I did not necessarily follow them.  I always said the prayer with faith, but the first time my conscience was not clean.  God used this to cleanse it.  The second time I was just not ready for it yet, but God gave me something better.  She is still very dear to me.  The third time, well, it's history now.  I did not seek the approval of my spiritual father, but I did let him know once it was a fait accompli, and he approved. 
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« Reply #2255 on: February 18, 2014, 06:34:35 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.
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« Reply #2256 on: February 18, 2014, 06:35:41 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Is your spiritual father perhaps a monk?  I did you confess too many dark secrets of the naughty variety?   Wink
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« Reply #2257 on: February 18, 2014, 06:38:27 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Is your spiritual father perhaps a monk?  I did you confess too many dark secrets of the naughty variety?   Wink

He is a monk from St Panteleimon of Mt Athos, and his spiritual father is a great schema-archimandrite.
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« Reply #2258 on: February 18, 2014, 07:25:41 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk? 
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« Reply #2259 on: February 20, 2014, 02:55:20 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts. 
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« Reply #2260 on: February 20, 2014, 02:57:45 PM »

If you want to become a monk, you should do it. But don't let anyone, not even all the patriarchs and bishops in the world, force you to become a monk.

I wouldn't stop talking to half of humanity in the meantime.
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« Reply #2261 on: February 20, 2014, 03:45:55 PM »

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one.

That is a good sign. 

I'll pray for you, fwiw, that God will show you where he wants you.  I was concerned about the way you phrased your spiritual father's advice, and I see Cyrillic had at least some of my concern in mind. 
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« Reply #2262 on: February 20, 2014, 06:05:21 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts. 

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.
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« Reply #2263 on: February 21, 2014, 09:17:37 AM »


I wouldn't stop talking to half of humanity in the meantime.

I am to do what my spiritual father tells me, that is obediance.
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« Reply #2264 on: February 21, 2014, 09:29:14 AM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts. 

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

Thank you for your concern, I'll be fine for I am in good hands. I've had this vocation since as long as I can remember. I am 28 now and have been on the journey to go to the monastery for the past 3 years. Each persons process is different and you can't compair two together. Women are just a temptation to me because I realise it is just the looks that I am attracted to. That girl at the store was a super devote Protestant and she said she felt sorry I was orthodox and she said if I wanted to be with her I had to stop being Orthodox. My spiritual fahter knows what he is doing Smiley
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« Reply #2265 on: February 21, 2014, 10:51:07 AM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts. 

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

Thank you for your concern, I'll be fine for I am in good hands. I've had this vocation since as long as I can remember. I am 28 now and have been on the journey to go to the monastery for the past 3 years. Each persons process is different and you can't compair two together. Women are just a temptation to me because I realise it is just the looks that I am attracted to. That girl at the store was a super devote Protestant and she said she felt sorry I was orthodox and she said if I wanted to be with her I had to stop being Orthodox. My spiritual fahter knows what he is doing Smiley

I wasn't suggesting otherwise, I thought perhaps you might find the suggestions edifying that is all. No offense intended toward you or your mentor.
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« Reply #2266 on: February 21, 2014, 11:37:06 AM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts. 

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

I would be interested in seeing this if anyone knows where to find it online.  I am not currently planning on monasticism, but I have looked at it in the past so this could be interesting to read.
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« Reply #2267 on: February 21, 2014, 11:44:53 AM »

I would be interested in seeing this if anyone knows where to find it online.  I am not currently planning on monasticism, but I have looked at it in the past so this could be interesting to read.

I think it's in Fr Schmemann's journals (of which I don't have a copy).  It was very sensible advice, perhaps a bit overstated but in a necessary way. 
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« Reply #2268 on: February 21, 2014, 12:32:33 PM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts.  

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

I would be interested in seeing this if anyone knows where to find it online.  I am not currently planning on monasticism, but I have looked at it in the past so this could be interesting to read.

I no longer have it in print and there is a copy online which looks accurate to my memory but without the proper citation.

This post references the bulk of the material taken from a website no longer hosting the info:

http://www.monachos.net/conversation/topic/2327-father-schmemann-on-monasticism/

EDIT: I am a liar, my lazy eyes overlooked the citation at the bottom of the post.
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« Reply #2269 on: February 21, 2014, 12:42:08 PM »

Horrible advice by Fr. Schmemann, a man I respect.  If anyone has spent any significant length of time at a monastery with traditional monastic rules one will quickly realize the service it does to the entire Church and to the world as a whole.
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« Reply #2270 on: February 21, 2014, 01:46:40 PM »

Horrible advice by Fr. Schmemann, a man I respect.  If anyone has spent any significant length of time at a monastery with traditional monastic rules one will quickly realize the service it does to the entire Church and to the world as a whole.

I am surprised at this reaction. How is the father saying otherwise? And do you know the state places like the much beloved Mt. Athos was in during the Father's time? Have you read his reflections on his joy and surprise on seeing the monks within the Oriental Christian tradition?

If you care about his thoughts on monasticism in a larger sense, again these are journals, then I would suggest listening to some people who are willing to be frank about the state of the monastic life during Father's life and what he likely saw and then read how overjoyed he was when he discovered the Oriental Coptic monks.

That aside, how are those rules bad advice for those attempting to discern a monastic calling. They seem like a decent manner for testing ones vocation. A process which has seen some rather disastrous results in this country at least in monasteries.

Heck, I figured outside your yacht, that your life probably looked like what the Father outlined.
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« Reply #2271 on: February 21, 2014, 01:50:34 PM »

Horrible advice by Fr. Schmemann, a man I respect.  If anyone has spent any significant length of time at a monastery with traditional monastic rules one will quickly realize the service it does to the entire Church and to the world as a whole.

I am surprised at this reaction. How is the father saying otherwise? And do you know the state places like the much beloved Mt. Athos was in during the Father's time? Have you read his reflections on his joy and surprise on seeing the monks within the Oriental Christian tradition?

If you care about his thoughts on monasticism in a larger sense, again these are journals, then I would suggest listening to some people who are willing to be frank about the state of the monastic life during Father's life and what he likely saw and then read how overjoyed he was when he discovered the Oriental Coptic monks.

That aside, how are those rules bad advice for those attempting to discern a monastic calling. They seem like a decent manner for testing ones vocation. A process which has seen some rather disastrous results in this country at least in monasteries.

Heck, I figured outside your yacht, that your life probably looked like what the Father outlined.

I am also surprised. It seemed to me to be pretty solid advice for any Christian, really... though I am as far from an expert on monasticism as one could possible be.
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« Reply #2272 on: February 21, 2014, 02:13:57 PM »

Horrible advice by Fr. Schmemann, a man I respect.  If anyone has spent any significant length of time at a monastery with traditional monastic rules one will quickly realize the service it does to the entire Church and to the world as a whole.

I am surprised at this reaction. How is the father saying otherwise? And do you know the state places like the much beloved Mt. Athos was in during the Father's time? Have you read his reflections on his joy and surprise on seeing the monks within the Oriental Christian tradition?

If you care about his thoughts on monasticism in a larger sense, again these are journals, then I would suggest listening to some people who are willing to be frank about the state of the monastic life during Father's life and what he likely saw and then read how overjoyed he was when he discovered the Oriental Coptic monks.

That aside, how are those rules bad advice for those attempting to discern a monastic calling. They seem like a decent manner for testing ones vocation. A process which has seen some rather disastrous results in this country at least in monasteries.

This. 

Fr Schmemann, like anyone else, needs to be understood within his context.  At face value, one might think his opinions are overstated (as I admitted above), but in his context I'd argue much of it was necessary (as I said above) as a corrective, balancing out certain other extreme tendencies. 
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« Reply #2273 on: February 21, 2014, 08:01:58 PM »

Indeed.  Orthonorm and Mor Ephrem forgive my quickness to judge and thank you for the correction.  It was absolutely needed. Seriously.
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« Reply #2274 on: June 11, 2014, 11:44:52 PM »

Is it unhealthy to intentionally make an effort to never meet, socialize with, and/or date girls because I want to stay single forever and because I'm afraid of rejection?
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« Reply #2275 on: June 11, 2014, 11:46:38 PM »

Is it unhealthy to intentionally make an effort to never meet, socialize with, and/or date girls because I want to stay single forever
No
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and because I'm afraid of rejection?
Yes
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« Reply #2276 on: July 20, 2014, 02:46:02 AM »

intentionally make an effort to never meet, socialize with, and/or date girls

Are you still doing this?  That takes dedication.
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« Reply #2277 on: July 20, 2014, 09:55:57 AM »

intentionally make an effort to never meet, socialize with, and/or date girls

Are you still doing this?  That takes dedication.

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« Reply #2278 on: August 05, 2014, 12:28:16 AM »

Attention: This is your Captain speaking. This thread seems to have ran out of fuel in mid-air. Please hold onto your seats.
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« Reply #2279 on: August 05, 2014, 06:45:23 AM »

Is it unhealthy to intentionally make an effort to never meet, socialize with, and/or date girls
Its usually called taking monastic wows... Its healty...
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because I want to stay single forever and because I'm afraid of rejection?
This part is not healty..
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« Reply #2280 on: August 10, 2014, 06:55:16 AM »

Anyone ever tried a long-distance thing before? I'm starting to get into a thing with a girl here in Ohio, and I'm moving back for college soon and I'm debating with myself whether I want to keep it going.
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« Reply #2281 on: August 10, 2014, 12:03:42 PM »

Anyone ever tried a long-distance thing before? I'm starting to get into a thing with a girl here in Ohio, and I'm moving back for college soon and I'm debating with myself whether I want to keep it going.

I won't have a girlfriend unless she is at least 500 miles away. Otherwise, I could see there being problems with my wife.
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« Reply #2282 on: August 20, 2014, 07:00:18 AM »

Anyone ever tried a long-distance thing before? I'm starting to get into a thing with a girl here in Ohio, and I'm moving back for college soon and I'm debating with myself whether I want to keep it going.

It's been a few days since you posted this, but yes; I've had a long-distance relationship. The girl and I have now been married for 4 years and a couple months, so I'd say it turned out well.

It definitely wasn't easy though.
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« Reply #2283 on: August 20, 2014, 08:19:08 AM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts.  

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

Thank you for your concern, I'll be fine for I am in good hands. I've had this vocation since as long as I can remember. I am 28 now and have been on the journey to go to the monastery for the past 3 years. Each persons process is different and you can't compair two together. Women are just a temptation to me because I realise it is just the looks that I am attracted to. That girl at the store was a super devote Protestant and she said she felt sorry I was orthodox and she said if I wanted to be with her I had to stop being Orthodox. My spiritual fahter knows what he is doing Smiley

Man is a man, must not to be controled by woman, you must control the woman.

You don't have to become a monk, this is not the only girl in the world.

She don't love you if she love you will accept your religion.
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« Reply #2284 on: August 20, 2014, 09:14:16 AM »


Man is a man, must not to be controled by woman, you must control the woman.

You don't have to become a monk, this is not the only girl in the world.

She don't love you if she love you will accept your religion.

That goes along with my philosophy:  If you love someone, set them free.  If they come back, they are yours.  If they don't, hunt them down and kill them.
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« Reply #2285 on: August 20, 2014, 11:36:04 AM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts.  

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

Thank you for your concern, I'll be fine for I am in good hands. I've had this vocation since as long as I can remember. I am 28 now and have been on the journey to go to the monastery for the past 3 years. Each persons process is different and you can't compair two together. Women are just a temptation to me because I realise it is just the looks that I am attracted to. That girl at the store was a super devote Protestant and she said she felt sorry I was orthodox and she said if I wanted to be with her I had to stop being Orthodox. My spiritual fahter knows what he is doing Smiley

Man is a man, must not to be controled by woman, you must control the woman.

You don't have to become a monk, this is not the only girl in the world.

She don't love you if she love you will accept your religion.
Sage advice.  I assume your single?  Tongue
« Last Edit: August 20, 2014, 11:36:16 AM by TheTrisagion » Logged

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« Reply #2286 on: August 20, 2014, 11:39:23 AM »

Well so much for the girl at the super market. My spiritual father told me to stop talking to her and to all women, delete her number and find another place to shop because I am to become a monk.

Do you feel called to be a monk?  

Yes, but I still like women and the idea of being with one. I've never dated an Orthodox girl so there is a part of me that wants to try. Must have something to do with our natural created instincts.  

Have you ever read Fr. Alexander Schmemann's advice to those attempting to discern this vocation?

It could be quite helpful it would seem to me.

Maybe someone can offer them, I am not seeing a properly cited excerpt on the internet at the moment.

Thank you for your concern, I'll be fine for I am in good hands. I've had this vocation since as long as I can remember. I am 28 now and have been on the journey to go to the monastery for the past 3 years. Each persons process is different and you can't compair two together. Women are just a temptation to me because I realise it is just the looks that I am attracted to. That girl at the store was a super devote Protestant and she said she felt sorry I was orthodox and she said if I wanted to be with her I had to stop being Orthodox. My spiritual fahter knows what he is doing Smiley

Man is a man, must not to be controled by woman, you must control the woman.

You don't have to become a monk, this is not the only girl in the world.

She don't love you if she love you will accept your religion.
Sage advice.  I assume your single?  Tongue

My loving one is dead but i was controling her.
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« Reply #2287 on: August 20, 2014, 11:44:14 AM »

My loving one is dead but i was controling her.

Past tense? If you truly controlled woman in life you would still be able to control her in death. When you have control no longer that's how you know your loving one was a sham. Flee such as this.
« Last Edit: August 20, 2014, 11:45:20 AM by Justin Kissel » Logged

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« Reply #2288 on: August 20, 2014, 11:45:24 AM »

I find these often make the best mates.  Justin, lust not. I know she is a redhead, but you must control your passions!

sidenote: do not do an image search of the word "marionette". There is some truly weird Japanese porn out there!

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« Reply #2289 on: August 20, 2014, 11:53:56 AM »

Thanks for the comments.
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« Reply #2290 on: August 20, 2014, 11:57:16 AM »

I find these often make the best mates.  Justin, lust not. I know she is a redhead, but you must control your passions!

sidenote: do not do an image search of the word "marionette". There is some truly weird Japanese porn out there!



Image search for "marionette"...mission accomplished. 
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« Reply #2291 on: August 20, 2014, 12:01:58 PM »

My loving one is dead but i was controling her.

Past tense? If you truly controlled woman in life you would still be able to control her in death. When you have control no longer that's how you know your loving one was a sham. Flee such as this.

I just had a LOLocaust.
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« Reply #2292 on: September 05, 2014, 01:47:26 AM »

Don't date [inappropriate word removed -Nephi], they'll probably end up robbing you.
 For repeated profanity and rules violations, despite multiple warnings, you are being placed on post-moderation for the next 7 (seven) days. Every post you submit during this period will need to be approved by a moderator before it shows up on the forum.

If you would like to appeal this decision, please do so only via PM.

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« Reply #2293 on: September 05, 2014, 01:55:13 AM »

Don't date ****** (inappropriate word for black people), they'll probably end up robbing you.

Racism is a sickness, and this kind of talk is truly anti-Christian and vile. Please try to work to do a better job at controlling your own posting behavior. Such disgusting attitudes and 'advice' as displayed here are unacceptable. Please pray and seek spiritual counsel, lest you further wound the confession you claim in the eyes of others (who are, in case you have forgotten, created equal to you and equally beloved children of God), and your own soul by harboring such hatred and bigotry.
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« Reply #2294 on: September 05, 2014, 01:56:17 AM »

Don't date [inappropriate word removed -Nephi], they'll probably end up robbing you.

Using the "N" word? Inappropriate to say the least. I found this comment absolutely disgusting.


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