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Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 52232 times) Average Rating: 3
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« Reply #180 on: September 14, 2011, 12:35:50 PM »

My father didn't get goats before my marriage. Did we do something wrong?  Huh Did my husband scam us?!

Oh no.  Goats are just the normal way.  A girl of your caliber was probably worth at least a half dozen camels.  Maybe even a good horse.

Camels would simply not do in your geographic area. A good mixture of goats, cows, and pigs would show your future FIL that you're a practical as well as generous man and can provide for your future bride.

I chose the mother and child animal package for my lovely wife and we've been living in marital bliss since.

http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped-animal-lovers
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« Reply #181 on: September 29, 2011, 12:20:19 AM »

Question #8: So my therapist (who is single) has been giving me a lot of compliments lately. I mean a lot more than usual. So then yesterday she "accidentally" misspelled my name. She said she added or used an "s" by mistake. I'm not sure if she meant "Kissels" or "Kisses". Anyway, I don't really care about all that client/patient ethics crap, so should I try to ask her out?
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« Reply #182 on: November 01, 2011, 12:58:03 PM »

Hey Jason I have a question. How do you not feel guilty before you break up with someone.

Thanks
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« Reply #183 on: November 01, 2011, 01:05:14 PM »

Question #8: So my therapist (who is single) has been giving me a lot of compliments lately. I mean a lot more than usual. So then yesterday she "accidentally" misspelled my name. She said she added or used an "s" by mistake. I'm not sure if she meant "Kissels" or "Kisses". Anyway, I don't really care about all that client/patient ethics crap, so should I try to ask her out?

You're going to ask her out cause she misspelled your name?  Roll Eyes

I'm going to have to vote "no" on this one.

P.S. sorry to break it to you, but she get's paid to give you compliments.
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« Reply #184 on: November 01, 2011, 01:34:33 PM »

Hey Jason I have a question. How do you not feel guilty before you break up with someone.

Thanks

Oh, I forgot about this baby.

Big news to be released tomorrow. The last month has been nutz workwise and "vocation" wise. So when I have not been struck by my sleeping sickness or working or pontificating, I've been busy doing a little writing and hand holding. Usually all at the same time.

See tomorrow's Variety.
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« Reply #185 on: November 01, 2011, 01:42:38 PM »

Hey Jason I have a question. How do you not feel guilty before you break up with someone.

Thanks

Oh, I forgot about this baby.
Grin
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« Reply #186 on: November 01, 2011, 01:42:59 PM »

Big news to be released tomorrow.
Does it involve a new lady friend, ensnared using all of the advice on this thread?  Shocked Cheesy
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« Reply #187 on: November 01, 2011, 01:49:50 PM »

Big news to be released tomorrow.
Does it involve a new lady friend, ensnared using all of the advice on this thread?  Shocked Cheesy

A certain *ahem* beknighted fellow and *ahem* person of interest, which cannot be hinted at till tomorrow's Vanity* release and *ahem* a bit of doctoring something and *ahem* me having a finger on the key of the city for a while.

And something to do with one of the most famous pieces of literature dealing with the change of relations between men and women.

*ahem*

*Freudian slip: Variety
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« Reply #188 on: November 01, 2011, 01:52:25 PM »

I dunno what you said, but it sounds dirty.
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« Reply #189 on: November 01, 2011, 02:27:37 PM »


... but is quite okay with me still having a friendly relationship with another ex, who is exactly one year older than I.  I think my wife actually wants to meet her. 


You'll rue that day, son... ain't nothing good gonna come from that.  Smiley
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« Reply #190 on: November 01, 2011, 02:58:05 PM »

I've always been told that it is good to have a wife that is an excellent cook, one that is a demon in bed, one that keeps the house spotless, and one that makes you feel really good about yourself.  I have also heard that it is not a good idea to have them meet.
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« Reply #191 on: November 01, 2011, 07:36:02 PM »

Question #8: So my therapist (who is single) has been giving me a lot of compliments lately. I mean a lot more than usual. So then yesterday she "accidentally" misspelled my name. She said she added or used an "s" by mistake. I'm not sure if she meant "Kissels" or "Kisses". Anyway, I don't really care about all that client/patient ethics crap, so should I try to ask her out?

You're going to ask her out cause she misspelled your name?  Roll Eyes

I'm going to have to vote "no" on this one.

P.S. sorry to break it to you, but she get's paid to give you compliments.
Asteriktos is just kidding around in this thread.
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« Reply #192 on: November 01, 2011, 07:45:05 PM »

that is a demon in bed
After hearing this "really funny" quip from a group of guy friends, I proceeded to demonstrate exactly what I thought "a demon in bed" sounded like.

Needless to say, they took it back.

What an awful descriptor!  Shocked Tongue
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« Reply #193 on: November 01, 2011, 07:49:10 PM »

that is a demon in bed
After hearing this "really funny" quip from a group of guy friends, I proceeded to demonstrate exactly what I thought "a demon in bed" sounded like.

Needless to say, they took it back.

What an awful descriptor!  Shocked Tongue

succubus in bed?  Grin
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« Reply #194 on: November 01, 2011, 07:52:40 PM »

that is a demon in bed
After hearing this "really funny" quip from a group of guy friends, I proceeded to demonstrate exactly what I thought "a demon in bed" sounded like.

Needless to say, they took it back.

What an awful descriptor!  Shocked Tongue

succubus in bed?  Grin
Pretty much lol.
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« Reply #195 on: November 01, 2011, 11:54:21 PM »

that is a demon in bed
After hearing this "really funny" quip from a group of guy friends, I proceeded to demonstrate exactly what I thought "a demon in bed" sounded like.

Needless to say, they took it back.

What an awful descriptor!  Shocked Tongue

succubus in bed?  Grin
Pretty much lol.

Prolly better than a banshee.

Edit - Come to think of it, the movie Conan the Barbarian (the real one) had a good depiction of what a demon in bed would be like.
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« Reply #196 on: November 02, 2011, 12:00:22 AM »

That sad reality is that statement of "demon in bed" actual was a true statement for me, for about a month with an ex-gf.

One of the worst times in my life.
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« Reply #197 on: November 02, 2011, 08:10:33 AM »

Prolly better than a banshee.

Aren't banshees known for their moaning and screaming?
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« Reply #198 on: November 02, 2011, 08:21:22 AM »

Prolly better than a banshee.

Aren't banshees known for their moaning and screaming?

Yeah, but it's loud. And not hot screaming, but 'um, hun, are you alright?'. You'll just end up calling ghostbusters or shooting her in the head.
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« Reply #199 on: November 02, 2011, 08:26:06 AM »

Question #8: So my therapist (who is single) has been giving me a lot of compliments lately. I mean a lot more than usual. So then yesterday she "accidentally" misspelled my name. She said she added or used an "s" by mistake. I'm not sure if she meant "Kissels" or "Kisses". Anyway, I don't really care about all that client/patient ethics crap, so should I try to ask her out?

You're going to ask her out cause she misspelled your name?  Roll Eyes

I'm going to have to vote "no" on this one.

P.S. sorry to break it to you, but she get's paid to give you compliments.
Asteriktos is just kidding around in this thread.

Oh. I was wondering why no one else responded to him.  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #200 on: November 02, 2011, 11:37:31 AM »

Hey Jason I have a question. How do you not feel guilty before you break up with someone.

Thanks

OK.

First sorry for the blow off. This is a serious question and this thread needs attention.

But when you are writing the next great American memoir, being made a saint, waiting for breaking news to come out of the AFM, wet nursing meth babies, making soap, and herding cats in an online chat forum, serving as the petri dish for the fourth plague of the apocalypse, even orthonormie can get a bit spread too thin.

Ending relationships and guilt . . .

This is complicated question and one I of course have much experience in. I've broken more hearts than partially hydrogenated oil. It is a heavy burden to carry. And these are just the women I pass on the street. The countless women who realize the rest of their romantic life will forever be shadowed by the man they passed for just one fleeting moment . . .

You've seen the face for GQ. You've heard the voice for radio. The wit, the compassion, the intellect, the ability to be all things to all people.

So you know I do in fact bear this painful Cross.

I really considered taking St. Christopher Cynocephalus as my patron saint. Many woes in the world would be mitigated just a little, if I were not so darn handsome:



That I too may one day be granted the grace of having such a face. But even without my disarming good looks all else that is orthonorm I do believe would still shudder the hearts of women.

This is all to say: bro, I do feel your pain.

It is testament to your own Cross of attracting the opposite sex that your girlfriend didn't immediately flee to my doorstep after hearing the few syllables I spoke to her.

Perhaps it would have better for everyone if she had.

Since miraculously that did not happen, what to do?

Answers to come later, but not too late I hope.





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« Reply #201 on: November 02, 2011, 12:11:39 PM »


"he was so handsome that he attracted the attentions of young girls. When he was baptised, he prayed to God that he would get such a face that nobody would be attracted to him. God responded to his prayers and gave him the face of a dog."

LOL, I was wondering what all the dog-faced people stuff was about.

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« Reply #202 on: November 02, 2011, 12:20:13 PM »


"he was so handsome that he attracted the attentions of young girls. When he was baptised, he prayed to God that he would get such a face that nobody would be attracted to him. God responded to his prayers and gave him the face of a dog."

LOL, I was wondering what all the dog-faced people stuff was about.



I hope everyone is praying similar prayers for me.

Preferably a fish. Christo-historically it would be an more evangelical reformation of my visage, it would be Lenten, and I would like to breath underwater.

Thank you for your prayers.
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« Reply #203 on: November 02, 2011, 12:41:23 PM »


 Because he looks benevolent, he reminds me of a faoladh. 

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« Reply #204 on: November 02, 2011, 02:02:18 PM »

So....basically, orthonorm's answer to Achronos is:

1) Get his girlfriend on the phone with him so that she immediately dumps Achronos, making his job a little easier? (No one is that magic unless you have a South African accent hidden somewhere in there, orthonorm)
2) Pray for him to be less durned handsome than he already is?
3) "Bro, I feel your pain"?

All about the adviser and nothing about the advised. Ah, so refreshing! Someone who talks about themselves all the time!  Wink Kiss
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« Reply #205 on: November 02, 2011, 02:15:13 PM »

So....basically, orthonorm's answer to Achronos is:

1) Get his girlfriend on the phone with him so that she immediately dumps Achronos, making his job a little easier? (No one is that magic unless you have a South African accent hidden somewhere in there, orthonorm)
2) Pray for him to be less durned handsome than he already is?
3) "Bro, I feel your pain"?

All about the adviser and nothing about the advised. Ah, so refreshing! Someone who talks about themselves all the time!  Wink Kiss

You didn't read all the way through. Read till the end.

This is what they call in the industry a teaser.

*1. It ain't magic, pagan. It is grace.
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« Reply #206 on: November 02, 2011, 02:19:25 PM »

I know, I just thought that it was a very long teaser. Wink

But how often do people get to post pictures of dog-headed saints?

Magic, grace. Whatever it is, it has a South African accent. Or I could give you Israeli.
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« Reply #207 on: November 02, 2011, 02:20:50 PM »

I know, I just thought that it was a very long teaser. Wink

But how often do people get to post pictures of dog-headed saints?

Magic, grace. Whatever it is, it has a South African accent. Or I could give you Israeli.

You insult me more and more. Please stop.
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« Reply #208 on: November 02, 2011, 02:22:04 PM »

I'll put my game face away, dear. I'm sorry.  Kiss
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« Reply #209 on: November 02, 2011, 02:25:25 PM »


 Because he looks benevolent, he reminds me of a faoladh. 


I saw a man on the street actually dressed up as St. Christopher for Halloween this week. He was wearing a dog's face mask.
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« Reply #210 on: November 02, 2011, 02:26:00 PM »

WOW!!! I would love to see a picture of that.
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« Reply #211 on: November 02, 2011, 02:28:11 PM »

I know, I just thought that it was a very long teaser. Wink

But how often do people get to post pictures of dog-headed saints?

Magic, grace. Whatever it is, it has a South African accent. Or I could give you Israeli.

You insult me more and more. Please stop.

It is neither. Orthonorm is Barney Stinson!
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« Reply #212 on: November 02, 2011, 02:32:36 PM »

Orthonorm is Barney Stinson!

LOL! He does look like him.
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« Reply #213 on: November 02, 2011, 02:35:59 PM »

OMG YOU COMPARED HIM TO NPH.

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« Reply #214 on: November 02, 2011, 02:47:21 PM »

OMG YOU COMPARED HIM TO NPH.

Dying now.

My pleasure. You know, when I first thought of it, I suspected that it would give many of us a particular kick or at least a chuckle. I do want to stress, however, that this is all in the spirit of bonhomie.
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« Reply #215 on: November 02, 2011, 02:49:30 PM »

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?
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« Reply #216 on: November 02, 2011, 02:54:57 PM »

OMG YOU COMPARED HIM TO NPH.

Dying now.

My pleasure. You know, when I first thought of it, I suspected that it would give many of us a particular kick or at least a chuckle. I do want to stress, however, that this is all in the spirit of bonhomie.

Oh please. Like I am going to take offense! Especially in this thread.

Besides I evidently resemble every celebrity who has existed in one angle or another.

They all are expressions of what I am. Incomplete as they may be.
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« Reply #217 on: November 02, 2011, 02:57:53 PM »

There is a New Orleans musician who thanks his audience by saying, "Thank you for reflecting my glory." 
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« Reply #218 on: November 02, 2011, 02:58:34 PM »

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

Are we talking about that How I Married Your Mother?

I watched more than a half a season on the advice of others.

meh. Not much.

NPH did a good job when Glee! was still great. Its success truly killed it. It was too bad. I loved those first 12-13 episodes.

And of course was STUPENDOUS in Dr. Horrible.

But we are getting way far of the subject: me.
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« Reply #219 on: November 02, 2011, 03:00:03 PM »

There is a New Orleans musician who thanks his audience by saying, "Thank you for reflecting my glory." 

That's awesome! I get sick of the "humility" of so many musicians who are "just instruments of God".



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Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)
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« Reply #220 on: November 02, 2011, 03:01:25 PM »

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

It is a very popular show, especially in syndication. NPH plays an obnoxious womanizer, a jerk, but there are hints scattered in several episodes that this is an addiction, that he is yearning to be different, not to be a user. Anyway, he is a very good actor and plays the part very well indeed, the play-within-the-play being that the homosexual NPH is playing a hyper-heterosexual.
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« Reply #221 on: November 02, 2011, 03:05:40 PM »

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

It is a very popular show, especially in syndication. NPH plays an obnoxious womanizer, a jerk, but there are hints scattered in several episodes that this is an addiction, that he is yearning to be different, not to be a user. Anyway, he is a very good actor and plays the part very well indeed, the play-within-the-play being that the homosexual NPH is playing a hyper-heterosexual.

Yeah, NPH is the best part of the show. And the subtext did emerge later concerning NPH's homosexuality.

I <3 NPH.

Don't worry ladies, not in THAT way.
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« Reply #222 on: November 02, 2011, 03:12:54 PM »

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

It is a very popular show, especially in syndication. NPH plays an obnoxious womanizer, a jerk, but there are hints scattered in several episodes that this is an addiction, that he is yearning to be different, not to be a user. Anyway, he is a very good actor and plays the part very well indeed, the play-within-the-play being that the homosexual NPH is playing a hyper-heterosexual.

Last post one this, promise.

The narrative structure was intriguing. But really drawn out and with obvious surprise turns.

You know something was a changing in me as well, when I began to find the show "vulgar" for lack of a better work. I mean I watch stuff with more adult content, but the show is often pretty flippant about serious issues, especially relationships. It is a frivolous treatment of human relations without really dealing with the fall out of such a treatment in any serious sense.

And it really demonstrates the incestuous "closed circle" which invariably end sleeping together and being all so OK with it later and open and happy (sometimes) with past lovers' new romances.

Never much into the whole sleeping with a buddy's ex. Or being really down with such a cavalier attitude about dating (= casual sex) and chatting up all about it to over drinks with a group of "friends".

And again, pretty much an obvious show.

Enough of the sheer sincerity. Time to mix it back up with irony.

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vamrat
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« Reply #223 on: November 02, 2011, 03:39:13 PM »

I don't know what you all are talking about.  How does NPH have time for womens?  Isn't he supposed to be devoting all his energy to fighting the bugs?
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« Reply #224 on: November 02, 2011, 03:42:51 PM »

I don't know what you all are talking about.  How does NPH have time for womens?  Isn't he supposed to be devoting all his energy to fighting the bugs?

He doesn't fight the bugs. He talks to them.



Maybe it was a wumanz bug.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2011, 03:43:24 PM by Aindriú » Logged


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