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Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 63858 times) Average Rating: 3
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« Reply #1935 on: November 15, 2013, 06:49:56 PM »

If I am allowed to photoshop this entire board as a parody I'd do it in a heartbeat.

What's stopping you?
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« Reply #1936 on: November 15, 2013, 06:50:21 PM »

The first one was the best. The latter iterations go to far. Knowing when to any artistic endeavor is always the most difficult of decisions.
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« Reply #1937 on: November 15, 2013, 06:51:36 PM »

The first one was the best. The latter iterations go to far. Knowing when to any artistic endeavor is always the most difficult of decisions.

True, the ideas just pile on and on.

What's stopping you?
This time I'd rather get permission.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2013, 06:51:58 PM by Shiny » Logged

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« Reply #1938 on: November 15, 2013, 06:51:57 PM »

If I am allowed to photoshop this entire board as a parody I'd do it in a heartbeat.

What's stopping you?

His tenuous grasp on decorum?

Oh well.

Enjoy, your monster.
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« Reply #1939 on: November 15, 2013, 06:54:44 PM »

What's stopping you?
This time I'd rather get permission.

Just to be clear, I did have a mega photoshop in the works for OC.net. You'd have to be playing so deep inside baseball to get every nuance, only I'd get more than half the jokes.

So I abandoned the project.
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« Reply #1940 on: November 15, 2013, 06:55:33 PM »

What's stopping you?
This time I'd rather get permission.

I don't think there's a rule against it. It would be polite to ask their permission before posting it.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2013, 06:56:36 PM by Cyrillic » Logged

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« Reply #1941 on: November 15, 2013, 06:57:14 PM »

What's stopping you?
This time I'd rather get permission.

Just to be clear, I did have a mega photoshop in the works for OC.net. You'd have to be playing so deep inside baseball to get every nuance, only I'd get more than half the jokes.

So I abandoned the project.
My problem is once I get started, I have no restraint.

I blame it on my attempts to one-up anyone doing photoshop contests. Oh you push it that far? I'll push it even further. Etc.

Seriously if you knew what message board I used to post on, you'd probably dial a psych ward to take me in.

Some of the stuff really did test the boundaries of what could be considered legally acceptable, let alone humane. I mean some of the junk photoshop memes out there don't hold a candle to some of the most bizarre stuff I've seen. When you get a group of desensitized people that have no taste, anything and everything is fair game.

I'd give a comparision to one of the most popular pictures on the internet, however saying its name isn't a good idea to post. But I've seen mucho worse than that.

And seeing that pic now does nothing to me. When I first saw it the dozen times, I vomitted everytime.
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« Reply #1942 on: November 15, 2013, 07:55:42 PM »

dial a psych ward to take me in.

I thought you'd never ask.
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« Reply #1943 on: November 15, 2013, 08:04:34 PM »

Geez...remind me never to post anything on this board and then leave to go to the post office. Shocked You make one stupid TV reference and it turns into...whatever the heck this is.

If anyone's still wondering, "you stupid chief" is a reference to McGarnicle. He, like Google, gets results.
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« Reply #1944 on: November 15, 2013, 08:07:07 PM »

If anyone's still wondering, "you stupid chief" is a reference to McGarnicle. He, like Google, gets results.
Speaking of the Simpsons...dude Season 1 is sooooooooooo weird
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« Reply #1945 on: November 15, 2013, 08:08:17 PM »

I laughed at the video, but "you stupid chief" was almost funnier before I knew.
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« Reply #1946 on: November 15, 2013, 08:09:07 PM »

I laughed at the video, but "you stupid chief" was almost funnier before I knew.

Smiley
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« Reply #1947 on: November 15, 2013, 08:10:25 PM »

I know, I almost didn't want to spoil that, but I didn't know any of this had gone on in my absence, and Orthonorm did ask if he missed a reference, so... Embarrassed
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« Reply #1948 on: November 15, 2013, 08:12:54 PM »

I laughed at the video, but "you stupid chief" was almost funnier before I knew.

What true happiness looks like

^ His sig. Have you seen it? It's funnier than that.
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« Reply #1949 on: November 15, 2013, 08:13:37 PM »

It's okay. People who read this without knowing will still have to wade through a page or so before all is revealed.
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« Reply #1950 on: November 15, 2013, 08:16:02 PM »

I laughed at the video, but "you stupid chief" was almost funnier before I knew.

What true happiness looks like

^ His sig. Have you seen it? It's funnier than that.

My sig is a video of a young mother sharing the story of how taking care of dying and disabled children has strengthened her faith in Christ, which has nothing to do with an internet fad that died out years ago like "Rick Rolling". Nice try, though.
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« Reply #1951 on: November 15, 2013, 08:17:17 PM »

jrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmi!
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« Reply #1952 on: November 15, 2013, 08:19:48 PM »

What true happiness looks like

^ His sig. Have you seen it? It's funnier than that.

My sig is a video of a young mother sharing the story of how taking care of dying and disabled children has strengthened her faith in Christ, which has nothing to do with an internet fad that died out years ago like "Rick Rolling". Nice try, though.

Pwned. 
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« Reply #1953 on: November 15, 2013, 08:31:24 PM »

The Astley never tires.

When people forget, it comes back.
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« Reply #1954 on: November 15, 2013, 08:41:10 PM »

[please do not erase]
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« Reply #1955 on: November 17, 2013, 03:48:07 AM »

Ladies and gentlemen. There is a bad habit that I would like to take some of you to task for. Asymmetrical fingernails. It really bugs me. How can you let one fingernail grow to 3/8" and another be 1/16"? This is madness!  Please, set aside time each week to perform any necessary maintenance on your fingernails!
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« Reply #1956 on: November 17, 2013, 06:11:04 PM »

It's better to have professionals handle this, especially toenails.
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« Reply #1957 on: November 17, 2013, 06:23:56 PM »

Ladies and gentlemen. There is a bad habit that I would like to take some of you to task for. Asymmetrical fingernails. It really bugs me. How can you let one fingernail grow to 3/8" and another be 1/16"? This is madness!  Please, set aside time each week to perform any necessary maintenance on your fingernails!

Yes, sir. I will make the proper adjustments this evening.
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« Reply #1958 on: November 17, 2013, 08:31:34 PM »

On that note, I hear Cadence is giving personal grooming tips in the Dear Cadence thread!
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« Reply #1959 on: November 17, 2013, 08:33:59 PM »

Wonderful!

I think under ideal circumstances a boyfriend should be happy to do the nails of his significant other... but alas...
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« Reply #1960 on: November 17, 2013, 10:32:02 PM »

Wonderful!

I think under ideal circumstances a boyfriend should be happy to do the nails of his significant other... but alas...

Really? I think that sounds like a nightmare.
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« Reply #1961 on: November 17, 2013, 10:32:59 PM »

For the one doing the trimming or the one being trimmed?  Cool
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« Reply #1962 on: November 17, 2013, 10:33:51 PM »

Both, honestly.
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« Reply #1963 on: November 17, 2013, 10:43:48 PM »

Oh... well I certainly wouldn't want to make someone feel awkward. Unless they wanted that. But I don't think most do. So yeah. Forget I said anything.  Cool
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« Reply #1964 on: November 18, 2013, 01:07:30 AM »

Oh... well I certainly wouldn't want to make someone feel awkward. Unless they wanted that. But I don't think most do. So yeah. Forget I said anything.  Cool

I just think that's a personal task. There is something about nail clippings (seriously can't even type that without gagging) that truly grosses me out. Finding a stray one that's flown helter-skelter in the cutting process that's landed on the floor makes me insane. I've said before that I have the emotional variation of sand and have a seriously long fuse... until I find someone's nail on the ground. Blech.

I also hate feet, so... having someone else do my nails is pretty much a non-starter. If I had been a disciple and Jesus wanted to wash my feet, it would have given me intense anxiety.  Cheesy
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« Reply #1965 on: November 18, 2013, 02:50:18 AM »

Some people use sex as a way to get back at someone, or a way to manipulate a person into doing what you want. Don't do that.
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« Reply #1966 on: November 19, 2013, 07:22:38 PM »

Dear Miland,

Remember when I said I was planning a thing involving flowers? I am going forward with it in the morning. I will have to wake up about an hour earlier than usual to get it done, but I already made an excuse so Tara wouldn't suspect anything. I will leave her a rose everywhere that I can think to. By the coffee pot in the kitchen, by the hair brush in the bathroom, inside her car, etc. I talked to the guys at the gym yesterday and they are on board, so a rose will be waiting for her there as well. And then, when she finally gets to work, there will be a single rose waiting for her on her desk, and underneath it will be the ring I bought her last week. Wish me luck!

John


Dear Miland,

It went splendidly! She called and couldn't stop giggling on the phone... it was great, she absolutely loved it. I'm also taking her to dinner and then the Circumscribic concert this Saturday, so all things considered it's going to end up a great week. I guess right now I'm just not sure about what to do about her meeting my parents. They can be so offensive sometimes. You'd think people would appreciate diversity and inclusivity and all that junk by now. Anyway, I need to think on that more. Any suggestions you'd have on how to handle that would be appreciated!

John
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« Reply #1967 on: November 21, 2013, 11:14:37 AM »

Finding a stray one that's flown helter-skelter in the cutting process that's landed on the floor makes me insane.

When clipping toenails, try using a mason jar to collect them until you are finished.

-- Asteriktos hygiene and wellness tip #405.
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« Reply #1968 on: November 21, 2013, 12:28:59 PM »

Finding a stray one that's flown helter-skelter in the cutting process that's landed on the floor makes me insane.

When clipping toenails, try using a mason jar to collect them until you are finished.

-- Asteriktos hygiene and wellness tip #405.

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!
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« Reply #1969 on: November 21, 2013, 12:52:17 PM »

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

Ha, ha!  "Medicinal," indeed! Wink  I must second this resommendation.  The high quality and perfect nature found in Northwest Mongolian (virgin, organic, and most gently fracked, of course) has a wonderful fragrance of frankincense and reindeer.  Quite intoxicating.  The tincture one would develop combined with *'s toenails could be quite strong (I'm not sure of the quality of your toenails, but I will surmise good, which is as good as it gets for us Western folks).  Add some buffalo grass and this will cure anything.
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« Reply #1970 on: November 21, 2013, 01:04:20 PM »

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

Ha, ha!  "Medicinal," indeed! Wink  I must second this resommendation.  The high quality and perfect nature found in Northwest Mongolian (virgin, organic, and most gently fracked, of course) has a wonderful fragrance of frankincense and reindeer.  Quite intoxicating.  The tincture one would develop combined with *'s toenails could be quite strong (I'm not sure of the quality of your toenails, but I will surmise good, which is as good as it gets for us Western folks).  Add some buffalo grass and this will cure anything.

Buffalo grass--pre- or post-digested?
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« Reply #1971 on: November 21, 2013, 01:12:46 PM »

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

Ha, ha!  "Medicinal," indeed! Wink  I must second this resommendation.  The high quality and perfect nature found in Northwest Mongolian (virgin, organic, and most gently fracked, of course) has a wonderful fragrance of frankincense and reindeer.  Quite intoxicating.  The tincture one would develop combined with *'s toenails could be quite strong (I'm not sure of the quality of your toenails, but I will surmise good, which is as good as it gets for us Western folks).  Add some buffalo grass and this will cure anything.

Buffalo grass--pre- or post-digested?

Pre-digested, of course.  No one wants a tincture of cow patty. Cheesy
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« Reply #1972 on: November 21, 2013, 01:15:07 PM »

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

Ha, ha!  "Medicinal," indeed! Wink  I must second this resommendation.  The high quality and perfect nature found in Northwest Mongolian (virgin, organic, and most gently fracked, of course) has a wonderful fragrance of frankincense and reindeer.  Quite intoxicating.  The tincture one would develop combined with *'s toenails could be quite strong (I'm not sure of the quality of your toenails, but I will surmise good, which is as good as it gets for us Western folks).  Add some buffalo grass and this will cure anything.

Buffalo grass--pre- or post-digested?

Pre-digested, of course.  No one wants a tincture of cow patty. Cheesy

You'd be surprised!! Grin Grin
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« Reply #1973 on: November 21, 2013, 01:18:01 PM »

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

Ha, ha!  "Medicinal," indeed! Wink  I must second this resommendation.  The high quality and perfect nature found in Northwest Mongolian (virgin, organic, and most gently fracked, of course) has a wonderful fragrance of frankincense and reindeer.  Quite intoxicating.  The tincture one would develop combined with *'s toenails could be quite strong (I'm not sure of the quality of your toenails, but I will surmise good, which is as good as it gets for us Western folks).  Add some buffalo grass and this will cure anything.

Buffalo grass--pre- or post-digested?

Pre-digested, of course.  No one wants a tincture of cow patty. Cheesy

You'd be surprised!! Grin Grin

I'm sure there's a market for it in Germany.  Some weird trends there, I hear.
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« Reply #1974 on: November 21, 2013, 01:39:28 PM »

Finding a stray one that's flown helter-skelter in the cutting process that's landed on the floor makes me insane.

When clipping toenails, try using a mason jar to collect them until you are finished.

-- Asteriktos hygiene and wellness tip #405.

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

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« Reply #1975 on: November 21, 2013, 01:44:26 PM »


Don't knock it 'til you try it.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2013, 01:44:52 PM by hecma925 » Logged

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« Reply #1976 on: November 21, 2013, 02:18:53 PM »

This is excellent advice.  If you then steep them in an admixture of the finest vodka you can afford, a sprig or two of organic henbane and a few shavings of the best Northwest Mongolian earwax for up to 6 months (the longer the better), remembering to succuss it vigorously by hand 40 times once weekly, you will end up with the highest quality medicinal product one could imagine.  Do remember to strain it at least twice before using.

For a superior recreational beverage, add a little fermented mare's milk, and..........voila!  здоровье!!!

Ha, ha!  "Medicinal," indeed! Wink  I must second this resommendation.  The high quality and perfect nature found in Northwest Mongolian (virgin, organic, and most gently fracked, of course) has a wonderful fragrance of frankincense and reindeer.  Quite intoxicating.  The tincture one would develop combined with *'s toenails could be quite strong (I'm not sure of the quality of your toenails, but I will surmise good, which is as good as it gets for us Western folks).  Add some buffalo grass and this will cure anything.

Buffalo grass--pre- or post-digested?

Pre-digested, of course.  No one wants a tincture of cow patty. Cheesy

You'd be surprised!! Grin Grin

I'm sure there's a market for it in Germany.  Some weird trends there, I hear.
'

Only if Cardinal Schonborn uses it- then it'll be a trend.  Wink
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« Reply #1977 on: November 21, 2013, 02:20:48 PM »

Only if Cardinal Schonborn uses it- then it'll be a trend.  Wink

He's Austrian.
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« Reply #1978 on: November 21, 2013, 02:21:54 PM »

Only if Cardinal Schonborn uses it- then it'll be a trend.  Wink

He's Austrian.

So? Austria is just south of Germany.
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« Reply #1979 on: November 21, 2013, 02:27:58 PM »

Only if Cardinal Schonborn uses it- then it'll be a trend.  Wink

He's Austrian.

So? Austria is just south of Germany.

And Slovenia (amongst others) is just south of Austria.  Many Austrians would take deep offense at having their country equated with Germany.
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